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Post by beaglemom on Dec 31, 2015 7:16:11 GMT
***Since my other reply seems to have been missed. I said my issues isn't really with New Year's Eve, I get that New Year's Eve is a special occasion. my issue is that she is expecting to stay up after 10 on the other nights as well. ***
Family tree. Mil and fil mid-70's. Oldest sil mid 40's, kids 11dd (as of tonight), 8ds, 5dd. Middle sil early 40's, kids 8ds, 6ds, 3dd. Dh late 30's, 4dd, 2ds, #3 due in March.
Sil's live 5 min from each other a 3 or so hour flight away from us. We live 15 min from fil & mil. Every other year we go to cabo for Christmas and New Years. Other than that we have to travel to them to see them. Oldest sil came out for the first time with her whole family in 5 years in October, it's been almost 3 years since the other sil has been out. We are out for the 4th time this year, my inlaws for their 5th or 6th time. They say it's too expensive or they can't get the time off so it's better if we just come visit them.
My issue is with how my oldest niece is treated. She gets away with a good amount of attitude and the like. But what drives me nuts is that for the last three years my sil has been letting her act as an "adult." We have always been a big game playing group and she wants to stay up after all the other kids have gone to bed to play. Which means we can't play stuff like cards against humanity -which we love playing - and some other non child games. It started three years ago when they let her stay up till midnight for New Year's Eve, but now if she doesn't have school she thinks she should get to stay up.
Tonight the game we were going to play at least four of the seven adults said they didn't think it was appropriate for her to play and since she was staying up tomorrow night that she should go to bed. (Also she was at this point up an hour and a half later than the other kids because she got to go to Star Wars with sil, sil, dh, mil, fil) Her mom ignored all of us and dh had to try to find a more appropriate version so she could play.
I have little kids, we get so little time to just spend as adults with them and I would like to get an hour or so break from the kids in the evening. My middle sil's dh is very frustrated and has been very blunt about it and she just ignores it. Granted he has to deal with it more often, but I still feel like we aren't asking a lot for some time just as adults to hang out. And most of this is happening after 9:30/10 at night, so it's not like I'm suggesting she go to bed at 8.
So what say the peas?
Also the boys will be the age she was the first New Year's Eve she got to stay up this year and there has been no talk about letting them do it.
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Deleted
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May 15, 2024 19:20:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2015 7:26:49 GMT
I would go one of two ways.
Either I would stop looking for child friendly alternatives... let the adult chips fall where they may. Neice gets an education in adult entertainment unless her parents remove her. Is it possible either your sil/or spouse doesn't enjoy the same adult activities and are using their child to get the rest of the family to tone it down?
Or, see if the other adults want to hit up someone else's house and leave the one family out. Just flat say "My house my rules, no kids"
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Deleted
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May 15, 2024 19:20:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2015 7:35:25 GMT
Yeah, I have to say that I agree with Voltagain - I would stop searching for child friendly games and just let the parents deal with it either by coming up with an alternative or send their DD off to bed.
I bet it won't take more than one time before they scoot her right off to bed.
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Post by ScrapsontheRocks on Dec 31, 2015 7:43:47 GMT
So if I read you right, niece is 11? I agree that she should not be allowed to hang out with the adults. If none of the remedies suggested by the Peas work, at least you know the SIL in question will have the over-entitled teen from hell to punish her for punishing you  |
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Post by beaglemom on Dec 31, 2015 7:44:08 GMT
Grr..board ate my reply. Other house usually isn't an option. In cabo we stay in a large villa and right now we are at the family mountain house - 15 of us - her dad comes up tomorrow.
She is the favorite grandchild to mil and fil don't seem to care. It's dh, sil, sil's dh, and myself that take issue.
Tonight Bil and I "got" to hang out the the other seven kids while they took my niece to see Star Wars for her birthday. We made a comment about putting the kids to bed early and her 8 year old started whining and she tried to tell us that he never goes to bed before 9:30. last night he was complaining of growing pains and kept coming out to where we were playing till he finally fell asleep on the couch behind us around midnight, mom never "made" him go to bed. He was out by 8:30 with the rest of the kids without a complaint tonight with her gone.
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Post by nlwilkins on Dec 31, 2015 7:47:53 GMT
There are some adult games that are fun to play but would be boring to a child of that age, also be too hard for her to be any good at. Like, trivia games, or games that involve creative thinking. Play those kind of games and bore her and make it not fun to stay up. Then perhaps she might want to go to sleep.
Also, make sure she gets woke up in the moring very early. If she feels she is adult enough to stay up, she should be adult enough to get up in the moring and help with the morning chores. OH, and make sure she does help with the adult chores. If she stays up, then she has to help clean up after the fun and before going to bed. When it is time to clean up after meals, give her some of the work to do. Don't ask, just tell, "Susie, you put the dishes away as we dry since you should know where they go" or "Susie, bring the dishes off the table into the kichen and we'll start washing them".
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Post by gar on Dec 31, 2015 7:52:31 GMT
We've had similar scenarios with a family member and their DD. All we could do was carry on doing what we wanted to do and pretend she wasn't there. If SIL was prepared for her to be exposed to different conversations, games etc that was her choice but we decided not to curtail our activities. And I have to say, my niece wasn't as young as 11  |
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Post by Basket1lady on Dec 31, 2015 8:44:47 GMT
I'd say that the parents normally let the kids stay up later. And without it being a school night, that expectation is there. Others may not like it and have good reasons for not including the child, but it's her parents who decide her bedtime. But that doesn't mean there can't be adult conversation once the other kids are in bed...  |
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by Kerri W on Dec 31, 2015 12:26:35 GMT
I see two different issues. The first being that the child wants to be included in adult activities. I would follow Volts opinion there and not change the activity. I would continue with whatever you wanted to do and let her parents deal with her.
The second, the niece and nephews bedtimes. I think it's a little unreasonable to expect that age children to go to bed at 8:00 while they are on vacation. They aren't toddlers and shouldn't be expected to have to adhere to the same schedule. Now I don't think they are the responsibility of the rest of the family either.
One of my sisters allows her DD to do much more adult things than I think are appropriate. There have been times where I've said "DN this is an adult conversation and I choose to keep it that way" or whatever is appropriate and others where we tolerate her presence because we don't see her that often and it really isn't going to kill us to change what we are doing for the few days a year we are together.
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
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Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Dec 31, 2015 12:36:34 GMT
I think the issue is that this child is so much older than the rest of the grandchildren with no cousin close in age. Can there be a compromise? Younger kids go to bed by 8. She has an extra hour and can stay up until 9. Then it is adult time.
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Post by anxiousmom on Dec 31, 2015 13:14:32 GMT
Have you ever been around one of those kids that connects better with adults than children? I have a kid like that-he was exhausting when we in family gatherings. He wouldn't want to play with the other kids, he always wanted to be with the grownups. Always. Drove us nuts.
Fortunately, we were the kind of family that would shoo him out of the room, tell him to go away and close a door on him. We did, however, let him hang out with us sometimes-we would play games earlier in the day that he and the other kids that wanted to could play, let him sit with us while we drank coffee whatever, but when it was time, we would just tell him to go away and that it was time for him to bug out.
It's hard. One thing that might help you guys is to teach the kid in question a card game. We are a rummy family that keeps points when we play and can have a game that goes on for entire vacations-and it was just complicated enough that it kept the younger kids away so he was the sole kid among the adults. We taught my kid to play and he would get to play with the grown ups, be a big part of a 'fun' time-so that when we would say it was time for him to be a kid, he was less let down an more apt to go off on his own.
Could something like that maybe help?
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Post by gar on Dec 31, 2015 14:10:04 GMT
I think the issue is that this child is so much older than the rest of the grandchildren with no cousin close in age. Can there be a compromise? Younger kids go to bed by 8. She has an extra hour and can stay up until 9. Then it is adult time. That would be good if the child's parents enforced it but it doesn't sound as though they will. |
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Post by mollycoddle on Dec 31, 2015 14:13:42 GMT
There are some adult games that are fun to play but would be boring to a child of that age, also be too hard for her to be any good at. Like, trivia games, or games that involve creative thinking. Play those kind of games and bore her and make it not fun to stay up. Then perhaps she might want to go to sleep. Also, make sure she gets woke up in the moring very early. If she feels she is adult enough to stay up, she should be adult enough to get up in the moring and help with the morning chores. OH, and make sure she does help with the adult chores. If she stays up, then she has to help clean up after the fun and before going to bed. When it is time to clean up after meals, give her some of the work to do. Don't ask, just tell, "Susie, you put the dishes away as we dry since you should know where they go" or "Susie, bring the dishes off the table into the kichen and we'll start washing them".
I like this idea. See if the others will conspire with you. Trivial pursuit might be a good choice. |
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Post by PenandInk on Dec 31, 2015 14:23:52 GMT
I would just be open about which night is adult game night and which night the niece can join in. I'd plan an equal amount for the nights you will be together. On adult night, she can stay up all she wants, but not in the game room. Watch tv in another room, read in her bedroom, whatever.
OP, I inderstand completely what you are saying, and I would be as upset as you are. But there is nothing you can do about older niece and her favored first grandchild status.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Dec 31, 2015 14:30:56 GMT
How big is the villa? Could she possibly go to another room (I've stayed in large cabins and there's usually a basement game room) and play video games or something. Otherwise I'd announce your plans earlier in the day. "Hey, after the kids go to bed at 8:30 let's play Cards Against Humanity, I haven't played it in so long" (tell your BIL/SIL on your side in advance so they know to join in on your excitement). Then do it. Make sure to have just enough margaritas that you're good and loose but not so loose that your niece tells her friends about the time her aunt played cards in her bra  Aw, hell, you're pregnant. Well mix strong drinks for the rest of the family so they all get into the game and don't worry about the niece, she'll have loads of inappropriate things to ask her parents about in the morning  |
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Dec 31, 2015 14:37:10 GMT
It drives me crazy when parents let their kids walk all over them and completely stomp over parties because they think they are old enough. NO. Kids should be ushered out of a party and sent to bed or some other kid activity at some point in the evening so that the adults can be adults instead of watching their mouths because of the kids. Nothing pisses me off more when little snowflakes think they are so entitled that they get to be an adult before they are actually adults. I'd bring out the Cards Against Humanity and completely ignore the kid. If the parents are too mushy and incompetent to put their kids to bed at an appropriate hour so, then the kid will have to deal with what's dished out. I'm tired of kids being in charge of their parents and I'm tired of a society where kids are the number one priority and they are allowed to go anywhere at any time. While I think the Victorians were harsh with their "kids should be seen and not heard"mantra and the very strict separation of kids and adults, I think they were on to something and it's unfortunate that we've swayed so far in the other direction.
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Post by gritzi on Dec 31, 2015 14:50:37 GMT
At 9:30/10PM DN is old enough to read in her room, listen to music, watch TV elsewhere, go to bed, color in a cool coloring book, or do crafts, etc.
No, I would not be tiptoeing and re-planning activities because niece's mom wishes for her to be treated as an adult.
I agree w/the previous poster. Set out the games you wish to play tonight, pour the margaritas or wine, and enjoy. If SIL objects then she can go & entertain DN while the other adults enjoy an evening together.
Set the precedent NOW, or else you will forever be changing & accommodating this niece during your holiday trips.
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Post by bonserella on Dec 31, 2015 15:35:55 GMT
My BF's goddaughter/her parents are the SAME WAY with her at the SAME AGE (11.) We were on a group trip with them this summer & she was up until 3AM with all of the men who were down in the basement drinking (and honestly they were DRUNK - HS friends who see each other once a year on this trip) & playing games & acting crazy - & her dad was encouraging & indulging her to stay & hang out. The entire weekend he kept telling everyone how mature she was & how she was "one of the adults." Um.... NO! When she was forced to sit at "the kids' table" one night that we ate out (no room at the "adults' table") this 11 year old "adult" had a freak out meltdown & cried & pouted the entire meal. It was just sickening to be around. And even though everyone expressed in their own way that they were not comfortable with her presence while it was supposed to be all adults & when drinking was going on... they ignored it or repeated again how mature their special little snowflake was. By the end of the trip I told my BF I will only go on that trip next summer if it is adults only (they usually switch it up & have families one year, boys only 1 year, couples only etc.)
When I have adult parties, my daughter, who is 1 week away from being 18 (holy smoke that just hit me in the gut lol,) will come down, load up a plate with the inevitable snacks I serve, make rounds & say hello to everyone, & then hightail it upstairs to her room. So I have NO tolerance for that behavior/treatment of a CHILD - but parents who choose to parent in that way cannot be reasoned with - so I choose avoidance when at all possible. I wish I could offer a suggestion or advice - but I am sure whatever you do will be ignored. Good luck surviving your future vacations!
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Dec 31, 2015 15:46:26 GMT
I can see your point, but your in laws may be seeing it in a different way. We live in a different state than the rest of our family. We see the family that lives closest (5 hours away) probably five times per year but I have two brothers that live across the country and we see them twice a year at most--one came back for the first time in 1 1/2-2 years at Christmas. My kids generally stay up later than some other kids anyway--even in school nights. My DH and I have varying schedules and it just hasn't worked to have them go to bed by 8:00 or even 8:30 on a regular basis and they do well with later bedtimes. It is what works for us. On vacation, they definitely stay up later than others. Last week we were at my moms house and so were my siblings and their kids. Their kids typically went to bed around 8:30 but mine were up later. I personally didn't see a problem with it. I want the kids to spend as much time as possible with their family that they only see every once in awhile, and it is also not realistic for them to go to bed earlier than when we are at home (especially with our whole family-me, DH and the kids) sleeping in one room). Now, nobody was playing cards against humanity or anything inappropriate--they were watching football, which the kids were also watching. If that was the case I wouldn't expect people to find another activity. I have one kid (oldest, who is 12) who is very sociable and enjoys talking with kids and adults. He is likely to be hanging around the adults and having conversations, and thinks he is more adult than he is. I would tell him to find something else to do if things were inappropriate.
I know my post is all over the place but my point is that it doesn't just boil down to the parents not having control over the kids, them being spoiled brats, etc.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Dec 31, 2015 16:02:04 GMT
My BF's goddaughter/her parents are the SAME WAY with her at the SAME AGE (11.) We were on a group trip with them this summer & she was up until 3AM with all of the men who were down in the basement drinking (and honestly they were DRUNK - HS friends who see each other once a year on this trip) & playing games & acting crazy - & her dad was encouraging & indulging her to stay & hang out. The entire weekend he kept telling everyone how mature she was & how she was "one of the adults." Um.... NO! When she was forced to sit at "the kids' table" one night that we ate out (no room at the "adults' table") this 11 year old "adult" had a freak out meltdown & cried & pouted the entire meal. It was just sickening to be around. And even though everyone expressed in their own way that they were not comfortable with her presence while it was supposed to be all adults & when drinking was going on... they ignored it or repeated again how mature their special little snowflake was. By the end of the trip I told my BF I will only go on that trip next summer if it is adults only (they usually switch it up & have families one year, boys only 1 year, couples only etc.) When I have adult parties, my daughter, who is 1 week away from being 18 (holy smoke that just hit me in the gut lol,) will come down, load up a plate with the inevitable snacks I serve, make rounds & say hello to everyone, & then hightail it upstairs to her room. So I have NO tolerance for that behavior/treatment of a CHILD - but parents who choose to parent in that way cannot be reasoned with - so I choose avoidance when at all possible. I wish I could offer a suggestion or advice - but I am sure whatever you do will be ignored. Good luck surviving your future vacations! Does your Dd go upstairs because that is your expectation or because she wants to? So far, the parties we have are family parties so kids usually go do their thing and adults hang out and talk. But like I said in my post, I have one kid who likes talking to adults but my 10 year old would rather not. If it was a party where there were no other kids, he would say hi and go to his room, but the oldest one would have a hard time with that and feel really left out. Again, perhaps not as simple as saying kids who want to be around the adults means the parents suck. |
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Post by bonserella on Dec 31, 2015 16:23:08 GMT
My BF's goddaughter/her parents are the SAME WAY with her at the SAME AGE (11.) We were on a group trip with them this summer & she was up until 3AM with all of the men who were down in the basement drinking (and honestly they were DRUNK - HS friends who see each other once a year on this trip) & playing games & acting crazy - & her dad was encouraging & indulging her to stay & hang out. The entire weekend he kept telling everyone how mature she was & how she was "one of the adults." Um.... NO! When she was forced to sit at "the kids' table" one night that we ate out (no room at the "adults' table") this 11 year old "adult" had a freak out meltdown & cried & pouted the entire meal. It was just sickening to be around. And even though everyone expressed in their own way that they were not comfortable with her presence while it was supposed to be all adults & when drinking was going on... they ignored it or repeated again how mature their special little snowflake was. By the end of the trip I told my BF I will only go on that trip next summer if it is adults only (they usually switch it up & have families one year, boys only 1 year, couples only etc.) When I have adult parties, my daughter, who is 1 week away from being 18 (holy smoke that just hit me in the gut lol,) will come down, load up a plate with the inevitable snacks I serve, make rounds & say hello to everyone, & then hightail it upstairs to her room. So I have NO tolerance for that behavior/treatment of a CHILD - but parents who choose to parent in that way cannot be reasoned with - so I choose avoidance when at all possible. I wish I could offer a suggestion or advice - but I am sure whatever you do will be ignored. Good luck surviving your future vacations! Does your Dd go upstairs because that is your expectation or because she wants to? So far, the parties we have are family parties so kids usually go do their thing and adults hang out and talk. But like I said in my post, I have one kid who likes talking to adults but my 10 year old would rather not. If it was a party where there were no other kids, he would say hi and go to his room, but the oldest one would have a hard time with that and feel really left out. Again, perhaps not as simple as saying kids who want to be around the adults means the parents suck. If I am having a party that includes children, all children are welcome anywhere, at any time during said party. If I am having only adults over, I prefer that my children not stay and interact for the duration of the party - for their benefit and the benefit of my guests. I would not want my guests to have to censor themselves all night, or for my children to participate or engage in adult themed conversations/games/etc. I have parties of both kinds all the time. Just because I have children does not mean I have to include them in everything that I do - and there is nothing wrong with them knowing that adults need time, attend events, etc that are separate from them - even if they love/prefer to be around adults (& I hope this doesn't sound snarky/preachy - that is not my intent.) |
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Post by moveablefeast on Dec 31, 2015 16:32:51 GMT
i personally see no reason to send an 11yo to bed at 9pm on NYE. That's the age when you start desperately trying to stay awake to watch the countdown and usually fall asleep on the couch in the process. If you want all adult time, get a babysitter and do that. But when you're just all in someone's house hanging out? I see no reason older kids should be sent to bed early just so that the adults can drink and swear.
The littler kids can watch one of the Netflix countdowns at an earlier and hour and go to bed.
Then I would set up a bunch of kid snacks and a Netflix double feature after dinner, and designate one space as kid space and one space as grownup space. That should give you three hours of CAH time and the kids get a mini party of their own and it's still fun for them.
But generally speaking I always find it kind of odd when people have these big families with a dozen kids among them and then act like the kids are cramping their style. It kind of comes with the territory.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Dec 31, 2015 16:44:43 GMT
I would play one round of a child friendly game then play the adult game, if her parents insist she is there... then I would not worry about it.
My daughter is often the youngest I appreciate others trying to accommodate her.
She will often take herself to bed and then we might play something more adult.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 31, 2015 16:51:20 GMT
My BF's goddaughter/her parents are the SAME WAY with her at the SAME AGE (11.) We were on a group trip with them this summer & she was up until 3AM with all of the men who were down in the basement drinking (and honestly they were DRUNK - HS friends who see each other once a year on this trip) & playing games & acting crazy - & her dad was encouraging & indulging her to stay & hang out. The entire weekend he kept telling everyone how mature she was & how she was "one of the adults." Um.... NO! Oh my. That sounds like a recipe for future disaster. People tend to do some really, really stupid things when they are drunk and this kid could find herself in an inappropriate situation that she is completely unprepared to deal with. As for the OP, I think that it isn't unreasonable to expect to have some grown up only time on your family vacation, especially at night after the younger kids have gone to bed. I would let the 11 yo's parents know that you will no longer be censoring your games or your conversations after a certain hour, and if they don't want her exposed to adult language and topics, they would be wise to come up with something else for her to do elsewhere in the villa if they don't want to pack her off to bed at an age appropriate time. |
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Post by beaglemom on Dec 31, 2015 16:52:19 GMT
i personally see no reason to send an 11yo to bed at 9pm on NYE. That's the age when you start desperately trying to stay awake to watch the countdown and usually fall asleep on the couch in the process. If you want all adult time, get a babysitter and do that. But when you're just all in someone's house hanging out? I see no reason older kids should be sent to bed early just so that the adults can drink and swear. The littler kids can watch one of the Netflix countdowns at an earlier and hour and go to bed. Then I would set up a bunch of kid snacks and a Netflix double feature after dinner, and designate one space as kid space and one space as grownup space. That should give you three hours of CAH time and the kids get a mini party of their own and it's still fun for them. But generally speaking I always find it kind of odd when people have these big families with a dozen kids among them and then act like the kids are cramping their style. It kind of comes with the territory. I can deal with the New Year's Eve thing, I get that it's special. It's the her wanting to stay up till 10/11 every other night too. She has a kindle and can go read, but she likes being the "big" kid. Also my inlaws have already been out here staying with them for two weeks, babysitting while the parents worked and the kids were out of school, so it's not like they haven't had time with her. I guess the the test will be the night of the first! |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Dec 31, 2015 17:12:49 GMT
It doesn't matter if it's reasonable, it doesn't matter what the peas think, the reality is you're dealing with a different parenting philosophy than yours. Believe me, I know. And it doesn't matter what you and the other bil think - as long as parents and grandparents want the 11 year old included you're sol. I chose to not travel with one branch of my husbands family for a period of time. We were in the camp of younger children who still needed some semblance of a schedule. They chose to run their kids ragged and then drag them to restaurants and wondered why their 7 year old was having a melt down at 9 o'clock still waiting for dinner. There was no way I was dragging my 2 and 3 year olds. They didn't get it and it caused several miserable trips before I said no more. Vacation with other families is highly dependent on whether your parenting philosophy is compatible and being family doesn't change that.
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Post by scrapmaven on Dec 31, 2015 17:19:21 GMT
I think she's incredibly bored w/o anyone her age to keep her company. That you have to tailor your games to a child is not acceptable either. Do her parents set boundaries for her in other areas or does she rule the roost? I'm tempted to agree w/letting her play CAH and then letting the parents deal w/the fallout. That would be one heck of an embarrassing conversation. On the other hand, she is a child who is bored, but too old to go to bed w/the little ones. I think that she needs to be supplied w/activities to keep her busy while you play adult games. She's too young to play CAH, but too old to go to bed at 9:30 on NYE. Let her do her activities until she falls asleep and she will likely fall sleep before midnight.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Dec 31, 2015 17:39:49 GMT
i personally see no reason to send an 11yo to bed at 9pm on NYE. That's the age when you start desperately trying to stay awake to watch the countdown and usually fall asleep on the couch in the process. If you want all adult time, get a babysitter and do that. But when you're just all in someone's house hanging out? I see no reason older kids should be sent to bed early just so that the adults can drink and swear. The littler kids can watch one of the Netflix countdowns at an earlier and hour and go to bed. Then I would set up a bunch of kid snacks and a Netflix double feature after dinner, and designate one space as kid space and one space as grownup space. That should give you three hours of CAH time and the kids get a mini party of their own and it's still fun for them. But generally speaking I always find it kind of odd when people have these big families with a dozen kids among them and then act like the kids are cramping their style. It kind of comes with the territory. Kids can stay up as long as they want... in a completely separate space. Unless it's a family style party, kids should have their own space for their own party and leave the adults alone. Kids really do cramp the style of adults at a party, even though people (parents mostly) really want to think they don't. They do. When kids are about, it's all about the kids, all about their needs and wants. I'm a firm believer that if you're going to have kids at a party without proper bedtimes, then there needs to be a specially designated place for the kids to be after a certain hour. I just don't see the need for kids to pretend they are grown up and interrupt the adult party. But I think that mostly comes from the fact that I see more and more things that used be for adults only become family spaces and I'm just tired of going everywhere and there are kids running around and screaming and just generally being out of control. Yes, there are kids who can behave and don't act like monsters but those get drowned out by the ones whose parents just can't or won't control them. I think I'm just tired of the kid-centric society these days. |
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Dec 31, 2015 17:45:04 GMT
My BF's goddaughter/her parents are the SAME WAY with her at the SAME AGE (11.) We were on a group trip with them this summer & she was up until 3AM with all of the men who were down in the basement drinking (and honestly they were DRUNK - HS friends who see each other once a year on this trip) & playing games & acting crazy - & her dad was encouraging & indulging her to stay & hang out. The entire weekend he kept telling everyone how mature she was & how she was "one of the adults." Um.... NO! When she was forced to sit at "the kids' table" one night that we ate out (no room at the "adults' table") this 11 year old "adult" had a freak out meltdown & cried & pouted the entire meal. It was just sickening to be around. And even though everyone expressed in their own way that they were not comfortable with her presence while it was supposed to be all adults & when drinking was going on... they ignored it or repeated again how mature their special little snowflake was. By the end of the trip I told my BF I will only go on that trip next summer if it is adults only (they usually switch it up & have families one year, boys only 1 year, couples only etc.) When I have adult parties, my daughter, who is 1 week away from being 18 (holy smoke that just hit me in the gut lol,) will come down, load up a plate with the inevitable snacks I serve, make rounds & say hello to everyone, & then hightail it upstairs to her room. So I have NO tolerance for that behavior/treatment of a CHILD - but parents who choose to parent in that way cannot be reasoned with - so I choose avoidance when at all possible. I wish I could offer a suggestion or advice - but I am sure whatever you do will be ignored. Good luck surviving your future vacations! Does your Dd go upstairs because that is your expectation or because she wants to? So far, the parties we have are family parties so kids usually go do their thing and adults hang out and talk. But like I said in my post, I have one kid who likes talking to adults but my 10 year old would rather not. If it was a party where there were no other kids, he would say hi and go to his room, but the oldest one would have a hard time with that and feel really left out. Again, perhaps not as simple as saying kids who want to be around the adults means the parents suck. I liked to talk to adults too when I was a kid. I liked being a part of the action. So I get that. But there were set expectations that when adults were talking and congregating, you were not to interrupt or bother anyone in any manner. It was an expectation that you found your own entertainment elsewhere, away from the adults. Kids have their space, adults have theirs... and rarely those two mingled. I guess I just don't understand why the expectation has happened where kids should be allowed to interfere in what should be an adult only situation. Why that change? We, as a society, don't want kids to grow up too fast, but then we let them into adult situations that are over their head and force them to be little grownups, generally setting them up for failure and annoying others... instead of making the kids behave as kids within kid-friendly expectations. It seems like a vicious circle where no one wins. |
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Post by leslie132 on Dec 31, 2015 17:49:22 GMT
I think I would take the other family members who are interested in playing the more adult games to a different room in the house. Or call the "living room" from 10-?, and say that we will be playing the more mature games if any of the adults are interested in joining. If you aren't playing please go to a different room!
In my opinion she isnt yours, and her mother doesn't care what you say. She is going to mother the way she wants. So you need to be an adult in the way you want. It sounds like you have several other adults who will join you so I'm thinking the point will be made. Once it is made I'd stick to it!!!
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Aw, hell, you're pregnant. Well mix strong drinks for the rest of the family so they all get into the game and don't worry about the niece, she'll have loads of inappropriate things to ask her parents about in the morning 
