julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
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Post by julieb on Jul 28, 2014 23:23:56 GMT
There is no way I would have listened to my SIL for 1 minute, let alone 15 minutes (which I'm assuming is an exaggeration), ream me out because of a schedule conflict. I would have hung up and let her get the message by the sound of the dial tone. Your dh needs to step up and talk to her.
I would also go to amusement park without them and meet up at some point. Why stress yourself out by having to keep company with your SIL and MIL?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 20:30:39 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2014 23:59:37 GMT
I don't understand why you have to stay home?
Can't you go and just be polite to her?
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 29, 2014 0:16:19 GMT
Perhaps it is time for you to stand up for yourself. You don't have to be an a-hole to do it, but you do not have to take it. You teach people how to treat you. Maybe your hubby wants you to stand up for yourself (i have no idea). This would be a good time to go to the park and confront any off-putting remarks with a firm stance. You don't care if she attends birthday parties? Tell her. Let her lead the conversation, but you can end it. Two cars might be a good idea.
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Post by leslie132 on Jul 29, 2014 0:44:47 GMT
Yes, I should stand up for myself. I just don't think I should have to. She never should have called me. It should be between her and her brother. I hate conflict and prefer to keep toxic people out of my life. We have hard a few hard years with our daughter passing, infertility and then my husbands brain tumor surgery and recovery. I decided that I don't want to spend days with people who aren't positive. That is why I'm struggling. I have to deal with this. I'm just not good at it.
Ashley..... I wish I had it in me to go and just be nice. I don't see that happening. I am so very stressed and out of sorts. I can't be polite to someone who spoke to me that way. I wouldn't be polite to anyone who spoke to me that way with out apologizing. No one should have to!
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Post by keknj on Jul 29, 2014 1:10:24 GMT
Can you go and mostly ignore her? Only speak if spoken to and don't direct any conversation to her? I had problems with my SIL (she's a total attention whore who didn't like my shier personality style and that she wasn't the center of my universe) to the point that I was avoiding family events and that hurt me, not her. I am to the point now that I can have a conversation with her without rolling my eyes out of my head and without wanting to throw up. My kids are getting to know her kids and I think that is important, they are the only local family my kids have. My family lives 1300 miles away. The only difference is that my DH backed me all the way with however I wanted to handle things. He never tried to bully me into doing what he wanted.
Hugs from NJ from someone who has been there. I hope you can decide how you want to handle things and have peace with your decision.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 20:30:39 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2014 1:16:55 GMT
Your SIL is a manipulator. She's very good at it. She can probably twist a story so it looks like the good guy is actually a jerk and she is the good guy. She also knows that whoever yells the loudest wins. This is how she's been raised. They yell and scream and argue and hurt feelings. Then when it's time to step up to the plate and apologize and admit they were wrong or be responsible for their outbursts, they brush it under the rug and it's no big deal. Now you look like the drama queen trying to stand up for yourself and resolve the issue.
And your poor dh is immune to all of this behavior. He may know she's in the wrong, but he too is trained to just let the bad behavior go. It's easier that way. It's the only way he knows how to keep the peace. Even though he knows you are right, maybe he doesn't know how to confront SIL. Or he doesn't want to. Or he doesn't have the tools to do so.
Now, this is my very biased opinion as I am married to a man that has a dysfunctional family exactly as your dh's. Any my dh tries to pull some of the same crap that your SIL does. But I've put my foot down many times and he knows that I will not tolerate being treated badly. Long story short, I did have to grow a thick skin. But I live with the man. However, I have not lost my sweet, sensitive, loving personality. So no, you do not have to change to accommodate your dh's crazy family. You are perfectly right to feel the things that you do. Just because everyone else around you may not agree, it doesn't mean you are wrong.
I'm not going to give you advice right now as you have gotten a lot of it already. I just wanted to speak up and let you know what you might be dealing with. And to let you know you are not the crazy one here. And don't let it eat at you. That is exactly what your SIL would love to know. Just try to silence out all of this drama and think hard about what the true person you are. And then do what you want to do. Be true to yourself. Keep being the awesome person that you are!
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Post by christine58 on Jul 29, 2014 1:30:57 GMT
Deep breaths Leslie. I know exactly how you feel. Not with a family member but with someone who I thought was a friend. It's tough.... It's hard when the person who's in the wrong doesn't acknowledge it nor apologize for it. It's also hard to put on a brave face so that person doesn't know that you're upset with them especially when you're with people that you're wanting to have a good time with. Maybe if you can get through this trip to the amusement park from this point forward have your husband just deal with her and I wouldn't even speak to her anymore.
Don't allow her to ruin what should be a fun day. Don't give her that power.... GO. Have fun with your family and just picture a bunch of us standing behind you making faces at her etc. I learned a long time ago that no one else is responsible for your own happiness other than yourself. She's an asshole you know it we know it your husband knows it other people know it. Write her off at the end of the day. You and your DH have had enough sorrow and sadness---don't give her that power. There's that little angel on your shoulder telling you that you're a good person and she's not.
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Post by Night Owl on Jul 29, 2014 2:06:52 GMT
I wouldn't let the SIL "win" by scaring you off. I know it is awkward and it sucks, but I would go.
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Post by lindywholoveskids on Jul 29, 2014 2:20:43 GMT
Yes, go and set up a list of boundaries ...with your DH before hand. You might want to have check in times during the event where you two can see how it's going. We do that sometimes when there is a potentially stressful family event.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,376
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Jul 29, 2014 2:29:26 GMT
I need a little more information.
How far apart do you live from SIL? How far away was the tourney?
I guess I fall in the middle.
Certainly her behaviour was totally out of line. I cannot stress enough that I get how inappropriate and unacceptable her behaviour was.
That said... my cousin has been playing ball for years. They've always found a way to juggle family commitments and ball commitments. Sometimes that means Mom skips a game and dad stays at the field. Sometimes it means they come to the party early and then one takes her to ball. Sometimes they arrive late to the party, after the game. But they always get there, and they also ensure she honours her commitment to her team. I do find your unwillingness to think outside the box and find a way to ensure that your nuclear family was represented by someone at this birthday party sent a very anti-family message. I do think that at the end of the day, family is more important that sports. It rarely happened, but there were even a few cases where J would skip a game or a tourney due to a family commitment.
All that said, while I agree she was out of line, both in how she spoke to you, and in dragging other family members into it, I find myself agreeing with your husband. Make peace with her. Be the bigger person and even though you likely shouldn't have to, apologize for giving her the impression that you don't care about her daughter's birthday/that you value ds's sports more than family. I mean, I get that she's not great at being organized re: getting details out re: the birthday parties. But the thing is, you know, or you should know, your niece's birthday. You ought to be able to make a ball park (forgive the pun!) guess re: when her party will be and let coaches know ds may miss a game due to a family commitment if another arrangement can't be made for a ride.
I confess that we blow up and then forget about it in our family, too. So I don't have a big problem with that. It's not even a real argument in our family until one of us yells something hyperbolic like, "Well if you feel that way, FINE! Just go and don't ever come back!" or the opposite (i.e. "I'll just go and never come back.") If I had a nickel for every time we've disowned each other in anger in our family, I would be RICH. Some of us just aren't happy without the melodrama.
And on a more serious note, there is a wonderful old saying: People need love the most when they deserve it the least.
So yeah, I'd go to the park, turn the other cheek, and get over it. Your ds and her dd shouldn't be caught in the middle because you don't care for her.
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Post by sues on Jul 29, 2014 2:39:21 GMT
my family will assume your a coward who couldn't face the day. But at least you won't be miserable. Forgive me- but that was a really shitty thing to say. Very manipulative. Those would be fighting words, for me. I wouldn't let that sway me one way or the other, either. If your son is going with your husband- it's good. You're good. Unless you really want to go. I wouldn't let SIL stop me if I really wanted to go. I would not acknowledge SIl though. No polite greetings, no small talk, nothing. I'd treat her like a stranger I didn't want to meet. It sounds like SIL is drawing a line in the sand, anyway. You don't have to take her into consideration anymore. If DH wants to go wherever she is, and deal with her- let him. It doesn't mean you have to deal with her and put up with her abuse. I learned to opt out of my in-law's drama. I just refused to let them bait me and pull me in. Tuning them out and ignoring them was much more effective than engaging with them. It was much less stressful for me, and it drove them insane. Win, win. LOL
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,376
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Jul 29, 2014 3:01:19 GMT
My BIL doesn't get invited. Unless I host or his mom has the holiday that is the only way he is invited. Now that he is arguing with his Mom I may be the only home he comes to. I think deep down in my heart that he has the right idea. I agree about not disappointing my son and allowing my husband and son to have "family time". After the coward comment that just ticks me off. Honestly.... I feel like I'm the one being punished. I get shit on, but everyone goes and I stay home. It's like rewarding the bully! I am really struggling here. It is on my mind constantly which is how I'm wired. If I can't work thru a situation or plan I have to ponder constantly. I'm tired of pondering!! I truly am sorry. I hate to say it, though, that while it's awful, I do get what your dh is saying. Now, your sister in law is nuts. As much as I can relate to a piece of this thread (the whole 'whoever is the loudest wins, boisterous arguments where people say awful, dumbass things then forget about it in 15 minutes), my family, in general, is not nearly this insane. We actually DO apologize after we have our blow ups, for one thing. In fact, we do realize how not cool our behavior is to most who haven't lived that way, and we've worked really hard to not do our arguing-for-sport thing around SIL, because we know my SIL, who like you is thinner skinned, and very introverted, doesn't like it. The fact that nobody in your dh's family gets that this habit of exploding and forgetting about it 10 minutes later doesn't work for you at all, and thus they need to try to adapt and not put you in those situations, shows a serious amount of callousness. Now to look at the other side, because I can't let go of my personal belief that all relationships are systems, and all members of a system contribute to how it operates: Again - the two years your SIL didn't invite you to the her dd's birthday because she thought you'd not be up to it (your dh's surgery one year, the birth of the twins the other year), you didn't have to stand on ceremony and wait for a call/invite. You could've picked up the phone and said, "Hey, SIL... DH and I were just talking and we realized it's 2 1/2 weeks to niece's birthday. We'd love to see her to celebrate the occasion!" And by not doing that, it again makes it look like you don't really give a darn about your niece.
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Post by peasful1 on Jul 29, 2014 3:25:59 GMT
Oh please. Conversely, if someone cared about having them there, they could have invited them. I teach my kids not to invite themselves places because, you know, it's rude. They did try to attend once they found out the schedule permitted but it was too late by then. SIL felt entitled to have a grown ass tantrum. No one should take that kind of treatment from anyone.
I wouldn't want to go, either. Life is too short to waste it with someone like that. Being "family" doesn't give someone free reign to crap all over you and expect you to eat it.
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Post by MsChiff on Jul 29, 2014 3:34:41 GMT
Yes, I should stand up for myself. I just don't think I should have to. She never should have called me. It should be between her and her brother. I disagree. I'm of the mindset that when I married DH, his family became my family and my family became his family. If I have an issue with anyone on his side of our family, I deal directly with them. He does the same with my family. Fortunately, we all play well together -- for the most part. I agree with the person who said you teach people how to treat you. When you allow your SIL to treat you badly, you enable her behavior. If she ever starts her disrespectful crap over the phone again, immediately hang up. If she calls back, answer the phone and tell her that she clearly was too upset to communicate maturely and respectfully so you decided to give her time to calm herself down so you could have a productive conversation. I'd also tell her that your time is valuable and you will not spend it allowing anyone, her included, to speak disrespectfully to you and going forward if she cannot communicate with you respectfully you have no interest in communicating with her. And follow through on that. When you speak with her remain calm, rational and mature; do not let her get you upset or emotional. She's a bully and once she knows YOU are not going to play her games, she'll stop. Or maybe you'll stop communicating with her. Either way you win. On some level you already know this as you pinpointed that she chose you because she knows you won't stand up for yourself. I had a friend and we called her family the loud family. They didn't talk to each other, they yelled. And cursed. The parents taught their two daughters that that is how to communicate with the people you love. I realized that in some weird way that worked for their family, but when she tried communicating with me that way, I quickly explained to her that that method of communication does not work for me and once I expressed myself, she communicated with me like a normal person. You MIL taught your SIL how to communicate poorly and she's using that on you; you need to teach her the acceptable way to communicate with you. As for your niece's birthday. I agree with those who feel family trumps sports and one should always try to work sports around family events. Regardless of whether you agree, I think you definitely need to acknowledge your niece's birthday. How can you not empathize with your niece for having been saddled with the mother (and grandmother) she has. Instead of buying her a gift, can you share an experience with her? Maybe lunch and movie or treating her to a manicure? Or even movie gift certificates so she can see a movie (or two) that she wants to see? I'd try to spend more time with her as I think she may need the influence of a rational woman so she realizes that her mother and grandmother's behavior isn't normal. As for the amusement park -- go and have fun with your family, your FIL, your niece (and your BIL if you like him). Staying home isn't going to make you happy as you'll just stew over missing out on the fun with your family. If your MIL or SIL start their crap, ignore them. If you have to, walk away. But do NOT acknowledge their poor behavior in any way. The minute they start their crap, they're invisible to you. If they comment on it, tell them you're giving them a time out so they can calm down and act like adults. And stop letting them control your behavior. Remember, you can't control their behavior, you can only control your response to it. And your response should always be to shut them down just like you would your own children if they started a temper tantrum.
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Post by cherrie on Jul 29, 2014 3:56:07 GMT
While not going may be the thing to do, I'd go just to f@*k with her. I'd have THE best time, laughing, joking, and mentioning, as often as possible, baseball and your son's tournament & his achievements. Heck, maybe have him wear his uniform shirt or better yet, you wear it or if you have a t-shirt that many team parents have, wear that! Do you have pics of the day or any awards or trophies, bring them and show them off. Don't bring up the birthday or any of the nasty talk - let her stew in it! With a huge MVP on the shirt!!!
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,183
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Jul 29, 2014 4:03:47 GMT
Scroll back up and read MsChifff's post again. I agree with her. And I think you are way too hung up on the idea that she should not have called you.
I understand your hurt, and I don't think you should have to listen to someone screaming at you; I would have hung up or if I was curious enough I would have listened and then calmly asked if she were done and then hung up. Don't engage when she acts like that.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,376
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Jul 29, 2014 6:08:49 GMT
Oh please. Conversely, if someone cared about having them there, they could have invited them. I teach my kids not to invite themselves places because, you know, it's rude. They did try to attend once they found out the schedule permitted but it was too late by then. SIL felt entitled to have a grown ass tantrum. No one should take that kind of treatment from anyone. I wouldn't want to go, either. Life is too short to waste it with someone like that. Being "family" doesn't give someone free reign to crap all over you and expect you to eat it. Are you meaning that in reference to what I said re: the fact that the OP could've called and asked if there were plans for the niece's birthday the two years they weren't invited? I don't think asking your family member if there are plans for a kid's birthday part is the same as going up to a friend - close or casual - and asking if you can tag along to a movie. At least in our family, we ask those kinds of questions all time, because again, we're family.
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Post by leslie132 on Jul 29, 2014 9:53:38 GMT
My BIL doesn't get invited. Unless I host or his mom has the holiday that is the only way he is invited. Now that he is arguing with his Mom I may be the only home he comes to. I think deep down in my heart that he has the right idea. I agree about not disappointing my son and allowing my husband and son to have "family time". After the coward comment that just ticks me off. Honestly.... I feel like I'm the one being punished. I get shit on, but everyone goes and I stay home. It's like rewarding the bully! I am really struggling here. It is on my mind constantly which is how I'm wired. If I can't work thru a situation or plan I have to ponder constantly. I'm tired of pondering!! I truly am sorry. I hate to say it, though, that while it's awful, I do get what your dh is saying. Now, your sister in law is nuts. As much as I can relate to a piece of this thread (the whole 'whoever is the loudest wins, boisterous arguments where people say awful, dumbass things then forget about it in 15 minutes), my family, in general, is not nearly this insane. We actually DO apologize after we have our blow ups, for one thing. In fact, we do realize how not cool our behavior is to most who haven't lived that way, and we've worked really hard to not do our arguing-for-sport thing around SIL, because we know my SIL, who like you is thinner skinned, and very introverted, doesn't like it. The fact that nobody in your dh's family gets that this habit of exploding and forgetting about it 10 minutes later doesn't work for you at all, and thus they need to try to adapt and not put you in those situations, shows a serious amount of callousness. Now to look at the other side, because I can't let go of my personal belief that all relationships are systems, and all members of a system contribute to how it operates: Again - the two years your SIL didn't invite you to the her dd's birthday because she thought you'd not be up to it (your dh's surgery one year, the birth of the twins the other year), you didn't have to stand on ceremony and wait for a call/invite. You could've picked up the phone and said, "Hey, SIL... DH and I were just talking and we realized it's 2 1/2 weeks to niece's birthday. We'd love to see her to celebrate the occasion!" And by not doing that, it again makes it look like you don't really give a darn about your niece. I had to laugh that you asked for a little more information. I feel like Danielle Steele turning out novels here We live an hour away from them. Tournament play is anywhere from a 15 minutes to an hour away. We have to arrive an hour before each game and there are times we have 2 games in a day depending how the hosting team sets the schedule. It makes for a long day. And when my SIL asked me to attend I told her it was our last tourney and most likely we would be scheduled for a double header. I said I wasn't positive, but to plan without us to make it easier. We got our schedule 3 days later and saw that we only had one game and could make it to the party. My husband called 3 times to tell her and she never called back. I finally called and left a message and she called back an hour later. That is when she ripped into me. And I said that DH has been calling since 3 days after the invite, to get the invite times and such, and her reply was " I don't care. You said no the first time, and I don't have to wait around for your schedule". It didn't matter that we could come. As for the other 2 years. Again, we weren't invited. Or at least I don't consider a phone call a day or so before with the wording of " we aren't doing much. Just cake and sitting out back. If your in the area stop in". We live an hour away. We won't be in the area. I feel like the effort put in shows just how much she wants guests. Niece is turning 7. I haven't received an actual invite since her 5th party which we attended.
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Post by leslie132 on Jul 29, 2014 10:06:49 GMT
Yes, I should stand up for myself. I just don't think I should have to. She never should have called me. It should be between her and her brother. I disagree. I'm of the mindset that when I married DH, his family became my family and my family became his family. If I have an issue with anyone on his side of our family, I deal directly with them. He does the same with my family. Fortunately, we all play well together -- for the most part. I agree with the person who said you teach people how to treat you. When you allow your SIL to treat you badly, you enable her behavior. If she ever starts her disrespectful crap over the phone again, immediately hang up. If she calls back, answer the phone and tell her that she clearly was too upset to communicate maturely and respectfully so you decided to give her time to calm herself down so you could have a productive conversation. I'd also tell her that your time is valuable and you will not spend it allowing anyone, her included, to speak disrespectfully to you and going forward if she cannot communicate with you respectfully you have no interest in communicating with her. And follow through on that. When you speak with her remain calm, rational and mature; do not let her get you upset or emotional. She's a bully and once she knows YOU are not going to play her games, she'll stop. Or maybe you'll stop communicating with her. Either way you win. On some level you already know this as you pinpointed that she chose you because she knows you won't stand up for yourself. I had a friend and we called her family the loud family. They didn't talk to each other, they yelled. And cursed. The parents taught their two daughters that that is how to communicate with the people you love. I realized that in some weird way that worked for their family, but when she tried communicating with me that way, I quickly explained to her that that method of communication does not work for me and once I expressed myself, she communicated with me like a normal person. You MIL taught your SIL how to communicate poorly and she's using that on you; you need to teach her the acceptable way to communicate with you. As for your niece's birthday. I agree with those who feel family trumps sports and one should always try to work sports around family events. Regardless of whether you agree, I think you definitely need to acknowledge your niece's birthday. How can you not empathize with your niece for having been saddled with the mother (and grandmother) she has. Instead of buying her a gift, can you share an experience with her? Maybe lunch and movie or treating her to a manicure? Or even movie gift certificates so she can see a movie (or two) that she wants to see? I'd try to spend more time with her as I think she may need the influence of a rational woman so she realizes that her mother and grandmother's behavior isn't normal. As for the amusement park -- go and have fun with your family, your FIL, your niece (and your BIL if you like him). Staying home isn't going to make you happy as you'll just stew over missing out on the fun with your family. If your MIL or SIL start their crap, ignore them. If you have to, walk away. But do NOT acknowledge their poor behavior in any way. The minute they start their crap, they're invisible to you. If they comment on it, tell them you're giving them a time out so they can calm down and act like adults. And stop letting them control your behavior. Remember, you can't control their behavior, you can only control your response to it. And your response should always be to shut them down just like you would your own children if they started a temper tantrum. I did marry into my husbands family. And he mine . But there are boundaries. My husband called 3 times and she never called him back. She called me back within the hour. When I started to get my wits back I even said " your brother has been calling. He actually left 3 messages. Why couldn't you have called him"? Her reply was that she was mad and didn't want to. I want to say two things here...... Yes, she could have had serious discussion with me. I can do discussions, I just struggle with conflict! After, I said no, she could have said " honestly, that isn't fair. You always_________ . She could have called me back an hour later to talk thru it. She waited over a week, and just ignored my husband all so she could have a go at me. You can say I'm assuming or that I can't know for sure, but I do. 17 years with my husband has me certain on family behaviors. I have never started a fight or argument with my SIL. I do a lot of head shaking and feel that she is wrong. But , I don't interfere or put myself in her mix. I let her live her life and I live mine. This is our first go round, but she regularly has fights with family. So the reason I don't think I should have to deal with it is this. My husband wouldn't let a stranger speak to me this way . Why should his family ?
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Post by leslie132 on Jul 29, 2014 10:14:12 GMT
Lots of posts questioning how I took her talking for 15 minutes or why didn't I hang up in the beginning. I have never been on her receiving end before. And I was completely shocked over it , as I was calling to attend, so I never expected to get chewed out for not attending. It just took me by surprise. After trying to insert a few key points I just said " let's agree to disagree here".
No one was leaving that phone call happy. Well, she may have been happy. I can't assume what she feels. I just know she isn't sorry that I left it unhappy . That doesn't matter.
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Post by leslie132 on Jul 29, 2014 10:25:55 GMT
MsChiff..... That was a great post back to me. Thank you. I touched on some of your comments about the situation, and didn't want you to think I couldn't understand the rest of what you were saying.
Having her spend time with us would've a good idea. I never thought of it because she has never been on a sleep over to my knowledge. I'm not sure if they would let her.
And while I agree that family comes over sports, I disagree to a point. We have 5 tournaments a year.... So 5 out of the year that keep us busy. They are very involved in church. We know and respect that. All holidays and get togethers are worked around their church schedule. All year long. We never get together on a Sunday out of respect for them. So does one trump the other ? I'm not being snarky..... Just curious to hear from you and the others who feel that family needs to come first.
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Post by Scrapbrat on Jul 29, 2014 10:29:03 GMT
Is it worth it, perpetuating the drama? Because if you continue to argue with her or don't show up to your regular family day at the amusement park, you are taking part in the drama and fueling it. You don't need to be a doormat but you don't need to fuel the argument, either. It sounds like your SIL was very angry and upset over the possibility of you not making it to her daughter's birthday party. The comments she made about your son were immature and hurtful. It was wrong of her to speak that way. I don't think you are helping yourself or the situation by reading into the phone call answering as targeting you because you are an easy target -- let go of that kind of thinking. If you WANT to fix the problem, approach her kindly and say that you heard she was upset when you spoke about being able to make it to the party. Ask her why. Think about what you can do differently next time: maybe you can say something like "son as a baseball tournament he needs to attend that day. We don't know the schedule yet, but it's possible we may be able to attend or we might have to miss it, or come late or leave early. I'll call you next week when we find out the schedule." This. Word for word. The reason that more people don't take the high toad us because it's hard, as you already know.
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Post by ScrapsontheRocks on Jul 29, 2014 10:34:53 GMT
"How people treat you is their Karma. How you react is your Karma" Go and have fun with your family. Don't give your SIL any more attention than necessary, and remember: you're not a jerk whisperer Don't engage. It drives the drama queens bonkers when others ignore their little shows. "not a jerk whisperer"..... BRILLIANT! Consider it stolen...
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Post by epeanymous on Jul 29, 2014 11:38:09 GMT
My two cents, the longer you go without seeing her, the more things will build up and fester and be awkward and weird when you do see her. I would go, be on medium chill, and get it over with. Taking a second car sounds like a good idea, particularly since it is different having toddler twins at an amusement park than non-mobile babies; you may end up deciding that the logistics of chasing both are too much (BTDT).
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Post by Lindarina on Jul 29, 2014 11:48:27 GMT
"How people treat you is their Karma. How you react is your Karma" Go and have fun with your family. Don't give your SIL any more attention than necessary, and remember: you're not a jerk whisperer Don't engage. It drives the drama queens bonkers when others ignore their little shows. "not a jerk whisperer"..... BRILLIANT! Consider it stolen... It's not mine and I can't take credit for it. But it's definitely been my mantra over the years
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Post by leslie132 on Jul 29, 2014 12:29:17 GMT
My two cents, the longer you go without seeing her, the more things will build up and fester and be awkward and weird when you do see her. I would go, be on medium chill, and get it over with. Taking a second car sounds like a good idea, particularly since it is different having toddler twins at an amusement park than non-mobile babies; you may end up deciding that the logistics of chasing both are too much (BTDT). I can't go on medium chill....I will need high chill. But I am going. At 42 years of age I'm not going to let someone stop me because she has a runaway tongue. I have worked through that much at least.
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Post by 1lear on Jul 29, 2014 12:40:14 GMT
Glad you're going and I hope you have a good time!
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joellejello
Shy Member
Posts: 34
Jul 6, 2014 3:42:52 GMT
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Post by joellejello on Jul 29, 2014 14:39:18 GMT
Your SIL sounds awful! Being family does not give her the right to act that way to you, or anyone. There is no reason you should have to put up with that in your life.
Please check out the Dealing With the Inlaws board on babycenter, they have amazing advice.
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 29, 2014 22:27:02 GMT
MsChiff..... That was a great post back to me. Thank you. I touched on some of your comments about the situation, and didn't want you to think I couldn't understand the rest of what you were saying. Having her spend time with us would've a good idea. I never thought of it because she has never been on a sleep over to my knowledge. I'm not sure if they would let her. And while I agree that family comes over sports, I disagree to a point. We have 5 tournaments a year.... So 5 out of the year that keep us busy. They are very involved in church. We know and respect that. All holidays and get togethers are worked around their church schedule. All year long. We never get together on a Sunday out of respect for them. So does one trump the other ? I'm not being snarky..... Just curious to hear from you and the others who feel that family needs to come first. Great question. If you respect her choices, she should respect yours. Would most people equate sports and church, probably not, but respect is really the main idea. It was a birthday party. For someone to get in such a huff over a birthday party kind of lets you know what they are about. Drama. I could see if it were a major event in someone's life, that one might be upset, but birthdays come every year. I personally am no a great fan of sports, but my boys played many sports on many teams for many years. A tournament is a big deal to the rest of the team. I get it. Let us know how the park turns out.
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Post by BuckeyeSandy on Jul 29, 2014 22:37:02 GMT
I would go to the park with your family and bring your niece a present and tell her you hope she had a wonderful party. As for SIL, I would put on a calm, sweet face and say with out too much emotion"let's enjoy our day here together and not talk about the past". I find it's better to not engage in these discussions and eventually the trouble makers catch on. When she starts up, just say, "let's not go there, please". I would tend to agree with this solution, though I would really want to b*tch-slap her the minute I laid eyes on her. Take the high road. Doing it this way gives her the impression that nothing she does can rock your world. Staying home gives her the power and lets her know she can control what you do. If she starts up, just smile and say sweetly, "oh, I'm sorry you are still so upset, bless your heart." Good luck, remember, going to jail is not worth it! This, most importantly use the term "well, bless your heart" and use it often with a smile.
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