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Post by brina on Jul 30, 2014 16:23:56 GMT
I've received a similar reaction when I tell people I work from home. I just shrug and say I love it! You could always come up with a humorous/PA response like "Watching soaps and eating bon-bons all day can be exhausting." This is pretty much exactly what I say.
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Post by evnimom on Jul 30, 2014 16:26:20 GMT
I'm a SAHM and never faced this question but I have been faced with smart-aleck remarks from a couple of working moms in my neighborhood. I never let their remarks bother me because I've always considered the source. I'm happy, my DH is happy and my kids are happy.
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Post by tuva42 on Jul 30, 2014 16:30:07 GMT
I don't think I was ever asked "what do you do all day?" when I was a SAHM, but I did occasionally get asked why I was a SAHM. My standard answer that I didn't want someone else raising my kids.
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Post by myshelly on Jul 30, 2014 16:30:35 GMT
I think I would consider their intent.
If I thought they were jealous I would say something like "I know I'm lucky that I have the opportunity to stay home."
If I thought they were just saying it to be snarky I would be equally snarky back and say something like "oh, that's funny because I've always wanted to know how you could have kids just to hand them off to someone else to take care of."
If I thought they were coming across as rude but they didn't know they were coming across that way or they didn't intend to come across that way I would say something like "hey, do you understand how judgmental that sounds?"
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 20:06:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2014 16:30:47 GMT
"Everything you wish you were doing while at work" Rude? Probably.
I struggled with guilt for being a SAHM after our kids went to school. While I could go find a job, I didn't want to. I have always been absolutely content staying home,taking care of the home, volunteering when needed, and having a long list of projects that I want to do. My DH's job is enough to support us, and he prefers that I'm home so that there isn't so much catching up to do in the evenings or weekends. But I'm also an introvert so might be part of it too.
Some people are just shallow enough that they can't fathom others choosing to live their life differently.
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~Susan~
Pearl Clutcher
You need to check your boobs, mine tried to kill me!!!
Posts: 3,258
Jul 6, 2014 17:25:32 GMT
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Post by ~Susan~ on Jul 30, 2014 16:30:47 GMT
I've done both and my dh and I decided that we liked it better when I was home all day to handle the house and kids. It made it less stressful for him and me. I've been asked that question many times and every time I just tell them that we were fortunate enough to be able to do it.
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 30, 2014 16:32:30 GMT
I am not of fan of taking care of babies. I have two boys and were thrilled when they hit three. Most of my friends are the opposite and loved the baby stage. I felt like odd man out all of the time. When my kids were in the baby stage the summers were very long (teacher). I think when people say I am not built like that (as I have said) they are probably thinking of the hardest or most isolated parts of raising small kids. We didn't have family around and none of my friends were having kids at the time. They aren't thinking of all of the great benefits SAHM offer their families.
I admire anyone who loves what they do and just does it. Working out of the home or in the home. If you can afford not to work and want to be home for your family-awesome. It also helps the people who do need to work outside the home find jobs.
While I do love a snarky comeback in some situations, I think any comment that truly shows how happy you are living your life is just perfect.
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conchita
Pearl Clutcher
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Jul 1, 2014 11:25:58 GMT
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Post by conchita on Jul 30, 2014 16:32:56 GMT
I used to get those comments when my sons were younger. I was also homeschooling. So add that to the mix and I got a lot of flak from family, friends and strangers. The comment I heard the most was, "I couldn't be around my kids all day, they'd drive me crazy!" I'd usually laugh and tell them that it was good they didn't homeschool then. But next time they ask what you do all day tell them, "Stuff" and leave it at that. No need to justify what brings you satisfaction in life.
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eleezybeth
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Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Jul 30, 2014 16:33:17 GMT
I've been on both fences. I work now and hate the "oh my God I'd never let strangers raise my kids." I work. My choice. Nothing more to it. And that's my answer when I'm at home with my kids. My choice. Nothing more to it.
I'm not a great SAHM. I lack awesome mommy skills. I do get bored. I do get lazy. I get resentful. Now, I miss my kids daily. I miss all their day to day loveliness. I'm distracted with worry for them. I can not win so I do my best. My best. Not what anybody thinks is my best.
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Post by kmcginn on Jul 30, 2014 16:33:27 GMT
I would say - Yeah it's not for everyone, but it works for me - and let it go at that. Thatway you are acknowledging that everyone is different and stopping any further discussion.
I applaud your decision.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2014 16:35:30 GMT
Don't take this as being snarky, but as a mom who HAS to work, maybe they are just jealous, and instead of trying to give a snappy comeback just consider yourself lucky that you are able to stay at home. I do agree with this in part, but I don't think they should get a free pass. Life's not always fair but I think too often we let people get away with saying stuff that shouldn't be said. Sometimes getting called on it is needed.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
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Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Jul 30, 2014 16:36:05 GMT
How do you stay at home all day, I would be so bored/go crazy/kill myself? I need adult interaction! Blah, blah, blah... I am truly never bored. SAHM or not. That's just not part of my makeup. I don't know that anyone has ever point blank asked me that question either (most of the time it was just someone commenting about themselves - not directing it to me). I imagine I'd just say, "I truly don't ever feel bored, no matter what I'm doing." and hope that would be the end of it. Or just, "Well, everyone is different." That should cover it. I don't need a ton of adult interaction either, and when I did, it was pretty easy to grab a girlfriend and go to lunch or to the park. Everyone really IS different and we all have different interests and things that motivate us. I don't get why that's so hard for people to understand.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jul 30, 2014 16:38:46 GMT
You could always say, "If I had to stay home with your kids I'd go crazy and kill myself too." I'm betting that would stop the conversation, although the friendship probably wouldn't survive though. I have done every combination - working full time, working part time, working from home, staying home. None of them are easy, and all have their trade offs. I will offer one perspective - my biggest difficulty with staying home full time, was MY issues with how I defined myself. Now I don't comment on other people's choices, but I could have said - I would go crazy staying home. It had absolutely nothing to do with the reality of staying home. It wasn't a judgement on what a SAHM does - it was an observation, on how much I defined MYSELF through my job. This isn't to excuse rudeness by your friends, just to offer an observation, that often people's comments are more a reflection on themselves than on you.
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Post by BeckyTech on Jul 30, 2014 16:46:35 GMT
You could always say, "If I had to stay home with your kids I'd go crazy and kill myself too." That should have come with a warning. I almost spit my coffee all over my screen.
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blue tulip
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Jun 25, 2014 20:53:57 GMT
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Post by blue tulip on Jul 30, 2014 16:52:42 GMT
I would say something like "hey, do you understand how judgmental that sounds?" funny, i've said this exact thing to someone but it was from the other side- i work outside the home, they don't and they often implied (intentionally or otherwise, who knows) thst those who don't stay home with their kids don't love them as much/are doing them a serious disservice/etc. i get SO sick of that. i don't think i've ever heard someone judging anyone for staying home, but i've heard a lot of judging of WOTH moms.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2014 16:53:54 GMT
I remember someone asking me if I was afraid my brains were turning to mush because I wasn't being challenged intellectually. I was like, really? I spend my days trying to outwit a crafty 2-year-old and staying one step ahead of her. Tell me that's not intellectually challenging!
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Post by deshacrafts on Jul 30, 2014 17:10:01 GMT
I would love to be a housewife and stay home. I love taking care of my house, unfortunately it isn't financially possible. I did stay home when my children were little and worked part-time until just recently (they are out of school now). I have friends that couldn't get back to work soon enough for them. That was fine for them, but I don't need a job to feel fulfilled. Taking care of my home and family did that for me.
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Post by lorieann13 on Jul 30, 2014 17:11:44 GMT
Thankfully I have never been asked that question. I don't know if its because 90% of my friends are SAHMs too or what.
I do however get asked when I am going to get a job that pays (from dh's mom). Because I guess being a SAHM isn't an important job. According to her I dont do anything.
Dh and I strongly feel its jealousy because she had to work. But eh whatever. Our choice and works best for our family.
I would like a part time job eventually but I will always need to be available for my two kids who both have autism and medical conditions. More so my ds than dd.
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Post by shannoots on Jul 30, 2014 17:14:29 GMT
I have been a SAHM for 12 years and I have realized that you aren't going to change anyone's opinion on your choice. I have had people made rude comments to me. It used to bother me more than it does now. What works for me won't necessarily work for someone else.
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Post by beebee on Jul 30, 2014 17:17:32 GMT
I tell people I enjoy sitting at home eating bon-bons and watching TV. They usually look at me with a shocked look on their face and then laugh. If they try to continue, I just keep giving them the same answer and it becomes a joke.
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Post by OntarioScrapper on Jul 30, 2014 17:20:08 GMT
There is no way to shut that kind of comments down. People are curious about things they don't know. However I had a cousin who told me when DH and I decided I would stay home with our first child interesting. She has also stayed home with her kids. She told me that never did she regret it unlike when she had to go back to work and then she missed being there when the kids would get right home from school. For some the choice is just a choice. Another factor in our decision was money. Yes, I did want to stay home however if I had not wanted to stay home I wouldn't have been able to. Most people think you have to HAVE money to be able to stay home with your kids. My younger sister told me that it was nice that I could afford to stay home. I told her that in fact I could NOT afford to go to work. I had a low paying job, 15cents above min wage. My DH's job paid the bills but nothing to be able to put money aside for a rainy day. We did calculate the numbers to see if I could work if I had wanted to. After child care expenses, my monthly bus pass and all the other expenses required, I might have had $20 left over from each paycheck. And that would require finding the cheapest daycare possible. And with our incomes combined there would be no help from the government. You get stuck in that "sorry you would make too much". So yeah, I got those comments directed at me all the time! How could you stay home and do nothing all day (seriously? how the frak you think anything gets DONE around the house. I'm sure the cleaning and cooking fairies could help, but you know, they were busy at other SAHM's ). Oh and a favourite! You are bad example to your kids especially if you have GIRLS. Well, hate to say it but my 10 year old daughter believes she can CHOOSE to be what she wants to be. I will encourage her to stay that way.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2014 17:23:54 GMT
Most people wouldn't look at a mother of a child with a disability or a handicap or a disease and say "no way I could handle a child with ___...I'm just not made for that."
How is this any different?
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Post by dulcemama on Jul 30, 2014 17:30:30 GMT
Most people wouldn't look at a mother of a child with a disability or a handicap or a disease and say "no way I could handle a child with ___...I'm just not made for that." How is this any different? The difference is choice. I work with adults with disabilities and am told all the time "no way could I handle your job." The only difference between this and your example is choice.
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Post by stampbooker on Jul 30, 2014 17:35:20 GMT
I haven't read the thread yet, just the op. Right now my answer would be: "I wish I actually did get to stay home all day!" There is not much staying home for me at this point in my life. This morning I took my kids to swim lessons (adult interaction with other moms!) went to the grocery store, came home made lunch for the kids and I am having my lunch now before I run out again. I have to go get my car inspected and then stop by and drop some things off at the thrift store. Then come home and straighten the house and begin dinner, we are having company tonight (more adult interaction).
Julie
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 20:06:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2014 17:35:33 GMT
Most people wouldn't look at a mother of a child with a disability or a handicap or a disease and say "no way I could handle a child with ___...I'm just not made for that." How is this any different? The difference is choice. I work with adults with disabilities and am told all the time "no way could I handle your job." The only difference between this and your example is choice. See I think we all choose what we can "handle". Most parents make choices based on the needs of their children. I have a son who is Autistic. I certainly didn't choose for him to have these difficult things...but I choose how to respond to it. I think most parents step up when the situation calls for it. You adapt, you learn, you become more for your child.
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Post by tlsmi on Jul 30, 2014 17:37:16 GMT
Very good friends of ours are in a different situation. The wife is an OBGYN, the husband has a degree in Enginneering. They have 7, yes 7 kids, and the Dad has been a SAHD since [HASH]2 was born. He loves it and his wife loves it. You should hear the comments he has received through the years about being at home! I think we should all try to be respectful of others choices! We don't have kids but when I was in between jobs my DH loved it. I did everything! He came home and could just relax or putz around ...
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Post by lorieann13 on Jul 30, 2014 17:37:27 GMT
Most people wouldn't look at a mother of a child with a disability or a handicap or a disease and say "no way I could handle a child with ___...I'm just not made for that." How is this any different? I have actually been asked about this. "How do you do it?" Its simple. He is my child and like any parent, I hope, I will do any and everything to make sure he is taken care of and receives what he needs. Has it been easy? Hell no! Multiple surgeries, tpn, home nurses, ambulance rides, needing transplants, therapies, in home services, dr appoints galore, some 2 hours away, meds, no sleep at times. Add to that another child with aspergers and her own medical needs. You really do realize just how strong you are. I sure as heck didn't realize I could handle two sn kids. But I am and I must say I rock being a sn mom pretty well
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Post by threegirls on Jul 30, 2014 17:52:17 GMT
I've done it all - worked full time, worked at home, worked part-time and stayed at home (all with kids). The only time I received any comments (and still do occasionally) is when my husband and I decided that I would be a SAHM.
It seems like there are two different approaches to the comments. One is positive; "You sure do work hard all day. I see what you do and you deserve a break. It must be hard stuff to do all day!" I get these comments from my neighbor and mother-in-law. The second approach is snarky. "Gawd, your mind must be mush. I need adult interaction and stimulation during the day. I do everything you do but I have to do it after work." My response to the first approach is, "Thanks, I love it!" My response to the second approach is, "I love being at home."
What I really want to say to the snarky comments is something like this: " I am intellectually stimulated because I have found ways to do that and stay at home. I love investing and researching companies and the markets. I've made a ton of money this way. You would be surprised at what I've done while staying at home!"
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smartypants71
Drama Llama
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Jun 25, 2014 22:47:49 GMT
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Post by smartypants71 on Jul 30, 2014 17:53:00 GMT
I think we all (the general we all, not just peas ) need to be careful when we say things like "i just could not____, or if it were me, i'd do _____". I, myself, had no idea how judgmental it sounds. The other day, my SO really jumped on me for saying an "if it were me" line to him. He was mad because he said it made him feel like i thought he was an idiot. Up until reading this post, I thought he was being ridiculous. Lesson learned!
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Lissy007
Junior Member
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Jun 25, 2014 19:30:58 GMT
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Post by Lissy007 on Jul 30, 2014 17:59:51 GMT
I usually get...what do you do all day??? I explain that all those things you rush around and do on the weekend...cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping...I do those things and more.... And I have the weekend to enjoy my family. I've been a SAHM and a working outside the home mom. Staying at home is what we chose as a family.
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