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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 1, 2016 20:19:23 GMT
It's the brides right to feel that this will affect her in seeing the wedding photos and/or any distraction that may transpire at the wedding. You're adamant with the "how dare that bride ask a bridesmaid to change" but you sure have no issue cramming armpit hair down the throat of someone who might not care for it. Yes, she could have not included her, but that too would be hurtful. I read the article--it did mention that only a year ago did the bridesmaid adopt a hippy lifestyle. You can't tell me that no one is going to not notice the armpit hair, people will. And if they do notice... so what? How on earth will that impact the wedding? It's hair. It's natural. What on earth is the big deal? Just because North American society is so damn hung up on the human body that body shaming is considered an acceptable pastime, it doesn't mean that armpit hair will destroy the wedding. It's hair not a bomb. It's possible that the bride just doesn't want to deal with anything that would come if it. It's obviously made her uncomfortable before the wedding, so it's something on her mind. Not one of us can dictate how she feels about it. She doesn't have to be wrong or suck if she feels the way she does.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 1, 2016 20:20:56 GMT
You don't know that she wouldn't either! I would imagine the bride would know her bridesmaid well enough to guess whether or not she would be obnoxious about it, no? One would hope! But knowing that she wanted to know how to broach the subject with the hairy girl, I doubt she knows her that well!
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on May 1, 2016 20:25:38 GMT
And if they do notice... so what? How on earth will that impact the wedding? It's hair. It's natural. What on earth is the big deal? Just because North American society is so damn hung up on the human body that body shaming is considered an acceptable pastime, it doesn't mean that armpit hair will destroy the wedding. It's hair not a bomb. It's possible that the bride just doesn't want to deal with anything that would come if it. It's obviously made her uncomfortable before the wedding, so it's something on her mind. Not one of us can dictate how she feels about it. She doesn't have to be wrong or suck if she feels the way she does. If she doesn't want to deal with it, then she shouldn't have had her in the wedding party. Obviously, superficial things are what is important to the bride not maintaining or building relationships. If something as trivial as armpit hair is going to destroy the wedding for her so much that she has to run to the girl's mom because she's too embarrassed to say anything herself, there is no reason why the girl should be a bridesmaid. This is obviously a case of a bride not being able to stand up for what she wants, getting railroaded and not being able to stand up for herself.
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Post by anonrefugee on May 1, 2016 20:27:19 GMT
Is it written somewhere one HAS to invite future in laws to be in wedding parties? I agree with AN back on page 1, if you know this is the case, then chose a shrug or shawl and be prepared. I'd even do it for those self concious about their arms. But I was in the "I select a color, you select the dress" camp. I wanted coordination, not matchy-matchy at my wedding. And I wanted everyone to look good, feel comfortable. I. Don't understand the, princess for a day attitude of some brides - even when I was one.
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kate
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Post by kate on May 1, 2016 20:34:59 GMT
I think the bride should have thought of that before she chose the dresses. If I were asked to be a bridesmaid, I think I would be a bit hurt if I were asked to wear a full face of makeup (which I never do) or cover a birthmark or shave more than I usually do. Some people are not that hairy. I have a friend who has never shaved legs or pits because all she has is the finest blond peachfuzz, noticeable only if you're looking for it and there is bright light. My burning question is whether the bridesmaid in question dyes her underarm hair.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 1, 2016 20:52:40 GMT
It's possible that the bride just doesn't want to deal with anything that would come if it. It's obviously made her uncomfortable before the wedding, so it's something on her mind. Not one of us can dictate how she feels about it. She doesn't have to be wrong or suck if she feels the way she does. If she doesn't want to deal with it, then she shouldn't have had her in the wedding party. Obviously, superficial things are what is important to the bride not maintaining or building relationships. If something as trivial as armpit hair is going to destroy the wedding for her so much that she has to run to the girl's mom because she's too embarrassed to say anything herself, there is no reason why the girl should be a bridesmaid. This is obviously a case of a bride not being able to stand up for what she wants, getting railroaded and not being able to stand up for herself. You're assuming a lot into the little that was given in the Dear Abby article--- it was clearly stated that the DD has only recently become a hippy, maybe the bride did not know until recently! Going hippy could mean many a thing, and maybe she didn't realize that their was armpit hair until dress fittings. Maybe she asked the hairy girl before she decided to be a hippy! The bride IS trying to stand up for what she wants--no armpit hair--and obviously asked her future MIL how to broach the subject with the DD. Tons of variables that were not even mentioned in DA. And just as adamant as people here have been all for the armpit hair it still doesn't answer why the bride cannot have her feelings or choice. DA should have told the MOG to either ask the DD or to tell the bride to ask her if she would mind shaving. If the DD had issue with it, then the bride could have made a decision to either leave get out if she wanted or change the dress style. People are getting their own feelings, thoughts, beliefs shoved aside because "God forbid" we choose not to have to deal with armpit hair in our wedding or that we cannot choose the type of dress we want for our own wedding party because someone might not want to shave!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 21:12:35 GMT
You have got to be kidding. Her own choice about her own body is not cramming anything down anyone's throat, any more than someone who is fat, is thin, has long hair, has short hair, has tattoos, gets a Brazilian, or anything else is forcing anything on others.
This thread has made me want to stop shaving just because I'm so damn pissed that people think they have the right to dictate women's personal choices about their appearance.
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Post by elaine on May 1, 2016 21:39:33 GMT
So, would you be okay if the bride demanded that one bridesmaid wear a wig because she didn't like her hair? Or asks just one bridesmaid to color her hair - using a 28 day non-permanent color and will fade out after a month? (About the same time it would take the arm hair to grow back out) It is just for one day, after all. It is rude to ask someone to change their physical appearance simply to please you. It has always been that way in polite and civilized society. I'd like to say that this a first world problem, but I think it is really just a United States problem where we infantilize women. This wouldn't be an issue in many first world European countries where women can shave or not shave their pits and no one gives it a second thought. We are talking about armpit hair---not wigs, not changing vegetarianism, not asking them to change their entire look. We are talking about armpit hair in a wedding. That's it---nothing else. I don't view this as an end to feminism, or rude, and am not reading anything else world problem related into it. It's crazy that there are considerations for a person sporting arm pit hair, yet ugly name calling for those who don't care to see it. It isn't the norm here in the US, it's just making a comeback (since the 60's) and (unfortunately) here in the US it has connotations as being unkempt, and not a look one would normally want in a wedding scenario, so I can understand a bride not wanting to view it on their wedding day. Where did I call anyone a "name?" I said that I thought that the act of asking someone to alter their physical appearance to please oneself was rude, but I never "name called." I think that the point that you are missing is that to her it isn't "just armpit hair." It means something to her about her identity. It might mean absolutely nothing to you, but according to her mother, it is part of an identity for her. But, playing devil's advocate, if it IS "just armpit hair," why the heck should she be asked to shave it in the first place? It is "just armpit hair" after all.
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Post by melanell on May 1, 2016 21:51:14 GMT
I wonder if the bride or the bridesmaid regularly read Dear Abbey.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 21:53:37 GMT
If she doesn't want to deal with it, then she shouldn't have had her in the wedding party. Obviously, superficial things are what is important to the bride not maintaining or building relationships. If something as trivial as armpit hair is going to destroy the wedding for her so much that she has to run to the girl's mom because she's too embarrassed to say anything herself, there is no reason why the girl should be a bridesmaid. This is obviously a case of a bride not being able to stand up for what she wants, getting railroaded and not being able to stand up for herself. You're assuming a lot into the little that was given in the Dear Abby article--- it was clearly stated that the DD has only recently become a hippy, maybe the bride did not know until recently! Going hippy could mean many a thing, and maybe she didn't realize that their was armpit hair until dress fittings. Maybe she asked the hairy girl before she decided to be a hippy! The bride IS trying to stand up for what she wants--no armpit hair--and obviously asked her future MIL how to broach the subject with the DD. Tons of variables that were not even mentioned in DA. And just as adamant as people here have been all for the armpit hair it still doesn't answer why the bride cannot have her feelings or choice. DA should have told the MOG to either ask the DD or to tell the bride to ask her if she would mind shaving. If the DD had issue with it, then the bride could have made a decision to either leave get out if she wanted or change the dress style. People are getting their own feelings, thoughts, beliefs shoved aside because "God forbid" we choose not to have to deal with armpit hair in our wedding or that we cannot choose the type of dress we want for our own wedding party because someone might not want to shave! Is your wedding about looking like a magazine advertisement, or is it about building relationships with very real people in your family/friends? This boils down to the power of advertising. In a bridal mag they can select models that are homogeneous in looks/size so everyone dressed in the same dress looks equally fabulous. But outside of the advertising photo studio life gets complicated, and hurtful if you are bent on having the right to have your own narcissistic "perfect princess day" where everyone will bow to your total demands on dress and grooming without requiring YOU to consider their personal feelings. Guaranteed way to destroy the friendships with the very friends and new family members you are wanting to support you.
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Post by melanell on May 1, 2016 22:07:45 GMT
A bit off-topic, but related: I will admit, even though I do shave my armpits, I do get creeped out by society's norms to have women aspire to prepubescent hairless bodies. The whole Brazilian wax thing has pedophilic connections to me and thinking of it gives me the willies! I have no desire to remove all my pubic hair and look like a 10 year old down there. If I wanted to be consistent, I really should consider not shaving my pits any more. This thread has given me something to think about. I know that the way we feel about things isn't always logical, but I do always think of this when women bring up "looking like a 10 year old" or any variation in discussions about pubic hair preference exactly for this reason. Because in those type of discussions you almost never hear those same women saying that it's equally disturbing or unnatural to shave your underarms or your legs. Even for girls who had relatively noticeable leg hair as children, many still start to have even more noticeable leg hair as they grow older. So logically, shaving those areas would mean they were trying to look like a child as well, right? Or give that feeling to others? So I really appreciate someone else finally mentioning this contradiction in these views on the body hair of women. Also, I keep thinking of this story during this thread, because it is a situation where the non-removal of hair typically removed by women was very much a part of this person's belief system, and was much more noticeable than under arm hair typically is, even when wearing something sleeveless. Reddit user apologizes to Sikh woman
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gottapeanow
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 25, 2014 20:56:09 GMT
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Post by gottapeanow on May 1, 2016 22:08:50 GMT
Because it has to be said. 1. This thread is useless without pictures. 2. I call bridesmaid-armpit-hair PeaGate. Lisa
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Post by melanell on May 1, 2016 22:11:41 GMT
So...let's say for the sake of argument that people notice it, talk about her, make comments, etc. How does that even affect the bride? True. Every once in a very great while I remember that there was quite a bit of chatter and discussion over a choice someone in my wedding party made the day of the wedding, but mostly I only remember it if something else leads me to recall it, such as you saying this. It certainly didn't put any sort of damper on our day. We were getting married. No matter what else happened that day--we got married. And the marriage was the important part of that day.
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Post by 950nancy on May 1, 2016 22:19:17 GMT
A bit off-topic, but related: I will admit, even though I do shave my armpits, I do get creeped out by society's norms to have women aspire to prepubescent hairless bodies. The whole Brazilian wax thing has pedophilic connections to me and thinking of it gives me the willies! I have no desire to remove all my pubic hair and look like a 10 year old down there. If I wanted to be consistent, I really should consider not shaving my pits any more. This thread has given me something to think about. I think the moist hair area leaves more space for bacteria. Anything that close to my nose needs to be clean and smell decent. I agree with you on the undercarriage though.
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Post by 950nancy on May 1, 2016 22:20:53 GMT
Is it written somewhere one HAS to invite future in laws to be in wedding parties? I agree with AN back on page 1, if you know this is the case, then chose a shrug or shawl and be prepared. I'd even do it for those self concious about their arms. But I was in the "I select a color, you select the dress" camp. I wanted coordination, not matchy-matchy at my wedding. And I wanted everyone to look good, feel comfortable. I. Don't understand the, princess for a day attitude of some brides - even when I was one. According to my husband, it was written somewhere! It was all about the family. Like I said, I should have eloped.
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Post by birukitty on May 1, 2016 22:37:15 GMT
I'm coming to this thread late (migraine for me today) but here's my opinion. Apparently the bride had to choose this soon to be sister in law to be her brides maid. So, she knew ahead of time about the arm pit hair. I guess we can assume that. She should have chosen dresses for her brides maids with short sleeves to cover the arm pit hair. Since she didn't and it's now bothering her so much, I don't think it's a wise choice to ask the bridesmaid to shave for her wedding day, even in the roundabout way she did it. Everyone has feelings, and this young woman will be her sister in law for the rest of her life (if her marriage lasts). How foolish to start off a marriage by intentionally hurting your soon to be sister in law's feelings.
In my opinion this bride is selfish. She missed the chance to choose dresses that had short sleeves to cover the arm pit hair. She could have easily ordered shrugs to cover the armpits of all of the brides maids even in the sleeveless dresses. And lastly she can have the photographer photoshop out the arm pit hair for her own personal photos. 3 different options and all she can focus on is altering someone's personal style to suit what she wants for her special day. That's what I call selfish.
Debbie in MD.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 1, 2016 22:39:25 GMT
We are talking about armpit hair---not wigs, not changing vegetarianism, not asking them to change their entire look. We are talking about armpit hair in a wedding. That's it---nothing else. I don't view this as an end to feminism, or rude, and am not reading anything else world problem related into it. It's crazy that there are considerations for a person sporting arm pit hair, yet ugly name calling for those who don't care to see it. It isn't the norm here in the US, it's just making a comeback (since the 60's) and (unfortunately) here in the US it has connotations as being unkempt, and not a look one would normally want in a wedding scenario, so I can understand a bride not wanting to view it on their wedding day. Where did I call anyone a "name?" I said that I thought that the act of asking someone to alter their physical appearance to please oneself was rude, but I never "name called." I think that the point that you are missing is that to her it isn't "just armpit hair." It means something to her about her identity. It might mean absolutely nothing to you, but according to her mother, it is part of an identity for her. But, playing devil's advocate, if it IS "just armpit hair," why the heck should she be asked to shave it in the first place? It is "just armpit hair" after all. I didn't mean you specifically Elaine re: name calling--I don't always get the quote thing right, sorry! If it's just hair, and it grows back... I don't think the bride is being unreasonable in her request. I get that in the grand scheme of things, it is not the end of the world. She might just be the bride that doesn't want to hear comments afterwards, or have her wedding known as the one with the arm pit hair, because people, regardless of it being okay or not will be talking about it. And again, it's a wedding bride and grooms day, they get to plan it, do what they want without having anyone forcing them to do something else--have I got that right grinningcat?
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Post by elaine on May 1, 2016 22:46:05 GMT
Where did I call anyone a "name?" I said that I thought that the act of asking someone to alter their physical appearance to please oneself was rude, but I never "name called." I think that the point that you are missing is that to her it isn't "just armpit hair." It means something to her about her identity. It might mean absolutely nothing to you, but according to her mother, it is part of an identity for her. But, playing devil's advocate, if it IS "just armpit hair," why the heck should she be asked to shave it in the first place? It is "just armpit hair" after all. I didn't mean you specifically Elaine re: name calling--I don't always get the quote thing right, sorry! If it's just hair, and it grows back... I don't think the bride is being unreasonable in her request. I get that in the grand scheme of things, it is not the end of the world. She might just be the bride that doesn't want to hear comments afterwards, or have her wedding known as the one with the arm pit hair, because people, regardless of it being okay or not will be talking about it. And again, it's a wedding bride and grooms day, they get to plan it, do what they want without having anyone forcing them to do something else--have I got that right grinningcat?
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 1, 2016 22:48:01 GMT
I'm coming to this thread late (migraine for me today) but here's my opinion. Apparently the bride had to choose this soon to be sister in law to be her brides maid. So, she knew ahead of time about the arm pit hair. I guess we can assume that. She should have chosen dresses for her brides maids with short sleeves to cover the arm pit hair. Since she didn't and it's now bothering her so much, I don't think it's a wise choice to ask the bridesmaid to shave for her wedding day, even in the roundabout way she did it. Everyone has feelings, and this young woman will be her sister in law for the rest of her life (if her marriage lasts). How foolish to start off a marriage by intentionally hurting your soon to be sister in law's feelings. In my opinion this bride is selfish. She missed the chance to choose dresses that had short sleeves to cover the arm pit hair. She could have easily ordered shrugs to cover the armpits of all of the brides maids even in the sleeveless dresses. And lastly she can have the photographer photoshop out the arm pit hair for her own personal photos. 3 different options and all she can focus on is altering someone's personal style to suit what she wants for her special day. That's what I call selfish. Debbie in MD. No, we cannot assume that the bride knew. Article mentions that the hippy thing has just been a recent thing. For all we know, she might not have known about it until the dress fittings. We don't know and making assumptions isn't right either. I don't understand why a bride is not allowed to choose dresses that she likes, to have the type and style of a wedding that she wants. It's funny that you say that "everyone has feelings" yet in the same breath totally void the brides feelings and call her selfish. The same can be said in reverse " how foolish" that the arm pit hair girl is going to start out a new relationship at odds with her new to be SIL over armpit hair for ONE DAY---the brides wedding. I wish one thing for sure-- I'd like to know what the brother/groom is saying in all this!!
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Post by Hayjaker on May 1, 2016 22:56:24 GMT
Sophia Loren with armpit hair Armpit hair CAN be sexy and doesn't have to overshadow a woman's beauty. Attachments:
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Post by birukitty on May 1, 2016 23:08:18 GMT
I'm coming to this thread late (migraine for me today) but here's my opinion. Apparently the bride had to choose this soon to be sister in law to be her brides maid. So, she knew ahead of time about the arm pit hair. I guess we can assume that. She should have chosen dresses for her brides maids with short sleeves to cover the arm pit hair. Since she didn't and it's now bothering her so much, I don't think it's a wise choice to ask the bridesmaid to shave for her wedding day, even in the roundabout way she did it. Everyone has feelings, and this young woman will be her sister in law for the rest of her life (if her marriage lasts). How foolish to start off a marriage by intentionally hurting your soon to be sister in law's feelings. In my opinion this bride is selfish. She missed the chance to choose dresses that had short sleeves to cover the arm pit hair. She could have easily ordered shrugs to cover the armpits of all of the brides maids even in the sleeveless dresses. And lastly she can have the photographer photoshop out the arm pit hair for her own personal photos. 3 different options and all she can focus on is altering someone's personal style to suit what she wants for her special day. That's what I call selfish. Debbie in MD. No, we cannot assume that the bride knew. Article mentions that the hippy thing has just been a recent thing. For all we know, she might not have known about it until the dress fittings. We don't know and making assumptions isn't right either. I don't understand why a bride is not allowed to choose dresses that she likes, to have the type and style of a wedding that she wants. It's funny that you say that "everyone has feelings" yet in the same breath totally void the brides feelings and call her selfish. The same can be said in reverse " how foolish" that the arm pit hair girl is going to start out a new relationship at odds with her new to be SIL over armpit hair for ONE DAY---the brides wedding. I wish one thing for sure-- I'd like to know what the brother/groom is saying in all this!! I said, "I guess we can assume" I didn't say "the bride knew ahead of time" because I didn't know that for a fact. "I guess we can assume" means just that. If the bride hadn't known about the arm pit hair at that time, and it didn't even exist at that time, then yes, of course I can see where she might have chosen the sleeveless style dresses because that is what she wanted in her wedding. You assume I totally void the bride's feelings. I'm not doing that. I'm seeing things from both perspectives. The fact is that bride could buy shrugs for the bridesmaids to wear over their sleeveless dresses, and that would cover the armpit hair of her future sister in law. It might not fit into her original "vision" of her wedding, but compromise sometimes is needed as the best solution overall. What is better? That she offends her future sister in laws feelings and starts of her marriage on this negative note by asking her to alter her personal style? How would you feel if your future sister in law asked you to dye your hair? Change some part of yourself that is important to you that she was asking only of you and not the other bridesmaids? Wouldn't it embarrass you and offend you? This isn't like asking a friend to be a bridesmaid and you hurt that friend's feelings and never see that friend again. This bride is potentially hurting and offending her future husband's sister! To me if a compromise and solution can be made by wearing shrugs over dresses that is the solution. Can't you see that? Or at the very least photoshop. But if I were the bride I'd be running to the bridal shop and picking out shrugs ASAP! Debbie in MD. (who's been to over 45 weddings as a former professional wedding photographer)
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Post by hop2 on May 1, 2016 23:11:25 GMT
Well I'll just wade right in to these shark infested waters. I think it depends on how you see armpit hair - as natural and lovely and let it flow like Lady Godiva lest you be oppressed by the man, or as something that is groomed a certain way and that way fits into a societal norm...or it did, anyway. It's just hair and grooming conventions to me, not a conspiracy of the patriarchy. Armpit hair is like uncombed hair on one's head to me, so I guess I wouldn't freak over someone asking me to brush it or style it a certain way for a wedding to shave it off my armpits. Likewise if the bridesmaids were wearing open toed shoes and the bride asked me to get a pedicure; heck she might even specify the color. It's all temporary stuff. What if a bride had bridesmaids dresses that were really short and someone had major pubage that hung out and under the hemline of the skirt? Cool? Dreadlocked pubes are good with everyone? DON'T JUDGE PEOPLE. /hyperbole Don't have dresses THAT short. Lol
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 1, 2016 23:11:43 GMT
No, we cannot assume that the bride knew. Article mentions that the hippy thing has just been a recent thing. For all we know, she might not have known about it until the dress fittings. We don't know and making assumptions isn't right either. I don't understand why a bride is not allowed to choose dresses that she likes, to have the type and style of a wedding that she wants. It's funny that you say that "everyone has feelings" yet in the same breath totally void the brides feelings and call her selfish. The same can be said in reverse " how foolish" that the arm pit hair girl is going to start out a new relationship at odds with her new to be SIL over armpit hair for ONE DAY---the brides wedding. I wish one thing for sure-- I'd like to know what the brother/groom is saying in all this!! I said, "I guess we can assume" I didn't say "the bride knew ahead of time" because I didn't know that for a fact. "I guess we can assume" means just that. If the bride hadn't known about the arm pit hair at that time, and it didn't even exist at that time, then yes, of course I can see where she might have chosen the sleeveless style dresses because that is what she wanted in her wedding. You assume I totally void the bride's feelings. I'm not doing that. I'm seeing things from both perspectives. The fact is that bride could buy shrugs for the bridesmaids to wear over their sleeveless dresses, and that would cover the armpit hair of her future sister in law. It might not fit into her original "vision" of her wedding, but compromise sometimes is needed as the best solution overall. What is better? That she offends her future sister in laws feelings and starts of her marriage on this negative note by asking her to alter her personal style? How would you feel if your future sister in law asked you to dye your hair? Change some part of yourself that is important to you that she was asking only of you and not the other bridesmaids? Wouldn't it embarrass you and offend you? This isn't like asking a friend to be a bridesmaid and you hurt that friend's feelings and never see that friend again. This bride is potentially hurting and offending her future husband's sister! To me if a compromise and solution can be made by wearing shrugs over dresses that is the solution. Can't you see that? Or at the very least photoshop. But if I were the bride I'd be running to the bridal shop and picking out shrugs ASAP! Debbie in MD. (who's been to over 45 weddings as a former professional wedding photographer) So the brides feelings totally get pushed aside at her own wedding?
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Post by padresfan619 on May 1, 2016 23:11:53 GMT
I went to a wedding last night and I can assure you I was not focusing on the state of the bridesmaids armpits. I was, however, enthralled by the floor humping of a drunk date of a groomsman! She was certainly entertaining on the dance floor.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 23:13:04 GMT
Sophia Loren with armpit hair Armpit hair CAN be sexy and doesn't have to overshadow a woman's beauty. True, but when I look at that photo, I notice the armpit hair before I notice Sophia Loren. I'd likely do the same when the bridesmaids are raising their arms in a toast or to catch the bouquet.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 1, 2016 23:16:20 GMT
No, we cannot assume that the bride knew. Article mentions that the hippy thing has just been a recent thing. For all we know, she might not have known about it until the dress fittings. We don't know and making assumptions isn't right either. I don't understand why a bride is not allowed to choose dresses that she likes, to have the type and style of a wedding that she wants. It's funny that you say that "everyone has feelings" yet in the same breath totally void the brides feelings and call her selfish. The same can be said in reverse " how foolish" that the arm pit hair girl is going to start out a new relationship at odds with her new to be SIL over armpit hair for ONE DAY---the brides wedding. I wish one thing for sure-- I'd like to know what the brother/groom is saying in all this!! I said, "I guess we can assume" I didn't say "the bride knew ahead of time" because I didn't know that for a fact. "I guess we can assume" means just that. If the bride hadn't known about the arm pit hair at that time, and it didn't even exist at that time, then yes, of course I can see where she might have chosen the sleeveless style dresses because that is what she wanted in her wedding. You assume I totally void the bride's feelings. I'm not doing that. I'm seeing things from both perspectives. The fact is that bride could buy shrugs for the bridesmaids to wear over their sleeveless dresses, and that would cover the armpit hair of her future sister in law. It might not fit into her original "vision" of her wedding, but compromise sometimes is needed as the best solution overall. What is better? That she offends her future sister in laws feelings and starts of her marriage on this negative note by asking her to alter her personal style? How would you feel if your future sister in law asked you to dye your hair? Change some part of yourself that is important to you that she was asking only of you and not the other bridesmaids? Wouldn't it embarrass you and offend you? This isn't like asking a friend to be a bridesmaid and you hurt that friend's feelings and never see that friend again. This bride is potentially hurting and offending her future husband's sister! To me if a compromise and solution can be made by wearing shrugs over dresses that is the solution. Can't you see that? Or at the very least photoshop. But if I were the bride I'd be running to the bridal shop and picking out shrugs ASAP! Debbie in MD. (who's been to over 45 weddings as a former professional wedding photographer) And you clearly did say that "the bride knew" after you assigned the assumption that she did. What if this was a total surprise to the bride at a dress fitting? And stick to talking about armpit hair because that is what this is all about. It's not about anything else, not wigs, not dying ones hair etc. it's armpit hair, something that is by far not the norm here. So, exactly how many weddings as a professional photographer have you snapped where the bridesmaids have had armpit hair? Why doesn't the brides feelings matter?
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msliz
Drama Llama
The Procrastinator
Posts: 6,419
Jun 26, 2014 21:32:34 GMT
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Post by msliz on May 1, 2016 23:28:07 GMT
I know it's not popular to suggest this on a scrapbook related message board, but the wedding is supposed to be about the people, not the pictures.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 16, 2024 4:30:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 23:30:32 GMT
If the person with the pit hair doesn't care, why should anyone else? If the hair shows up in pictures and the bride doesn't like it, Photoshop it out. That said, who wants to bet in a few years, if the hippie SIL starts shaving again, she looks at the pictures and asks, "Why didn't someone tell me to shave the pits for the wedding?" That's exactly how it would go down in my crazy family!
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,506
Location: Central Pennsylvania
Jul 4, 2014 21:35:44 GMT
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Post by MorningPerson on May 1, 2016 23:33:09 GMT
I went to a wedding last night and I can assure you I was not focusing on the state of the bridesmaids armpits. I was, however, enthralled by the floor humping of a drunk date of a groomsman! She was certainly entertaining on the dance floor. Disclaimer: I'm SOOOO going to regret posting this.** Why is it ok to judge the behavior of a wedding guest who enjoyed herself a little too much at her friend's wedding, but not ok to judge the bridesmaid who doesn't bother to take care of some personal hygiene? [YES, I KNOW THAT IT'S DEBATABLE WHETHER SHAVING OUR PITS IS REALLY ALL ABOUT HYGIENE.] The root of the debate to me seems to be all about whether a guest/bridesmaid follows common acceptable behaviors, and whether anyone else has a right to make judgements on what that guest/bridesmaid is doing or not doing. ** Nope. Never mind. I won't regret this, because I agree with the recent poster who says she no longer gives a shit whether others agree with her. This is my opinion and I will own it, just as anyone else will own theirs, whether or not I agree with it.
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Post by bostonmama on May 1, 2016 23:41:02 GMT
Sophia Loren with armpit hair Armpit hair CAN be sexy and doesn't have to overshadow a woman's beauty. Uh...that's not sexy (IMO!). In in a few months/years, the Bride will realize it didn't matter at all what was going on in her SIL's armpits and never really did.
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