Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on May 1, 2016 23:45:14 GMT
Where did I call anyone a "name?" I said that I thought that the act of asking someone to alter their physical appearance to please oneself was rude, but I never "name called." I think that the point that you are missing is that to her it isn't "just armpit hair." It means something to her about her identity. It might mean absolutely nothing to you, but according to her mother, it is part of an identity for her. But, playing devil's advocate, if it IS "just armpit hair," why the heck should she be asked to shave it in the first place? It is "just armpit hair" after all. I didn't mean you specifically Elaine re: name calling--I don't always get the quote thing right, sorry! If it's just hair, and it grows back... I don't think the bride is being unreasonable in her request. I get that in the grand scheme of things, it is not the end of the world. She might just be the bride that doesn't want to hear comments afterwards, or have her wedding known as the one with the arm pit hair, because people, regardless of it being okay or not will be talking about it. And again, it's a wedding bride and grooms day, they get to plan it, do what they want without having anyone forcing them to do something else--have I got that right grinningcat? Facial hair grows back too but I would also find it overly presumptuous to ask a groomsman to get rid of his beard. Me? I would give as much stock to people talking about my bridesmaid's armpit hair as I would to them talking about her weight. Of course, if I didn't want to 'deal with it' or 'hear comments afterwards', I guess I could have asked my bridesmaids if they could lose a few pounds before 'our day'. That wouldn't have been unreasonable, would it?
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Post by picotjo on May 1, 2016 23:53:26 GMT
So would it make a difference to those against the bride asking the bridesmaid to shave if the sil was shaved at the time of the attendent choosing and still shaved at the time of dress choosing ?
ETA I think if the bride knew before the dresses were chosen and still chose sleeveless she should get shrugs.
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Post by padresfan619 on May 2, 2016 0:08:15 GMT
I went to a wedding last night and I can assure you I was not focusing on the state of the bridesmaids armpits. I was, however, enthralled by the floor humping of a drunk date of a groomsman! She was certainly entertaining on the dance floor. Disclaimer: I'm SOOOO going to regret posting this.** Why is it ok to judge the behavior of a wedding guest who enjoyed herself a little too much at her friend's wedding, but not ok to judge the bridesmaid who doesn't bother to take care of some personal hygiene? [YES, I KNOW THAT IT'S DEBATABLE WHETHER SHAVING OUR PITS IS REALLY ALL ABOUT HYGIENE.] The root of the debate to me seems to be all about whether a guest/bridesmaid follows common acceptable behaviors, and whether anyone else has a right to make judgements on what that guest/bridesmaid is doing or not doing. ** Nope. Never mind. I won't regret this, because I agree with the recent poster who says she no longer gives a shit whether others agree with her. This is my opinion and I will own it, just as anyone else will own theirs, whether or not I agree with it. I don't see how saying she was entertaining was judging her! She was having a great time and I enjoyed her enthusiasm! There weren't a lot of people dancing and I liked that she was having a good time. I was just pointing out that I will remember her much more than the armpits of the bridesmaids.
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Post by birukitty on May 2, 2016 0:09:15 GMT
I said, "I guess we can assume" I didn't say "the bride knew ahead of time" because I didn't know that for a fact. "I guess we can assume" means just that. If the bride hadn't known about the arm pit hair at that time, and it didn't even exist at that time, then yes, of course I can see where she might have chosen the sleeveless style dresses because that is what she wanted in her wedding. You assume I totally void the bride's feelings. I'm not doing that. I'm seeing things from both perspectives. The fact is that bride could buy shrugs for the bridesmaids to wear over their sleeveless dresses, and that would cover the armpit hair of her future sister in law. It might not fit into her original "vision" of her wedding, but compromise sometimes is needed as the best solution overall. What is better? That she offends her future sister in laws feelings and starts of her marriage on this negative note by asking her to alter her personal style? How would you feel if your future sister in law asked you to dye your hair? Change some part of yourself that is important to you that she was asking only of you and not the other bridesmaids? Wouldn't it embarrass you and offend you? This isn't like asking a friend to be a bridesmaid and you hurt that friend's feelings and never see that friend again. This bride is potentially hurting and offending her future husband's sister! To me if a compromise and solution can be made by wearing shrugs over dresses that is the solution. Can't you see that? Or at the very least photoshop. But if I were the bride I'd be running to the bridal shop and picking out shrugs ASAP! Debbie in MD. (who's been to over 45 weddings as a former professional wedding photographer) And you clearly did say that "the bride knew" after you assigned the assumption that she did. What if this was a total surprise to the bride at a dress fitting? And stick to talking about armpit hair because that is what this is all about. It's not about anything else, not wigs, not dying ones hair etc. it's armpit hair, something that is by far not the norm here. So, exactly how many weddings as a professional photographer have you snapped where the bridesmaids have had armpit hair? Why doesn't the brides feelings matter? You can read my comments exactly how you wish. And I will write whatever I wish-this is the USA and last I checked we had no censorship of writing. So if I want to mention a bride asking a bridesmaid to dye her hair I darn well will. As I said I am a former wedding photographer. I worked from 1985 until 1995. Stopped to homeschool my son. As far as how many weddings did I photograph with arm pit hair-none. But the point of having been to that many weddings is that I have dealt and gotten to know that many brides and that many bridal parties. How they interact and what that day means to them. I spent an enormous amount of time with my brides. We met as may as 4 times before the wedding day planning the day carefully. I wasn't the kind of photographer who showed up just that day. I never said the brides feelings didn't matter. Not once did I say that. Point out to me where you think I did. In fact it is her feelings and her future feelings especially her interactions with her future inlaws that I am thinking of the most. Not to mention her future marriage with her husband. It is his sister we are talking about. You think that is worth less than some photos on a wedding day? One day out of their whole lives? I've got to go-DH made me dinner and I'm going to eat it. Have a great day. Debbie in MD.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 2, 2016 0:16:36 GMT
And you clearly did say that "the bride knew" after you assigned the assumption that she did. What if this was a total surprise to the bride at a dress fitting? And stick to talking about armpit hair because that is what this is all about. It's not about anything else, not wigs, not dying ones hair etc. it's armpit hair, something that is by far not the norm here. So, exactly how many weddings as a professional photographer have you snapped where the bridesmaids have had armpit hair? Why doesn't the brides feelings matter? You can read my comments exactly how you wish. And I will write whatever I wish-this is the USA and last I checked we had no censorship of writing. So if I want to mention a bride asking a bridesmaid to dye her hair I darn well will. As I said I am a former wedding photographer. I worked from 1985 until 1995. Stopped to homeschool my son. As far as how many weddings did I photograph with arm pit hair-none. But the point of having been to that many weddings is that I have dealt and gotten to know that many brides and that many bridal parties. How they interact and what that day means to them. I spent an enormous amount of time with my brides. We met as may as 4 times before the wedding day planning the day carefully. I wasn't the kind of photographer who showed up just that day. I never said the brides feelings didn't matter. Not once did I say that. Point out to me where you think I did. In fact it is her feelings and her future feelings especially her interactions with her future inlaws that I am thinking of the most. Not to mention her future marriage with her husband. It is his sister we are talking about. You think that is worth less than some photos on a wedding day? One day out of their whole lives? I've got to go-DH made me dinner and I'm going to eat it. Have a great day. Debbie in MD. You can be snotty all you want-I read your comments as you posted them, I wasn't reading anything into them. You added information (dyeing hair) that has no merits or was even questioned in the OP. Adding other scenarios just clouds the issue and skews the responses--people then start to reply based on a bunch of bogus comments that were never part of the issue to start. I asked a question about the brides feelings mattering or not, I didn't accuse you of saying something as you assume. You make a lot of assumptions. And my question still stands. For you, arm pit hair trumps the brides feelings and request for her wedding day. Great!
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Post by elaine on May 2, 2016 0:18:27 GMT
I went to a wedding last night and I can assure you I was not focusing on the state of the bridesmaids armpits. I was, however, enthralled by the floor humping of a drunk date of a groomsman! She was certainly entertaining on the dance floor. Disclaimer: I'm SOOOO going to regret posting this.** Why is it ok to judge the behavior of a wedding guest who enjoyed herself a little too much at her friend's wedding, but not ok to judge the bridesmaid who doesn't bother to take care of some personal hygiene? [YES, I KNOW THAT IT'S DEBATABLE WHETHER SHAVING OUR PITS IS REALLY ALL ABOUT HYGIENE.] The root of the debate to me seems to be all about whether a guest/bridesmaid follows common acceptable behaviors, and whether anyone else has a right to make judgements on what that guest/bridesmaid is doing or not doing. ** Nope. Never mind. I won't regret this, because I agree with the recent poster who says she no longer gives a shit whether others agree with her. This is my opinion and I will own it, just as anyone else will own theirs, whether or not I agree with it. People will always make judgements about other people's behavior. That isn't the issue, IMO. Nor are the two situations similar. It would be an equivalent situation if the bride knew that this guest was an "entertaining" dancer and didn't want people to notice anything other than the bride at her wedding so asked the guest ahead of time to not dance at the reception. You know, she was welcome to eat and socialize, but stay off of the dance floor so that she didn't mar the photos or the memories of the reception. There is a difference between watching someone and judging their behavior and taking it a step further and asking/demanding that they change their behavior to suit you. To me, that is crossing a line. I can bet you a million bucks that the SIL with the arm pit hair knows very well that many people judge her negatively. If she wants to live with that, that is her right.
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Post by freecharlie on May 2, 2016 0:22:29 GMT
A bit off-topic, but related: I will admit, even though I do shave my armpits, I do get creeped out by society's norms to have women aspire to prepubescent hairless bodies. The whole Brazilian wax thing has pedophilic connections to me and thinking of it gives me the willies! I have no desire to remove all my pubic hair and look like a 10 year old down there. If I wanted to be consistent, I really should consider not shaving my pits any more. This thread has given me something to think about. I think the moist hair area leaves more space for bacteria. Anything that close to my nose needs to be clean and smell decent. I agree with you on the undercarriage though. I don't see it as prepubenscent at all. There are reasons women do it without wanting to look child like. I very much appreciate the manscaping of the nether region and it has nothing to do with pre puberity boys
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Post by freecharlie on May 2, 2016 0:23:44 GMT
I didn't mean you specifically Elaine re: name calling--I don't always get the quote thing right, sorry! If it's just hair, and it grows back... I don't think the bride is being unreasonable in her request. I get that in the grand scheme of things, it is not the end of the world. She might just be the bride that doesn't want to hear comments afterwards, or have her wedding known as the one with the arm pit hair, because people, regardless of it being okay or not will be talking about it. And again, it's a wedding bride and grooms day, they get to plan it, do what they want without having anyone forcing them to do something else--have I got that right grinningcat? Facial hair grows back too but I would also find it overly presumptuous to ask a groomsman to get rid of his beard. Me? I would give as much stock to people talking about my bridesmaid's armpit hair as I would to them talking about her weight. Of course, if I didn't want to 'deal with it' or 'hear comments afterwards', I guess I could have asked my bridesmaids if they could lose a few pounds before 'our day'. That wouldn't have been unreasonable, would it? barring religious beliefs, I see no reason why a groom couldn't ask his groomsmen to be clean shaven on his wedding g day. They could always say no, but he could ask and I don't believe it would be rude.
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Post by rst on May 2, 2016 0:39:35 GMT
I just can't read all 7 pages. But please tell me that someone has suggested an alternative that can make everyone happy:http://www.womenshealthmag.com/beauty/dye-your-armpits
I feel sure that the future sister-in-law can find a nice organic and natural dye that coordinates well with the wedding colors.
There. Problem solved.
Always think outside the box.
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Post by epeanymous on May 2, 2016 0:42:33 GMT
I said, "I guess we can assume" I didn't say "the bride knew ahead of time" because I didn't know that for a fact. "I guess we can assume" means just that. If the bride hadn't known about the arm pit hair at that time, and it didn't even exist at that time, then yes, of course I can see where she might have chosen the sleeveless style dresses because that is what she wanted in her wedding. You assume I totally void the bride's feelings. I'm not doing that. I'm seeing things from both perspectives. The fact is that bride could buy shrugs for the bridesmaids to wear over their sleeveless dresses, and that would cover the armpit hair of her future sister in law. It might not fit into her original "vision" of her wedding, but compromise sometimes is needed as the best solution overall. What is better? That she offends her future sister in laws feelings and starts of her marriage on this negative note by asking her to alter her personal style? How would you feel if your future sister in law asked you to dye your hair? Change some part of yourself that is important to you that she was asking only of you and not the other bridesmaids? Wouldn't it embarrass you and offend you? This isn't like asking a friend to be a bridesmaid and you hurt that friend's feelings and never see that friend again. This bride is potentially hurting and offending her future husband's sister! To me if a compromise and solution can be made by wearing shrugs over dresses that is the solution. Can't you see that? Or at the very least photoshop. But if I were the bride I'd be running to the bridal shop and picking out shrugs ASAP! Debbie in MD. (who's been to over 45 weddings as a former professional wedding photographer) So the brides feelings totally get pushed aside at her own wedding? I think most people old enough to get married know the difference between having feelings and expecting other people to conform to all of them.
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trollie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,580
Jul 2, 2014 22:14:02 GMT
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Post by trollie on May 2, 2016 0:48:33 GMT
If the bride is so offended by hair she should ask the entire bridal party to shave every bit of hair off their entire body. Herself included.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 10, 2024 19:33:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2016 0:50:12 GMT
I think Abby's right on the money. No one (no one reasonable, anyway) would ask a man to change his facial hair, or insist that attendants whiten their teeth beforehand, or whatever else. I highly doubt it'll be noticed at all. you haven't met some of the people I've known to get married. My sil gave me a two page list of things for me to do and not do. I would personally go up to the hairy armpit girl and say hey, could you shave your armpits for my wedding? I feel it is the brides day and if I was close enough to be in the wedding, I would do what she wanted within reason (I would dye my hair purple, but I would use the washable purple hair stuff if she wanted). All the bridesmaid can do is say yes or no and it doesn't hurt to ask. If it would gross the bride out too much, the get that bridesmaid a shawl or leave her out of the wedding party. I know of a wedding where the maids were required to get teeth whitening. The bride made the appointments!!
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,506
Location: Central Pennsylvania
Jul 4, 2014 21:35:44 GMT
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Post by MorningPerson on May 2, 2016 1:02:10 GMT
Disclaimer: I'm SOOOO going to regret posting this.** Why is it ok to judge the behavior of a wedding guest who enjoyed herself a little too much at her friend's wedding, but not ok to judge the bridesmaid who doesn't bother to take care of some personal hygiene? [YES, I KNOW THAT IT'S DEBATABLE WHETHER SHAVING OUR PITS IS REALLY ALL ABOUT HYGIENE.] The root of the debate to me seems to be all about whether a guest/bridesmaid follows common acceptable behaviors, and whether anyone else has a right to make judgements on what that guest/bridesmaid is doing or not doing. ** Nope. Never mind. I won't regret this, because I agree with the recent poster who says she no longer gives a shit whether others agree with her. This is my opinion and I will own it, just as anyone else will own theirs, whether or not I agree with it. I don't see how saying she was entertaining was judging her! She was having a great time and I enjoyed her enthusiasm! There weren't a lot of people dancing and I liked that she was having a good time. I was just pointing out that I will remember her much more than the armpits of the bridesmaids. When you said that you were "enthralled by the floor humping of a drunk date of a groomsman" it didn't sound like a positive statement, and I read it as judgy. But I won't argue your intention. Disclaimer: I'm SOOOO going to regret posting this.** Why is it ok to judge the behavior of a wedding guest who enjoyed herself a little too much at her friend's wedding, but not ok to judge the bridesmaid who doesn't bother to take care of some personal hygiene? [YES, I KNOW THAT IT'S DEBATABLE WHETHER SHAVING OUR PITS IS REALLY ALL ABOUT HYGIENE.] The root of the debate to me seems to be all about whether a guest/bridesmaid follows common acceptable behaviors, and whether anyone else has a right to make judgements on what that guest/bridesmaid is doing or not doing. ** Nope. Never mind. I won't regret this, because I agree with the recent poster who says she no longer gives a shit whether others agree with her. This is my opinion and I will own it, just as anyone else will own theirs, whether or not I agree with it. People will always make judgements about other people's behavior. That isn't the issue, IMO. Nor are the two situations similar. It would be an equivalent situation if the bride knew that this guest was an "entertaining" dancer and didn't want people to notice anything other than the bride at her wedding so asked the guest ahead of time to not dance at the reception. You know, she was welcome to eat and socialize, but stay off of the dance floor so that she didn't mar the photos or the memories of the reception. There is a difference between watching someone and judging their behavior and taking it a step further and asking/demanding that they change their behavior to suit you. To me, that is crossing a line. I can bet you a million bucks that the SIL with the arm pit hair knows very well that many people judge her negatively. If she wants to live with that, that is her right. OK, I see the break in my analogy. Point taken.
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Post by annabella on May 2, 2016 1:18:35 GMT
I think armpit hair is gross so I just wouldn't ask that woman to be a bridesmaid. A full armpit growth is distracting so if she has to be a bridesmaid I would have picked a dress with sleeves for her, but then her legs probably aren't shaved too so I really want her as a bridesmaid because the look won't be uniform in pictures, all eyes will go to her legs. I wish more women took better care of their pits, when I go to the gym I see so many people who haven't shaved in a few days. I know of a wedding where the maids were required to get teeth whitening. The bride made the appointments!! While I personally wouldn't do this, I do have a friend when we take pics together her teeth look so yellow next to mine. So I will photoshop her teeth lightly without telling her. So I can only guess that bride was doing them a favor. If the bride paid for their appointments, who cares? Photographers charge extra for photoshopping and really the bride only wants to pay to have herself photoshopped, not her attendants. I don't think being asked to shave your pits for one day is a big deal, you can grow it back. It's not the same as being asked to change your hair color. Shaving your pits is a small temporary fix like getting your nails painted for the pictures as well.
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Post by BlueDiamond on May 2, 2016 2:07:10 GMT
*Slight hijack here: MorningPerson: That was me, I believe! I'm glad I was able to be an inspiration for you! end hijack*
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Post by bosoxbeth on May 2, 2016 2:38:19 GMT
Oh my God. 7 pages of armpit hair talk. It's the ARMPIT-GATE of 2016!!!!!!
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on May 2, 2016 3:41:13 GMT
Your attendants should mean more to you than being just a photo prop.
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Post by freecharlie on May 2, 2016 3:49:01 GMT
Your attendants should mean more to you than being just a photo prop. why then can't it be that the bride should mean more to you than armpit hair?
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Post by crazy4scraps on May 2, 2016 3:51:13 GMT
One would think, but you never know with arm pit hair on full display. My guess that many a guest would find it distracting. Do you really think that this bridesmaid is going to flaunt her pits to everyone attending this wedding? I highly doubt it. Maybe at the reception when they're playing all the dance music telling everyone to "Put your hands in the air! Put your hands in the air!" I saw plenty of armpits at the last wedding we attended especially during the reception, and it was November and snowing outside!
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Post by redrulz on May 2, 2016 3:56:46 GMT
Wow, this is a long thread about PIT HAIR! I don't post much but wanted to put in my 2 cents worth:
I think when one accepts a position as a bridesmaid that certain grooming and hygiene standards are to be expected. In my experience, one is expected to be neatly groomed and it's not uncommon for the bride to pick out the dress, shoes, choose a hairstyle, nail colors etc. I think this means you are meant to be groomed and will take care of the normally acceptable hygiene practices (shaving legs,pits,ect)
Maybe I've had boring, but classy friends because I don't ever remember anyone asking for anything ridiculous like CUTTING hair or demanding hair be colored unless the person doesn't object. Teeth whitening? Probably wouldn't bother me if the bride footed the bill for the whitening process for her bridal party.
The wedding day is about the couple, but also about sharing their special day with their family and friends. People are meant to look smart and while armpit hair might not stand out during the ceremony it will be visible during pictures and catching the bouquet. So, arm pit jungle lady should want to try to follow our normal standards for grooming for her SIL. But, if she refuses to cut it, then the idea of shrugs was great and also the suggestion by another poster to edit out the offensive hair in Photoshop
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Post by redrulz on May 2, 2016 3:59:36 GMT
I just can't read all 7 pages. But please tell me that someone has suggested an alternative that can make everyone happy:http://www.womenshealthmag.com/beauty/dye-your-armpits I feel sure that the future sister-in-law can find a nice organic and natural dye that coordinates well with the wedding colors. There. Problem solved. Always think outside the box. Or this. could be very, um.....pretty!
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Post by anonrefugee on May 2, 2016 4:30:50 GMT
Call me crazy but armpit hair never went away- it's not making a comeback. It's one of those funky little oddities that alway has a champion in every generation!
I graduated highschool in 1977, college four years later, at that time it was about not conforming to beauty and gender expectation, rules defined by historical patriarchy. Or some such thing.
I shaved, but had friends who didn't. I joked they were blond and I was not.
Now it seems to be about a different lifestyle, but ...
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M in Carolina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,128
Jun 29, 2014 12:11:41 GMT
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Post by M in Carolina on May 2, 2016 5:39:24 GMT
I don't understand why the bride doesn't have a polite enough relationship with her almost SIL that she couldn't just sit down and say--I don't want to offend you, and it's totally ok for you to say no--do you philosophically disagree with women shaving their pits at all? If you don't want to, that's fine, but since the dresses are sleeveless, would you feel more comfortable with a shrug? Or would you consider shaving?
I went through a time while on blood thinners that I wasn't allowed to shave. Electric razors didn't work well on my armpits. I did trim as close as I could. Just because I wasn't totally bare on my pits didn't mean that I wanted to wear sleeveless dresses and show everyone. It could be possible that the SIL doesn't want everyone to see her hair.
I would want my SIL to be comfortable, and I would hope she would want me to be. I wasn't a bridezilla and asked my bridesmaids for their input in dresses, etc. and any requests I had were requests, not demands.
As for having people in your wedding party that you really don't want--sometimes it's just easier to go along with family expectations than to rock the boat. Like bigger fish to fry. Dh's parents tried to bully us into having a type of wedding we didn't want--a large one in their town instead of the small wedding at the beach where I grew up. Doing that caused tension, so just having his siblings in the wedding wasn't a big deal to us, so we didn't refuse that expectation because to use it wasn't worth the extra drama.
It would have been nice if there hadn't been any drama, but that just wasn't going to happen.
My evil SIL did manage to make an ass of herself. She made public comments about my dress showing too much "cleavage"--it didn't at all! It hit the bottom of my collar bones, but she is a drama llama and had to be an ass. It really bothered my dh.
I had a bridesmaid that was on the larger side. I love her like a sister, and I didn't want her to feel awkward, so I asked her opinion on dress styles and made sure to pick a style that covered her arms like she wanted. We also did long dresses--they didn't even have to wear stockings. I also found cute little ballet slippers for them to wear so they were comfortable in the heat. They loved their dresses and were thrilled that they were so comfortable. It was hot that day.
I was glad to have my loved ones at my wedding, and their dresses, hairstyles, etc. just weren't that important to me. I just wanted them to feel beautiful and enjoy themselves. What was important was that dh and I got married where we wanted, with the people we wanted to share the day with (not a ton of people we didn't know), and have the reception we wanted (not just cake and punch in an ugly gym).
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tonya
Shy Member
Posts: 44
Jun 27, 2014 13:56:56 GMT
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Post by tonya on May 2, 2016 11:19:26 GMT
I've read most of this thread - what if there are guests that don't shave and gasp wear sleeveless dresses? They will be in photos. Not the party photos. But photos none the less. My opinion is colored bc my in laws determined a great deal of my own wedding based on what was the cultural norm in their town. Guess who still resents it almost 20 years later. This is a celebration of starting a life together not about a photo op and good lord there are a lot of judgemental people in the world.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on May 2, 2016 11:28:54 GMT
You're assuming a lot into the little that was given in the Dear Abby article--- it was clearly stated that the DD has only recently become a hippy, maybe the bride did not know until recently! Going hippy could mean many a thing, and maybe she didn't realize that their was armpit hair until dress fittings. Maybe she asked the hairy girl before she decided to be a hippy! The bride IS trying to stand up for what she wants--no armpit hair--and obviously asked her future MIL how to broach the subject with the DD. Tons of variables that were not even mentioned in DA. And just as adamant as people here have been all for the armpit hair it still doesn't answer why the bride cannot have her feelings or choice. DA should have told the MOG to either ask the DD or to tell the bride to ask her if she would mind shaving. If the DD had issue with it, then the bride could have made a decision to either leave get out if she wanted or change the dress style. People are getting their own feelings, thoughts, beliefs shoved aside because "God forbid" we choose not to have to deal with armpit hair in our wedding or that we cannot choose the type of dress we want for our own wedding party because someone might not want to shave! Is your wedding about looking like a magazine advertisement, or is it about building relationships with very real people in your family/friends? This boils down to the power of advertising. In a bridal mag they can select models that are homogeneous in looks/size so everyone dressed in the same dress looks equally fabulous. But outside of the advertising photo studio life gets complicated, and hurtful if you are bent on having the right to have your own narcissistic "perfect princess day" where everyone will bow to your total demands on dress and grooming without requiring YOU to consider their personal feelings. Guaranteed way to destroy the friendships with the very friends and new family members you are wanting to support you. This. All of this. I was going to say the exact same thing. The WIC wants you to believe (and spend spend spend) that the advertisement worthy wedding is the only wedding worth having. Anything that "threatens" that advert perfect wedding must be destroyed. I swear I am going to write a book about planning a wedding while giving a thousand less fucks what society, the WIC and your families want.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 10, 2024 19:33:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2016 11:33:11 GMT
I think armpit hair is gross so I just wouldn't ask that woman to be a bridesmaid. A full armpit growth is distracting so if she has to be a bridesmaid I would have picked a dress with sleeves for her, but then her legs probably aren't shaved too so I really want her as a bridesmaid because the look won't be uniform in pictures, all eyes will go to her legs. I wish more women took better care of their pits, when I go to the gym I see so many people who haven't shaved in a few days. I know of a wedding where the maids were required to get teeth whitening. The bride made the appointments!! While I personally wouldn't do this, I do have a friend when we take pics together her teeth look so yellow next to mine. So I will photoshop her teeth lightly without telling her. So I can only guess that bride was doing them a favor. If the bride paid for their appointments, who cares? Photographers charge extra for photoshopping and really the bride only wants to pay to have herself photoshopped, not her attendants. I don't think being asked to shave your pits for one day is a big deal, you can grow it back. It's not the same as being asked to change your hair color. Shaving your pits is a small temporary fix like getting your nails painted for the pictures as well. In this case, he bride made the appointments but did not pay. And that leads me to an off topic question...... As a bridesmaid, do you normally pay for all services? Do you pay for your hair, nails, make-up appointments requested and made by the bride??
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on May 2, 2016 11:35:22 GMT
Where did I call anyone a "name?" I said that I thought that the act of asking someone to alter their physical appearance to please oneself was rude, but I never "name called." I think that the point that you are missing is that to her it isn't "just armpit hair." It means something to her about her identity. It might mean absolutely nothing to you, but according to her mother, it is part of an identity for her. But, playing devil's advocate, if it IS "just armpit hair," why the heck should she be asked to shave it in the first place? It is "just armpit hair" after all. I didn't mean you specifically Elaine re: name calling--I don't always get the quote thing right, sorry! If it's just hair, and it grows back... I don't think the bride is being unreasonable in her request. I get that in the grand scheme of things, it is not the end of the world. She might just be the bride that doesn't want to hear comments afterwards, or have her wedding known as the one with the arm pit hair, because people, regardless of it being okay or not will be talking about it. And again, it's a wedding bride and grooms day, they get to plan it, do what they want without having anyone forcing them to do something else--have I got that right grinningcat? Yes, if you want to be snarky about it. That said, if she was forced to have this SIL in her wedding party, they aren't doing it her way. I really don't understand how anyone can be forced to have people in their wedding party. If a family member is that overbearing that they dictate who is in another person's wedding, do they really deserve to be involved in the wedding? And why on earth would a bride or groom not have the balls to say "no I will choose who stands with me". Seriously, this part of the whole story alone blows my mind. But then again, I've learned that weddings and the WIC bring out the batshit crazy in people.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on May 2, 2016 11:40:31 GMT
I didn't mean you specifically Elaine re: name calling--I don't always get the quote thing right, sorry! If it's just hair, and it grows back... I don't think the bride is being unreasonable in her request. I get that in the grand scheme of things, it is not the end of the world. She might just be the bride that doesn't want to hear comments afterwards, or have her wedding known as the one with the arm pit hair, because people, regardless of it being okay or not will be talking about it. And again, it's a wedding bride and grooms day, they get to plan it, do what they want without having anyone forcing them to do something else--have I got that right grinningcat? Facial hair grows back too but I would also find it overly presumptuous to ask a groomsman to get rid of his beard. Me? I would give as much stock to people talking about my bridesmaid's armpit hair as I would to them talking about her weight. Of course, if I didn't want to 'deal with it' or 'hear comments afterwards', I guess I could have asked my bridesmaids if they could lose a few pounds before 'our day'. That wouldn't have been unreasonable, would it? The amount of weight loss bullshit that I was sent or had to deal with during my wedding planning last year was obnoxious and actually kind of horrifying. Did you know there are wedding shows in the States that have liposuction and boob jobs as grand prizes? It's really disgusting how the WIC insists on model ideals and anything outside of the ad perfect body/dress/outfit/entourage is discouraged and mocked. It's really disheartening.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on May 2, 2016 11:48:30 GMT
What is the WIC?
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on May 2, 2016 11:50:24 GMT
The Wedding Industry Complex aka the horrific wedding industry that tells us only cookie cutter weddings are the acceptable choice. Also known as the source of nightmares.
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