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Post by refugeepea on Jun 13, 2016 22:22:51 GMT
UPDATE: I received a call this morning and basically the wording was my information had been tied to a legal matter. I call the phone number and she used MY cell phone number as HER contact phone number. Since then, they have got her correct number. Apparently she wrote a bad check and they rattled off other charges. She is wanted in court. I gave them her new last name, where she works, and verified she has the same cell phone number. I told them I hope you find her soon because she's about to move across the country!  .................................................................................... If your kids are minors; almost 17 and 12? I'm trying to understand a friend/former friend's? decision. Within the space of a year she has divorced, married, and now is pregnant. She is going to move across the country and her ex husband does not agree that she can take the 12 year old so he stays here. She's moving for her new love.  I know it's not for job opportunities. I'm trying real hard not to get judgy, but I know these kids well and she dotes on her youngest. Her son has lived with her mostly for the last year. I know, none of my business but I used to take care of this kid in the mornings and after school. He's had so much turmoil in his life the last couple of years. Maybe once he turns 13 he can have more of a say and he can move there (he wants to). I don't know, I'm just worried about him. NO, I AM NOT GOING TO SAY ANYTHING TO HER. Just in case, someone says the obvious. This is just a vent, trying to understand her perspective kind of thread. |
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Post by gar on Jun 13, 2016 22:28:13 GMT
In the circumstances you describe? No. Maybe there are factors you are unaware of.
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Post by marysue63 on Jun 13, 2016 22:30:36 GMT
No way.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 4, 2024 18:56:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2016 22:30:49 GMT
I personally wouldn't leave my kids and move without them. In fact, when DH and I got married he knew he was going to have to move here because I wasn't moving the boys from where we lived.
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by raindancer on Jun 13, 2016 22:33:16 GMT
No. I would not leave my kids.
I have an aquaintance who did this though. Her ex got full custody and off she went. I cannot wrap my head around it. They are little. Both in elementary school.
I cannot understand any patent doing this.
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Post by myshelly on Jun 13, 2016 22:35:13 GMT
No. Just no.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,598
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Jun 13, 2016 22:36:03 GMT
God, no.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
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Post by scrapaddie on Jun 13, 2016 22:36:35 GMT
No way!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 4, 2024 18:56:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2016 22:38:28 GMT
No, never in a million years.
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Post by deekaye on Jun 13, 2016 22:43:17 GMT
I once hired a woman who had remarried and left her grade-school aged boys (x 3) on the East Coast with her ex-husband. She interviewed great and seemed very pleasant but within a few months it was obvious she wasn't a team player and had an "all-about-me" attitude. Thankfully, after a couple of sit-downs, she decided to find employment elsewhere. I often wondered if her personality made it easy (or maybe just easier) to leave her kids. And to answer your question, NO I couldn't have moved away from my kids. It's even hard to let THEM move away from me and they are adults with careers!!  |
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Post by anxiousmom on Jun 13, 2016 22:43:49 GMT
I couldn't do it. My ex and l live in the same town, and even though we didn't address it in our divorce decree, we have lived within a few miles of each other for the last 15 years since neither one of us wanted to be away from the kids or to take the kids too far away from the other parent.
I know that there are all kinds of different circumstances out there, but it is not something I could do.
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Post by mlynn on Jun 13, 2016 22:45:59 GMT
No. Hopefully she is just figuring that it is only for one year. But she may find the child has changed his mind by the time he lives with his father for a year. Plus, when she has a new infant to care for, the son may find he feels neglected and wants to go back to his dads.
Even if she took the boy with her, it is still unfair to him. He deserves to have both parents in his life. And he deserves to have his sibling in his life. There is no win for this child - just for his mother.
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Post by mom on Jun 13, 2016 22:48:16 GMT
I could not do it. As part of my divorce and custody agreement, we both agreed to not move from adjacent counties.
xDH tried to move to Houston, over 14 hours away, and wanted the boys to either go with him or atleast fly out there every other weekend. I took him back to court over it and won. I hated being the witch but there was no way it was in our kids best interest.
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Post by NanaKate on Jun 13, 2016 22:49:12 GMT
Never.
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Post by refugeepea on Jun 13, 2016 22:49:46 GMT
Maybe there are factors you are unaware of. I think she does owe money to someone. I've been getting calls because she put my name as a reference on a loan. Luckily that's ALL I am; not a co-signer. I do know the 16 year old does not get along with her mother and won't talk to her. She does have a 19 year old daughter as well that lives with the dad. She doesn't want to go with her mom but they get along okay. I don't have a lot of love for the ex but at least he has held a steady job, lives in the same home, and all the kids like him. His mother lives there as well (he's Indian). |
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Post by Linda on Jun 13, 2016 22:50:55 GMT
not a choice I could make.
However - I know people who have made that choice (for a variety of reasons). My sister's partner drives 5 hours (each way) to collect his kids for visitation weekends and weeks now that they've moved out of state away from the kids/custodial parent. A friend I knew in college - her partner was raising his (non-bio) daughter as a sole parent...his wife just up and left one day leaving the baby home alone in the crib. And I know (and I'm sure all of us do) many women raising children whose father has moved away. For some reason, we (society) don't question a father moving away from his children the way we do a mother.
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anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,835
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Jun 13, 2016 22:53:40 GMT
My ex dil found an old love on fb... took off 1 day to visit her "dad" leaving my 2 yr old grandaughter behind... my son received full custody because she never showed up for the court hearing...
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Post by mom on Jun 13, 2016 22:55:52 GMT
Maybe there are factors you are unaware of. I think she does owe money to someone. I've been getting calls because she put my name as a reference on a loan. Luckily that's ALL I am; not a co-signer. I do know the 16 year old does not get along with her mother and won't talk to her. She does have a 19 year old daughter as well that lives with the dad. She doesn't want to go with her mom but they get along okay. I don't have a lot of love for the ex but at least he has held a steady job, lives in the same home and all the kids like him. His mother lives there as well (he's Indian). Have you asked her about the calls? Or atleast mentioned them? My first thought when I read this was that she in some sort of bind and was trying to get out of it. |
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Post by freecharlie on Jun 13, 2016 22:57:28 GMT
Not a chance in hell.
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Post by peano on Jun 13, 2016 22:57:46 GMT
My parents divorced when I was 15 and my brother 14. My father got full custody but my mother stayed in town for a year or so before moving 3 hours away.
I would NEVER in a million years leave my child.
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Post by peasapie on Jun 13, 2016 22:59:57 GMT
There is something odd with this. I'm not sure what, but I have a feeling there is more to it than meets the eye.
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Post by refugeepea on Jun 13, 2016 23:05:10 GMT
Have you asked her about the calls? Or atleast mentioned them? I've had probably less than 5 in the last few months. I've called and texted her the call back number and she acts surprised. Really?! They didn't say why they were calling when you asked? That's weird!  |
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~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by ~Lauren~ on Jun 13, 2016 23:06:55 GMT
Personally, I could not.
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Post by maryland on Jun 13, 2016 23:12:02 GMT
No, I can't imagine someone doing that without good reason. But my good friend's husband left her and the kids and moved from the east coast to Hawaii. It was so surprising because they were both so involved with the kids and I couldn't imagine either wanting to be away from the kids.
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Post by cmpeter on Jun 13, 2016 23:13:00 GMT
Me, no and I don't see my dh being able to do that either.
When dh was 10 his mom remarried and moved across the country with his 6 year old sister. Dh and his 8 year old brother stayed with their dad. I have never quite wrapped my brain around that one. I assumed she was afraid and felt she had to remarry. Her new husband had family and children from his first marriage he was living by. But, it really did feel that she put her boys on the bottom of her priority list. Especially since dad was an alcoholic and remarried a narssastic witch. The boys had a horrible up bringing after that.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jun 13, 2016 23:14:44 GMT
No, not a chance.
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Post by padresfan619 on Jun 13, 2016 23:16:03 GMT
My dad moved to a different state for work, but he still comes home every other weekend and we go out to visit him. I'm also almost 30 years old and haven't lived under his roof in a very long time. I couldn't imagine leaving my kids for any reason beyond an unavoidable work situation. But I would do my best to be reunited with them ASAP.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
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Post by freebird on Jun 13, 2016 23:23:43 GMT
My ex and I lived within 6 blocks of each other for 3 years after our divorce. After that I moved 8 miles out and he had a FIT. We're still in the same school district even. He wanted me to do all the driving back and forth for exchanges. smh. he acted like I moved to New Mexico or something.
I knew a woman once online that moved from the US to ENGLAND to be with her bf she met online. She had 3 boys and left them with their dad. She said they were all ok with it but I really find that hard to believe.
On the other hand, if my parents had divorced and my dad moved away, I totally would have been ok with it. We didn't have a good relationship.
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Post by lucyg on Jun 13, 2016 23:26:30 GMT
No, I would never choose that, but clearly it does happen sometimes. More often with dads, I guess.
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Post by bigbundt on Jun 13, 2016 23:28:16 GMT
No, I would not. Maybe if the youngest was 17 but not 12. Plus it would have to be an incredible, once in a lifetime opportunity. I have two different acquaintances who did it and I am judgey as hell about it. One of them left her husband with their 3 or 4 year old daughter because she reconnected with an old high school boyfriend. The other moved because her new husband got a job on the opposite coast, she ended up having two kids with him. I think her son was 6 or 7 when she moved. My hearts breaks for the kids they left. And I guess I do think more harshly of moms who do it because I have such a strong visceral response to just the idea of moving more than a quick car ride away from my children. I honestly can't think of a reason why I would move that far away without them but they are both still young. |
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I know it's not for job opportunities. I'm trying real hard not to get judgy, but I know these kids well and she dotes on her youngest. Her son has lived with her mostly for the last year.
My original pea date was November 1999 and my number was 1803
