Choosing not to have children. Please share for my niece..

Odds are good he's NOT lying. People in our circle tried to use my DH against me in this "battle," too. More than one person said, "But X would make such a good father. You know he'd be thrilled and you're taking that option away from him." Man, does it have a way of getting under your skin and making you doubt, even when you know this person is just doing the divide and conquer thing (what motivates that, I have no clue). My husband finally went off on his own dad --and I mean it was a rude, cutting, cursing fit that ended with us stomping out of the house -- and no one ever used that ploy again.

This article on PANKs popped up in my FB feed just now...

Professional Aunts, No Kids

(Childless aunts are the most underrated portion of the population is the gist of the article.)

I knew by my late teens that I didn't want children. We discussed before we married and dh was not interested in having children either. I never had the desire or maternal instinct. I don't think I would have been a good, loving mother. At all. But I do love being married and being a mom to my cats...they are the only babies I need.

We've been able to travel a lot, which would have been financially impossible with children. Also, we can go out whenever we please. I would probably have resented that loss of freedom.

Dh and I have been happily married for over 30 years now but I don't know if our marriage would have survived children. I could picture us fighting over custody: YOU take them. No, YOU take them.

I'm over 50 and that ship has sailed and I don't regret it in the least!

This has been an incredibly interesting and timely read for me. My son just mentioned recently that he didn't plan on ever having children. As a woman who adored being a mother and wanted very much to be a grandmother, this really hit me hard. He said he considered himself a "late bloomer" because he has finally gotten his shit together and begun a business and is doing all the grownup things that I have been encouraging him to do (or quite possibly nagging him to do). ie. get health insurance, pay all his bills on time, etc. He had been in teenaged mode for far too long. His father was that way, and still is, so I worried he was going to have a life of disappointment and financial troubles like his father has had.

He is now doing all the things I have ever wanted for him and tried my best to instill in him. He has recently expanded to hire 3 more people and it looks like things are going incredibly well for him. He has talked about starting up another business as well because he doesn't want to be tied to the success of only one source.

He said he knows he would love a child, but is so focused on this new-found side of himself that he doesn't want to slight a child by disappearing from its life while he is busy spending extreme hours on another startup of some type. He said he is consumed by thoughts on this new venture and can't see himself being able to balance his drive for success with slowing down and nurturing a family life. He is now 33. I asked if the woman he is living with felt the same way and he assured me she does. She is a very intelligent and talented woman who has a calmness and focus that has benefited my son tremendously. Whether she is the reason he has finally woken up or whether it was just a matter of timing, I feel a gratitude toward her for standing by my son and encouraging him in his business ventures now. She works all day, and has been going with him to a lot of the events his company is handling at night. My son says that is sometimes the only way they see each other all week. And he works almost every weekend too.

It took me about a minute to gather my senses and I responded that if this is what they want for themselves, then it was absolutely what they should be doing, no questions asked. I know very well he would make a great father, but if he can't see himself being able to split his focus, I applaud his ability to know that about himself. He spent so many years wandering lost, and now that he has a taste of success and feels good about himself for the first time in a very long time, and has a girlfriend who is supporting that, I am behind them 100%.

I will undoubtedly occasionally morn the loss of any grandchildren I might have had, but my first priority is my son and what makes him happy in his life. I watched him be so miserable for so long, and even went through suicide worries with him. I am so thrilled and relieved that he has found himself and is proud of himself and his life now. I can deal with not having grandchildren, but I could never deal with my son reverting to that horrible state of depression and listlessness that he was in before. Seeing him happy like he is now is worth everything to me. I am proud of his accomplishments and I am equally proud that he has given consideration to what kind of life his child would have if he was constantly working.

I am 50 and childless. I didn't exactly choose to not have children but this topic resonates with me.

I am childless because I never found a man to have a child with and I wasn't going to have a child without a father.

I always assumed I was going to marry and have children but I've never been interested in babies. I was a very big part of my nephews' lives when they were babies and, while I loved them, and did everything willingly- diapers, feeding, baths, etc., the actual experience of taking care of a baby is not for me. I just find very little appealing about it.

When someone brings a baby around and everybody at work is begging to hold it and cooing, I'm just left perplexed. I'll pass...

Children, on the other hand, I love. Well, I love them when I have control over their behavior. I'm a teacher and I have spent the past 23 work years in a room full of children, but they are all (well, most of them) following my rules.

I love my nephews and they live with me Sunday nights through Tuesday evening. They have their own bedroom and bathroom at my house. I love having them over. But by Tuesday night I am so ready to have my normal life back. I like to do what I want when I want to do it.

I've come to terms with being childless and with the idea of being childless. Sometimes other people can be frustrating and hurtful with the things they say. People don't quite know how to deal with you if you aren't a wife and/or mother.

If I were your niece I would not have children but I wouldn't do anything permanent about it. I do know that the person I was when I was 25 was not the person I was when I was 30, 40, or 50. People evolve; attitudes change; priorities shift.

I have really enjoyed reading this. Like artbabe I decided I didn't want to have children alone. I dated someone who had teenagers and didn't want more children and I'd done some soul searching and decided I was okay with that. Then we broke up and I started thinking of myself as heading for spinsterhood. I met my DH at 37 and we got married when I was 39. He'd never had a desire for kids, but was up for it if I wanted them. I felt I was too old and set in my ways for children, and that I'd already put away the idea of having children. I know 39 isn't too old, as previous posters have proven, but that's how I feel. Also we would have to sell our house if we had a baby because it's not suitable for toddlers. We decided if the house was as big a consideration as a hypothetical baby, that was a sign. If I'd been 30 when I met my DH, I might have made a different decision, but I might not have. 

Thanks everyone one for sharing your experiences.