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Post by compeateropeator on Oct 12, 2016 21:20:47 GMT
As long as we are have this interesting conversation my weird question is:
If you found out your mother had an affair would you denounce her to the world as "my mother the whore"? Would that ever change or would she be your mother the whore for the rest of her/your life?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 3:46:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2016 21:25:14 GMT
Is there a full moon tonight? Close. It's on Saturday.
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Nink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,947
Location: North Idaho
Jul 1, 2014 23:30:44 GMT
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Post by Nink on Oct 12, 2016 21:26:45 GMT
As long as we are have this interesting conversation my weird question is: If you found out your mother had an affair would you denounce her to the world as "my mother the whore"? Would that ever change or would she be your mother the whore for the rest of her/your life? No, but I wouldn't fault the other woman for calling her one, or my father if she was cheating on him.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 3:46:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2016 21:28:48 GMT
This thread wasn't about what I thought it was.
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Nink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,947
Location: North Idaho
Jul 1, 2014 23:30:44 GMT
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Post by Nink on Oct 12, 2016 21:30:24 GMT
This thread wasn't about what I thought it was. Yeah, it was a definite bait and switch.
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~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,876
Jun 26, 2014 3:33:18 GMT
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Post by ~Lauren~ on Oct 12, 2016 21:33:36 GMT
You know, it could be a very interesting thread in which we talk about fidelity, betrayal, and the way we use words that refer to people who do undeniably shitty things. But it's hard to start that kind of introspective, thoughtful discussion when it starts as a call out. Well, nothing is stopping you from having that discussion. In fact, if you're unhappy with the way the OP started, change the direction of the thread. It happens all the time.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 3:46:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2016 21:42:46 GMT
secondlife If you were your young, naïve self, but know what you know now, would you still have had the affair with that married woman? Be honest. I still hold cheaters in low regard, but I guess if the adultery didn't personally affect me, I would not call the cheaters down years later. If it did personally affect me, then I'm sorry, but I would consider the woman a whore, and my husband a male equivalent of a whore(?) whatever that is. I may eventually forgive him, but she will always be the whore, and I will probably not trust him again. I will always wonder if he is cheating on me when we are apart. Which would be my own personal hell. Maybe for judging them so harshly. I know, because I've lived it. The girl was young and naïve also, but it was MY heart that was torn in two. I could give 2 shits about her or her feelings. And yes, I did end up forgiving him. We had young children and I guess I felt trapped. The 2nd time was it. I divorced him and never looked back. To this day, those women are still scum. They knew he was married and had children. Our youngest was just born. They didn't care. So I don't care about them. But I would not publically shame them. The 1st young girl actually came to me about 3 years later and apologized to me. She had guts. I accepted her apology. She is now with a man who cheats on her. She has children with him and stays. Maybe to ease her conscience. I don't know. If I were ever to see her out and about, I would not yell out You whore! I probably won't even think it now. But a part of me would see her and feel the hurt all over again. Same as when I see my ex. Maybe I would be better off taking the high road and forgive everyone, but I simply can't.
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Post by secondlife on Oct 12, 2016 21:53:09 GMT
secondlife If you were your young, naïve self, but know what you know now, would you still have had the affair with that married woman? Be honest. Knowing what I know now? Not a chance in a million years.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Oct 12, 2016 21:55:47 GMT
As long as we are have this interesting conversation my weird question is: If you found out your mother had an affair would you denounce her to the world as "my mother the whore"? Would that ever change or would she be your mother the whore for the rest of her/your life? My mother had an affair on my father when I was 4. The person she was screwing was a MARRIED man with several kids and my mother got herself knocked up. My sisters bio father has not once laid eyes on her (he's dead now). Do I think my mother is a whore? Absolutely! I'll never forgive her for what she did and I have no issues saying I feel like she was a whore for her actions. I'll add that maybe if I had a "normal" childhood growing up and not the abuse she put on me that caused many issues between us I *may* not be so quick to say "my moms a whore" but I can promise you I would still feel the same feelings of what she did was wrong. Especially when she doesn't have remorse.
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flute4peace
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,757
Jul 3, 2014 14:38:35 GMT
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Post by flute4peace on Oct 12, 2016 22:11:47 GMT
I don't know what to tell you either, because if it was my spouse you were sleeping with, you're a whore to me. I don't care how old you were or what you're like now. I don't personally care what you did, so I'm not PERSONALLY calling you a whore, mind you. But since men are usually pigs on the subject of lesbians, maybe he thought it was cool, who knows. If you're sleeping with a married person, you run the risk of being called a whore. Too bad. And lastly...who the hell cares if you get called a whore? It's just words. The difference that it makes to me is that words actually matter - it's a judgment of a person as contemptible and worthless. I am a person who had a moral failure, and I don't excuse it or justify it but I also refuse to accept whatever abuse results from it. Many of us in this world have had moral failings of many kinds. I am still a person and I maintain my assertion of my own worth and dignity regardless of what I did. I imagine if my husband had an affair I would be devastated. One of the reasons I know this is because I know what it is. I don't pretend that I wouldn't be gutted and angry and want to lash out. But what I am making is not the emotional argument but the rational one, about humans and our failings and our dignity in our failing. I'm not saying what I did was in any way good or justifiable, not in the slightest. Just that I have seen it from the other side. Warning - religious - not trying to convert anyone: And this is why we have grace and forgiveness and healing. I have a tremendous amount of ill-feeling toward my former bil & his now wife. Yes I've called them both some pretty choice names & will even admit to probably cracking a smile when their marriage falls apart. But they are still human beings. They still have something to offer someone in this world. There's a big difference between calling someone a name for something they did, and completely writing off their life as if it doesn't matter. Yes I'm one that said I believe cheating is wrong - period. I stand by that statement.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Oct 12, 2016 22:22:11 GMT
Scorpeao - are you still with the guy who had several affairs? Watch out scorpeao it's a trap! Lol She's already stated in the first page..
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Post by papersilly on Oct 12, 2016 22:31:41 GMT
As long as we are have this interesting conversation my weird question is: If you found out your mother had an affair would you denounce her to the world as "my mother the whore"? Would that ever change or would she be your mother the whore for the rest of her/your life? when I was younger, my dad cheated on my mom. he was still a good dad but he was not a good husband because he was emotionally unavailable to her. he never physically or mentally abused my mom. he just wasn't there for her. they were two very different people and my mom was not an easy person to live with. they eventually divorced.
did my mom denounce him? well, she certainly had choice names for him and his mistresses especially at the height of her anger, betrayal, despair and disappointment. she probably denounced him a bit to their world of family and friends during that horrible time. but for the rest of his life? no. she did not. at some point after their divorce, my dad asked for forgiveness and my mom forgave him.
so should my dad be considered man-whore all our lives? no. it's water under the bridge. he did what he did and he can never change that. he knows that. we know that. we just move on.
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Post by refugeepea on Oct 12, 2016 22:42:33 GMT
If you found out your mother had an affair would you denounce her to the world as "my mother the whore"? Would that ever change or would she be your mother the whore for the rest of her/your life? This happened with my friend's mother. She's had a lifetime of issues with her because of her actions. She doesn't say it out loud, but it will always be in her mind, her mother the cheater. Her mother who ended the marriage. Her mother who broke up the family and left her and her sister between two homes with new step parents. Her mother who went on to marry the person she had the affair with. Her mother who married the man who would later cheat on her with her best friend. She's had life long trust issues and can't stand to be around her mom for very long; obviously more than just the cheating, but that is what started everything.
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Post by Really Red on Oct 12, 2016 22:43:18 GMT
Seriously. I was cheated on. The woman called me numerous times. I did not know her. I had three pre-teens and I was a SAHM. There was absolutely ZERO thought in my mind she was a whore because of it. I did not care about her at all. Her situation was awful and she took advantage of a moron (my ex - and yes, I can call him that because that is a true statement). I put 100% blame on my ex.
The only case in which it would be different for me is if I knew the woman. I know one Pea had her best friend (!!!!) cheat with her husband. That is a double whammy. In that case, I do not know what I'd say, but it is a betrayal by two people. Someone you don't know can't betray you. Your SPOUSE betrays you.
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Post by Zee on Oct 12, 2016 22:47:46 GMT
Seriously. I was cheated on. The woman called me numerous times. I did not know her. I had three pre-teens and I was a SAHM. There was absolutely ZERO thought in my mind she was a whore because of it. I did not care about her at all. Her situation was awful and she took advantage of a moron (my ex - and yes, I can call him that because that is a true statement). I put 100% blame on my ex. The only case in which it would be different for me is if I knew the woman. I know one Pea had her best friend (!!!!) cheat with her husband. That is a double whammy. In that case, I do not know what I'd say, but it is a betrayal by two people. Someone you don't know can't betray you. Your SPOUSE betrays you. That's great for you. No one here said the other woman betrayed them...they said they feel entitled to call the other woman a whore. They probably have similar or worse words for the cheating spouse. Get it?
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,521
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Oct 12, 2016 23:33:21 GMT
Scorpeao - are you still with the guy who had several affairs? I've been warned against replying to you, but here goes: No, I'm no longer with him. However, that being said I was ready to "forgive" him and work on my marriage. We went to counseling and when he said he couldn't promise to never cheat again I said SEE YA! So, I cannot judge people who stay after a spouse cheats....I can, however, judge someone who knowingly fucks a married man. I've dumped friends over this issue. I refuse to be friends with someone like this....not someone I could ever truly trust. ETA: my feelings don't only apply to women with married men; it also applies to married women stepping out on their husbands. I broke up with a very dear friend when she began cheating on her husband.
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Oct 12, 2016 23:53:37 GMT
The thing is, I don't need anyone's permission to call the woman who sleeps with my husband, knowing he's married, a whore. Or a bitch. Or a skank. Or anything else.
Doesn't matter what I call my husband too. He may have hurt me more than she did, but that doesn't give her a pass.
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Post by Drew on Oct 13, 2016 0:04:10 GMT
I've never referred to my husband's mistress aloud or to myself as anything but his girlfriend. That's because God only knows what he told her - he probably told her we were separated, etc. Also, I don't know her, well I don't think I do - maybe, I just don't know her identity yet. However, I would not be surprised to discover that I actually know her. In any event, I'm not gonna throw out the whore word just yet. I do, however, reserve the right.
That being said, even if she ends up qualifying as a whore, I don't want to use that word, or any other word besides girlfriend (or his wife - they are headed that way from what I understand). It's a word full of rage, energy, and sadness...I'm not giving her (or him) any of my rage, energy, or sadness. They get nothing. I'm gonna stay clean and clear of that.
I hope that made a little sense.
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 13, 2016 0:44:00 GMT
I've never referred to my husband's mistress aloud or to myself as anything but his girlfriend. That's because God only knows what he told her - he probably told her we were separated, etc. Also, I don't know her, well I don't think I do - maybe, I just don't know her identity yet. However, I would not be surprised to discover that I actually know her. In any event, I'm not gonna throw out the whore word just yet. I do, however, reserve the right. That being said, even if she ends up qualifying as a whore, I don't want to use that word, or any other word besides girlfriend (or his wife - they are headed that way from what I understand). It's a word full of rage, energy, and sadness...I'm not giving her (or him) any of my rage, energy, or sadness. They get nothing. I'm gonna stay clean and clear of that. I hope that made a little sense. Good for you! I don't think I could be that generous. I think we all put different importance on certain words and that is what is making us all feel a little different towards the subject.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Oct 13, 2016 12:48:08 GMT
this is a political thread? I thought it was about women who have affairs. I, for the record, have not, but my ex dh did and my anger was directed at him. I felt sorry for her husband and children Exactly how hard do you have to squint to not see this as a political thread? I simply Took the original question at face value.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 13, 2016 13:03:01 GMT
As long as we are have this interesting conversation my weird question is: If you found out your mother had an affair would you denounce her to the world as "my mother the whore"? Would that ever change or would she be your mother the whore for the rest of her/your life? My mother cheated on my father. I understand why she made the poor decisions she did. I had a hard time for a long time with it. She is still with the other man and it took me seven years to accept that. I still don't think I could think of my own mother as a whore. I just don't like name calling in general and I do believe that there is generally much more involved in an affair than just one person or even two people being whores. Sure, there are some cases where no matter what you do, the married cheater is going to cheat. I do believe some people just have cheating hearts. But for the most part cheating comes out of very unhappy marriages where both married people are at fault. While I never think it's the right decision to make, I can understand it. With that said, I think I would have a much rougher time if it were my husband. I think I would probably be so upset I'd let a whole lot of expletives fly at both my husband and the other woman.
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flute4peace
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,757
Jul 3, 2014 14:38:35 GMT
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Post by flute4peace on Oct 13, 2016 15:16:13 GMT
As long as we are have this interesting conversation my weird question is: If you found out your mother had an affair would you denounce her to the world as "my mother the whore"? Would that ever change or would she be your mother the whore for the rest of her/your life? My mother cheated on my father. I understand why she made the poor decisions she did. I had a hard time for a long time with it. She is still with the other man and it took me seven years to accept that. I still don't think I could think of my own mother as a whore. I just don't like name calling in general and I do believe that there is generally much more involved in an affair than just one person or even two people being whores. Sure, there are some cases where no matter what you do, the married cheater is going to cheat. I do believe some people just have cheating hearts. But for the most part cheating comes out of very unhappy marriages where both married people are at fault. While I never think it's the right decision to make, I can understand it. With that said, I think I would have a much rougher time if it were my husband. I think I would probably be so upset I'd let a whole lot of expletives fly at both my husband and the other woman.
One of the wisest statements I've ever heard is that there's a big difference between an explanation and an excuse. I think what you say here is a good example of that.
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carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
Be yourself everybody else is already taken
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Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
Jun 28, 2014 21:46:39 GMT
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Post by carhoch on Oct 13, 2016 15:42:05 GMT
My mother did have one affair with a old boyfriend of hers when I was 15 ,the guy was divorced but had 5 kids that where younger then my sister and I and that's One of the reason my mother came back she didn't want to raise those kids and my father waited for her and took her back .
I am really glad the guy was not married but at the end of the day my parents are married for 54 years now it has not always been easy but they are in a pretty good place now ,they have health issue but they still have each other .
My mother is definitely a adulteress but I really don't think she's a whore but again the guy was not Married.
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TheOtherMeg
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,541
Jun 25, 2014 20:58:14 GMT
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Post by TheOtherMeg on Oct 13, 2016 17:19:21 GMT
Both partners may be at fault for unhappiness in the marriage (though in some cases, it really is is only one partner's fault), but only the cheater is responsible for cheating.
If my mom cheated on my dad, I think I'd give my dad a pass if he called her a whore (and called the other man something appropriately descriptive, as well). My siblings and I, however, are not married to my mom, so the betrayal factor is different. I wouldn't be comfortable with any of us sibs calling mom a whore, but would undoubtedly hear other words that I felt applied to our position as the children, not the spouse, of a cheater.
No world-wide announcements or anything; it would be, like the Clinton comments, during private conversation(s) and only applicable to the actual participants in the cheating.
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supascrappa
Shy Member
Posts: 29
Jun 25, 2014 19:30:11 GMT
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Post by supascrappa on Oct 15, 2016 19:14:32 GMT
I think it is really funny that in 2016 people can justify slut shaming. Whore, slut, bimbo, whatever one you use, all slut shaming. For folks who pride themselves on their progressive, open minded stances on everything else, it is a little surprising you are all so okay with this. Calling a woman (or man if the shoe fits) a whore if they had an affair with your spouse is so NOT slut shaming. It's calling an apple an apple. Calling a a woman who chooses to remain single and have multiple sex partners a slut is slut shaming, when a man doing the same is celebrated as a player. Christ.
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