How much did you influence where your child went to college

I think in this case, you let him go where he wants without oops much interference.

Lots of kids want to go away and spread their wings and I bet lots of parents don't think they are ready.

I'm a firm believer that kids need to spread their wings. Nothing will help them grow up like actually being on their own. My kids are young, and other than helping them research and think about what the real pros and cons are - I'll leave the decision to them. I'm grateful my parents supported my decision to forgo the wonderful university down the street and fly far away.

Life experience it the greatest maturer.  As long as mom holds on to wait for maturity to happen the longer it takes to actually happen.   I wish I had kept it, but a couple of years ago higher ed research noted today's college freshmen are less mature than high school freshmen 20 years ago.  It is directly impacted by teens having less life experience because the adults want to protect them until they mature.

In early childhood we know experience preceeds ability (as in a child needs experience with reading before they actually can read) But when it comes about puberty adults get worried about "wrong" choices and protect their tweens/teens from the very life experiences that form the maturity they are wanting from the kids. 

Let him pick his college.  He can always unpick it later and transfer closer to home.  You aren't obligated to sign loans in your name if you really feel it is a bad choice. But let him make the choice. Let him spend his money learning (the informal learning in this choice may be more valuable long term than the formal learning) 

It is hard to let go.  He may be saying "just because" because he knows if he articulates the real reason (parents able to drop in easily to check up on him or use the parental social network to check on him)  he will hurt your feelings.

Honestly - my reason was probably a bit "just because" - which sounds nicer than - I'd really liked to get far enough away that I can stand on my own feet and make my own decisions and yes mistakes.  And let's face it, that was in an era of no email, no facetime, no cell phones where we paid 10 cents a minute for long distance.  The world has shrunk considerably since I went away to school and talked to my parents once a week.  

You may find that this is more influential than anything you could say to him.  It is absolutely key to how I picked my college.  

My poor mother, in the days before the GPS and the internet, drove me (and my sister, who was in a teenager-who-can't-be-left-at-home-alone stage) 7 hours to Ohio to interview for a possible full scholarship.  We no sooner drove under the "welcome" sign when I said "I don't like it here, can we go home?"

Yeah, she said I had to stay for the interview. 

When we went to visit the college I ultimately attended, the exact opposite happened-- we walked onto campus and I realized I felt very much at home.

DS is a sophomore 1,300 miles away. It was really hard to see him go, but he felt so strongly that he was making the right choice.

By the end of his junior year, he pretty much knew where he wanted to go. So I told him to prove it to me--prove that he could succeed and excel so far away from home. DS has Asperger's, so there was definitely some maturing needed--especially with self motivation. He really buckled down his senior year, graduated from HS Maga Cum Laude, and got a huge scholarship to his first choice.

We found that DS's ACT score was really the thing that caught colleges' attention.  His GPA was good, but his ACT score was amazing.  And DS goes to a private college where they offer merit based scholarships, which for him made his private school cheaper than the state schools.

He really loves it there. I know he likes the independence, but he calls home pretty faithfully once a week and we also text several times a week. Sometimes family business stuff, sometimes just funny memes to show we are thinking of each other. He signed a contract with us to keep his grades up, to call home once a week, and to send one photo a week. I really love the photo of the week. Sometimes it's silly, sometimes serious (like the pile of books and papers after last week-two big papers and two big tests in 4 days!) He did get a huge scholarship, so finances weren't as much of an issue as it may be for some.

He came home at Christmas and Easter last year. This year, we are flying out there (this weekend!) and he will come home at Christmas (we fly there to be with family on Christmas day, then he came home for a week.) It was really hard and surprisingly easy, all at the same time. It's just our new normal.

We do have family there, which is helpful. My parents are an hour away, and aunts and uncles are about 20 minutes away. He sees some family member about once a month and it's nice to see those adult relationships develop. I won't lie, I miss him a ton. But I want him to follow his own path and his dreams.

Just curious, why did you say no to Juilliard? I was under the impression that it was very hard to get into that school.

I had zero influence. He decided where he wanted to go, he went to university for a semester and hated it. He transferred to a technical school, graduated and got the top mark in his class. He knows he will have to go on with his education as he isn't going to be in his chosen profession forever. He will want to own his own shop or manage a large garage or something. He is very determined and stubborn. Both work to his credit.

He thought I would give him trouble for wanting to quit university and honestly it was no big deal. It's not for everyone and it wasn't for him. I recognized that early and let him make his own decisions. He was only 18 at the time. Right after he quit university he went to work full time for about 8 months and then moved away for 18 months. Best decision ever. He was a ferry ride away and we could still FaceTime every night when he wanted to and he could come home if he wanted to. Best of all worlds.

The percentage of Mums who think their child is ready to move away is probably quite low 😊 They learn SO much being truly away from home yet you're still 'there' to support and guide via Skype etc if needs be. Part of his reason is probably that it feels more of an adventure going further away - and it will be! 😃

A visit is a great idea and will influence his decision a lot...one way or the other!

What a good question and very interesting to read everyone's responses! My dd is looking at colleges and I've told her that it is her decision but to follow the money. (Wherever the best scholarship/aid package is offered.) I did tell her to consider how often she would feasibly be able to return home if that was something that was important to her.

I was just thinking about a time in college when I had a really terrible week and was easily able to go home for the weekend. The university she was considering that is 1400 miles away wouldn't allow for that. And I hope I conveyed what I was very honestly thinking; that she surely could go there if that was "her" school but the traveling would be more limited than one within driving distance.

I believe kids need to spread their wings, get a taste of life on their own and see for themselves what's out there.

I chose to go to a school that was 30 miles away. I did it because they had one of the top education programs, my grandparents were alumni as were a few other family members. I also did it because being just 30 miles away from home meant I could still go home and back to my dorm (later apartment) in the same day if needed. And sadly I did it to make my high school boyfriend happy. Looking back, I kinda wish I went further away.

I'm going to give my kids as many options as possible. I want them to see that there's more to life than this crappy town. If they want to tour a campus that's 8 hours away, we'll go. If they want to attend the university that I did, then go for it. Ex thinks anyone who leaves is abandoning him. I know Ds1 may need a year at the CC to adjust to how different the expectations are in college. He might surprise me. DS2, I'm not sure yet. He may do ok leaving right after high school. There's a scholarship being offered to graduates of their school right now that will give them 2 years of free tuition and I'm planning on encouraging them to take advantage of it for at least one year.

I am pretty sure my sister had zero involvement in where any of her kids went to school. They spread across the country. I don't think it would have gone over well if she had demanded they stay at home (even though they are paying all the tuitions) when one wanted to go to Emily Carr in Vancouver and is now pursing her Masters in NYC and the others wanted to go to Vancouver Island and Montreal. They are pursuing their life as they see fit. My brother's kids ended up going to school in their hometown because the program they wanted was there. So it's more about the program and the experience than the distance that matters.

8 hours is a long drive, that's fact. I don't see anything wrong for saying that, though I see the OP's DH's point.