anitapea2
Shy Member
Posts: 33
Jul 13, 2014 18:51:38 GMT
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Post by anitapea2 on Apr 24, 2017 22:49:28 GMT
I'm pretty sure I will be getting a divorce after 31 years of marriage. Never thought it would happen to me. Should I move out, should he? Does it matter who moves out first or who files first? What makes me so irritated is that he will retire next month at age 52 and will draw a decent retirement for the rest of his life. He plans to work full time at something else. I have a good job but can't retire anytime soon because I left jobs to move with him. Can't do anything to increase my income because we have a disabled adult daughter who needs full time care and I'm sure that responsibility will be mine. It always has in the past. Just sad and venting. Thanks for listening.
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,171
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Apr 24, 2017 22:52:42 GMT
I'm sorry.
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Post by mom on Apr 24, 2017 22:54:37 GMT
I am so sorry.
You need to start documenting everything and keeping it in a safe place. And seek legal counsel ASAP. Depending on what state your in, you may have more rights that in others.
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Post by hop2 on Apr 24, 2017 22:54:56 GMT
Get a lawyer asap
See what portion of his retirement you may be entitled to. After31 years you may be entitled to some of it depending where you are
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Post by Lexica on Apr 24, 2017 22:58:23 GMT
I'm sorry. In some states, moving out is considered abandoning the home, so make sure you find out the laws for your area. I think it matters most when there are small children, but if you should want to keep the home, I wouldn't be moving out of it.
No matter how prepared you think you are, or whose idea the divorce was, it is still a very stressful process. Come vent to us any time. Many of us have been there and know how hard it is and how it can turn a normal woman a bit insane at times. It sure did with me, and I was the one who wanted out and filed for the divorce.
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Post by papersilly on Apr 24, 2017 23:00:03 GMT
so sorry. don't be so hasty to move out. find out your rights first. protect them.
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Post by supersoda on Apr 24, 2017 23:05:52 GMT
Talk to a lawyer ASAP. You always want to be the first to file.
I'm sorry. You've got a lot to deal with and figure out.
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 24, 2017 23:05:54 GMT
Fight for everything you deserve. I am pretty sure you can get partial retirement benefits. Check with a few lawyers and find a good one.
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Post by hennybutton on Apr 24, 2017 23:07:55 GMT
Please, talk to a lawyer before you do anything. You may be entitled to a share of his retirement (and he may be entitled to a portion of yours). You should be entitled to half of your home.
A lawyer will cost you some money, but it will be money well spent.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 9:12:34 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2017 23:11:55 GMT
I'm so sorry. Get a post office box in your name only and a lawyer before you do ANYTHING. The ramifications of moving vary from state to state. So find a lawyer and learn about YOUR rights. Have the legal info sent to your PO box instead of the house or a shared box so he can't intercept things to keep you in the dark. As far as him retiring, chance are good you can get a sizeable portion of his pension. He may also be on the hook to provide financially for his daughter as well since she is disabled.
There can also be ramification on who files... my ex filed and he ended up having to pay both our lawyers.
Big hugs! This is a frightening time for you. But it can be ok after the dust settles a bit.
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Post by anniefb on Apr 24, 2017 23:16:44 GMT
I'm so sorry. Agree the first thing you should do is get a lawyer.
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leeny
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,629
Location: Northern California
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 1:55:53 GMT
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Post by leeny on Apr 24, 2017 23:26:39 GMT
So sorry. There is great advice here, take advantage of it.
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
Jun 25, 2014 21:31:58 GMT
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Apr 24, 2017 23:37:13 GMT
That sounds stressful anitapea, I'm sorry you may be facing this.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Apr 24, 2017 23:37:46 GMT
Yea, I wouldn't do ANYTHING before talking to a lawyer. The whole filing thing. That could open a big old can of worms like above posted, and moving out. Esp if you have a disabled dd. I would say you have the rights. full rights to the house, since your dd will have to be cared for, for the rest of her life. You need to go after part of support for her too. Get a lawyer!!
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,146
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Apr 24, 2017 23:41:31 GMT
I am so sorry. One thing I know is that the peas are a plethora of information. Do your research before you do anything hasty.
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Post by Lexica on Apr 24, 2017 23:50:17 GMT
I was thinking about your comment that you are sure the need to care for your daughter will be yours. Do you think your soon-to-be-ex would be a capable caretaker for her? If the answer is yes, I would think your attorney could argue that since he is retired and you need to continue to work, he is more available to care for her. If you don't think he would be a good caretaker for her, then I would imagine he would need to financially help to support her in whatever arrangement you are able to make for her. I don't think he will be getting off as easy as you fear he will.
Again, as everyone above me said, get a good attorney and they will be able to tell you what you could be expecting to happen in your state. Every state has different divorce laws, so any of us giving specific information won't really be of much use to you. The basics of getting a bank account in your name, a PO box, getting copies of all the important papers, etc. are important in all states, so start with those and then whatever your attorney directs you to do in addition.
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Post by femalebusiness on Apr 24, 2017 23:53:10 GMT
I am so sorry. Thirty-one years is a long time. I truly hope that you can eventually look back and say that divorce was the best thing that ever happened to you. You deserve to be happy.
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Post by freecharlie on Apr 24, 2017 23:55:04 GMT
I'm very sorry.
I agree with getting the attorney
Also make copies of all financial information, including his retirement accounts, bank accounts, paystubs, tax returns, life insurance asap and store them out of the house.
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Peamac
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea # 418
Posts: 4,218
Jun 26, 2014 0:09:18 GMT
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Post by Peamac on Apr 25, 2017 0:03:23 GMT
(((Hugs))) I'm so sorry!
If you add "divorce questions" or something like that to your title, you'll get a bunch of information from peas who've been there, done that.
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Post by JustKim on Apr 25, 2017 0:03:48 GMT
Things vary from state to state. Talk with a lawyer and get things together to protect your daughter and yourself. Sorry you have to go through this. It is an emotional time.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Apr 25, 2017 0:05:03 GMT
I'm sorry.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Apr 25, 2017 0:25:14 GMT
(((hugs)))
My best advice: Don't do anything without having your own lawyer who tells you that it is in your best interest.
And my opinion: No, do not move out of the house. He can if that's what he wants.
And no, he WILL be helping, at least financially, to take care of your daughter.
He will not get out of a divorce Scot-free after 31 years of marriage. You just sit tight and let him dig his hole. Don't give an inch. You have to think about not only yourself but your dependent daughter.
And I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Apr 25, 2017 0:33:27 GMT
I would look around for a lawyer who has experience with your specific situation.
He will need to step up and make sure your daughter is taken care of.
I'm sorry. I know it must be hard.
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Mary Kay Lady
Pearl Clutcher
PeaNut 367,913 Refupea number 1,638
Posts: 3,073
Jun 27, 2014 4:11:36 GMT
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Post by Mary Kay Lady on Apr 25, 2017 0:49:14 GMT
I'm sorry that you're in this situation. 31 years is a long time. Please, please, please heed the advice of the Peas and get a lawyer. Right away. As in yesterday. Don't do ANYTHING before consulting a lawyer. Seriously, anything!!
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Apr 25, 2017 1:05:19 GMT
{{{hugs}}}
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 25, 2017 1:08:18 GMT
I'm so sorry. I'm sure you are devastated. Hugs to you. I agree you need a lawyer. Don't let him get off with abandoning you with a disabled daughter.
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Post by compeateropeator on Apr 25, 2017 1:09:39 GMT
I am so sorry you are having to go through this.
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Post by librarylady on Apr 25, 2017 1:26:50 GMT
In some states he can be responsible for payment of your attorney.
Hug to you at this stressful time.
Can't say it enough--get a GOOD attorney who will fight for you--not a nice person--a go for the throat type. Even in "agreeable" divorces, it gets ugly when the money comes into play.
I also smell a new romantic interest, and you want to be protected as well as your daughter.
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daisydonna
Full Member
Posts: 265
Sept 5, 2015 11:45:16 GMT
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Post by daisydonna on Apr 25, 2017 1:29:46 GMT
So so sorry. Lawyer up.
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Post by hdoublej on Apr 25, 2017 1:36:04 GMT
I'm so sorry
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