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Post by epeanymous on Aug 2, 2017 12:00:51 GMT
Honestly, if you are fifty years old and willing to cut off your twin sister after all those years over one hurtful comment, either you are leaving out tons of back story or you have so wildly overreacted I do not know what to say. It is ok to be hurt and to tell someone they hurt you. I don't understand the rest of it.
My mother and her three sisters are all constantly cutting one another off, refusing to speak to each other, getting (when she was alive) their mom involved, etc., and as an outsider to their dynamic, let me tell you, it looked foolish.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Aug 2, 2017 12:01:47 GMT
She was making herself out to be "better" than me. So BE the better person and handle this maturely and reasonably. Actions speak louder than words.
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 2, 2017 12:04:57 GMT
Of course you were hurt. But, your response was extreme. I don't think this one event is worth never speaking to your sister again.
I think you need to pick up the phone and talk to her.
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peabrain
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,588
Jun 25, 2014 22:18:04 GMT
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Post by peabrain on Aug 2, 2017 12:07:42 GMT
You have every Right to feel how you want to feel. But relationships, especially with sisters in my opinion, aren't about who's right or wrong.
If you want to be right hold it in your heart that you're right and move on.
But people talk about one another. That's what we do. I'm sorry it was about you and it hurt your feelings. If she truly meant to hurt you she would have said it to your face. She didn't mean to. So she's stupid or something, I don't know. I wasn't there. I'm getting the sense more was said. But you said don't talk to you so she didn't.
Now things are off track.
You need to decide if you want a relationship with her. If you do you need to suck it up (your part of the communication breakdown) and try to move forward.
Sorry it all happened though Hugs I know it's difficult
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 13:27:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 2, 2017 12:12:15 GMT
I was thinking almost exactly what Country Ham posted, and now with your updated family info, it seems you ALL talk about one another to each other. That's not an uncommon way for families to be, but it's never really healthy. Even when it's family, it's still gossip and nothing good ever comes of it.
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Post by Scrapbrat on Aug 2, 2017 12:23:50 GMT
Honestly, you went way overboard. You called her "two-faced" and now will cut off all contact with her?? You also took the chicken shit way out with a message instead of just calling her and saying "I heard what you said about ' she has 80 pounds on me'". I think you have a right to be upset, but you have destroyed a relationship that you now won't get back... You needed to just tell her she hurt your feelings---I am astounded at your response. I agree with this. Your sister was there the next day, you should have just brought it up then and let her know what you overheard. I think that in person you would probably have been able to work through it, see that your sister was genuinely sorry, etc. But in any case, to me, this is NOT worth cutting off contact with someone that you have had a super close and good relationship with your entire life. You need to contact her and talk it out.
And, regarding the drinking part, I'm a tall person and often if I haven't eaten dinner yet, I can "feel it" when I have ONE glass of wine. In a social situation, I can see myself saying something that possibly I wouldn't say otherwise. I don't mean that excuses what she said, but a person can be way less than drunk and still have alcohol affect their behavior.
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Post by disneypal on Aug 2, 2017 12:24:11 GMT
You are right to be hurt, I would be too if my sister did something like that (I'm close to my sister too)
That said, though, you need to find a way to get past it - yes, you are hurt and rightly so, but what she did wasn't bad enough to ruin your entire relationship.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Aug 2, 2017 12:36:56 GMT
She did reach out and you shut her down, if I was her I wouldn't reach out anymore either. It's a rare thing for all the Peas to be on the same page about a subject so that's something to think about when reading this thread. You have a lot of good advice on here.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,151
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Aug 2, 2017 12:44:59 GMT
I know I can be a bit sensitive, but seriously I must have the thinnest skin around. I can't believe how many people wouldn't be that hurt if they were in your shoes.
I'd be hurt if someone told a group of people they were chatting with that I was 80 lbs heavier. To me the fact that you're more 15-20 lbs overweight (and that she fits in your swimsuit) makes it even more puzzling. Why put you down??
Everyone is saying your response was too dramatic...you were still reeling I'm sure from the event. The wounds were fresh so I get that you'd want her out of your life at that moment. Honestly i'd want a break from her myself for at least a short period of time to cool off and decide where to go from here. Her comments weren't nice. I'm like you, you show me who you are, I believe it. To me she has an issue with you or herself (and puts you down to make herself feel better.)
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
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Post by julieb on Aug 2, 2017 12:48:12 GMT
Your sister obviously liked the attention she was getting from the crowd and ran with it. I have a brother like that. He thinks he is funny, (and he is a funny guy) but then he crosses the line. If I didn't let go of all the things he said I wouldn't have talked to him for the last 40 years. You need to move forward and forgive your sister. Time will heal the hurt.
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Post by peasapie on Aug 2, 2017 12:58:11 GMT
We have twins in our family and I know there are a lot of dynamics over the years that you have probably experienced. Competition and comparison (between selves and by others) are just two that come to mind because I've seen it so often. Add into that your family dynamics, and I'd say none of us can really appreciate the emotional baggage you are carrying as you entered this situation.
I don't know why your sister felt the need to point out that you are heavier than she is. Did someone comment you don't look like twins and she thoughtlessly "explained" its because you are heavier? If that's the way it went down, I'd be less angry than if she was just going around being mean about you. But in any case, if you are heavier, it's not like she was saying something that was a big secret - so while it may have hurt your feelings, it is not as if she was violating a trust.
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suzastampin
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,587
Jun 28, 2014 14:32:59 GMT
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Post by suzastampin on Aug 2, 2017 13:01:10 GMT
I know I can be a bit sensitive, but seriously I must have the thinnest skin around. I can't believe how many people wouldn't be that hurt if they were in your shoes. I'd be hurt if someone told a group of people they were chatting with that I was 80 lbs heavier. To me the fact that you're more 15-20 lbs overweight (and that she fits in your swimsuit) makes it even more puzzling. Why put you down?? Everyone is saying your response was too dramatic...you were still reeling I'm sure from the event. The wounds were fresh so I get that you'd want her out of your life at that moment. Honestly i'd want a break from her myself for at least a short period of time to cool off and decide where to go from here. Her comments weren't nice. I'm like you, you show me who you are, I believe it. To me she has an issue with you or herself (and puts you down to make herself feel better.) You aren't alone with this thought. I know that I am very thick skinned and let a lot roll off. To know my twin said something like this to a crowd of people she didn't know would be very hurtful. It would also make me wonder what she says about me when I'm not around. You definitely have every right to feel hurt and step back from the relationship. Give it some time and maybe you can repair the relationship at a later day.
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kmcmullen
Shy Member
Posts: 39
Jul 16, 2015 23:43:14 GMT
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Post by kmcmullen on Aug 2, 2017 13:11:51 GMT
Just to be clear, I haven't shot her down since she apologized. I haven't responded yet, I need to get my feeling under control so I can have "grace".
My YS has reached out to me 3 times since I got home Monday and it's only Wednesday. There is a small family reunion happening up there in 2 weeks that my DH and I were not planning on attending since we have traveled there twice this summer. My YS wants us to come and will pick us up at the airport, let us stay again at her place and drive us to and from. So very nice of her.
DH and I are really thinking about it, if I can get the time off work. This may be a good time to sit down with her and have a heart to heart to figure out what happened and if there are other issues we need to work on.
One more thing, before this all happened my twin and I were talking in the Kitchen getting ready for the party and she made some comments about her husband (who wasn't at the party) and her kids. I was so worried about what she was saying that I stopped her and asked "Are you OK, I'm worried and if you need to talk about something, I'm here". She responded that she was fine.
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Post by myboysnme on Aug 2, 2017 13:12:07 GMT
My sister did something very hurtful to me. It was the straw that broke it for me. I told her to never contact me again in life. She cut off me and my mom. she cut off my mom because she told my mom she can never talk about me and my mom said she will talk about whatever she wants and will not let my sister dictate that. She has emailed me twice but only to be nasty and cruel. I hit delete. That was probably 5-6 years ago now at least.
But me and my sister were never close. She was always a bitch to me. In your situation I hope I would have told twin that she really hurt me and shocked me by speaking badly of me. I would feel that it can be repaired. So I validate you and I understand your drastic response BUT I do think it was over the top for the type of relationship you two have. I think your life would not be better without your twin where my life is better without my sister.
I do not agree that what she said was a descriptive way of telling you both apart. She could have said, "I'm a bit thinner than she is" but only if they asked how to tell you apart, and it would have been true and not been hurtful. She said, "She's got 80 pounds on me." I'm sure there was a laugh with it like, "It's obvious how to tell us apart."
I have a cousin and she is so totally focused on everyone's weight and she raised her daughters the same way. She loves to comment on weight, hers, mine, whoever. Sounds like your sister may have issues with that subject. You might need to ask her if your weight is an issue for her or is her weight an issue for her. Weight doesn't just come up in conversation unless people focus on it.
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Post by not2peased on Aug 2, 2017 13:22:09 GMT
There is no way for me to talk to her face to face as she lives 12 hours away from me and I will not be there anytime soon. My DH also feels I should not cut her out of my life but leave it open for her to reach out. I'm sure I will feel this way in time but as of right now, I don't know if I can do it yet. One thing with my family, is it is a trend. An example of this trend is when my younger sister got mad at something my Mom said, she didn't speak to her for over 7 months. Wouldn't even tell her why she was mad. To those who say I should of said something to her during the party, I didn't feel I could do that without either screaming at her or crying the whole time. I felt I didn't want to do that to my younger sister. just because that's the way your family has always dealt with things doesn't mean it isn't dysfunctional. telling her to get out of your life, and then sitting back to see if she begs for your forgiveness seems like a pretty immature way of dealing with a problem. either you cut her out, or you don't. expecting her to know that you expect her to reach out, when you didnt communicate that to her sounds like a good way to get even more butthurt over the situation <edited to add> I have an identical twin, two additional sisters, and my twin weighs quite a bit less than I do, so I do get it
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Aug 2, 2017 13:23:26 GMT
I know I can be a bit sensitive, but seriously I must have the thinnest skin around. I can't believe how many people wouldn't be that hurt if they were in your shoes. Nobody said they wouldn't be hurt - just not hurt enough to walk away from a very close relationship that has lasted over 50 years.
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Post by brina on Aug 2, 2017 13:29:35 GMT
I guess to me context would play a part.
My birth mother is an identical twin. I have only known her for a few years. I asked, "are you really hard to tell apart?" and she said, "we used to be, but she still dies her hair blonde and I stopped caring about such things so now it is easy to tell us apart." Not judgement, but a fact.
If your sister just said with no prompting, "well, we used to be identical but now she has 80 lbs on me," that is insulting, but still not sure I get the level of butthurt if it is a factual statement. If that was her reply when asked specifically if you were hard to tell apart then I see even less reason to be hurt.
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,612
Jun 25, 2014 19:55:12 GMT
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Aug 2, 2017 13:32:08 GMT
Honestly, you went way overboard. You called her "two-faced" and now will cut off all contact with her?? You also took the chicken shit way out with a message instead of just calling her and saying "I heard what you said about ' she has 80 pounds on me'". I think you have a right to be upset, but you have destroyed a relationship that you now won't get back... You needed to just tell her she hurt your feelings---I am astounded at your response.
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Post by librarylady on Aug 2, 2017 13:37:42 GMT
1. If she were in fact 80 lbs lighter than you, there would be no reason to say it. The world could see it.
2. I would be hurt, but not hurt enough to never speak to her again. --I am thinking of something very hurtful that went on between 2 of my sisters. The one who had reason to be cut to the bone said, "I am hurt and won't be communicating for awhile. When I am over it, you will hear from me again."
3. If you and TWS were extremely close, there has to have been good times. Focus on those good time memories.
4. TWS must be feeling insecure about something and feels the need to put you (or others) down in order to feel good. Maybe she needs some attention.
Hope this all blows over soon.
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kmcmullen
Shy Member
Posts: 39
Jul 16, 2015 23:43:14 GMT
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Post by kmcmullen on Aug 2, 2017 13:39:35 GMT
I guess to me context would play a part. My birth mother is an identical twin. I have only known her for a few years. I asked, "are you really hard to tell apart?" and she said, "we used to be, but she still dies her hair blonde and I stopped caring about such things so now it is easy to tell us apart." Not judgement, but a fact. If your sister just said with no prompting, "well, we used to be identical but now she has 80 lbs on me," that is insulting, but still not sure I get the level of butthurt if it is a factual statement. If that was her reply when asked specifically if you were hard to tell apart then I see even less reason to be hurt. No, that isn't what happened at all. We are maybe 15 to 20 pounds difference. You can tell I'm heavier but really, I'm 1 dress size up from her (she is a size 16 and I'm a size 18). It isn't like I'm 300 pounds and she is 150. And the reaction my YS gave her was like saying what the hell, why would you say that.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,151
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Aug 2, 2017 13:56:41 GMT
Just to be clear, I haven't shot her down since she apologized. I haven't responded yet, I need to get my feeling under control so I can have "grace". My YS has reached out to me 3 times since I got home Monday and it's only Wednesday. There is a small family reunion happening up there in 2 weeks that my DH and I were not planning on attending since we have traveled there twice this summer. My YS wants us to come and will pick us up at the airport, let us stay again at her place and drive us to and from. So very nice of her. DH and I are really thinking about it, if I can get the time off work. This may be a good time to sit down with her and have a heart to heart to figure out what happened and if there are other issues we need to work on. One more thing, before this all happened my twin and I were talking in the Kitchen getting ready for the party and she made some comments about her husband (who wasn't at the party) and her kids. I was so worried about what she was saying that I stopped her and asked "Are you OK, I'm worried and if you need to talk about something, I'm here". She responded that she was fine. I think you are wise to take some time with this and sort out your feelings before responding. It's a great approach. And maybe something is going on with her, not that it excuses her behavior. But it may factor into everyone's feelings in the end. Either way I think you're being sensible taking some time to sort through the events and your feelings.
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Post by annie on Aug 2, 2017 13:58:03 GMT
I have never heard her do this before, but I have had uneasy feelings during social situations that made me wonder. I always just blew those feeling off thinking I must be too sensitive. Also, when my YS and I were having a lot of issues she was right in the middle. So, I now wonder if TWS was the instigator.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that my fear is that our close relationship has only been one sided all these years and I just never knew it. Do I want to cut her out of my life forever - no I don't.
The quote that keeps going through my head is "When people show you who they are, believe them".
I think you are really really really overthinking this and turning a small thing into an enormous thing. Now you're questioning your whole relationship??? DO NOT DO THIS TO YOURSELF.
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Post by pondrunner on Aug 2, 2017 14:20:30 GMT
I guess to me context would play a part. My birth mother is an identical twin. I have only known her for a few years. I asked, "are you really hard to tell apart?" and she said, "we used to be, but she still dies her hair blonde and I stopped caring about such things so now it is easy to tell us apart." Not judgement, but a fact. If your sister just said with no prompting, "well, we used to be identical but now she has 80 lbs on me," that is insulting, but still not sure I get the level of butthurt if it is a factual statement. If that was her reply when asked specifically if you were hard to tell apart then I see even less reason to be hurt. No, that isn't what happened at all. We are maybe 15 to 20 pounds difference. You can tell I'm heavier but really, I'm 1 dress size up from her (she is a size 16 and I'm a size 18). It isn't like I'm 300 pounds and she is 150. And the reaction my YS gave her was like saying what the hell, why would you say that. I will validate you but give you some tough love also, ok? She was calling you fat. She was declaring that you are fatter than her. Why? I don't know. But it was a shitty thing to say and it was insulting. However. Honey this is your twin sister. One shitty comment doesn't make your relationship with her fake. Let her apologize. she should have known better but let her apologize. People make mistakes. Forgiveness will help you and help your relationship with her. try to find some grace for her. Life is short and I would say something different if we were talking about a long term toxic relationship but we are talking about one lousy comment that was really crappy and not justifiable. But not justifiable doesn't mean unforgivable, you can say that was a terrible thing you said and it hurt and that matters, but you are my sister and I don't want to give that up over this.
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kmcmullen
Shy Member
Posts: 39
Jul 16, 2015 23:43:14 GMT
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Post by kmcmullen on Aug 2, 2017 14:32:53 GMT
No, that isn't what happened at all. We are maybe 15 to 20 pounds difference. You can tell I'm heavier but really, I'm 1 dress size up from her (she is a size 16 and I'm a size 18). It isn't like I'm 300 pounds and she is 150. And the reaction my YS gave her was like saying what the hell, why would you say that. I will validate you but give you some tough love also, ok? She was calling you fat. She was declaring that you are fatter than her. Why? I don't know. But it was a shitty thing to say and it was insulting. However. Honey this is your twin sister. One shitty comment doesn't make your relationship with her fake. Let her apologize. she should have known better but let her apologize. People make mistakes. Forgiveness will help you and help your relationship with her. try to find some grace for her. Life is short and I would say something different if we were talking about a long term toxic relationship but we are talking about one lousy comment that was really crappy and not justifiable. But not justifiable doesn't mean unforgivable, you can say that was a terrible thing you said and it hurt and that matters, but you are my sister and I don't want to give that up over this. Thank you for the response - I think I will get to the forgiveness soon - but I also want to have confidence in myself, my feeling and respond to her is a way that shows her grace and love. I'm afraid if I call her today, I would be a mess and come off as weak or even just start screaming at her and that will not solve anything.
For the people who have said I was over the line in my response, I can see that. I was responding to her in anger and that is never the best time to deal with an issue.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 2, 2017 14:33:20 GMT
I am willing to bet if she's a size 16 and you are an 18 that she's feeling insecure about her size. The whole comment makes me feel like she was not meaning to fat shame you but that she feels shame about being fat herself. I would dig a little deeper and see if her comment really came from a place of insecurity. In my mind, this is human and I can forgive that.
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peabrain
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,588
Jun 25, 2014 22:18:04 GMT
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Post by peabrain on Aug 2, 2017 15:44:41 GMT
Please don't wait too long though. It's OKAY to have feelings.
Just don't wait too long. There's never going to be the Perfect time to pick up the phone.
I've waited too long with my sister and now it's probably too long gone.
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Post by destined2bmom on Aug 2, 2017 15:44:42 GMT
I think you and DH need to go to the reunion. I had one sister. She was younger than me. She died 7 years ago. I loved her so much. I would give anything to have one more conversation with her. I know you are hurt, I understand why, I know why you think the way you do. But you don't know what tomorrow will bring. You say that you were worried about what was going on in your twin sister's family. Do you think she said that not thinking? Do you think she might be a little jealous of your family life? So that statement might be a way to make her feel better? You don't have the full picture. You need to sit down and get it. Both of you need to speak from the heart. You two can do this. And then sit down with YS and have a heart to heart talk with her. If you have been critical or judgmental of her, you need to apologize to her. Clean the slate, begin anew.
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Post by Lexica on Aug 2, 2017 15:54:13 GMT
I have not read responses, so mine may be just a repeat of others. If so, ignore this.
I can absolutely see how much this hurt your feelings. And I do think that it was probably wise not to say anything at the moment to upset your younger sister's party. But Ido think you overreacted in your email to your twin.
First, I will bet that every person who heard that comment about the 80 pounds is thinking less of your twin. Everyone would know that was a shitty thing to say and wonder why she did so. Especially after younger sister hushed her up. They were not thinking poorly of you at all. Maybe poorly for you for your feelings, but definitely not making fun of you.
Ask yourself why your twin would say this about you. Typically there is a jealous streak in there somewhere. Is she envious of you? Does she have a husband, children, home or everything else that you have? She felt the need to knock you for some strange reason. And it sucks. Sisters are supposed to be each others biggest protectors. Your younger sister knew that.
As for your mother being upset, you probably should not have said anything to her. You were very hurt, and it felt right at the time, but Mom should have been left out of this, especially when it was so raw.
Going forward, you have to decide if you truly want to sever all ties with your twin over this. I am speaking as someone who has severed ties with both of my sisters, so I know that it is a decision not to be made lightly without a great deal of thought and repeated reasons to do so. If this was the first ever insult you heard from her, you might want to remain open to listen to her tell you why she did it. I would want to know, don't you? Would you be able to pick up the phone and call her and ask her? Or at least email and ask her? She must feel awful, and deservedly so, but is this the ending you want?
I think yours is a situation that can be patched up with a lot of work on both of your parts. You will not be very trusting for a while, and that is understandable, but at least leave it open to be repaired.
If you can email her and admit that you jumped the gun and said what you did due to your extreme hurt, but that in thinking it over, you would like to give her a chance to tell you why and to see if the two of you can work this out.
Now as to your weight, I'm sure it was painful to hear. I am currently overweight too, and my sister has made jokes at my expense. She was quite large all of her life. The last time I was over there and she made a remark about my weight, I said, "do you remember all the times I made fun of you for your being so overweight all your life?" And she looked at me strangely and said, "no, I don't."
Well, duh. That was my point. I never did make fun of her. It took her a bit to get it, but she finally did. She never remarked on my weight again. And I know I am not at a healthy point and I am doing something about it. I have already lost 26 pounds and I'm still heading in the right direction. Losing it fast won't keep it off, so I'm trying to do this the right way. It is going to take me some time, but I will return to my normal weight soon enough.
The funny thing is, I was always very under weight all my life. To the point that I looked bad - as if I had bulimia or something. And she was always very overweight. So when I gained, she must have felt better, but when I kept the weight on and she lost some, she took to teasing me about it. I didn't really mind because I have no respect for her for different reasons, but I wanted her to know that her remarks were wrong and I didn't do that to her.
Think long and hard about what you want to come out of this. And maybe this is a good wakeup moment for you to start taking control of your weight too.
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Post by mariemily on Aug 2, 2017 16:14:14 GMT
Why don't you write to her now to tell her that you are still processing the whole situation and still need some time and that you will call her to discuss the whole situation when you feel better and ready to discuss it calmly? She will know that this isn't going to be a forever thing after all and that you just need time?
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kmcmullen
Shy Member
Posts: 39
Jul 16, 2015 23:43:14 GMT
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Post by kmcmullen on Aug 2, 2017 16:26:04 GMT
I have not read responses, so mine may be just a repeat of others. If so, ignore this. I can absolutely see how much this hurt your feelings. And I do think that it was probably wise not to say anything at the moment to upset your younger sister's party. But Ido think you overreacted in your email to your twin. First, I will bet that every person who heard that comment about the 80 pounds is thinking less of your twin. Everyone would know that was a shitty thing to say and wonder why she did so. Especially after younger sister hushed her up. They were not thinking poorly of you at all. Maybe poorly for you for your feelings, but definitely not making fun of you. Ask yourself why your twin would say this about you. Typically there is a jealous streak in there somewhere. Is she envious of you? Does she have a husband, children, home or everything else that you have? She felt the need to knock you for some strange reason. And it sucks. Sisters are supposed to be each others biggest protectors. Your younger sister knew that. As for your mother being upset, you probably should not have said anything to her. You were very hurt, and it felt right at the time, but Mom should have been left out of this, especially when it was so raw. Going forward, you have to decide if you truly want to sever all ties with your twin over this. I am speaking as someone who has severed ties with both of my sisters, so I know that it is a decision not to be made lightly without a great deal of thought and repeated reasons to do so. If this was the first ever insult you heard from her, you might want to remain open to listen to her tell you why she did it. I would want to know, don't you? Would you be able to pick up the phone and call her and ask her? Or at least email and ask her? She must feel awful, and deservedly so, but is this the ending you want? I think yours is a situation that can be patched up with a lot of work on both of your parts. You will not be very trusting for a while, and that is understandable, but at least leave it open to be repaired. If you can email her and admit that you jumped the gun and said what you did due to your extreme hurt, but that in thinking it over, you would like to give her a chance to tell you why and to see if the two of you can work this out. Now as to your weight, I'm sure it was painful to hear. I am currently overweight too, and my sister has made jokes at my expense. She was quite large all of her life. The last time I was over there and she made a remark about my weight, I said, "do you remember all the times I made fun of you for your being so overweight all your life?" And she looked at me strangely and said, "no, I don't." Well, duh. That was my point. I never did make fun of her. It took her a bit to get it, but she finally did. She never remarked on my weight again. And I know I am not at a healthy point and I am doing something about it. I have already lost 26 pounds and I'm still heading in the right direction. Losing it fast won't keep it off, so I'm trying to do this the right way. It is going to take me some time, but I will return to my normal weight soon enough. The funny thing is, I was always very under weight all my life. To the point that I looked bad - as if I had bulimia or something. And she was always very overweight. So when I gained, she must have felt better, but when I kept the weight on and she lost some, she took to teasing me about it. I didn't really mind because I have no respect for her for different reasons, but I wanted her to know that her remarks were wrong and I didn't do that to her. Think long and hard about what you want to come out of this. And maybe this is a good wakeup moment for you to start taking control of your weight too. Thank you for the very kind thought out response!
Regarding my weight, my DH and I had a long conversation about this on the plane home and then again once we got home. Yes, I know that I'm overweight (my DH is as well, but he hides it better) and I want to do something about it. We have started a "Diet" together yesterday, our first full day home. He isn't working right now so he is preparing healthy meals for me when I get home and also picked up healthy options for lunch and snacks at my desk. Yesterday I walked up 4 of the 21 flights of stairs at my office. Today I'm going to do 5, very hard when they are not air conditioned in Atlanta! I'm doing this for me and my DH - we love to travel and next year we are planning an Alaskan cruise, so I would like to be able to hike to the glaciers.
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