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Post by christine58 on Sept 6, 2017 2:56:58 GMT
I don't think I need to defend my grieving...we aren't the typical dog owners. Our dogs mean the world to us. My husband also grieved, maybe not crying everyday, but I saw him cry more after our dog's death than I think I've ever seen him cry. Even now, if we tell a story about our dog, one or both of us will probably tear up. I don't even think my husband cried when his grandmother died. No need to defend it...My Abbey died in April and I miss her as much today as I did the day I said goodbye. She went everywhere with me. I live alone and she was my bud for 13 years. I had planned on getting a puppy for her and I!! She was supposed to be here when I retired from teaching in June...My heart is broken and I am not sure if it will mend. SO I get it about your dog. I truly do and I am so sorry for your loss.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Sept 6, 2017 3:05:24 GMT
I registered for the boards just to respond to you and provide hope. I've recently started medication to correct a hormone issue and within weeks, I was a new person. My sex drive reappeared. I could orgasm again. I lost weight. I no longer felt half as prone to anger. My energy level increased tenfold. It took correcting the hormone issue to make me realize just how severely it had impacted my life. I'm 37 and too young for menopause. But weirdly, I had developed a teeny tiny tumor in my pituitary gland that was secreting prolactin. It was only diagnosed because I went to the Ob/Gyn hoping for hormone testing and while she was asking for symptoms, I mentioned as an aside that I was still lactating 6 years after I last stoped nursing. She added a prolactin test to the hormone testing panel. Good thing because the basic hormones were all normal. It wasn't estrogen or testosterone or any of the other hormones you generally hear about. Now I take one pill a week to normalize prolactin levels and keep them low. That's all it took to get rid of so many problems. I would bet $100 that hormones are at the root of your issues. Congratulations on being proactive and scheduling an appointment. Wishing you definitive answers and a new course of action. As women, we don't have to settle for feeling less than ideal. YOU need to introduce yourself! What a lovely first post! Welcome to the Pod. Make yourself at home, tell us about you as little or as much as you want to and take a seat. You are one of us now. Just so you know this is the Hotel California and you can check out any time you want...but everyone comes back.
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Post by AussieMeg on Sept 6, 2017 4:44:13 GMT
I was devastated and by this point, I was crying. I took a deep breath and said "I don't know why, but I don't want to have sex." He replied "You don't want to have sex or you don't want to have sex with me?" I felt like I couldn't breathe but I replied "It's the same thing." 2. There is a huge difference between "you don't want to have sex" and "you don't want to have sex with me". They are not the same thing. I haven't finished reading all the replies yet, so apologies if I'm repeating what others have said. I agree with bc2ca 's point completely. They really are not the same thing at all. " You don't want to have sex" means that for whatever reason you don't have any sex drive and you don't want to have sex with anyone. " You don't want to have sex with him" means that you do want to have sex but with someone other than him. That would be far more hurtful to him than hearing that you have no sex drive. Good on you for making the appointment with your doctor. I hope things improve for you. (((Hugs)))
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FurryP
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To pea or not to pea...
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Post by FurryP on Sept 6, 2017 4:54:10 GMT
I'm going to say this as gently as possible - crying every day for months because your dog passed away and blaming yourself for his illness are not typical reactions. Talk to your doctor absolutely openly about all of this and he will be able to help you or refer you to someone to talk to. Well, there is more to his death, just didn't want to get into it. He had a broken toenail that I tried to treat at home. I let it get really bad before taking him to the vet. When I finally took him, my vet scheduled a surgery to remove it, even with it being high risk because of his age. He did the pre-surgery bloodwork and everything seemed fine. Exactly one week later, my dog became impacted with bladder stones. I was at the vet as soon as they opened, and he was taken for emergency surgery. I waived the pre-surgery bloodwork, because the vet tech told me she didn't think it was necessary due to us having the bloodwork one week prior. I should not have listened to her, and I will never waive bloodwork again. He didn't recover from that surgery, and his body shut down due to an elevated pancreas. They tried several doses of fluids and medications, but 3 days after his surgery, he died. So, yes. I blamed myself. If I had gotten the bloodwork the second surgery, maybe something could have shown up that could have given them a different treatment after surgery. Maybe waiting so long about the toenail put his body under stress that caused the bladder stones. I don't think I need to defend my grieving...we aren't the typical dog owners. Our dogs mean the world to us. My husband also grieved, maybe not crying everyday, but I saw him cry more after our dog's death than I think I've ever seen him cry. Even now, if we tell a story about our dog, one or both of us will probably tear up. I don't even think my husband cried when his grandmother died. You absolutely do not need to defend your grief. Peas say it all the time, everyone grieves differently. Just because this is a dog, is no different. No one can decide for us how much or how long the grieving should be. Just don't be too hard on yourself. Your dog knew how much you love him. You were in a state of distress and got bad advice. I know you would have done things differently if you could go back in time. I was not with my dog when he was put to sleep. I was misinformed about the process, and something the doctor said, seemed to confirm that bad information. Maybe in my distress, I just did not hear him correctly. In any case, I was not with my dog, and I will regret that forever. But I know he knows how much I loved him, and that it happened because I was mis-informed. He is ok with that and he forgives me. I know that. I am so sorry for your loss.
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rickmer
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Post by rickmer on Sept 6, 2017 13:14:33 GMT
i was on the birth control pill for years. didn't go back on it after baby #3 and noticed a big difference in my desire to be with my husband... i am convinced the bc pill killed my sex drive (which is ironic, really).
you are doing the best thing you can, talking honestly with your husband and following up with your doctor.
good luck!! your husband sounds like a good man, i hope you are able to work thru it together. (((hugs)))
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paigepea
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Post by paigepea on Sept 6, 2017 14:32:54 GMT
Hugs to you. I think what you're feeling is normal for many women. No drive, no reason, many excuses, trying to ignore it. I have low drive and it bothered my Dh. I spoke with my dr and she gave me many tips for my low drive and for what to say to Dh. It has helped a lot. Not perfect but a huge turnaround. Unless our drives mesh perfectly with our spouse's there can be issues.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Sept 6, 2017 14:41:21 GMT
I'm going to share something that I probably shouldn't. The more you post here, the more I like you. You are so honest in your posts. I appreciate the way you just keep it real.
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Post by paperamy on Sept 6, 2017 15:32:45 GMT
We talked last night...it was amazing...I updated the original post.
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Deleted
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May 2, 2024 23:18:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2017 15:36:45 GMT
We talked last night...it was amazing...I updated the original post. SO good to hear! Your heart is in the right place. You are taking action. You sound kind. So does your husband. You have reason to be hopeful and happy.
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Post by cade387 on Sept 6, 2017 15:42:06 GMT
We talked last night...it was amazing...I updated the original post. That is a great update. I hope everything continues down this type of path and you can find the answers you are looking for.
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
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Jun 26, 2014 19:29:07 GMT
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Post by scrappyesq on Sept 6, 2017 16:28:30 GMT
I'm going to share something that I probably shouldn't. The more you post here, the more I like you. You are so honest in your posts. I appreciate the way you just keep it real. Not to hijack at all but I was thinking the exact same thing. You're pretty darn amazing jeremysgirl when it comes to sharing.
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Deleted
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May 2, 2024 23:18:49 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2017 16:29:47 GMT
Love your update! Your husband is really awesome! You're very lucky to have him, which I am sure you knew that! And that fact that you are willing to find out what is causing all this, he's very lucky as well! Good luck to the both of you! Hopefully there is an easy fix and you'll be humpin' like bunnies soon! Just joking!
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
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Jun 26, 2014 19:29:07 GMT
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Post by scrappyesq on Sept 6, 2017 16:30:18 GMT
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Post by jeremysgirl on Sept 6, 2017 16:42:52 GMT
The more you post here, the more I like you. You are so honest in your posts. I appreciate the way you just keep it real. Not to hijack at all but I was thinking the exact same thing. You're pretty darn amazing jeremysgirl when it comes to sharing. The peas have helped me look at things in different ways and have given me some great perspective. And most have done so in a way that is kind and compassionate. I feel I need to pay it forward when I can.
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Post by mommaho on Sept 6, 2017 17:06:24 GMT
So glad you got a doctors appointment and it will all work out as it sounds like you have a good relationship and that he loves you very much.
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pridemom
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Jul 12, 2014 21:58:10 GMT
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Post by pridemom on Sept 6, 2017 17:06:27 GMT
We talked last night...it was amazing...I updated the original post. Your update is fabulous. It sounds like your dh is a great guy. Best wishes with your doctor appointment.
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AmandaA
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Post by AmandaA on Sept 6, 2017 17:10:52 GMT
That has to feel like the weight of the world off of your shoulders. I hope things go well at your appointment on a Friday. Hopefully clearing the air with DH will help free up some mental space to focus on what all you need to discuss with your doctor too.
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Post by leftturnonly on Sept 6, 2017 17:44:00 GMT
Great update!
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Post by redshoes on Sept 6, 2017 17:51:25 GMT
Yay! Great update and best wishes with the dr. visit. You have a great husband and a wonderful relationship.
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blue tulip
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Post by blue tulip on Sept 6, 2017 17:54:09 GMT
what a great update!!
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Sept 6, 2017 17:54:25 GMT
It sounds like you have a wonderful husband! He's so sweet and caring. I hope that you can figure this out whether it's physical or otherwise so you can have a fantastic sex-life with him.
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Post by bc2ca on Sept 6, 2017 17:57:16 GMT
Awesome update! Good luck with the doctor's appointment.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Sept 6, 2017 18:28:01 GMT
Good luck! I wish you
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FurryP
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Post by FurryP on Sept 7, 2017 0:53:02 GMT
I am so happy for you, for your update paperamy.
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kate
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Post by kate on Sept 7, 2017 1:26:56 GMT
Great update - sounds like you and DH are really blessed to have each other. Here's hoping things are back to normal (in the best way!) very soon.
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Post by merry on Sept 7, 2017 1:35:49 GMT
As a specialist in women's health, please let me give you some advice - when a woman sees her gynecologist and is overdue for her annual exam, the primary focus of that appointment likely will be to do a thorough catch up history and physical exam with cancer screening. To truly give the time that you will need to evaluate decreased libido, plan on coming back for a second appointment that really focuses on just that issue - try not to squeeze it in last minute at your annual, as many women do because sadly they are often embarrassed and don't want to bring it up.
Many gynecologists may refer you to someone who specializes in this area if all your lab work comes back normal. Definitely don't hesitate to see whomever they recommend - it may be a hormone specialist, a psychiatrist or even a sexual therapist. There are a small number of specialists with strength in these areas, so be open and willing to travel to see one. I have been to conferences where Esther Perel has given outstanding lectures and wouldn't hesitate to see her or anyone connected to her.
Good luck - and please know you are not at all alone - so many women are affected by this issue and hopefully your courage to discuss it here will give someone else the courage to address it too. Bravo for taking the first step towards life and health improvement - we should all be so brave.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Sept 7, 2017 1:37:57 GMT
Great update!
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on Sept 7, 2017 2:22:35 GMT
Sounds like you have a great husband. I'm glad the talk went well and that your dr appt brings you some answers.
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Post by flanz on Sept 7, 2017 2:36:26 GMT
woot for you and your happy update!
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Post by scrappyem on Sept 7, 2017 3:47:12 GMT
There are therapists who specialize in sex issues & that might be a direction to look into...sex is such a big deal. It's about the connection. I left my first husband because we almost never had sex. After a while, I felt really really disconnected from him and my marriage. Ask about getting a hormone pellet to your medical doctor. Sounds weird, but I have so many girlfriends that went on the hormone pellets for this very reason and are having really good luck. For the weight, I started following Dr. Fung, who write the "Obesity Code" & the "The complete Guide to Fasting" (there's a thread on here if you want to check it out). I've lost 20 pounds since January and I feel so much better. It's been slow and steady for me, but I am amazed at how much better I feel overall, and that I feel sexy again. Anyway big hugs and I'm really sorry about your dog and the job. I hope it gets better soon.
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