|
Post by anxiousmom on Jan 28, 2018 17:52:34 GMT
I am mean and would just take away the phone before bedtime tonight and tell said teen that the new rule for the foreseeable future is that the phone will be charging at night in your room. Along with all other electronics (tablets, tvs, computers, whatever.) When the inevitable fighting back happens, then you just look at them and tell them you have noticed that it is interfering with their ability to regulate their sleeping and waking times and at some point in the far future you can re-evaluate it. But again, mean mom here would also throw in that since I am the grown up and pay for all that stuff, I get to make the rules. And if you don't like it? Too bad so sad, suck it up buttercup. Learn to wake up on time. I try every night to take away electronics at night. I don't think it's healthy for them it affects their sleep, it's not healthy to be on social media 24*7 and I don't want him looking at porn. I am ashamed to admit that I have no control over him. Asking him to turn in his phone at night is wasted breath as he just ignores me then hides he hides his phone or put it behind his back. I should set up a charging station in the kitchen and tell him that his cell gets plugged in at 10:00 and if it's not then he won't have it the next day. And after a week of him not plugging it in at 10:00 then he gets downgraded to a flip phone? Does this sound reasonable? Thanks We did the charging thing in the kitchen...it worked for us. The consequence for not following through was the phone was turned off. The boys were on my ex's business plan and he would do something that would make it so that their phones wouldn't work. Not sure how it worked though. I will also say, I was a VERY laid back mom. But at the same time, not giving me the phone when I said to would send me over the edge. At that point, there would be NO phone, no car, no nothing. Hide the phone? Okay, but I am now up in your space and I have the charger, your keys, your favorite cologne...you like it? It is now mine. You get bored? You can go weed the flower beds. You still bored? I have a bunch of tupperware that needs organizing. My oldest was one of those who was willfully defiant. So I get it...
|
|
|
Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 17:53:45 GMT
I try every night to take away electronics at night. I don't think it's healthy for them it affects their sleep, it's not healthy to be on social media 24*7 and I don't want him looking at porn. I am ashamed to admit that I have no control over him. Asking him to turn in his phone at night is wasted breath as he just ignores me then hides he hides his phone or put it behind his back. I should set up a charging station in the kitchen and tell him that his cell gets plugged in at 10:00 and if it's not then he won't have it the next day. And after a week of him not plugging it in at 10:00 then he gets downgraded to a flip phone? Does this sound reasonable? Thanks oh no, sister. That will not work. I would cut that phone off so quick he wouldn't know what happened. When I say give me the phone, he would have approximately 20 seconds to give it to me or he would have a phone with no service. Also? If he is this resistant to give you his phone, then you need to find somewhere else besides the kitchen for him to plug it into. Like under your pillow. Because he will go get it after you go to bed if he has access to it. SaveSaveGreat advice! We just switched our cell phone service to Cricket. I use to do this when we had AT&T, but I was able to turn the phone back on. I will see if I can do the same thing on Cricket. My DH would NEVER allow me to cancel his cell phone plan for good. He can't stand it when the kids are upset. Jen
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on Jan 28, 2018 17:55:26 GMT
I am mean and would just take away the phone before bedtime tonight and tell said teen that the new rule for the foreseeable future is that the phone will be charging at night in your room. Along with all other electronics (tablets, tvs, computers, whatever.) When the inevitable fighting back happens, then you just look at them and tell them you have noticed that it is interfering with their ability to regulate their sleeping and waking times and at some point in the far future you can re-evaluate it. But again, mean mom here would also throw in that since I am the grown up and pay for all that stuff, I get to make the rules. And if you don't like it? Too bad so sad, suck it up buttercup. Learn to wake up on time. I try every night to take away electronics at night. I don't think it's healthy for them it affects their sleep, it's not healthy to be on social media 24*7 and I don't want him looking at porn. I am ashamed to admit that I have no control over him. Asking him to turn in his phone at night is wasted breath as he just ignores me then hides he hides his phone or put it behind his back. I should set up a charging station in the kitchen and tell him that his cell gets plugged in at 10:00 and if it's not then he won't have it the next day. And after a week of him not plugging it in at 10:00 then he gets downgraded to a flip phone? Does this sound reasonable? Thanks Then getting up in the morning is the least of your problems. How were you waking him up? What was your follow through? What time is church?
|
|
|
Post by mom on Jan 28, 2018 17:56:10 GMT
I try every night to take away electronics at night. I don't think it's healthy for them it affects their sleep, it's not healthy to be on social media 24*7 and I don't want him looking at porn. I am ashamed to admit that I have no control over him. Asking him to turn in his phone at night is wasted breath as he just ignores me then hides he hides his phone or put it behind his back. I should set up a charging station in the kitchen and tell him that his cell gets plugged in at 10:00 and if it's not then he won't have it the next day. And after a week of him not plugging it in at 10:00 then he gets downgraded to a flip phone? Does this sound reasonable? Thanks We did the charging thing in the kitchen...it worked for us. The consequence for not following through was the phone was turned off. The boys were on my ex's business plan and he would do something that would make it so that their phones wouldn't work. Not sure how it worked though. I will also say, I was a VERY laid back mom. But at the same time, not giving me the phone when I said to would send me over the edge. At that point, there would be NO phone, no car, no nothing. Hide the phone? Okay, but I am now up in your space and I have the charger, your keys, your favorite cologne...you like it? It is now mine. You get bored? You can go weed the flower beds. You still bored? I have a bunch of tupperware that needs organizing.
My oldest was one of those who was willfully defiant. So I get it... I swear you are my soul sister...my boys learned early on not to complain of being bored. Best lesson I taught. SaveSave
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 4, 2024 12:06:48 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2018 17:56:22 GMT
I am mean and would just take away the phone before bedtime tonight and tell said teen that the new rule for the foreseeable future is that the phone will be charging at night in your room. Along with all other electronics (tablets, tvs, computers, whatever.) When the inevitable fighting back happens, then you just look at them and tell them you have noticed that it is interfering with their ability to regulate their sleeping and waking times and at some point in the far future you can re-evaluate it. But again, mean mom here would also throw in that since I am the grown up and pay for all that stuff, I get to make the rules. And if you don't like it? Too bad so sad, suck it up buttercup. Learn to wake up on time. I try every night to take away electronics at night. I don't think it's healthy for them it affects their sleep, it's not healthy to be on social media 24*7 and I don't want him looking at porn. I am ashamed to admit that I have no control over him. Asking him to turn in his phone at night is wasted breath as he just ignores me then hides he hides his phone or put it behind his back. I should set up a charging station in the kitchen and tell him that his cell gets plugged in at 10:00 and if it's not then he won't have it the next day. And after a week of him not plugging it in at 10:00 then he gets downgraded to a flip phone? Does this sound reasonable? Thanks NOpe, not reasonable. He doesn't turn it in you turn his service off so he has a brick. You are too nice.
|
|
|
Post by myshelly on Jan 28, 2018 17:56:30 GMT
Why does he need to get up? I would just let whatever happens to him if he doesn't get up (natural consequences) happen to him. I would no longer wake him up. Today it was church! Which is non negotiable in our house. He is usually really good about getting himself up for School. Personally I would let him sleep and miss church. At 16 that should be his decision.
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Jan 28, 2018 17:56:46 GMT
Since the consequence doesn't really match the bad behavior, I would let them know today that this will happen in the future. I get taking away their currency, but at 16, rules and expectations need to be discussed. I found that my two boys responded much better to knowing a future consequence rather than not. Thanks, what consequence do you think would be better for not getting up. The phone is the only thing he cares about. Jen Is he not getting up for school?? Or something important?? Just wondering why you're waking him up?
|
|
|
Post by Darcy Collins on Jan 28, 2018 17:58:29 GMT
oh no, sister. That will not work. I would cut that phone off so quick he wouldn't know what happened. When I say give me the phone, he would have approximately 20 seconds to give it to me or he would have a phone with no service. Also? If he is this resistant to give you his phone, then you need to find somewhere else besides the kitchen for him to plug it into. Like under your pillow. Because he will go get it after you go to bed if he has access to it. SaveSaveGreat advice! We just switched our cell phone service to Cricket. I use to do this when we had AT&T, but I was able to turn the phone back on. I will see if I can do the same thing on Cricket. My DH would NEVER allow me to cancel his cell phone plan for good. He can't stand it when the kids are upset.Jen But he's not upset that your son willfully disrespects and disobeys you? I think you know the reason you're having issues with your son listening to you. You need to sit down with you husband and have a heart to heart about expectations about electronics and behavior and appropriate consequences and make damn sure you're on the same team.
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Jan 28, 2018 17:59:16 GMT
He can't stand it when the kids are upset. Jen He needs to grow a pair...seriously?? TAKE THE PHONE>>>TODAY~~
|
|
|
Post by cadoodlebug on Jan 28, 2018 18:08:57 GMT
I am mean and would just take away the phone before bedtime tonight and tell said teen that the new rule for the foreseeable future is that the phone will be charging at night in your room. Along with all other electronics (tablets, tvs, computers, whatever.) When the inevitable fighting back happens, then you just look at them and tell them you have noticed that it is interfering with their ability to regulate their sleeping and waking times and at some point in the far future you can re-evaluate it. But again, mean mom here would also throw in that since I am the grown up and pay for all that stuff, I get to make the rules. And if you don't like it? Too bad so sad, suck it up buttercup. Learn to wake up on time. I actually don't consider this mean, and we don't do it as a punishment. Every single person in our house uses a charging station at night. I honestly think it's extremely unhealthy for EVERYONE and there are a million studies to back it up. This! Also, read up about leaving phones charging all night.
|
|
|
Post by nurseypants on Jan 28, 2018 18:12:36 GMT
oh no, sister. That will not work. I would cut that phone off so quick he wouldn't know what happened. When I say give me the phone, he would have approximately 20 seconds to give it to me or he would have a phone with no service. Also? If he is this resistant to give you his phone, then you need to find somewhere else besides the kitchen for him to plug it into. Like under your pillow. Because he will go get it after you go to bed if he has access to it. SaveSaveGreat advice! We just switched our cell phone service to Cricket. I use to do this when we had AT&T, but I was able to turn the phone back on. I will see if I can do the same thing on Cricket. My DH would NEVER allow me to cancel his cell phone plan for good. He can't stand it when the kids are upset.Jen I wonder if this is why you have a son who gets to refuse parental orders. Also, church is certainly NOT non-negotiable in your house, since your kids decided that they weren't going today. Good luck.
|
|
|
Post by mom on Jan 28, 2018 18:16:00 GMT
oh no, sister. That will not work. I would cut that phone off so quick he wouldn't know what happened. When I say give me the phone, he would have approximately 20 seconds to give it to me or he would have a phone with no service. Also? If he is this resistant to give you his phone, then you need to find somewhere else besides the kitchen for him to plug it into. Like under your pillow. Because he will go get it after you go to bed if he has access to it. SaveSaveGreat advice! We just switched our cell phone service to Cricket. I use to do this when we had AT&T, but I was able to turn the phone back on. I will see if I can do the same thing on Cricket. My DH would NEVER allow me to cancel his cell phone plan for good. He can't stand it when the kids are upset.Jen Nope. He needs to get over it. Your job as parents are to raise your kids so that they can be productive, respectable members of society. To be that, they need to learn to follow rules and respect authority. And to get up on their own, on time. SaveSave
|
|
seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,408
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
|
Post by seaexplore on Jan 28, 2018 18:16:02 GMT
And then there is always a big bucket of ice. You only have to do that once. Cold marbles are more fun. No water to clean up. Lol
|
|
|
Post by shescrafty on Jan 28, 2018 18:18:40 GMT
Thanks, I believe the phone is the reason for the oversleeping. He refuses to turn it in at night and stays up on social media. Jen I've gone through this. I now take away the phone at night. Until my teen can show discipline with it, I am keeping it with me at night. I've had to set some strict boundaries with her phone since she can't seem to balance it herself. I've given her chances to make the right choices (turn in phone at a set time after I'm asleep) to see if she can handle having it overnight. Nope, not yet. So much this ^ For our 16 year old the phone gets turned in every night to our room. There have been times when I give him some more chances, and by the second or third night he was up all night texting on it. I pay for it, I manage it. I don’t always care if the consequence “matches” the crime, it is more what is effective. I do what I need to do and try to be fair and reasonable.
|
|
|
Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 18:20:56 GMT
I try every night to take away electronics at night. I don't think it's healthy for them it affects their sleep, it's not healthy to be on social media 24*7 and I don't want him looking at porn. I am ashamed to admit that I have no control over him. Asking him to turn in his phone at night is wasted breath as he just ignores me then hides he hides his phone or put it behind his back. I should set up a charging station in the kitchen and tell him that his cell gets plugged in at 10:00 and if it's not then he won't have it the next day. And after a week of him not plugging it in at 10:00 then he gets downgraded to a flip phone? Does this sound reasonable? Thanks Then getting up in the morning is the least of your problems. How were you waking him up? What was your follow through? What time is church? Church was at 9:00. I went down at 8:15 turned on his bedroom light and told him, church starts in 45 minutes. We are going to xxx for church today. You need to get up and get in the shower we need to leave in 35 minutes. Then I always make sure they respond to me. Then I go to the 13 year old and do the same, then back to the 16 year and repeat myself then back to the 13 year old and repeat myself. Then I go upstairs and come back down 10 minutes later and turn the lights on again and sit on on their bed and tell them this is the second time I have tried to wake you up. You need to hurry and get ready so we are not late, yadda yadda yadda. The 3rd time I come down I walk over to the side of his bed where the phone is plugged in and he jumps up like he just got a check for 50 billion dollars and he grabs his phone. I am trying, I really want to help him. He is so defiant. Getting upset seems to turn my 16 year old off! Like last year I yelled downstairs, "the bus is going to be here in 30 seconds" he would walk extra slow and tell me I am walking slower because you yelled at me.
|
|
|
Post by 950nancy on Jan 28, 2018 18:21:48 GMT
Since the consequence doesn't really match the bad behavior, I would let them know today that this will happen in the future. I get taking away their currency, but at 16, rules and expectations need to be discussed. I found that my two boys responded much better to knowing a future consequence rather than not. Thanks, what consequence do you think would be better for not getting up. The phone is the only thing he cares about. Jen Good question. If you need a consequence for today, maybe having the kid come up with five ways that he/she is going to make sure it doesn't happen again. Have him/her write them out. Did they keep you from doing something you wanted (needed)to do because they wouldn't get up? If so, take away something that they wanted to do today. Or they could help you get something done today that you needed to do since they wasted your time this morning. If the phone was keeping them awake last night, I would also give them a consequence of a month or two of charging the phone in your room for the night. We didn't let our kids have phone in their room at night until they turned 15. I know some parents wait even later. My kids had to start going to (work) school with me when they started Kindergarten, so their butts were out of bed every school morning at 6:15, and we were in the car by 6:50. I think that routine at such a young age helped them become better sleepers. Good luck. Raising teens is no picnic and when you aren't on the same page as your spouse, it is even harder. I think either punishment (taking away the phone or letting them know it will happen next time) will work as long as you are consistent. Kid's brains aren't fully developed until 25 and the last thing they develop is the connection of actions and consequences. Life would be so much easier if that wasn't true.
|
|
|
Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 18:22:30 GMT
Today it was church! Which is non negotiable in our house. He is usually really good about getting himself up for School. Personally I would let him sleep and miss church. At 16 that should be his decision. My house my rules at 18 he can make that decision. Jen
|
|
|
Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 18:25:59 GMT
Great advice! We just switched our cell phone service to Cricket. I use to do this when we had AT&T, but I was able to turn the phone back on. I will see if I can do the same thing on Cricket. My DH would NEVER allow me to cancel his cell phone plan for good. He can't stand it when the kids are upset.Jen But he's not upset that your son willfully disrespects and disobeys you? I think you know the reason you're having issues with your son listening to you. You need to sit down with you husband and have a heart to heart about expectations about electronics and behavior and appropriate consequences and make damn sure you're on the same team. The only way we will ever be on the same team is by me going to my husband's direction. And that hasn't worked for me in the past. I only have 2 years left with my son. I have to at least try without being on the same page as my husband. And hopefully, at some point down the road, my DS will realize that I was just trying to parent him.
|
|
|
Post by myshelly on Jan 28, 2018 18:26:35 GMT
Personally I would let him sleep and miss church. At 16 that should be his decision. My house my rules at 18 he can make that decision. Jen You're asking for parenting advice. You've said on this thread you can't make him do anything. You've said on this thread you and your husband aren't on the same page. I just read your post about going back and forth between the 13 and 16 yr olds room all morning. At some point, your way isn't working and it's time to try something different. Do you want kids who blindly obey you in "your house" or do you want kids who are prepared to live real lives in the real world?
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 4, 2024 12:06:48 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2018 18:28:28 GMT
Today it was church! Which is non negotiable in our house. He is usually really good about getting himself up for School. Personally I would let him sleep and miss church. At 16 that should be his decision. I completely agree. Everyone is saying treat them like an adult well then he should be able to choose if he'd like to sleep in. At 16 I wouldnt force the issue or punish over it.
|
|
|
Post by 950nancy on Jan 28, 2018 18:29:36 GMT
16 and you're waking them up is a no no in my book. They should be practicing responsibility by this point. They set the alarm, they get up. It's not your job! Consequences for not getting up could be natural consequences like you leave the house and they don't get to go or take away their phone and get them a LOUD wind up alarm clock until they learn. We got our kids an alarm clock in second grade and they have used one ever since. I haven't had to wake them up since then. My oldest practically springs out of bed (he has a job where he is up at 4:50 now), but my youngest is a heavier sleeper. In junior high, when my boys no longer shared a room, my youngest son asked for a clock that started making soft noises and brightened the room slowly. It takes about 10-15 minutes to be fully loud and bright, but it worked for him. I have a friend, who as an adult, still sets three alarms to make sure he gets up. The third alarm is right next to the bathroom.
|
|
|
Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 18:29:48 GMT
Great advice! We just switched our cell phone service to Cricket. I use to do this when we had AT&T, but I was able to turn the phone back on. I will see if I can do the same thing on Cricket. My DH would NEVER allow me to cancel his cell phone plan for good. He can't stand it when the kids are upset.Jen I wonder if this is why you have a son who gets to refuse parental orders. Also, church is certainly NOT non-negotiable in your house, since your kids decided that they weren't going today. Good luck. Your right! He sure seems to be testing me. He did end up going, and he was 20 minute late. Jen
|
|
|
Post by cindyupnorth on Jan 28, 2018 18:30:39 GMT
Do you go to church every sunday? does he usually go? if my 16 yr old was that tired, I would give him a wkend off. Forcing a kid to attend church I believe just turns them off church. Also just turn off their data, it's that easy, and turn back on in the AM. About the time he's suppose to get up, then he'll hear messages coming in. ha
|
|
|
Post by shescrafty on Jan 28, 2018 18:33:47 GMT
Personally I would let him sleep and miss church. At 16 that should be his decision. My house my rules at 18 he can make that decision. Jen Jen what time are you expecting and wanting him to get up? We do allow our 16yo to sleep in until about 10 or sometimes 11 in weekends because he gets up early and does activities after school -I do think my DSis genuinely sleepy because he doesn’t have his phone or anything but books in his room at night. I am sorry you and your DH aren’t on the same page. Perhaps you can put getting your son up in your husband rather than you so he can start dealing with him getting up. Maybe then he will understand your PIV better.
|
|
|
Post by 950nancy on Jan 28, 2018 18:35:21 GMT
Personally I would let him sleep and miss church. At 16 that should be his decision. My house my rules at 18 he can make that decision. Jen I agree. Kids need to learn that there are perks and also expectations when you live with your parents.
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Jan 28, 2018 18:39:04 GMT
Church was at 9:00. I went down at 8:15 turned on his bedroom light and told him, church starts in 45 minutes. We are going to xxx for church today. You need to get up and get in the shower we need to leave in 35 minutes. Then I always make sure they respond to me. Then I go to the 13 year old and do the same, then back to the 16 year and repeat myself then back to the 13 year old and repeat myself. Then I go upstairs and come back down 10 minutes later and turn the lights on again and sit on on their bed and tell them this is the second time I have tried to wake you up. You need to hurry and get ready so we are not late, yadda yadda yadda. The 3rd time I come down I walk over to the side of his bed where the phone is plugged in and he jumps up like he just got a check for 50 billion dollars and he grabs his phone. I am trying, I really want to help him. He is so defiant. Getting upset seems to turn my 16 year old off! Like last year I yelled downstairs, "the bus is going to be here in 30 seconds" he would walk extra slow and tell me I am walking slower because you yelled at me. Honestly...they are too old to be doing this for them. Make them responsible for getting themselves up and ready. Come up with a consequence each and every time they don't get where you need them to be when you want them to be. My parents NEVER woke the three of us up for school or church. We KNEW there'd be a consequence.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 4, 2024 12:06:48 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2018 18:39:57 GMT
It is very clear that he needs more sleep. Having a well rested teen may help in other areas.
It is also clear by him getting up for school just fine that he obviously doesnt want to go so why force it and h
|
|
|
Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 18:40:07 GMT
You're asking for parenting advice. You've said on this thread you can't make him do anything. You've said on this thread you and your husband aren't on the same page. I just read your post about going back and forth between the 13 and 16 yr olds room all morning. At some point, your way isn't working and it's time to try something different. Do you want kids who blindly obey you in "your house" or do you want kids who are prepared to live real lives in the real world? I appreciate your advice, and all the advice given. I know things aren't working and I am really trying to learn from the advice given and implamate it in my home. Until he is 18 I just can't budge on Church. I have a 13 year old who would absolutely refuse to go if his brother didn't go.
|
|
|
Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 18:43:34 GMT
Do you go to church every sunday? does he usually go? if my 16 yr old was that tired, I would give him a wkend off. Forcing a kid to attend church I believe just turns them off church. Also just turn off their data, it's that easy, and turn back on in the AM. About the time he's suppose to get up, then he'll hear messages coming in. We do go to church every Sunday. And he likes being late. But once he is there he is happy to be there. Jen
|
|
|
Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 18:47:58 GMT
Jen what time are you expecting and wanting him to get up? We do allow our 16yo to sleep in until about 10 or sometimes 11 in weekends because he gets up early and does activities after school -I do think my DSis genuinely sleepy because he doesn’t have his phone or anything but books in his room at night. I am sorry you and your DH aren’t on the same page. Perhaps you can put getting your son up in your husband rather than you so he can start dealing with him getting up. Maybe then he will understand your PIV better.If We went to church earlier than usual today. But I did remind them yesterday that we were going early. I just expect him to get up 30 minutes before we need to be there. He gets ready quick and it would be plenty of time. On the weekends I let them sleep in as long as the need to. Thanks, Jen
|
|