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Post by cindyupnorth on Jan 28, 2018 18:50:21 GMT
What do you mean by, "he likes being late?" So does he make the rest of you late? Or can he get there on his own? if he can, I would just let him be late then.
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Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 18:51:22 GMT
I think I might try next week to not tell him to get ready for church and see if he gets there on his own. (he has his drivers license) Jen
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Post by shescrafty on Jan 28, 2018 18:52:15 GMT
Do you go to church every sunday? does he usually go? if my 16 yr old was that tired, I would give him a wkend off. Forcing a kid to attend church I believe just turns them off church. Also just turn off their data, it's that easy, and turn back on in the AM. About the time he's suppose to get up, then he'll hear messages coming in. We do go to church every Sunday. And he likes being late. But once he is there he is happy to be there. Jen Is church important to your husband? I think a lot of times the oarentbthat has to do the work (in this case wake up the kids) does not want to be the bad guy but also doesn’t have to deal with the problem. What does your DH say about the lateness and stress for you in the morning? If he is truly not going to back you up with any consequences, then I am doubtful anything you do will work, unfortunately. I will say that my DH thought me wanting my DS in bed by 9 was unreasonable. But he leaves for work early and only deals with himself. One morning I got really pissed and had him go in late so HE could deal with DS in the morning. Being the one who had to deal with someone moving at the speed of a sloth finally got his attention and now we are both on the same page.
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Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 18:54:03 GMT
What do you mean by, "he likes being late?" So does he make the rest of you late? Or can he get there on his own? if he can, I would just let him be late then. He has his license. That's good advice, just let him be late. Jen
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Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 19:00:21 GMT
We do go to church every Sunday. And he likes being late. But once he is there he is happy to be there. Jen Is church important to your husband? I think a lot of times the oarentbthat has to do the work (in this case wake up the kids) does not want to be the bad guy but also doesn’t have to deal with the problem. What does your DH say about the lateness and stress for you in the morning? If he is truly not going to back you up with any consequences, then I am doubtful anything you do will work, unfortunately. I will say that my DH thought me wanting my DS in bed by 9 was unreasonable. But he leaves for work early and only deals with himself. One morning I got really pissed and had him go in late so HE could deal with DS in the morning. Being the one who had to deal with someone moving at the speed of a sloth finally got his attention and now we are both on the same page.D You are exactly right. DH thinks church is important to the kids. But it hasn't always been important to DH until the last 3 years. jen
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Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 19:09:09 GMT
Ok, dock cell phones in my bedroom at night. Our cell phone carrier doesn’t have options to turn data off Kids wake themselves up every morning with back up alarm clocks. Let him be late for church or not show up.
What did I miss? Jen
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carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
Be yourself everybody else is already taken
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Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
Jun 28, 2014 21:46:39 GMT
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Post by carhoch on Jan 28, 2018 19:12:30 GMT
First I have not read the whole tread but the here is my opinion
Nobody wants their kids to watch porn but guess what they all do it They are curious and it’s part of growing up, you can talk (and you should)to him about why you don’t like and why . I understand what you want him to go to church Its your house your rules but don’t be surprise if he walks away from church forever if you force him . He’s not a baby anymore it’s time you let him start making decision for himself .
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Deleted
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May 4, 2024 15:46:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2018 19:20:11 GMT
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Post by anxiousmom on Jan 28, 2018 19:20:47 GMT
Ok, dock cell phones in my bedroom at night. Our cell phone carrier doesn’t have options to turn data off Kids wake themselves up every morning with back up alarm clocks. Let him be late for church or not show up. What did I miss? Jen Only this: parenting teens is hard, so give your self a break and know that no matter how you handle it, change is going to piss them off. Stick to your plan, and don't take it personally when the kids are ugly. I can only tell you what I did, and what worked for me. That doesn't mean that all the things we are telling you will work for your family and sometimes you have to adjust on the fly. We all do the best we can with what we have and know. We love our kids and want to do right with them. I woke my kids up every single morning until they graduated from high school. It was something that we all enjoyed, the boys said that they liked the 'gentle mommy voice' that woke them. When they got older, they got woken with a cup of coffee in hand. They never had problem waking themselves up when they needed to in spite of me waking them up. Now that they are adults, they do just fine when getting up on their own, they figured it out. So see? What worked for us goes against all advice and is a fond memory for my family.
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,408
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jan 28, 2018 19:22:29 GMT
You are WAYYYYY too kind to the kid.
16 year old should be out of bed on his own on time. One wake up, if you REALLY want to do that. After that, consequences. Being late to something doesn't really matter to most kids. I'm pretty sure he LOVES being late to church because that means he has to be there a shorter time.
I'd require the phone to be turned over at bedtime. No negotiation. It's just done. If there is an issue, phone and car are taken away for a day (car taken because the kid will argue that he's not safe driving without his phone- think 3 steps ahead of him and take the wind out of any argument he might have for anything).
On the weekends, if you don't have somewhere to be, let him sleep. It's much more pleasant when kids are sleeping and you can enjoy your morning without them. LOL
Church was non negotiable in our house. Until we moved out, we were required to go. We went as a FAMILY in ONE CAR. That's just how it is. Don't give the option for him to drive himself. He leaves the house with the family when the family is ready to go. Dressed? Shoes? Oh, too bad.
I'm a mean mom. Also a teacher. I've seen kids who run their parents lives. This is EXACTLY what he is doing. You are his servant. You should NOT be his servant. Your job as mom is to teach him to be a productive member of society. He will struggle with this if you keep doing everything for him.
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,408
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jan 28, 2018 19:24:20 GMT
forgot- change the wifi password and throttle the data.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jan 28, 2018 19:24:43 GMT
We did the charging thing in the kitchen...it worked for us. The consequence for not following through was the phone was turned off. The boys were on my ex's business plan and he would do something that would make it so that their phones wouldn't work. Not sure how it worked though. I will also say, I was a VERY laid back mom. But at the same time, not giving me the phone when I said to would send me over the edge. At that point, there would be NO phone, no car, no nothing. Hide the phone? Okay, but I am now up in your space and I have the charger, your keys, your favorite cologne...you like it? It is now mine. You get bored? You can go weed the flower beds. You still bored? I have a bunch of tupperware that needs organizing.
My oldest was one of those who was willfully defiant. So I get it... I swear you are my soul sister...my boys learned early on not to complain of being bored. Best lesson I taught. SaveSaveOne time my youngest (who was about 7) had a visitor over who wandered over to me and said 'Miss Anxious, I'm bored" and my youngest came FLYING around the corner shouting "DON"T TELL HER THAT SHE WILL MAKE YOU DO CHORES!!!! REALLY BAD ONES!!!"
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Deleted
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May 4, 2024 15:46:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2018 19:38:24 GMT
Does your church offer counseling? Might be helpful. Even if you are the only one who goes at first.
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Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 19:44:49 GMT
Only this: parenting teens is hard, so give your self a break and know that no matter how you handle it, change is going to piss them off. Stick to your plan, and don't take it personally when the kids are ugly. I can only tell you what I did, and what worked for me. That doesn't mean that all the things we are telling you will work for your family and sometimes you have to adjust on the fly. We all do the best we can with what we have and know. We love our kids and want to do right with them. I woke my kids up every single morning until they graduated from high school. It was something that we all enjoyed, the boys said that they liked the 'gentle mommy voice' that woke them. When they got older, they got woken with a cup of coffee in hand. They never had problem waking themselves up when they needed to in spite of me waking them up. Now that they are adults, they do just fine when getting up on their own, they figured it out. So see? What worked for us goes against all advice and is a fond memory for my family. Thank you!
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peaname
Pearl Clutcher
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Aug 16, 2014 23:15:53 GMT
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Post by peaname on Jan 28, 2018 21:03:03 GMT
I have a sixteen year old son and I make him get up for church. If he didn't get up after three tries I would take his phone even if I hadn't threatened ahead of time. My house, my rules, and you go to church if you live here. My kids are welcome to make their own decisions when they are paying their own rent.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jan 28, 2018 21:35:43 GMT
Does your church offer counseling? Might be helpful. Even if you are the only one who goes at first. I'm curious. What would a church be counseling her on?
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Post by 950nancy on Jan 28, 2018 21:41:51 GMT
Ok, dock cell phones in my bedroom at night. Our cell phone carrier doesn’t have options to turn data off Kids wake themselves up every morning with back up alarm clocks. Let him be late for church or not show up. What did I miss? Jen Only this: parenting teens is hard, so give your self a break and know that no matter how you handle it, change is going to piss them off. Stick to your plan, and don't take it personally when the kids are ugly. I can only tell you what I did, and what worked for me. That doesn't mean that all the things we are telling you will work for your family and sometimes you have to adjust on the fly. We all do the best we can with what we have and know. We love our kids and want to do right with them.I woke my kids up every single morning until they graduated from high school. It was something that we all enjoyed, the boys said that they liked the 'gentle mommy voice' that woke them. When they got older, they got woken with a cup of coffee in hand. They never had problem waking themselves up when they needed to in spite of me waking them up. Now that they are adults, they do just fine when getting up on their own, they figured it out. So see? What worked for us goes against all advice and is a fond memory for my family. So true. Each kid is different. I have one kid who went through a rough patch at 17 and thankfully pulled his head out of his arse by 18 and another kid that has not been one ounce of trouble as a teen/young adult. He is the dream kid. They both were raised the same expectations and consequences. Each made their own choices. I worked outside of the home and had to be at work by 7 and had the kids with me every single morning, so our mornings were much more scheduled/regimented. We all do what we need to to get through the day. My mom was a stay at home mom and did things so differently than I did. She did so much for me growing up. I turned out pretty darn good and so far so good with my kids who had a mom who didn't wake them up and stopped doing their laundry when they turned 7!
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Post by christine58 on Jan 28, 2018 21:43:27 GMT
Nobody wants their kids to watch porn but guess what they all do it They are curious and it’s part of growing up, you can talk (and you should)to him about why you don’t like and why . Did I miss something???
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mallie
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Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Jan 28, 2018 21:46:08 GMT
Was the phone the reason for oversleeping? If so, then no prior warning is needed. If not, I could go either way.I Thanks, I believe the phone is the reason for the oversleeping. He refuses to turn it in at night and stays up on social media. Jen Excuse me? He REFUSES to turn it in at night? Oh hell to the no. That phone would be turned off by me and locked away. But I see that your husband also refuses to work with you on parenting. Your son is learning from his father. Good luck.
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Post by smokeynspike on Jan 28, 2018 22:42:48 GMT
I would have a discussion about it after school before bedtime, stating the consequence of losing the phone if it happens again. And, at least at my house, the phone/electronics is a direct contributor of not being able to get up because my 14 year old dd stays up too late instead of sleeping when she loses track of time in her electronics. So losing them is a direct consequence of the bad behavior and a very appropriate punishment. Melissa
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carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
Be yourself everybody else is already taken
Posts: 2,990
Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
Jun 28, 2014 21:46:39 GMT
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Post by carhoch on Jan 28, 2018 23:46:49 GMT
Nobody wants their kids to watch porn but guess what they all do it They are curious and it’s part of growing up, you can talk (and you should)to him about why you don’t like and why . Did I miss something??? It’s on the first page the OP was worried about that .
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Post by ihaveonly1l on Jan 28, 2018 23:46:50 GMT
Ok, dock cell phones in my bedroom at night. Our cell phone carrier doesn’t have options to turn data off Kids wake themselves up every morning with back up alarm clocks. Let him be late for church or not show up. What did I miss? Jen A conversation with your husband to determine the course of action you two are going to take. Parenting is hard (I have boys 18 and 20) and it is so important that my husband and I are on the same page. No one wants to be the "bad guy" all the time. Good luck!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2018 23:48:53 GMT
Well, you're the parent. You don't have to give any warning if you're paying the bill.
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Post by sunraynnc on Jan 28, 2018 23:54:18 GMT
I try every night to take away electronics at night. I don't think it's healthy for them it affects their sleep, it's not healthy to be on social media 24*7 and I don't want him looking at porn. I am ashamed to admit that I have no control over him. Asking him to turn in his phone at night is wasted breath as he just ignores me then hides he hides his phone or put it behind his back. I should set up a charging station in the kitchen and tell him that his cell gets plugged in at 10:00 and if it's not then he won't have it the next day. And after a week of him not plugging it in at 10:00 then he gets downgraded to a flip phone? Does this sound reasonable? Thanks Then getting up in the morning is the least of your problems. How were you waking him up? What was your follow through? What time is church? DH needs to worry more that DW is upset! (Your dh sounds like mine.)
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Post by sunraynnc on Jan 28, 2018 23:56:05 GMT
Thanks, what consequence do you think would be better for not getting up. The phone is the only thing he cares about. Jen Good question. If you need a consequence for today, maybe having the kid come up with five ways that he/she is going to make sure it doesn't happen again. Have him/her write them out. Did they keep you from doing something you wanted (needed)to do because they wouldn't get up? If so, take away something that they wanted to do today. Or they could help you get something done today that you needed to do since they wasted your time this morning. If the phone was keeping them awake last night, I would also give them a consequence of a month or two of charging the phone in your room for the night. We didn't let our kids have phone in their room at night until they turned 15. I know some parents wait even later. My kids had to start going to (work) school with me when they started Kindergarten, so their butts were out of bed every school morning at 6:15, and we were in the car by 6:50. I think that routine at such a young age helped them become better sleepers. Good luck. Raising teens is no picnic and when you aren't on the same page as your spouse, it is even harder. I think either punishment (taking away the phone or letting them know it will happen next time) will work as long as you are consistent. Kid's brains aren't fully developed until 25 and the last thing they develop is the connection of actions and consequences. Life would be so much easier if that wasn't true. DH needs to be the one waking them up.
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Post by christine58 on Jan 29, 2018 0:26:29 GMT
You have bigger issues than not getting out of bed/not turning in the phone when told. I teach/taught this age group for years. You HAVE to be consistent. AND your DH has to be on the same page which he obviously is not. There's your issue in a nut shell. And if you think he has NOT looked at porn...doubt it.
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Post by femalebusiness on Jan 29, 2018 1:23:40 GMT
Remove the SIM card in his phone.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jan 29, 2018 2:05:27 GMT
I agree with myshelly church at 9:00 on a Sunday morning is just not even a battle I am willing to fight. My DD is so busy throughout the week that she needs every bit of extra sleep on the weekend. She's a senior and an honors student. I don't even wake her up for school. She can suffer the consequences if she oversleeps. My DS was a nightmare to get up and go to school. He sleeps really poorly. Weird hours. And has terrible social anxiety. It is amazing how peaceful my life became when he decided he wasn't going back to school and wanted to be homeschooled. It's more work for me but he is thriving. His mood is improved. We aren't fighting over school anymore. I don't take phones or computers away. Sometimes the computer is the only form of human contact my son has.
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my3freaks
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,206
Location: NH girl living in Colorado
Jun 26, 2014 4:10:56 GMT
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Post by my3freaks on Jan 29, 2018 2:32:26 GMT
Does Cricket have parental controls? We have Verizon , and all through school I used parental controls to set the hours that my daughters phone worked. She couldn't do anything except contact the numbers that I put in as approved (mine, Dad's & her brother's) between 10 pm & 7 am. Both kids had to put their phones on a charging dock in the family room at night, but we added the controls because she wasn't above sneaking down to get hers. I suspended her line a couple times right from Verizon's site too. She's my challenging child! Parenting definitely isn't always fun. Teenagers suck sometimes!
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Post by mikklynn on Jan 29, 2018 2:43:26 GMT
Your DH needs to take over getting the 16 year old up.
Parenting is hard!
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