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Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 17:03:59 GMT
If you tried to wake your 16 year old 3 times and they wouldn't get up can then invoke a consequence and take away their phone? Or do you have to tell them the night before that if they don't wake up when you ask them too the consequence will be to take away their phone?
DH and I disagree. Jen
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Post by 950nancy on Jan 28, 2018 17:07:48 GMT
Since the consequence doesn't really match the bad behavior, I would let them know today that this will happen in the future. I get taking away their currency, but at 16, rules and expectations need to be discussed. I found that my two boys responded much better to knowing a future consequence rather than not.
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Post by heather on Jan 28, 2018 17:08:43 GMT
Was the phone the reason for oversleeping? If so, then no prior warning is needed.
If not, I could go either way.
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Post by zztop11 on Jan 28, 2018 17:09:09 GMT
16 and you're waking them up is a no no in my book. They should be practicing responsibility by this point. They set the alarm, they get up. It's not your job! Consequences for not getting up could be natural consequences like you leave the house and they don't get to go or take away their phone and get them a LOUD wind up alarm clock until they learn.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Jan 28, 2018 17:13:12 GMT
It would be nice if they came with manuals wouldn’t it?
was there a natural consequence for over sleeping (missed out on something fun? Late to school? Etc). Was the reason they overslept because they were on the phone? I would probably say “since you were on your phone too late I’m taking it at 8/9/10pm tonight”. So kinda a mix? But dh says I’m too lenient so take that with a grain of salt.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jan 28, 2018 17:13:24 GMT
I am mean and would just take away the phone before bedtime tonight and tell said teen that the new rule for the foreseeable future is that the phone will be charging at night in your room. Along with all other electronics (tablets, tvs, computers, whatever.) When the inevitable fighting back happens, then you just look at them and tell them you have noticed that it is interfering with their ability to regulate their sleeping and waking times and at some point in the far future you can re-evaluate it.
But again, mean mom here would also throw in that since I am the grown up and pay for all that stuff, I get to make the rules. And if you don't like it? Too bad so sad, suck it up buttercup. Learn to wake up on time.
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Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 17:14:21 GMT
Since the consequence doesn't really match the bad behavior, I would let them know today that this will happen in the future. I get taking away their currency, but at 16, rules and expectations need to be discussed. I found that my two boys responded much better to knowing a future consequence rather than not. Thanks, what consequence do you think would be better for not getting up. The phone is the only thing he cares about. Jen
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Post by mom on Jan 28, 2018 17:15:59 GMT
In our house (we have boys - 16 & 18) - don't wake up and the first offense then they are told they will lose phones next time. After first offense, then natural consequences come into play. They get left, get told to go to bed earlier (because obviously they are not getting enough sleep), and take their phones/laptops. After about the second or third time they oversleep then they get multiple alarm clocks (all set for different times, just minuets apart).
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Post by candleangie on Jan 28, 2018 17:16:55 GMT
Was it the reason they overslept? Is there something they’re missing by not getting up?
If they’re staying up way too late because of the phone, then from now on the phone would go with me after a certain hour. When they are consistently getting up on time, on their own, then they can have it back after hours...and have another chance to prove they are adult enough for that responsibility.
Also, going forward I would put them on notice that they are responsible for their own sleep (and wake) schedule. No more parental alarm clock....and then stick to it. (It’s difficult, I know). As soon as my kids really knew that no one was going to come be their snooze alarm anymore, they got their shit together. If they oversleep, I don’t wake them up and I will not save their butts with excuse notes or rides unless there are major extenuating circumstances. It took once with my DS. He missed the bus, had to pay for a public bus ticket and got detention for “skipping” first period. (Which he technically did....) My older DD had to scramble to school with greasy hair in a beany a few times, and paid for an Uber once or twice, but always managed to get there. Younger DD is a morning person (clearly not mine...might be a changeling 😂)
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Jan 28, 2018 17:20:26 GMT
Since the consequence doesn't really match the bad behavior, I would let them know today that this will happen in the future. I get taking away their currency, but at 16, rules and expectations need to be discussed. I found that my two boys responded much better to knowing a future consequence rather than not. Thanks, what consequence do you think would be better for not getting up. The phone is the only thing he cares about. Jen Why didn’t get he get up? Obviously he was tired and I assume he was up too late. What was he doing that keep him up? Video games, those now end at 8. Out with friends, new curfew is 8. Etc.
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Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 17:20:42 GMT
Was the phone the reason for oversleeping? If so, then no prior warning is needed. If not, I could go either way.I Thanks, I believe the phone is the reason for the oversleeping. He refuses to turn it in at night and stays up on social media. Jen
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Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 17:22:40 GMT
16 and you're waking them up is a no no in my book. They should be practicing responsibility by this point. They set the alarm, they get up. It's not your job! Consequences for not getting up could be natural consequences like you leave the house and they don't get to go or take away their phone and get them a LOUD wind up alarm clock until they learn.Than THANK YOU! He is good about getting up for school. Weekends are another story. Jen
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Jan 28, 2018 17:23:12 GMT
Was the phone the reason for oversleeping? If so, then no prior warning is needed. If not, I could go either way.I Thanks, I believe the phone is the reason for the oversleeping. He refuses to turn it in at night and stays up on social media. Jen There is no option of refusal when you’re 16. If you’ve proved you can’t handle the phone at night, you hand it over before bed. You don’t do that? It takes me 5 minutes to log in and drop the phone service and change the WiFi password. Another 5 to gather up all charging cables. The phone won’t be much fun when the battery dies after playing solitaire
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Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 17:26:37 GMT
It would be nice if they came with manuals wouldn’t it? was there a natural consequence for over sleeping (missed out on something fun? Late to school? Etc). Was the reason they overslept because they were on the phone? I would probably say “since you were on your phone too late I’m taking it at 8/9/10pm tonight”. So kinda a mix? But dh says I’m too lenient so take that with a grain of salt. I sure would LOVE a manual. Especially since all three of my kids are so different. Luckily I have the Peas to guide me in the right direction. This was along the lines of what I was going to say to my DS but my DH thinks I am a drill Sargent and that taking his phone away for an hour is child abuse. Jen
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 4, 2024 16:04:07 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2018 17:29:22 GMT
Was the phone the reason for oversleeping? If so, then no prior warning is needed. If not, I could go either way.I Thanks, I believe the phone is the reason for the oversleeping. He refuses to turn it in at night and stays up on social media. Jen I've gone through this. I now take away the phone at night. Until my teen can show discipline with it, I am keeping it with me at night. I've had to set some strict boundaries with her phone since she can't seem to balance it herself. I've given her chances to make the right choices (turn in phone at a set time after I'm asleep) to see if she can handle having it overnight. Nope, not yet.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Jan 28, 2018 17:29:26 GMT
It would be nice if they came with manuals wouldn’t it? was there a natural consequence for over sleeping (missed out on something fun? Late to school? Etc). Was the reason they overslept because they were on the phone? I would probably say “since you were on your phone too late I’m taking it at 8/9/10pm tonight”. So kinda a mix? But dh says I’m too lenient so take that with a grain of salt. I sure would LOVE a manual. Especially since all three of my kids are so different. Luckily I have the Peas to guide me in the right direction. This was along the lines of what I was going to say to my DS but my DH thinks I am a drill Sargent and that taking his phone away for an hour is child abuse. Jen Eh, tell dh to call child services, you could use a couple days off
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Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 17:35:50 GMT
I am mean and would just take away the phone before bedtime tonight and tell said teen that the new rule for the foreseeable future is that the phone will be charging at night in your room. Along with all other electronics (tablets, tvs, computers, whatever.) When the inevitable fighting back happens, then you just look at them and tell them you have noticed that it is interfering with their ability to regulate their sleeping and waking times and at some point in the far future you can re-evaluate it. But again, mean mom here would also throw in that since I am the grown up and pay for all that stuff, I get to make the rules. And if you don't like it? Too bad so sad, suck it up buttercup. Learn to wake up on time. I try every night to take away electronics at night. I don't think it's healthy for them it affects their sleep, it's not healthy to be on social media 24*7 and I don't want him looking at porn. I am ashamed to admit that I have no control over him. Asking him to turn in his phone at night is wasted breath as he just ignores me then hides he hides his phone or put it behind his back. I should set up a charging station in the kitchen and tell him that his cell gets plugged in at 10:00 and if it's not then he won't have it the next day. And after a week of him not plugging it in at 10:00 then he gets downgraded to a flip phone? Does this sound reasonable? Thanks
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Post by myshelly on Jan 28, 2018 17:36:50 GMT
Why does he need to get up?
I would just let whatever happens to him if he doesn't get up (natural consequences) happen to him.
I would no longer wake him up.
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Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 17:37:30 GMT
In our house (we have boys - 16 & 18) - don't wake up and the first offense then they are told they will lose phones next time. After first offense, then natural consequences come into play. They get left, get told to go to bed earlier (because obviously they are not getting enough sleep), and take their phones/laptops. After about the second or third time they oversleep then they get multiple alarm clocks (all set for different times, just minuets apart). Love it!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 4, 2024 16:04:07 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2018 17:37:58 GMT
16 and you're waking them up is a no no in my book. They should be practicing responsibility by this point. They set the alarm, they get up. It's not your job! Consequences for not getting up could be natural consequences like you leave the house and they don't get to go or take away their phone and get them a LOUD wind up alarm clock until they learn.Than THANK YOU! He is good about getting up for school. Weekends are another story. Jen Does he need to be up for anything or is there room for him to sleep longer? We tried many things with dd(15) but realized she just needed more sleep as many teens do. So we had her switch her bath to night time. That way she just needs about 30 minutes to freshen up, get dressed, eat, and brush her teeth. We allow dd to sleep in on the weekends and those days she bathes in the morning. Unless we have an activity. Then its the same routine as weekdays for school. That has helped a lot. Does he have too much going on? Under stress? Many things can contribute to teens needing more sleep on top of hormones and growth. Is he sleeping well at night??? He may not be getting solid sleep and need more on the weekends. Just food for thought.
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Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 17:40:16 GMT
Thanks, I believe the phone is the reason for the oversleeping. He refuses to turn it in at night and stays up on social media. Jen There is no option of refusal when you’re 16. If you’ve proved you can’t handle the phone at night, you hand it over before bed. You don’t do that? It takes me 5 minutes to log in and drop the phone service and change the WiFi password. Another 5 to gather up all charging cables. The phone won’t be much fun when the battery dies after playing solitaire Brilliant!
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Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 17:42:57 GMT
Why does he need to get up? I would just let whatever happens to him if he doesn't get up (natural consequences) happen to him. I would no longer wake him up. Today it was church! Which is non negotiable in our house. He is usually really good about getting himself up for School.
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT
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Post by LeaP on Jan 28, 2018 17:43:31 GMT
I am mean and would just take away the phone before bedtime tonight and tell said teen that the new rule for the foreseeable future is that the phone will be charging at night in your room. Along with all other electronics (tablets, tvs, computers, whatever.) When the inevitable fighting back happens, then you just look at them and tell them you have noticed that it is interfering with their ability to regulate their sleeping and waking times and at some point in the far future you can re-evaluate it. But again, mean mom here would also throw in that since I am the grown up and pay for all that stuff, I get to make the rules. And if you don't like it? Too bad so sad, suck it up buttercup. Learn to wake up on time. We do something like this. When the kids have trouble getting themselves up, we take away electronics early and tell them to go to sleep earlier. I have squirted water on my catatonic teen. Oh, the outrage of being treated like a cat scratching furniture. SaveSave
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Post by femalebusiness on Jan 28, 2018 17:47:43 GMT
And then there is always a big bucket of ice. You only have to do that once.
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Post by jumperhop on Jan 28, 2018 17:47:53 GMT
THANK YOU! He is good about getting up for school. Weekends are another story. Jen Does he need to be up for anything or is there room for him to sleep longer? We tried many things with dd(15) but realized she just needed more sleep as many teens do. So we had her switch her bath to night time. That way she just needs about 30 minutes to freshen up, get dressed, eat, and brush her teeth. We allow dd to sleep in on the weekends and those days she bathes in the morning. Unless we have an activity. Then its the same routine as weekdays for school. That has helped a lot. Does he have too much going on? Under stress? Many things can contribute to teens needing more sleep on top of hormones and growth. Is he sleeping well at night??? He may not be getting solid sleep and need more on the weekends. Just food for thought. This describes my 13 year old. He needs more sleep. Today the boys just wouldn't get up for church. I have a million things to do myself so trying to get them up 4 times is frustrating. Jen
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jan 28, 2018 17:48:10 GMT
I am mean and would just take away the phone before bedtime tonight and tell said teen that the new rule for the foreseeable future is that the phone will be charging at night in your room. Along with all other electronics (tablets, tvs, computers, whatever.) When the inevitable fighting back happens, then you just look at them and tell them you have noticed that it is interfering with their ability to regulate their sleeping and waking times and at some point in the far future you can re-evaluate it. But again, mean mom here would also throw in that since I am the grown up and pay for all that stuff, I get to make the rules. And if you don't like it? Too bad so sad, suck it up buttercup. Learn to wake up on time. I try every night to take away electronics at night. I don't think it's healthy for them it affects their sleep, it's not healthy to be on social media 24*7 and I don't want him looking at porn. I am ashamed to admit that I have no control over him. Asking him to turn in his phone at night is wasted breath as he just ignores me then hides he hides his phone or put it behind his back. I should set up a charging station in the kitchen and tell him that his cell gets plugged in at 10:00 and if it's not then he won't have it the next day. And after a week of him not plugging it in at 10:00 then he gets downgraded to a flip phone? Does this sound reasonable? Thanks I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time. I assume he's on your plan. Our rule is all electronics plugged into the central charging station at 9:30 period. There's no negotiation, begging or asking and I sure as hell wouldn't wait a week of him of him not plugging it into to downgrade him. You need to show him you mean business. Deactivate the phone when he doesn't listen to you. It will get his attention really fast.
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Post by mom on Jan 28, 2018 17:49:29 GMT
I am mean and would just take away the phone before bedtime tonight and tell said teen that the new rule for the foreseeable future is that the phone will be charging at night in your room. Along with all other electronics (tablets, tvs, computers, whatever.) When the inevitable fighting back happens, then you just look at them and tell them you have noticed that it is interfering with their ability to regulate their sleeping and waking times and at some point in the far future you can re-evaluate it. But again, mean mom here would also throw in that since I am the grown up and pay for all that stuff, I get to make the rules. And if you don't like it? Too bad so sad, suck it up buttercup. Learn to wake up on time. I try every night to take away electronics at night. I don't think it's healthy for them it affects their sleep, it's not healthy to be on social media 24*7 and I don't want him looking at porn. I am ashamed to admit that I have no control over him. Asking him to turn in his phone at night is wasted breath as he just ignores me then hides he hides his phone or put it behind his back. I should set up a charging station in the kitchen and tell him that his cell gets plugged in at 10:00 and if it's not then he won't have it the next day. And after a week of him not plugging it in at 10:00 then he gets downgraded to a flip phone? Does this sound reasonable? Thanks oh no, sister. That will not work. I would cut that phone off so quick he wouldn't know what happened. When I say give me the phone, he would have approximately 20 seconds to give it to me or he would have a phone with no service. Also? If he is this resistant to give you his phone, then you need to find somewhere else besides the kitchen for him to plug it into. Like under your pillow. Because he will go get it after you go to bed if he has access to it. SaveSave
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Post by mom on Jan 28, 2018 17:50:00 GMT
And then there is always a big bucket of ice. You only have to do that once. My mom dumped a pitcher of ice cold water on me when I was about 12. Never had to do it again! SaveSave
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jan 28, 2018 17:50:30 GMT
I am mean and would just take away the phone before bedtime tonight and tell said teen that the new rule for the foreseeable future is that the phone will be charging at night in your room. Along with all other electronics (tablets, tvs, computers, whatever.) When the inevitable fighting back happens, then you just look at them and tell them you have noticed that it is interfering with their ability to regulate their sleeping and waking times and at some point in the far future you can re-evaluate it. But again, mean mom here would also throw in that since I am the grown up and pay for all that stuff, I get to make the rules. And if you don't like it? Too bad so sad, suck it up buttercup. Learn to wake up on time. I actually don't consider this mean, and we don't do it as a punishment. Every single person in our house uses a charging station at night. I honestly think it's extremely unhealthy for EVERYONE and there are a million studies to back it up.
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Post by mom on Jan 28, 2018 17:52:14 GMT
Does he need to be up for anything or is there room for him to sleep longer? We tried many things with dd(15) but realized she just needed more sleep as many teens do. So we had her switch her bath to night time. That way she just needs about 30 minutes to freshen up, get dressed, eat, and brush her teeth. We allow dd to sleep in on the weekends and those days she bathes in the morning. Unless we have an activity. Then its the same routine as weekdays for school. That has helped a lot. Does he have too much going on? Under stress? Many things can contribute to teens needing more sleep on top of hormones and growth. Is he sleeping well at night??? He may not be getting solid sleep and need more on the weekends. Just food for thought. This describes my 13 year old. He needs more sleep. Today the boys just wouldn't get up for church. I have a million things to do myself so trying to get them up 4 times is frustrating. Jen In my house, I would not require them to get up (and I sure would not be going in there 4 times). BUT they know if they tell me 'no' to going to church (by choosing to sleep in) then I will tell them 'no' when they do want to go somewhere with their friends. SaveSaveSaveSave
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