Strokes in men - please help

First of all, its ok to be scared even though he is your ex.

I am a stroke survivor. What you are describing is similar to what I went through (though I did not have to have surgery to remove my clot). His brain has been to hell and back. He will struggle for a while (it could be days, weeks, months, etc). There is no real timeline on how long recovery can take. The key to stroke recovery is 1) he got help ASAP 2) the care he gets once he knows he had a stroke.

I went to a rehab that was located in my hospital for two weeks. While I did not lose function on either side, my brain would mix things up when I tried to talk. I knew the words, but they would not come out right. I could want to say mom and the word desk would come out. The nurses explained to me that my brain had had trauma and time was the only thing that could heal it. I would get mixed up for about a month and then it started getting better. I could walk fine, feed myself, etc. But I could not make my words/thoughts correlate.

The only thing I can tell you is it will take time. His brain hurts and is basically bruised (from the stroke and surgery). It will take some time for it to recover, but recovery is completely possible. I would say at 6 months after my stroke, I was probably 75% better (still had headaches, and some confusion) but by 12 months post stroke, I was probably 90% better. I am going on 5 years post stroke and I would say most days I am at 95%. I still struggle with names and I have accepted that probably wont change. I can still draw blueprints to scale, drive, and do just about everything I could before. It just took time.

FWIW, I was 34 when I had my stroke. I was completely healthy EXCEPT I have a hereditary blood disorder that required a special test to diagnose.

It is really VERY VERY early to say anything. His brain has had a trauma, plus surgery. It needs to heal. He could have very good recovery with his good health. It's too soon to say he could never work again, or really anything. It's very common for someone to be worse the next day, or even days after a stroke. You have to be patient, and just wait til he heals. Hoping things cont to improve.

I'm glad you have been able to live a full and happy life after suffering a stroke at such a young age. ❤

I just wanted to say I'm sorry. 

I'm sorry. I know this is so scary for both of you. I agree about contacting HR to make sure insurance is in order. Don't give up hope. Many people do recover from strokes.

I'm so sorry to hear this news Really Red. I have no experience with strokes so I can't help you there but from the other posts it sounds like you've gotten great advice. Just wanted to send you big HUGS and let you know that I'm thinking about you. 

Oh, how sad. I agree with the above that it's way too soon to know how he'll be in a week, in a month, in a year.

Strokes are a "take it day by day" kind of thing. It's really hard to do, but that's the healthiest way to approach it.

I hope he has a lot of improvement.

cindyupnorth and others are right. It's too early to even think he won't go back to work etc. The brain is an amazing organ and it needs time to heal. Tomorrow get in contact with his work etc and find out about the disability etc. And absolutely call people who can help you. Deep breaths.. Too early to panic.

Does he have any family that can come and be with him?


You are a good person for going there.

Hugs to you.

What about your kids? Can any of them come spell you?

Really Red I am sorry that your Ex has had a stroke. You are wonderful for being there for him. 

Hugs and prayers being sent to you, your EX, and your family. 

That makes sense. I'm sorry they're so far away. Just try not to overdo it yourself, okay?

It's not unheard of to have a stroke and not know it, and be at least partially functional afterwards.

When I had my first stroke, I had been really sick and was having medication complications. The weird symptoms were blown off as medication withdrawal at first since I had to stop the prescription without tapering off. It wasn't until I was sick enough to go to the ER that anybody suspected something was wrong with my brain. Nobody knows exactly when I had the stroke, after a certain amount of time, the damage doesn't look "new" on MRIs anymore, and it's not that long after the stroke. They think it happened in my sleep when I was so sick and out of it.

At first they couldn't find a cause and blew it off as an unlucky fluke. Strokes don't always have an obvious cause, sometimes the cause is never identified. Young otherwise healthy people do have strokes. But after it happened again, I had a doctor dig deeper and it was found that the cause was an undiagnosed autoimmune disease combined with very low blood pressure episodes.

The biggest challenge for me was fatigue. The brain needs rest to heal. I was sleeping up to 20 hours a day for a while. I still sleep a lot 2 years later, 10 hours on average. It seems like all brain injury causes fatigue. You have to accept it and work around it.

While the area of my brain that was damaged is large in size, my deficits have been moderate and mostly mental and sensory. I walk with a slight limp, and my affected side is a bit weaker. But I can function independently.

My big challenges are with executive functioning, balance, vision changes, verbal communication, and sensory overload.

I was evaluated for possible physical and occupational therapy, but didn't meet criteria for insurance funding. Yes, I have issues, but since they don't prevent me from functioning safely at home, therapies weren't an option.

Improvement happens slow. I get evaluated twice a year in terms of my peripheral vision, balance, and strength on affected side. I've made small steady improvements. But there's no way to know how much I'll recover in total, and how long I'll keep seeing recovery. Eventually it will taper off and then I'll be left with what it is.

One thing, well a few, that really upset me. Some of my friends and family dropped me cold. Some people treat me like I'm mentally challenged and talk slow and down to me. And a couple of people have told me that I must have been irresponsible with my health and did this to myself somehow. Oh and I've been called dumb and uneducated because I can't find the proper words or form correct sentence structure a lot of the time. It's not quite word salad, but sometimes it's pretty cringey. I'm very self conscious about my aphasia and notice that I don't talk much unless it's immediate family and very close friends.

I'm hoping to get in to see a neuropsychiatrist to talk about how this affects me on a mental health level. Sometimes stroke deficits are misdiagnosed as mental illness related. You really need a specialist who understands that brain and psyche are different and require different treatment approaches.

The executive function problems were misdiagnosed as clinical depression, and I spent over a year on medication that ultimately did more harm than good. I would definitely advise to seek a second opinion with a neuropsychiatrist if mental illness is suspected. It might be neurological instead.