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Post by MichyM on Jul 15, 2018 15:37:24 GMT
Sorry for the abbreviations, I couldn't fit everything I wanted to say in the subject line.
So my friend and I made tentative plans to see a movie matinee this coming week. Her BF (they live together) broke his leg on the job 12 days ago, and is home until he's back on his feet. She's between jobs right now, so they've been together a lot. I've spent time with them both twice since the injury.
I like her boyfriend very much (we're all in our 50's and 60's), but I only really know him through her if that makes sense. It was decided that he would like to come to the movie as well. No problem.
Then I wake up to this email from her this morning (a response to my email setting up date and time):
"actually, if it's ok, I would love to have some time alone at the house. could I drop (name of BF) off at (location of theater) on Tuesday and either you could drive him back, or I can pick.him up? Ok if you want me there, just thought I would ask..."
Of course I said "no problem," but I don't really feel like I had an out there at all..... He's a super nice guy, but to be honest, my plans were with her. KWIM?
Not even sure what I'm asking here, I guess I feel a little "managed" and am not really liking the feeling. Be honest, how would you feel about this? Thanks!
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Post by littlemama on Jul 15, 2018 15:39:52 GMT
I can think of at least five different ways to have said no to that! How odd that she would even ask that of you.
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Loydene
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Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
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Post by Loydene on Jul 15, 2018 15:41:05 GMT
I think the request clearly states an "out" -- "if you want me there and just thought I'd ask" ... and, as always, "I'm sorry, but that won't work for me" is a fine response.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jul 15, 2018 15:42:52 GMT
That whole scenario seems a little, IDK, weird? My BFF’s husband is a great guy too but I wouldn’t want to go hang out at the movies alone with him if you KWIM. I’m friends with *her*. Like I said, weird.
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Post by moretimeplease on Jul 15, 2018 15:43:58 GMT
I can think of at least five different ways to have said no to that! How odd that she would even ask that of you. Yes, very odd! I definitely would have said no to that. And I’d have been pretty annoyed at her for asking. |
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jul 15, 2018 15:45:29 GMT
Weird.
I think I'd have to cancel that.
You don't have to babysit him just because she needs a break.
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maryannscraps
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Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
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Post by maryannscraps on Jul 15, 2018 15:46:57 GMT
Really not something I'd ever ask one of my girlfriends to do.
I wouldn't have a problem emailing her back and saying you'd changed your mind, and since she couldn't make it you'd like to reschedule for some other time.
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Post by mom on Jul 15, 2018 15:49:22 GMT
yeah...no. That would not be happening.
I think its weird on all sorts of levels that she would pawn him off on you. Reality is, she could leave him at home and get her alone time. You aren't her babysitter and he isn't her child.
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Post by stampnscrap1128 on Jul 15, 2018 15:54:50 GMT
I know I would be texting her back saying "Sorry but my tummy is very upset/I have a migraine/I need to wash my hair..." (choose the excuse of your liking). No way would I want to be a babysitter for him.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jul 15, 2018 15:55:03 GMT
yeah...no. That would not be happening. I think its weird on all sorts of levels that she would pawn him off on you. Reality is, she could leave him at home and get her alone time. You aren't her babysitter and he isn't her child. Or drop him off at the movies a different time if she needs some time alone and he's driving her crazy (which he probably is). I'm assuming there isn't an additional medical issue that would make attending a movie by himself an issue. |
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RosieKat
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Post by RosieKat on Jul 15, 2018 15:56:10 GMT
Yeah, that's weird. And you have an out, but I totally understand, it's not wanting to be seem like (or feel like) a jerk in a situation you shouldn't even be in. You wouldn't be a jerk, but it's awkward and I'd feel kind of mean saying no, even though I know I can.
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Deleted
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May 12, 2024 22:47:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2018 15:56:46 GMT
It’s odd and screams a bit of babysitting, but how long have you known him for? It sound like he’s comfortable around you enough that he’s not bothered by being pawned off.
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Deleted
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May 12, 2024 22:47:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2018 16:01:48 GMT
There's your out. Actually, it's not ok, let's rearrange for another time. |
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jul 15, 2018 16:02:22 GMT
I would simply reply. "Let's you and I just reschedule for another time." I would not feel obligated to babysit her boyfriend for her. She put you on the spot with the way she handled this -- not a great friend move.
And please, don't lie to get out of this. I never understand all the responses here that advise making up some lie. Just be honest and handle it like an adult.
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muggins
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Post by muggins on Jul 15, 2018 16:06:32 GMT
Honestly, it’s a bit weird of her to ask you to do this, but as a friend I’d probably just suck it up and go with him. It’s a couple of hours and you don’t even have to make conversation.
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Post by mom on Jul 15, 2018 16:06:41 GMT
It’s odd and screams a bit of babysitting, but how long have you known him for? It sound like he’s comfortable around you enough that he’s not bothered by being pawned off.Im wondering if her friend has even mentioned it to him before asking MichyM . I cannot imagine he would be ok with it. I know my DH wouldn't be. SaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSave |
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Post by destined2bmom on Jul 15, 2018 16:09:11 GMT
I am with everyone else. This is weird and I would reschedule with her. Why can’t she just leave him at home and go out at a different time by herself?
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jul 15, 2018 16:10:31 GMT
Where is there NOT an out??!! you could have gotten out of that so easy. It's very odd that she is pawning him off on your, so she could be home alone? I would be wondering what she wants to do at home alone? I mean, she could get away from him for awhile by going to the movie with you, etc.
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moodyblue
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Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Jul 15, 2018 16:12:31 GMT
Where is there NOT an out??!! you could have gotten out of that so easy. It's very odd that she is pawning him off on your, so she could be home alone? I would be wondering what she wants to do at home alone? I mean, she could get away from him for awhile by going to the movie with you, etc. Well, sometimes I just like to be home alone. I get that part of it. I'd probably just do the pickup and drive him home part of it, since you've already kind of committed to it. |
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Post by christine58 on Jul 15, 2018 16:13:40 GMT
"actually, if it's ok, I would love to have some time alone at the house. could I drop (name of BF) off at (location of theater) on Tuesday and either you could drive him back, or I can pick.him up? Ok if you want me there, just thought I would ask..." Oh hell NO....you should have not agreed to this |
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YooHoot
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Post by YooHoot on Jul 15, 2018 16:16:36 GMT
"My plans are with you. If you aren't able to make it, lets reschedule".
So odd.
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Post by pjaye on Jul 15, 2018 16:18:41 GMT
I can't really tell from your OP what the main issue/question is.
Basically she has just texted you and asked you to do her a favour. "I need some time to myself, are you willing to take him off my hands for a couple of hours?"
You are either happy to do this favour for her, or you aren't.
If you are, then you say "sure, that's no problem" go and see the movie and have fun.
If you aren't happy to do this for her (for whatever reason) then you do have an out...she has asked you, she has given you the option of replying that you'd rather she be there, so you can take that out: "Hi, I understand you need to some to yourself, but I'd feel a bit uncomfortable if it was just him and me, so I'd prefer you to come, otherwise we can reschedule for another time"
I don't think it's being "managed" she's seen an opportunity and asked you to do something for her. You still have the choice if it's OK or not. If she did this 10mins before the movie, or if she dropped him off and drove on...that's what I'd call being given no choice.
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Post by MichyM on Jul 15, 2018 16:22:32 GMT
Well, I already agreed to it and I don't think that I'm comfortable backing out. The way she asked had me feeling like I really couldn't say no.
I do appreciate the validation that the request was a little odd. I've known her for just under 5 years, and met him shortly thereafter. Twice since his injury on the 3rd of this month she and I have taken a long beach walk and had lunch (so 3-4 hours total) so that she could have some time away from him. It's not like they don't get along, and he's incredibly self-sufficient so he's not "needy" (if anything he tries to do too much), but I'm finding out that she certainly isn't the nurturing kind.
I had foot surgery last fall and was confined alone at my house for 6 weeks. She came by once for maybe 45 minutes. So....the not-nuturing thing isn't just with him.
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Post by mollycoddle on Jul 15, 2018 16:27:35 GMT
I would be irritated. You are spot on about being managed. But I would go anyhow.
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Post by mrssmith on Jul 15, 2018 16:29:20 GMT
Agree that she did give you an out. Perhaps she thinks that you and her BF are closer than you actually are?
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Post by KikiPea on Jul 15, 2018 16:34:16 GMT
I can think of at least five different ways to have said no to that! How odd that she would even ask that of you. That. I would have said, "I'm sorry, my plans were to see the movie with you. We 'll make plans some other time when you are free." |
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Post by scrapmaven on Jul 15, 2018 16:35:41 GMT
If she wants time to herself then she needs to be an adult and go get time alone. She saw this as a chance to get rid of him for a few hours and didn't take into account the fact that she was making her problem someone else's problem. I wonder if she's also driving him crazy?
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Deleted
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May 12, 2024 22:47:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2018 16:42:43 GMT
No, do not do this. I know that nothing will happen, but appearances are everything.
If you feel you must, find another friend to go with you, so you are not alone with somebody’s man.
Btw: you are a good friend for doing this without reservation.
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Post by christine58 on Jul 15, 2018 16:44:44 GMT
I'd call her back and opt out....
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Post by pjaye on Jul 15, 2018 16:51:31 GMT
Ok if you want me there, just thought I would ask How does that make you feel like you can't say no? It was an email...she didn't catch you off guard, you had time to think it through before you replied. She didn't make you feel a certain way, how you feel and your inability to say no, is on you. |
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