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Post by Chips on Jul 15, 2018 16:53:12 GMT
Ugh that stinks and is weird.
If this is a friendship that you enjoy and want to keep I would not read to much into it. Maybe call her and let her vent about whatever and let her know your there for her but not up to spending the afternoon with out her. I would just let her know that you are up for rescheduling since you want to spend time with her.
Just wanted to add that as I get older finding a good friend is hard and keeping that relationship is hard too.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,152
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Jul 15, 2018 16:57:44 GMT
I think it's for sure weird on her part. But it's only a movie and you like the guy so I wouldn't have a big problem with meeting up with him....other than it's weird of her to ask.
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Post by drummergirl65 on Jul 15, 2018 17:07:43 GMT
Well, I already agreed to it and I don't think that I'm comfortable backing out. The way she asked had me feeling like I really couldn't say no. I do appreciate the validation that the request was a little odd. I've known her for just under 5 years, and met him shortly thereafter. Twice since his injury on the 3rd of this month she and I have taken a long beach walk and had lunch (so 3-4 hours total) so that she could have some time away from him. It's not like they don't get along, and he's incredibly self-sufficient so he's not "needy" (if anything he tries to do too much), but I'm finding out that she certainly isn't the nurturing kind. I had foot surgery last fall and was confined alone at my house for 6 weeks. She came by once for maybe 45 minutes. So....the not-nuturing thing isn't just with him. She doesn’t sound just not a nurturing person but a selfish one to boot. She can only scrape by a 45 minute visit while you’re laid up for 6 weeks? Hell no! I’d definitely text her and say that in hindsight, this arrangement isn’t going to work and you can book a time when she’s available. After all, wasn’t it her idea that he come along? What was that old saying? “Just say no” 😁
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Post by gigi333 on Jul 15, 2018 17:09:44 GMT
What I don’t like is she dumped you and your plans and then expects you to bring him’
It’s completely weird in my opinion and I would not be happy if one of my friends did that to me
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Post by Delta Dawn on Jul 15, 2018 17:17:22 GMT
Your friend wants you to babysit? Who does that?
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Post by silverlining on Jul 15, 2018 18:10:12 GMT
A positive response might be something like "I'm looking forward to spending time with you. Let's re-schedule to a time when you'd like to get out of the house."
That tells her that you value her friendship and understand that she needs to have time away from her BF.
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Post by anniefb on Jul 15, 2018 18:17:31 GMT
Just plain weird. I would have said no.
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Post by SockMonkey on Jul 15, 2018 18:21:16 GMT
Girl, you need some boundaries. Stat.
One of my favorite things about getting older is that I have gotten WAY better at saying no to things. Nope, sorry.
Your response should have been:
"I don't mind if he comes along, but our plans were together. I don't feel comfortable just going with him. If it's not going to work out for you to come to the movie, let's plan something else for you and I on a different day."
That's all that needed to be said.
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SabrinaP
Pearl Clutcher
Busy Teacher Pea
Posts: 4,356
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Jun 26, 2014 12:16:22 GMT
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Post by SabrinaP on Jul 15, 2018 18:26:47 GMT
Wait so now it’s just you and her boyfriend going to the movies. That’s just odd! I would totally be backing out of that one.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Jul 15, 2018 18:27:36 GMT
Ugh! I cannot believe her nerve. I probably would have been so surprised that I would have agreed, too, but still. Your friend's request was odd, and an imposition.
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Post by mygigiscraps on Jul 15, 2018 18:29:35 GMT
Most of us have agreed to something we'd rather not do when put on the spot. Sometimes it just takes you by surprise, I think. Your friend sounds very selfish, actually. I wonder how weird the boyfriend will feel about it? I understand you not being comfortable in cancelling. Male or female, I wouldn't want anyone to feel like driving them to the movies was an imposition when they already know that I am going anyway. Just from reading her message, it doesn't really indicate that he is seeing the same movie as you, so that's why I am taking it that he just needs a ride. I would, however, be inviting another friend to go with me. Also, he might not even know she's doing this to begin with. It's possible that he will be so uncomfortable with the situation that he won't go at all.
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kelly8875
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,391
Location: Lost in my supplies...
Oct 26, 2014 17:02:56 GMT
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Post by kelly8875 on Jul 15, 2018 18:37:10 GMT
You could easily have gotten out of this request. Not sure why you think you didn’t have a choice here.
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Belle
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,309
Jun 28, 2014 4:39:12 GMT
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Post by Belle on Jul 15, 2018 18:37:30 GMT
Am I understanding your friend made plans for the 3 of you to go to the movie and now she has backed out? And, she asked you to drive him home? I would not feel obligated to help this couple out at all. Doesn’t he have a friend that could accompany him to the movie? Or Uber to the movie? Can’t your friend figure out a break for herself with out involving and imposing on you?
I think you are a super good friend to her and him and, no doubt, will have a pleasant time at the movie but still.....
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Post by MichyM on Jul 15, 2018 18:52:32 GMT
Ok girls. If something like this comes up again I'll post here FIRST before replying to the email. Sock's reply was perfect, and yes ladies, I need to grow a spine. Most of the time i have one, really...I do She did email again to check timing, and I asked her if her BF is ok with this. I have a sneaking suspicion that he may be unaware....
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Post by chlerbie on Jul 15, 2018 18:57:59 GMT
My best friends all get along great with my guy, but I'd never dream of asking something like that of them. It's not that they're not "friends", but WE have the primary relationship and he's not one of the circle unless we're all together.
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 15, 2018 19:19:13 GMT
We all want time alone and can't find it during our lifetime. Ugh. That was not a nice thing for your friend to do. I might have ungraciously gotten out of it with some type of excuse of having double plans and since should couldn't go I would be doing the other thing. Maybe a crappy thing to do, but it was crappy of her do ask in the first place.
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Post by gar on Jul 15, 2018 19:31:32 GMT
No, do not do this. I know that nothing will happen, but appearances are everything. If you feel you must, find another friend to go with you, so you are not alone with somebody’s man. Btw: you are a good friend for doing this without reservation. Appearances are not everything at all. OP, you’ve said yes now and I suspect you won’t want to let her down by changing plans and it’s only a couple of hours but I would feel inclined to say something to her afterwards about not appreciating her using you in this way.
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Belle
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,309
Jun 28, 2014 4:39:12 GMT
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Post by Belle on Jul 15, 2018 19:37:59 GMT
Ok girls. If something like this comes up again I'll post here FIRST before replying to the email. Sock's reply was perfect, and yes ladies, I need to grow a spine. Most of the time i have one, really...I do She did email again to check timing, and I asked her if her BF is ok with this. I have a sneaking suspicion that he may be unaware.... I wondered if he knew....can't imagine DH making plans for the 2 of us plus one of his buddies and then expecting me to go alone to the movie with the buddy.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Jul 15, 2018 19:50:05 GMT
It's definitely weird and I'd definitely be put out by it.
But I did want to say that "time alone" and "time at home alone" are two totally different things.
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Post by christine58 on Jul 15, 2018 20:03:10 GMT
I'd all of a sudden not feel well.. LOL
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Post by berty on Jul 15, 2018 20:19:58 GMT
OP, don't feel spineless. I totally get it. I'm someone who is very sensitive to hurting others' feelings, and it's just not in my nature to easily think of an out and be comfortable using it. I admire others who can easily stand up for themselves, but it's just not my nature where others are concerned. I feel like we (general we) beat up on ourselves too much in life as it is, and you shouldn't feel bad about feeling the way you naturally do.
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Peal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,524
Jun 25, 2014 22:45:40 GMT
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Post by Peal on Jul 15, 2018 20:57:03 GMT
I think it's an odd request, but I do understand the need to be alone in my own house sometimes. If this was a movie I wanted to see, I would be okay with it. Does it really matter who you see the movie with? It's not like you are going to be talking during it. And if I really wanted to spend that time with my friend. I would tell her I would rather that she was there, but I would also offer an opportunity for her to be alone at home and entertain the BF for a couple of hours, as a service to my friend.
And I get not being sure how to say no. At 45 I still have difficulty telling certain people no. But I am getting better.
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PaperAngel
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,408
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Jul 15, 2018 21:01:24 GMT
Based on the OP & subsequent posts, please do NOT babysit your friend's boyfriend. Not only do you already anticipate it'll be awkward, IMHO it's demeaning to both of you! Plus, if you do this once, it may become a weekly expectation; she then could accuse him of being unfaithful with you or you of trying to break up their relationship when she wants out.
Please consider texting her to cancel, then wait for her to contact you to reschedule a movie outing with you as you reconsider the friendship. (((hugs)))
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kate
Drama Llama
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Jul 15, 2018 21:07:23 GMT
What I would have LIKED to say in your position: "If BF is really set on seeing the movie, why don't you drop him off at the theater at a time that works best for you two. Then let's you and I plan a time to get together when you're feeling more social."
What I would have ACTUALLY said in your position: "Oh. Okay."
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Post by guzismom on Jul 15, 2018 21:09:33 GMT
I honestly do not understand people. Who the bleep asks a friend to do this?
Clueless people, that's who.
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Post by papersilly on Jul 15, 2018 21:16:25 GMT
It was an odd request but if the boyfriend is cool and you get along, I would do it. If he was weird or awkward, it would not have taken much to say no.
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Post by pierkiss on Jul 15, 2018 22:02:29 GMT
No. Just no. Tell her you wanted to spend time with her, as you two are friends.
I think it’s terrible that she decided that you could babysit her boyfriend while she got some alone time.
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Post by sues on Jul 15, 2018 23:09:27 GMT
I think she was passively aggressively letting you know she didn't expect you to object. Spare me that BS phrasing 'I can if you want...' - which puts it all on YOU when she's the one throwing a wrench into your plans.
I'd have been irritated too- but more by her dumping me for the 'better option'. It was a crappy thing to do, but she sounds very self-centered. I understand feeling like you were in a difficult position. Especially since you were taken by surprise. I might have just gone with it too - but learned a lesson about making plans with her again. Depending on my mood I might have said "Sorry your plans changed. Maybe another time."
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Post by MichyM on Jul 15, 2018 23:34:25 GMT
I think SueS hit things on the nail. The way it was phrased assumed (at least to me) that I'd be perfectly fine with it, and if not...it was kind of a passive aggressive way to ask to change the original plans (again). That said. I have a question. I get the feeling that you all think she's not a very good friend to me. Which of course gets me thinking about the far *worse* stuff that other friends do/ask of me. Now I'm really feeling like a doormat, and I've never really thought of myself as one..... I just figure the not so good stuff comes along with the good stuff with a friendship. Am I wrong? Also, because I saw it mentioned several times, he and I are seeing the movie Ruth Bader Ginsberg together.
ETA: one other thing. I completely and utterly understand her wanting to spend some time at home alone. She talked a lot about how tough this is on her when we spent several hours together on Friday.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 6, 2024 10:00:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2018 23:45:49 GMT
Maybe she is trying to fix him up with you?
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