Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,969
Jun 25, 2014 23:13:23 GMT
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Post by Nanner on Nov 6, 2018 12:59:28 GMT
I would be furious. The minute that gun came into my house I'd be gone. I am serious. I despise guns.
ETA: Him disrespecting my very strong feelings about this would tell me he didn't give a damn.
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,123
Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Nov 6, 2018 13:42:27 GMT
that would be *very* upsetting to me but my views are coloured by the fact i was the victim of a gun accident at 12.
that being said, i would be upset for all the reasons you are - separate from my "why" as to reasoning behind not wanting a gun in my home.
the fact he did it behind your back means he knows exactly what he did was stepping over a line.
from your update, you have respected your husband's views on "non-compromisable" issues - you can't kinda have a 3rd baby or sort of have a cat.
you have been fair and said you don't mind if he chooses to that activity outside of your home but NOT in your home.
i would feel incredibly betrayed.
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Post by peasapie on Nov 6, 2018 13:44:34 GMT
My husband and I don't have rules about who can buy what, but if he bought firearms I would have to insist they be locked in a safe and out of harms way.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,375
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Nov 6, 2018 13:49:24 GMT
Deal breaker, for all the reasons stated by others. The level of disrespect is unacceptable
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Post by miominmio on Nov 6, 2018 14:06:26 GMT
After reading your edit, I would be angry as well.
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Post by heckofagal on Nov 6, 2018 14:25:06 GMT
ETA: DH and I haven't had a chance to talk about this since yesterday and he hasn't called me at all today. Have no idea if he is cross with me or is feeling guilty. He has a dinner and meeting tonight, so I have no idea when we can talk about this. Let em address some of the concerns brought up in the responses. First the texts and being able to see them. The reason I get his texts (and he gets mine) seems to be some glitchy thing in our cloud with concern to our iPads and my MacBookPro. He is well aware this happens and he has done nothing to fix it. It doesn't seem to bother him. It has been like this for 2 years. Second, the money spent. I have absolutely no problem with the amount of money spent. We can easily afford this. However, throughout our marriage we have always just touched base before spending more than $200. It is just a way that we show respect for one another and to make sure the other didn't already have plans for the money. I can guarantee you that he would question me if I spent hundreds of dollars on something that I had never before had any interest in buying without first mentioning it to him. Third, where and how will the gun be stored. I have no idea. We didn't get that far in the conversation. I really don't want it in my house, even locked up. Someone mentioned it was a relief when her child was suffering from depression that a gun was not in the house. That is my worry with my teens. One for sure is showing signs of sadness and anxiety. Of course they can harm themselves in other ways. Why give them access to another choice? I am going to ask him to store the gun at his father's house which is 5 miles away. Fourth, what are his absolutes? I wanted a third child, he did not. I respect that and never pushed to try and persuade him to change his mind. We have a dog right now, he absolutely wants no more animals of any kind after this one. I would love a cat. No one in the house is allergic - he just wants no more animals period. Oh, I have considered bringing home a rescue dog or cat many times and just asking for forgiveness. But, I just can't do that knowing how strong he feels. BTW, we used to have a cat and another dog when we first got married, but he has made this absolute decision in the last few years. So, he changed his mind and I accept that. I will definitely update everyone when have had a chance to talk again. By reading the "magic" texts I know he is scheduled to pick it up tomorrow. Well then I would pick up a cute little kitty and name her Ammo! Just kidding, I would not really do that, but I would probably say I was going to do that, to make him think how cruel it was to go against your wishes.
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 3,842
Jun 26, 2014 17:47:08 GMT
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Post by peppermintpatty on Nov 6, 2018 17:08:42 GMT
If he wants a gun, he can have it and it has to be away from the house, then you get 2 animals!
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Nov 6, 2018 17:11:53 GMT
I added more information in my original post. thanks for adding more info- but- one major question some of us had is-- is your *absolute* gun ownership in general, or not having a gun in the house? I hope you and your DH can discuss it today and come to some resolution. Perhaps he thought since he knows you'd see his texts, he *was* keeping you in the loop?? (kind of crappy, though, I know- but maybe??) and I agree, it sounds like (from what you've written here, at least) that your DH makes a lot of the declarations and you have to be okay with them.
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Post by OntarioScrapper on Nov 6, 2018 18:11:06 GMT
What do the peas think? Should I bring it up again? I don't want this to be a major fight, but I am feeling so low that he did this without regarding me. It is very much unlike him to do this. Do you feel the need to be concerned about the fact that this is "very much unlike him"? This is the one fact that stood out for me.
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tracylynn
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,870
Jun 26, 2014 22:49:09 GMT
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Post by tracylynn on Nov 6, 2018 18:32:55 GMT
Fourth, what are his absolutes? I wanted a third child, he did not. I respect that and never pushed to try and persuade him to change his mind. We have a dog right now, he absolutely wants no more animals of any kind after this one. I would love a cat. No one in the house is allergic - he just wants no more animals period. Oh, I have considered bringing home a rescue dog or cat many times and just asking for forgiveness. But, I just can't do that knowing how strong he feels. BTW, we used to have a cat and another dog when we first got married, but he has made this absolute decision in the last few years. So, he changed his mind and I accept that. This right here would be enough for me to put my foot down. You honor his absolutes, but he's not honoring yours.
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tracylynn
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,870
Jun 26, 2014 22:49:09 GMT
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Post by tracylynn on Nov 6, 2018 18:34:08 GMT
I am not into guns. However, my advice is don’t sweat the small stuff. If this is his biggest negative thing he has done, live with it and count your blessings. He sounds very sensible and sometimes we all need to do something a bit naughty. If your kids are out of the house, storage of the gun should be easy. Guns aren't small stuff. And her kids are in the house.
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Post by myboysnme on Nov 6, 2018 19:22:19 GMT
Haven't read all of it but if my spouse bought a gun I would be worried he is going to shoot me or himself. It's the first thing that popped into my head.
If there were circumstances where he now works in an area he doesn't feel safe or there has been lots of crime I might understand his thinking but still be against him trying to handle it with gun ownership.
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Post by kimmie75 on Nov 6, 2018 21:10:36 GMT
He wants to buy the gun? Fine. It is your right to be able to say " I do not want to have that gun in my home". He needs to keep it elsewhere.
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