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Post by Merge on Nov 17, 2018 14:55:26 GMT
Oldest DD is having her senior pictures done today. An expensive undertaking for which there is no do-over.
I’ve been asking her all week if she had planned outfits, if she needs to get anything, etc. No, no, she’s fine, she’s got this.
She is a beautiful girl with curly hair, who normally washes her hair fresh and lets the curls dry naturally when she wants it to look extra nice. She loves makeup and has been perfecting its application for years.
This morning she shows me her first planned outfit: a sloppy, oversized black turtleneck and ripped olive jeans that are frankly too small. And she tells me she’s planning on just brushing out her hair, which hasn’t been washed in 2 days. She and I both know this makes her curly hair look like a disaster.
I think she’s punking me, but apparently not. I want to bang my head against the wall. 364 days a year this child is ready and willing to wear cute clothes and do her hair and makeup, and on picture day she decides her look is homeless teen chic.
I’ve gently made some suggestions and have sent her back to her room to brainstorm. Please have a good thought for me. I do not question her style choices and pretty much let her do her thing, but on senior picture day, I want something nice I can put in a frame, you know?
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Nov 17, 2018 15:05:50 GMT
All fingers and toes crossed for success!
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Post by gar on Nov 17, 2018 15:06:39 GMT
I get it - good luck!!
And let us know who ‘wins’ 😉
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Post by auntkelly on Nov 17, 2018 15:09:46 GMT
This is the kind of situation where I say “It’s your decision, but if it were me . . . . “
They usually end up rethinking things, but they really do know that in the end, it’s their decision to make. Once they get a certain age, they have to make their own decisions and live with the consequences.
ETA: I do hope your daughter was just punking you!
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Post by canadianscrappergirl on Nov 17, 2018 15:19:29 GMT
My youngest did the same shit when he graduated. Asked him for weeks when they were what he was wearing should we go to the city to buy something. The morning of he comes upstairs in a wrinkled dressshirt from when he was in band 3yrs before it's too small and dirty around the collar WTF!!! I could of strangled him. He had to borrow a shirt from the photographer it was a gross color needless to say we bought none of them. His whole grad year he was a little prick. Neglected to tell us about family photos we could have got done the day of. Acted like a complete weiner the day of. I think I have one photo of him and not one of all of us. I cried a lot that day it was a shitty memory.
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Post by craftedbys on Nov 17, 2018 15:41:51 GMT
Personally, I think you have a say so in what she wears and how she looks, especially since you are most likely having to drop major $$$ for this. Unless she is paying for it all herself, you should have input and veto power.
DD and I planned her outfits together, but she had the final choice of the several we put together. I raised an eyebrow when she wanted some shots barefoot, but those turned out to be some really cool artistic photos.
I feel your pain. My DD has naturally curly hair as well so she has to back plan from when she needs her hair fresh to work out a shampoo schedule.
If it helps any, yesterday I went to pick her up at university for Thanksgiving break. She was sporting bright cherry red hair, that she did NOT have when we video chatted the night before. I am just glad she waited until after sorority portraits for the composite were made.
Good luck, I hope everything works out for you today. You sure you can't reschedule citing pink eye or some other communicable disease?
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Post by freecharlie on Nov 17, 2018 15:42:42 GMT
This is the kind of situation where I say “It’s your decision, but if it were me . . . . “ They usually end up rethinking things, but they really do know that in the end, it’s their decision to make. Once they get a certain age, they have to make their own decisions and live with the consequences. ETA: I do hope your daughter was just punking you! oh hell no. It wasn't Ds's decision as I was shelling out hundreds of dollars for senior pics. I took ds shopping before and we agreed on what he could wear and we got his hair cut a week before. Merge, explain to her that not only are you shelling out a lot of money, but that these may be the last single portraits you get of her and you would like them to be nice. I'd put my foot down. I love ds's pictures and I can't imagine how i would feel if I wished they were different. |
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Post by bearmom on Nov 17, 2018 15:44:22 GMT
Senior pictures were probably the only thing I took control of dd’s senior year and that is because the pictures were more for me than her. I let her pick the photographer and location, but we sat down together and looked over her outfits and talked hair and makeup.
Applying to colleges, making sure she got her cap/gown order in, what she needed to do for the school to be able to graduate, where she needed to be graduation day, food for her grad party, etc. all left to her.
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anaterra
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Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Nov 17, 2018 15:46:38 GMT
I second freecharlie... you are paying the money and will hang these forever... you have say in what she wears... I would absolutely say something |
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 6:52:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2018 15:50:08 GMT
Are you 100% sure she's not messing with you?
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scrapngranny
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Post by scrapngranny on Nov 17, 2018 15:58:29 GMT
Here would by my suggestion. Tell to her to wash her hair and leave in the curls. Pick some cute outfits, do her make-up normally. After doing the majority of the photos, brush out her, put the funky clothes, re-do her make-up if she wishes and take a few shots of her “look”. Everyone wins.
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Post by jumperhop on Nov 17, 2018 15:59:49 GMT
Ain’t nobody got time for that! I would use the power of my checking account and take her to buy a new outfit. 😛 Motivate through bribery is acceptable when I am paying $$$ for senior pics.
Jen
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trollie
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Post by trollie on Nov 17, 2018 16:00:40 GMT
Good luck! Sorry, that's all I got. I won't even try to pretend to know how to motivate teens. LOL.
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Post by freecharlie on Nov 17, 2018 16:21:19 GMT
How much time do you have until the pictures?
Hopefully she has showered and you two are picking outfits together.
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Post by verdepea on Nov 17, 2018 16:22:20 GMT
I feel your pain.
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JustTricia
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Post by JustTricia on Nov 17, 2018 16:29:51 GMT
I told my son weeks before that I got to choose one outfit (one that I know he likes) and he got to choose one.
We squabbled over his hair, but compromised that I could fix the parts that were sticking out in the back. Unfortunately a piece that I had fixed the photographer *fixed* back and I didn’t notice. All his shots have a chunk of hair sticking out over his ear and it’s distracting to me. But I can live with it.
I was shelling out the money, but I know it’s him in the pictures. I got a say on the one outfit, he got a say on the next, and he got to veto any poses.
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J u l e e
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Post by J u l e e on Nov 17, 2018 16:59:55 GMT
I feel your pain, but because most of your post is so foreign to me. My teenager is homeless teen chic all the time. Hair always in a ratty ponytail and never any makeup. I let her do her thing, but would love her to want to look nice occasionally. She won't even want senior pictures taken and will argue the money shouldn't be spent and donated to an animal shelter instead. I am used to her counterculturalism by now, but it gets exhausting and disappointing too. I have talked myself out of things being important so many times.
I hope it's okay that I got a chuckle out of your post. I'll bet her beauty shines through the outfit and hair. This is what I tell myself, anyway!
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 17, 2018 17:03:09 GMT
I did not have this problem with my DD. I knew she would put her best foot forward. I didn't know what she was wearing at all. But I knew her personality and that if I was paying for her to have a photographer all to herself for two hours then she was going to treat it as if Vogue was shooting her.
But I am watching all the feedback here because next year I will be going through this with DS. And I know that I'm going to have to really finesse the situation with him. He only goes for a haircut like once every six months because he can't stand people touching him. He is very picky about his clothing. He hates having his picture taken. He never smiles. I know the whole thing is going to make him nothing but uncomfortable.
And I'm wondering if this is how your DD is feeling. Is she nervous? Is she uncomfortable? Is she trying to self sabotage because she's afraid the pictures are going to turn out poorly anyway?
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Post by freecharlie on Nov 17, 2018 17:11:57 GMT
I did not have this problem with my DD. I knew she would put her best foot forward. I didn't know what she was wearing at all. But I knew her personality and that if I was paying for her to have a photographer all to herself for two hours then she was going to treat it as if Vogue was shooting her. But I am watching all the feedback here because next year I will be going through this with DS. And I know that I'm going to have to really finesse the situation with him. He only goes for a haircut like once every six months because he can't stand people touching him. He is very picky about his clothing. He hates having his picture taken. He never smiles. I know the whole thing is going to make him nothing but uncomfortable. And I'm wondering if this is how your DD is feeling. Is she nervous? Is she uncomfortable? Is she trying to self sabotage because she's afraid the pictures are going to turn out poorly anyway? ds sounds similar to yours and we just had a conversationabout how important these pictures are to ME and how i don't really ask a lot of him. His sports pictures always have this weird forced smile in them, but the boy shined during his senior pics. I couldn't be happier. I would definitely look at the phorographer's webpage/portfolio and concentrate on the pictures of males. I have a feeling having a good photographer is half the battle. Ds wore jeans and shirts he would normally wear, except one. And then he had his letter jacket on in a couple I wanted him to look like him, his best, but nothing too far out. |
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Post by scrapmaven on Nov 17, 2018 17:16:52 GMT
She's very meticulous about her appearance. Are you absolutely sure she's not pranking you? If not, I would insist upon her washing her hair and fixing herself up w/a cute outfit or canceling the photo shoot. She won't like that, but she will listen.
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Post by Basket1lady on Nov 17, 2018 17:20:38 GMT
Here would by my suggestion. Tell to her to wash her hair and leave in the curls. Pick some cute outfits, do her make-up normally. After doing the majority of the photos, brush out her, put the funky clothes, re-do her make-up if she wishes and take a few shots of her “look”. Everyone wins. This is a great compromise. I’d go to her and say that you are feeling sad about the photos. That you love her curly look and would really like a photo of her looking her best. Then let her do her grunge look as her second look. My my gripe was the opposite! DD had her photos taken in her HS theatre and she spent so much time on her hair and makeup (it was after school), that we ran out of time for extra photos. That frustrated me! |
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PLurker
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Post by PLurker on Nov 17, 2018 17:21:40 GMT
Since the digital camera age, I've lost the love and need of senior portraits. There is damn near a photo a day these days. I know, I know, a nice portrait is tradition and nice. But photos are not a rarity as when senior portraits originated. DD found it ridiculous to spend $$ for that and asked that I just took her senior photo in front of the old (think barnwood) barn. That's just what we did. DS opted (aka didn't care) for a simple portrait studio shoot and I was fine with that. That being said, in your situation, I agree with scrappingranny that you satisfy both your wants. Yours first, switch, then hers. |
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cycworker
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Post by cycworker on Nov 17, 2018 17:25:18 GMT
I'll validate you, too. Beyond the fact you're paying for it, I think she'll regret not putting in more effort. I do support the notion of having these pics reflect who the student is now versus a too made up version that doesn't reflect theor lives at all.... But there's gotta be a middle ground in achieving that.
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kate
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Post by kate on Nov 17, 2018 17:32:40 GMT
Fingers crossed that she has come to her senses! Teens are so hard - I'm racking up plenty of experience (all of mine are teens now), but I still have no answers...  |
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Post by Merge on Nov 17, 2018 17:37:25 GMT
Ok y’all - she’s in the shower. I sent her to Target with my credit card, suggested she look for warm, muted colors and told her to buy whatever made her feel like a million bucks. She sent me some dressing room pics and I am fairly happy with her choices. Keep in mind that I was willing to buy new clothes for this starting weeks ago and she kept blowing me off about it. 🙄
I also got her to agree to not wear red eyeshadow. She is meticulous with her makeup, but tends toward an edgy/urban look and some of those trends just won’t age well in photos we’ll keep forever.
She was not pranking. I guess she was in a mood or something. I swear this child has given me more gray hair over the last two years ...
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Post by Merge on Nov 17, 2018 17:40:24 GMT
Ain’t nobody got time for that! I would use the power of my checking account and take her to buy a new outfit. 😛 Motivate through bribery is acceptable when I am paying $$$ for senior pics. Jen Yep, that’s exactly what happened! LOL Spending is a teenage girl’s love language. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 17, 2018 17:41:11 GMT
Excellent update. I swear 50% of the time it's just teens giving us the middle finger because they know they have some power in a situation and lack the ability to see the consequences.
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Post by 950nancy on Nov 17, 2018 17:42:09 GMT
I did not have this problem with my DD. I knew she would put her best foot forward. I didn't know what she was wearing at all. But I knew her personality and that if I was paying for her to have a photographer all to herself for two hours then she was going to treat it as if Vogue was shooting her. But I am watching all the feedback here because next year I will be going through this with DS. And I know that I'm going to have to really finesse the situation with him. He only goes for a haircut like once every six months because he can't stand people touching him. He is very picky about his clothing. He hates having his picture taken. He never smiles. I know the whole thing is going to make him nothing but uncomfortable. And I'm wondering if this is how your DD is feeling. Is she nervous? Is she uncomfortable? Is she trying to self sabotage because she's afraid the pictures are going to turn out poorly anyway? My oldest knew he had to have them taken, but I gave him pretty much free rein on what he wanted to wear. His hair had been a buzz cut for years. He also wore a t-shirt where his tattoo showed just a bit. I just warned him when I made the appointment that he had to smile pretty and that I picked the shortest (cheapest) photo shoot that was possible. It was 30 minutes. The other kid was just the opposite (except for limited clothing options) and both pictures hang in my bedroom and they are exactly the personality that each boy is to this day. I love how they both turned out. My friends had their kids with multiple settings and outfits and that was who their kid was. I do believe there might have been cheeseburgers on the way home. I am never above a good bribery. ETA: Holy crap. Not sure why the word tattoo sends you to a different site. Weird. |
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Post by arielsmom on Nov 17, 2018 17:52:54 GMT
Good grief! Glad you guys worked out a compromise. My niece was an " ambassador " for a photographer. She still had braces, but they assured her they would Photoshop them out. She insisted that her parents allow her to have them removed for the photos and replaced, which they agreed to, for an extra $2,000, paid to the dentist. Then her braces were off for good, less than two months later. Photos couldn't be delayed as then she couldn't be an ambassador, and get a 25% discount. It certainly is true when they say brains don't fully develop until around age 25, lol.
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Post by mikklynn on Nov 17, 2018 18:04:25 GMT
Aarghh...teens. I would not go back to parenting teens for anything.
I was happy to see your update.
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