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Post by Merge on Jan 6, 2019 5:17:58 GMT
Elaine, I'm so sorry. You and Eli and all your family are in my thoughts.
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Post by lucyg on Jan 6, 2019 6:09:23 GMT
Oh my gosh, Elaine. I’m so sorry you, Eli, and the rest of your family are going through this. Hoping for a good placement for him, and a better resolution to his issues.
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PLurker
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,744
Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Jan 6, 2019 6:19:33 GMT
Oh, elaine I am so sorry for everything you and yours are going through. My sincere and best wishes for Eli and your family. that goes for the rest of you who are struggling with similar things. ((hugs)) all around
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Post by patin on Jan 6, 2019 6:36:34 GMT
The lack of help for those who suffer with any type of mental illness is appalling. Your heartbreak is so raw & I shed a few tears reading your post. elaine- I will most definitely be lifting Eli, you, your DH & DS in prayer.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Jan 6, 2019 7:09:06 GMT
I am sorry you’re going through this. I have personal experience with something similar. I had to call the police on my own daughter three days before Christmas in 2013. We were lucky to find her a two week residential program that next summer but she was the last of the group to go through there and then they closed. She was 16 at the time but I felt like I was living in a war zone. She would call me every name in the book and come after me physically. It was hell. I did not have the support of my then husband, just one reason why he is now an ex. I feel terrible that my younger son lived through that. She would damage our home by punching holes in walls and breaking windows. She’s now 21 and I think she still needs to be on some meds and she still has rage issues. She is doing far better and doing well at her job and in school yet our interactions are just one reason why I recently moved across the country from them. Whenever we were together, I had to act and behave in a certain way or I would get yelled at or hit. I love her to death and I want things to be better but now that she is an adult, I really don’t have any options.
Also, about a year ago, I also spent time in the psych ward. It was horrible. I went to the hospital with suspected meningitis but was later transferred to the psych ward. After about a 10 minute conversation with a doctor I had not met previously, I was diagnosed as being gravely disabled. However, the only treatment offered was medication. I was discharged after two weeks in psych and three total into a very difficult living situation. I have recently learned that they have closed that hospital and are trying to do more things on an outpatient basis. That’s really sad that they have reduced what few mental health beds there were in the county. I was told to follow up with outside doctors but finding resources to do that on state medical aid proved difficult. I eventually gave up.
Since then, I’ve known a couple people that have tried or threatened to commit suicide. The only treatment available for them was three days in psych lock up. They were then discharged into the same situation that brought them into the hospital to begin with.
Mental health in this country is very lacking. We have our own veterans that are living under bridges with no sanitation and little food. But yet we can possibly build a wall and or allow illegal immigrants in and pay for everything. That’s just not right.
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Post by bothmykidsrbrats on Jan 6, 2019 7:42:48 GMT
Hugs and Prayers to you, Eli, and your family, Elaine. I could not agree more with FUCK THE WALL! We need mental health services, desperately.
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Post by mom on Jan 6, 2019 8:25:27 GMT
Oh Elaine. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I will pray for Eli and for the rest of your household. You must be so afraid and scared (and worried...and stressed). Please take care of yourself. We are here if you need us.
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Post by georgiee on Jan 6, 2019 8:28:53 GMT
So sorry for this situation. Prayers for your family
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Post by gryroagain on Jan 6, 2019 10:15:13 GMT
I’m so sorry Elaine.
I haven’t spoken about it all, but this has been an ongoing struggle here too. About 3 years ago DD crashed, eating disorder, self harm, just a nightmare. There is no worse feeling than the glare of the er lights and the people walking to and fro, while you sit and wonder if your child has any future at all. It is so very isolating, to be worried about just survival for this person you love more than yourself because they seem hell bent on erasin themself from the world.
We have tricare too, and it’s wonderful, but access is the issue here too. No such thing where we live, closest is Hawaii. All full. California is next, wait and wait. Referrals expire, drs decide she is stable, we think so too, until the shoe drops again. It’s just been a never ending struggle.
We are starting to see the light, I think, I hope.
It is shocking how competely inadequate the system is, if she had cancer or a broken leg we would be whisked away to the very best of treatments and therapies. But this is just an endless quagmire of “Hope this helps” and send us home, even when she ends up hurting herself so badly again and again. It is like no one has any idea what to do really, and that is so frightening.
I am so sorry for you, and Eli, and all of us I guess. I know there must be a way to fix this, but having seen veteran friend after friend succumb...I’m not feeling very hopeful.
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paget
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,752
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT
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Post by paget on Jan 6, 2019 10:24:21 GMT
I am a case manager for children with developmental disabilities -many of whom also have mental health diagnoses. I am all too familiar with what you are describing. It was eye opening to me to truly know client’s and family’s realities and see how shockingly little there is available to support them. Praying for Eli and your family.
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,769
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Jan 6, 2019 10:44:12 GMT
So many heart breaking stories, hugs to you all.
Reagan's policy ideas found a home in the UK too. The Tories closed institutions and touted care in the community. Mental health care is like the poor relative of healthcare.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 7:02:06 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 6, 2019 10:48:14 GMT
I'm so sorry elaine at what you and your family are going through. I'm hoping that you get the care that Eli needs very soon.
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Post by volunteergirl on Jan 6, 2019 14:28:42 GMT
So sorry to hear this.
It is even more sad when they learn to get around the system. I have sat in rooms while someone has filled out a mental health check list. I have heard them verbalize, “I feel this way but I know if I mark it down, they will commit me. And I never want to go through that again.” So they don’t get the help they need because they are so afraid of the institution.
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611
Jul 11, 2018 15:20:45 GMT
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Post by julie5 on Jan 6, 2019 14:35:59 GMT
Praying for your family elaine sadly I know all too well how broken our healthcare system is when it comes to mental health and kids. And me.
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Post by auntkelly on Jan 6, 2019 14:50:24 GMT
I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I will say prayers for Eli and for your family. I hope they figure out the right meds for him soon. I cannot imagine how frustrating this must be. I hope your recovery is going okay.
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jayfab
Drama Llama
procastinating
Posts: 5,521
Jun 26, 2014 21:55:15 GMT
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Post by jayfab on Jan 6, 2019 16:00:42 GMT
I'm so sorry you are going thru this Elaine. It breaks my heart reading this. Sending hugs to you and Eli.
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zzooter7570
Shy Member
Posts: 36
Location: NC
Sept 21, 2018 17:08:26 GMT
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Post by zzooter7570 on Jan 6, 2019 16:11:50 GMT
((((Elaine))))) The system has been broke for a very very long time and I know how hard it is to do your best to make changes and you can get brick walls. And what your family is going through should sound a loud alarm. I have no advice but praying hard for your family. <3
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Gravity
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,229
Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
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Post by Gravity on Jan 7, 2019 2:42:27 GMT
I am so sorry that Eli cannot get the help he needs. Big hugs to you and your family during this difficult time.
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Post by elaine on Jan 7, 2019 2:49:16 GMT
Thanks everyone for all your words of support. Really.
I’m not much of a cryer - just ask my dh- but I can’t seem to stop for long right now. I talked with Eli twice on the phone today and he just begs to come home. He is a 6 year old in a 6’2” 17 year old’s body.
Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.
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Post by MichyM on Jan 7, 2019 3:06:43 GMT
Just reading this, and everyone else's heart wrenching experiences. I'm so sorry for all of you. I can't even imagine dealing with what you all handle every day. Sending warm thoughts.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Jan 7, 2019 3:14:32 GMT
One thing you need to ask a psychiatrist who is trying to discharge you or your family member is “Have you paid you malpractice insurance premiums”. They will find a bed magically and you’ll be amazed. My own psych told me this and said to use it.
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Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,978
Jun 25, 2014 20:07:06 GMT
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Post by Sarah*H on Jan 7, 2019 3:15:18 GMT
I am so sorry Elaine. And I'm heartbroken and furious that you or anyone has to face this type of situation. Sending all of my hopes and positive thoughts that you guys can find an appropriate placement for him.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jan 7, 2019 4:01:18 GMT
Thanks everyone for all your words of support. Really. I’m not much of a cryer - just ask my dh- but I can’t seem to stop for long right now. I talked with Eli twice on the phone today and he just begs to come home. He is a 6 year old in a 6’2” 17 year old’s body. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day. It's gut wrenching as a mom, but you're doing the best thing for your son. I wish I could hug you right now and let you cry and cry. Prayers and more prayers, elaine.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jan 10, 2019 13:39:06 GMT
elaine How are you doing? Just wanted you to know that I'm still keeping you and Eli in my thoughts.
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Post by shevy on Jan 10, 2019 14:03:15 GMT
I'm sorry Elaine. It's a traumatizing experience. MN has very little adolescent mental health beds. They also won't keep anyone more than 36 hours at the ER. If no bed is available, they send the child home with an appointment in the next month or so for their personal mental health provider. I have family who have a young man going through a lot of issues. And I see how frustrated the mom is, in trying to care for him. She had to quit her job so that she had all day to deal with what was going on.
Our system is so broke. It took me 6 weeks to get into a psychiatrist when I had severe mental health issues 3 years ago. 6 weeks. This is wrong.
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schizo319
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,030
Jun 28, 2014 0:26:58 GMT
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Post by schizo319 on Jan 10, 2019 14:21:37 GMT
Oh Elaine, my heart just breaks for you and your family...
Our state recently shuttered several mental health facilities, now many people who are struggling with mental health issues end up in our (already over-crowded) county jails who are ill-equipped to deal with mentally ill patients to put it mildly. That experience often traumatizes already fragile individuals and does so much more harm than good.
I worked in a group home for mentally challenged individuals when I was in college (my clients were senior citizens who functioned at elementary school age levels) - it was one of the most fun and fulfilling jobs I've ever had. Our clients were well cared for and we did all sorts of fun things like trips to the movie, hiking, plays, BBQs, festivals, etc. I'm sure the thought of placing your kid in such a facility is scary and a last resort, I just wanted you to know that should it come to that, living in a group home can be a truly positive experience.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 7:02:06 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 10, 2019 14:23:19 GMT
My deepest concern for you and your family.
I am so so sorry for your pain and your DS' and all who are struggling with mental health challenges.
My hope is that we can continue to advance our understanding of brain function and ways to alleviate the suffering and I also hope we can find our way to raise taxes to help fund support for the many many needs of people living in pain and suffering.
I missed this someone when you first posted. I hope you will continue to update if it helps you to do that. Either way, know that you are held in hope for peace.
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Post by gar on Jan 10, 2019 14:33:27 GMT
I hope today is a better day for you all.
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Post by elaine on Jan 10, 2019 15:35:06 GMT
elaine How are you doing? Just wanted you to know that I'm still keeping you and Eli in my thoughts. Thank you for thinking of us and asking. I hate to complain, and it has been rough, so I don’t write much. I continue to spend hours a day talking on the phone looking for a placement, fighting for a Medicaid developmental disability waiver to help cover help in the home, and talking with the people at the state hospital who are working with him. To be honest, I have never cried so much in my life - multiple times per day. Having cancer last year and all the surgeries and chemo was a walk in the park emotionally compared to this. We are taking it day-by-day and trying to prepare for the fact that Eli will most likely be discharged from the state hospital next week, before another bed opens up in a private facility, so we will have him home again before all the meds are worked out. The state hospital is tapering him off of most of the meds he is currently on, and I am somewhat fearful of what will happen with him home and not on any atypical antipsychotics. But, we will take it one day at a time. I am sorry that someone felt the need to label this as political, as it is something that is universal, not limited to political party. If (general) you think you will not be personally affected by the state of mental health care in our country, G-d help you when you find yourself face-to-face with trying to find help for a family member, or if one of your family suffers the consequences of coming in contact with a mentally ill person who is insufficiently treated. The frightening thing to learn is that even with excellent health insurance and a middle class income, the actual beds/places for mentally ill teens simply do not exist. We can’t buy our way into any place for these types of issues - if he was nuerotypical and had substance abuse issues, no problem finding a place - but being both intellectually disabled and having autism means that the beds for the whole state are minuscule. The only way that $$$ would make a difference would be if we were multi-millionaires who could hire our own psychiatrist and half a dozen full-time staff. I am devastated for families who have less resources - health insurance and $$ - than we do. Not that our insurance has made any difference so far.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jan 10, 2019 17:27:42 GMT
I am so sorry that things have been so rough, and answers so few and far between.
I will continue to keep you in my thoughts. And I hope that a placement can be found for Eli to help make him safe and healthy.
You are a wonderful, strong mother.
(((Hugs)))
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