I don't want to carry the burden of my mother any longer.

I’m so sorry....I don’t know the background here, but does she have friends or anyone else that can come sit with her so you can get away for more than an hour, like a whole afternoon? Do you live with her?

I’m so sorry, lainey. (((Hugs)))

And I agree 100% with your final paragraph.

This sounds cruel, but since your mother clearly refuses to do anything to help herself, I'd get with social services and tell them you are leaving. I'd find out how to get her involuntarily placed in a care facility.

You have gone above and beyond. I seem to recall you asking your mother to move near your home and her refusing. She has made her choices.

I can't imagine how hard this is for you. I know though that in the UK however long she has someone with her to care for her, you will not get more assistance. There is only one way out of this situation for you, and that is for you to go home. Given how poor your relationship is with your family I wouldn't think twice about doing so.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the right thing. I am sure you feel some type of obligation to care for your mother, but she has an obligation to be willing to be respectful and reasonable. You need to take care of yourself!

At this point you need to do the right thing for you; you’ve already gone above and beyond doing the right thing for your mother and your obligations are more than fulfilled.

lainey I'm not surprised you have reached this point, I'm only surprised that you lasted so so long.

You have never indicated that your mother has diminished mental capacity so her refusal to consider any other combination of care/caregivers is just so selfish.

Are there any support groups for carers that you could reach out to for advice and help? People who have walked the road before you and know how to get everything your Mum is entitled to.

Not that I'm suggesting this but what would happen if you informed social services that you giving two weeks notice, you have a flight back to Ireland booked and you are leaving?

What would they put in place? If she is incapable of attending to her own needs, at what point will they step in? It maybe you're being too nice and as long as you are there they don't have to fill the void.

Knowledge is power, don't accept everything the social worker says as gospel. Make contact with other people in the same position, they maybe a trove of information.

((Hugs)) to you.

This is obviously so much stress for you.

Can your mother afford to hire a caregiver to come to her home daily/weekly?

I don't know what your situation is but you might want to look into companies that provide elder/senior care. My mom didn't want it at first but ended up really liking the lady that was helping her. We also set up meals on wheels for her. The in-home services we paid for but I believe they are covered my medicaid. See if your county has an elderly services program. In my county it is paid for by our county taxes. They can provide advice.

I am so sorry.

I don’t have any practical advice but I couldn’t just read and leave. You sound at the end of your tether. I hope the doctor proves to be more helpful than the social worker. I’m sending you hugs and positive vibes.

Oh, hugs.I'm so sorry. Hope that the doctor has a good resource indeed.

I am so sorry. Praying you can get the relief you need and that you mother gets the care she needs from other sources. Hugs!

I'm so sorry, just know that we are here for you, and I pray that you find a good solution.

If you have the power of attorney for your Mother -- and you should -- look to hospice. My Mother was the same - but living with my sister (the youngest daughter). Hospice offered us choices and services beyond just "waiting for death". They said they have respite services and services for the caregiver. My sister was able to put Mother in a nursing home for the opportunity to take a weekend break. Hospice said they would schedule "usual" services - bathing, nursing, whatever - in a successive manner for the same day. That way the caregiver could have the opportunity to get away - or at least be relieved. Outside of hospice -- with the power of attorney, you can sign her up for state medicade (if she qualifies) and YOU decide where she lives. Whether or not you consider her input depends on you -- and what she can afford.
If you don't have the power of attorney - and she won't agree to sign one - the have her declared incompetent and have the legal system declare you -- or someone else like a public administrator - her guardian.
You also need to have an open talk with you family members. My Mother always favored our brother - he was the only boy. But he totally understood what she was doing and supported my sister -- and worked with my sister to let Mother vent to him.
Finally - consider a "babysitter" -- if there are periods that your mother doesn't require "nursing" then hire someone at a "reasonable" rate who will sit there.

I'm sorry you are experiencing this - but based on our experience with my Mother (who died December 9 last year) it is only going to get worse. Not only with regard to mobility - or lack thereof - but with her mental abilities. My Mother was smart and a quick thinker -- those attributes became duller but also turned to manipulation (which was always another trait of hers!), falsehoods and meanness. Any relationship she had with my youngest sister (the then caregiver) was damaged -- and my sister is more sorrowful about the loss of that relationship than the loss of our mother.