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Post by fiddlesticks on Aug 30, 2019 21:32:51 GMT
My DD went to a birthday/slumber party yesterday. It was at a house of a family we know pretty well. Our families have done things together as their DD and mine dance together. I say that also because a relationship has to be maintained.
I got a text from DD at 10:30 saying "Can I take a melatonin?" I responded, "No. Why?" I didn't hear anything back from DD so I texted the mom. "Is everything ok? DD asked if she could take melatonin. I said no but didn't back." Her response "Yes things are fine. My kids take it every night. It's safe for 3 year olds...the other girls took one too...I asked if she had allergies"
So, I tried not to freak out but I didn't do a very good job. I know my opinion was influenced but the time I took melatonin once but had a bad reaction to it and felt awful the next day. But seriously. I asked how much she took and the mom said just one gummy. I wanted to drive across town and pull my DD out of her sleeping bag but I didn't. I would have been super embarrassing for DD and, like I said, I have to maintain a friendship.
But honestly, I am pissed.
When I picked DD up the mom apologized saying DD had such a sad face when the others were taking it and she didn't even think about asking me. DD says she told her no after I texted her but they all kept asking her and the mom said "are you sure you don't want one". Dd said she finally just ate it because she wanted people to stop pressuring her.
We have had a lot of conversations about addiction, because family members addictions have forced us to. DD and I had a very long conversation this morning about peer pressure. What she did right and what she needs to do next time if she finds herself faced with that kind of pressure again, which she will undoubtedly.
UPDATE
The mom called and texted me several times yesterday and I just ignored them. I finally responded to one of her texts. I know she feels bad and understands that it wasn't ok. She said that DD said she didn't want it but then decided she did after the other girls took them. I want to believe her but I just don't know.
DD is one of those kids that put herself in timeout when she was little because she says she broke the rules. She says she didn't get my text back in time. I know she wouldn't have taken it if I had told her no but I don't know if she stuck her phone in her bag to not get my response. I want to believe her but I just don't know.
There were very big conversations in my house last night with DD and my DH and I. We just flat out said no more slumber parties there. She wants to stay late for a birthday party, fine, but she comes home to sleep when we come get her. She was a hot mess all day because she was tired and cranky.
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trollie
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by trollie on Aug 30, 2019 21:38:18 GMT
Who does that?!! I would be pissed. Mom should have checked with you first and not put the onus on your daughter.
It would never in a million years, occur to me to give someone else's kid vitamins or supplements.
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Post by busy on Aug 30, 2019 21:40:51 GMT
I think they were out of line to pressure her... but honestly, I wonder if there was really that much pressure? Kids are prone to exaggerating things like that a little, especially if she knew you were upset and she was worried she was going to be in trouble.
It's definitely good for you to have discussed further with her the risks of taking something and giving in to pressure, but I think maybe you're getting a little carried away.
It was a single melatonin gummy that an adult gave to her - an adult you know and trust enough to let her spend the night there. She wasn't taking something unknown from someone she doesn't know
It sounds like you're bringing a lot of baggage to one gummy. Continue having the talks with her about peer pressure and drugs/alcohol but let this go.
I'd tell the mom to please not offer my kids any supplements in the future and leave it at that.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 30, 2019 21:43:44 GMT
What the hell😠
It is never okay to give supplements or medication to someone else's child without prior permission.
I'll be honest, I wouldn't let my kid stay there again. Poor judgement from the other parent is a hazard.
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Post by katiejane on Aug 30, 2019 21:46:26 GMT
Why would you medicate another persons child without parental permission??
Here in the UK you cannot buy it and it has to be prescribed and the dosage monitored. It is also not easy to get a prescription. The idea of parents routinely giving it to kids is worrying to me. But you never medicate another persons child without expressed permission, the only exception is if they have an epipen or inhaler and it's an emergency.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
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Post by Rhondito on Aug 30, 2019 21:50:00 GMT
How old is your daughter?
In the grand scheme of things, it was just a melatonin gummy and I'm assuming no harm was done?
BUT - WHY would the mom offer them to the other kids? Her children are one thing, but not the others. I took vitamins when I was a kid and my parents didn't ask my friends if they wanted to take them too. I think that's very odd. I wonder if because they were gummies if the other children were asking to take them?
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Post by fiddlesticks on Aug 30, 2019 21:50:41 GMT
I think they were out of line to pressure her... but honestly, I wonder if there was really that much pressure? Kids are prone to exaggerating things like that a little, especially if she knew you were upset and she was worried she was going to be in trouble. It's definitely good for you to have discussed further with her the risks of taking something and giving in to pressure, but I think maybe you're getting a little carried away. It was a single melatonin gummy that an adult gave to her - an adult you know and trust enough to let her spend the night there. She wasn't taking something unknown from someone she doesn't know It sounds like you're bringing a lot of baggage to one gummy. Continue having the talks with her about peer pressure and drugs/alcohol but let this go. I'd tell the mom to please not offer my kids any supplements in the future and leave it at that. I just offered my own experience with it in terms of why I said no to her doing it. It kind of baffles me that another mom would think it would be ok. |
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Post by femalebusiness on Aug 30, 2019 21:51:12 GMT
You don't give other peoples children any pill for anything. Period! That is probably harmless but creepy. Just no.
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Post by NanaKate on Aug 30, 2019 21:52:23 GMT
How old is your daughter? That is not ok and I wouldn’t give someone else’s child an aspirin without talking to their mom first myself. SMH
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Post by mom on Aug 30, 2019 21:53:34 GMT
I think they were out of line to pressure her... but honestly, I wonder if there was really that much pressure? Kids are prone to exaggerating things like that a little, especially if she knew you were upset and she was worried she was going to be in trouble. It's definitely good for you to have discussed further with her the risks of taking something and giving in to pressure, but I think maybe you're getting a little carried away. It was a single melatonin gummy that an adult gave to her - an adult you know and trust enough to let her spend the night there. She wasn't taking something unknown from someone she doesn't know It sounds like you're bringing a lot of baggage to one gummy. Continue having the talks with her about peer pressure and drugs/alcohol but let this go. I'd tell the mom to please not offer my kids any supplements in the future and leave it at that. I agree with this. I think you use this incident to reenforce the talks you've had about peer pressure and drugs (of any kind). She did the right thing by texting you (applaud that) and then talk about why she took it knowing you had said no. To be honest, I would be most worried about that. You've told the other mom not to do it again and I suspect she won't since she now knows you dont want any for your daughter. Just so we are clear - the other mom shouldn't have ever put your daughter in this position. I can imagine how it started harmless enough though (other mom telling her daughter to take her gummy and the others were there, etc). |
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Post by busy on Aug 30, 2019 21:54:45 GMT
I think they were out of line to pressure her... but honestly, I wonder if there was really that much pressure? Kids are prone to exaggerating things like that a little, especially if she knew you were upset and she was worried she was going to be in trouble. It's definitely good for you to have discussed further with her the risks of taking something and giving in to pressure, but I think maybe you're getting a little carried away. It was a single melatonin gummy that an adult gave to her - an adult you know and trust enough to let her spend the night there. She wasn't taking something unknown from someone she doesn't know It sounds like you're bringing a lot of baggage to one gummy. Continue having the talks with her about peer pressure and drugs/alcohol but let this go. I'd tell the mom to please not offer my kids any supplements in the future and leave it at that. I just offered my own experience with it in terms of why I said no to her doing it. It kind of baffles me that another mom would think it would be ok. Since you are family friends, presumably you trust her and know she meant no harm. I agree she used poor judgment but I just don't think it's something worth getting this upset about. Nothing happened, your daughter is fine. Like I said, I'd ask her not to do it again and leave it at that. If it happens again, that's a different story. And continue to use it as a teaching moment with your daughter. |
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Post by pierkiss on Aug 30, 2019 21:55:32 GMT
What the actual fuck? I would be furious. Who medicated someone else’s child without consent?
These people would be kept at an arms distance from now on. They are not trustworthy, and when the girls become teens and drinking and other drugs come into the picture this will be a continued problem.
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Post by fiddlesticks on Aug 30, 2019 21:56:16 GMT
How old is your daughter? In the grand scheme of things, it was just a melatonin gummy and I'm assuming no harm was done? BUT - WHY would the mom offer them to the other kids? Her children are one thing, but not the others. I took vitamins when I was a kid and my parents didn't ask my friends if they wanted to take them too. I think that's very odd. I wonder if because they were gummies if the other children were asking to take them? She's 10. In the grand scheme of things, yeah, just a gummy. But I don't think she exaggerated the pressure from the mom. When I dropped her off at 5, I think she tried to convince me to have a margarita 5 different times. She won't be staying the night there again. |
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Post by gizzy on Aug 30, 2019 22:05:50 GMT
I can't wrap my head around this person being okay with giving this to someone else's child. And I and my children routinely take melatonin. Why was it needed at all, at a sleepover? It's like the Mom was trying to force "lights out" and get everyone to sleep.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Aug 30, 2019 22:06:16 GMT
My issue wouldn’t be with the melatonin but from the sounds of it the mom not only allowed/encouraged the other girls to pressure her to take it but she actually pressured her as well.....after your dd said she’d asked you and you’d said no.....is that right? I’m that case I validate you being pissed, I would be too.
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 18:26:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2019 22:07:00 GMT
Am I the only person who wonders why in the world this mom would give her children melatonin every night? That doesn't seem very responsible. Which in turn would make me question some of her other choices. I'm not opposed to melatonin. I take it myself from time to time but I don't give it to my children because even if it doesn't cause a physical addiction I feel like it could cause some sort of an emotional dependence on it if they take it every night. These kids are too young to reason that they can fall asleep without it if mommy is giving it to them every night. I had a hard enough time getting my youngest to fall asleep without his favorite blanket when it got lost. I surely don't need to make them dependent on some damn gummy.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Aug 30, 2019 22:10:06 GMT
I am not typically reactionary about things like this, but this scenario would concern me. For two main reasons.
I think the other mom overstepped in even offering the melatonin to anyone else's children. Give your own children whatever you give them, but do not extend that to other people's children.
Your daughter should be commended for texting you to ask first, but I'd want to have a real heart-to-heart with her about why she went ahead and took it anyway after you said no.
This is an opportunity to have some substantive conversations with the other mom and with your daughter. Don't go in guns blazing in either situation. Decide ahead of time what you want each to 'get' out the conversation (i.e., what behavior do you want changed?) and have the conversation with that end in mind.
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Post by auntkelly on Aug 30, 2019 22:17:33 GMT
When I picked DD up the mom apologized saying DD had such a sad face when the others were taking it and she didn't even think about asking me. I hate it when adults use that "sad little face" excuse. It's code for "I know how you feel about this, but I decided to disregard your feelings and let the kid do it anyway." |
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Post by idahopea on Aug 30, 2019 22:26:20 GMT
In addition to what you have already talked about with your dd, I always told my kids to go in the bathroom, pretend to throw up, and call me if they ever felt uncomfortable at a sleep over or a party. It is a perfect excuse to be picked up by a parent as no one wants you hanging around if you are throwing up. Sometimes things suddenly get out of hand and it helps for the kids to have a plan for going home without losing face with their friends.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Aug 30, 2019 22:33:25 GMT
She's 10. In the grand scheme of things, yeah, just a gummy. But I don't think she exaggerated the pressure from the mom. When I dropped her off at 5, I think she tried to convince me to have a margarita 5 different times. She won't be staying the night there again. 10! She needs to start learning what NO means coming from you and what NO means when she has to use it! I'm not opposed to melatonin. I take it myself from time to time Taking fro time to time is good! Every night, paricularly for children, no way! |
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Aug 30, 2019 22:36:21 GMT
Sometimes things suddenly get out of hand and it helps for the kids to have a plan for going home without losing face with their friends. Absolutely! I even told my teen many moons ago to use 'mom said I couldn't do it or go there or any other reason. It was ok to blame me! |
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 18:26:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2019 22:41:25 GMT
Sometimes things suddenly get out of hand and it helps for the kids to have a plan for going home without losing face with their friends. Absolutely! I even told my teen many moons ago to use 'mom said I couldn't do it or go there or any other reason. It was ok to blame me! This is what we tell ours. Blame the parents, that's what we're here for. |
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snyder
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Location: Colorado
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Post by snyder on Aug 30, 2019 22:44:20 GMT
How old is your daughter? In the grand scheme of things, it was just a melatonin gummy and I'm assuming no harm was done? BUT - WHY would the mom offer them to the other kids? Her children are one thing, but not the others. I took vitamins when I was a kid and my parents didn't ask my friends if they wanted to take them too. I think that's very odd. I wonder if because they were gummies if the other children were asking to take them? She offered them to the kids because she didn't want to listen to a bunch of giggly girls all night. How many kids need help with sleep. Real odd that kids are being given this no matter what. But, I would be ticked and the mother big time and I would be ticked at my daughter because she texted, asked, I said no, but she disobeyed me. I can't imagine being pressured that much after mom said no. All she had to say to the mom is her mom said no. Should have been end of story. |
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Post by disneypal on Aug 30, 2019 22:49:23 GMT
You don't give other peoples children any pill for anything. Period! That is probably harmless. I totally agree! Regardless of how harmless you think it is, you don't give pills to someone else's kid. |
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Post by Basket1lady on Aug 30, 2019 23:35:50 GMT
Am I the only person who wonders why in the world this mom would give her children melatonin every night? That doesn't seem very responsible. Which in turn would make me question some of her other choices. I'm not opposed to melatonin. I take it myself from time to time but I don't give it to my children because even if it doesn't cause a physical addiction I feel like it could cause some sort of an emotional dependence on it if they take it every night. These kids are too young to reason that they can fall asleep without it if mommy is giving it to them every night. I had a hard enough time getting my youngest to fall asleep without his favorite blanket when it got lost. I surely don't need to make them dependent on some damn gummy. I think it’s very odd that the mom repeatedly offered the medication and agree that this is a good teaching moment. But I don’t think the mom is irresponsible to give it to her own child nightly. DS took melatonin nightly from about the age of 7 or 8. I presume that he still takes it as an adult. Some kids have trouble shutting off their minds and can’t sleep because of it. His pediatrician recommended it initially and it makes all the difference for DS. He went from falling asleep by midnight to being asleep by 9am. The pediatrician said it was the mildest form of sleep aids she gives to children. |
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Aug 30, 2019 23:57:31 GMT
Depending on how well I knew the mom and her personality, I might say something like,”I’m not happy about her being offered a medication (and I would also most likely tell her that melatonin is being shown to not be as harmless as a lot of people think—it is hormone replacement therapy and taking it regularly could cause your body to stop producing enough causing even more problems in the long run), but I’m especially bothered by her being pressured by you and the other girls to take it. Luckily it was “just melatonin” and it was a learning situation for her about peer pressure and how to say no. The pressure is what I would be pissed about, not the one gummy. How old is your daughter?
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Aug 31, 2019 0:00:26 GMT
Am I the only person who wonders why in the world this mom would give her children melatonin every night? That doesn't seem very responsible. Which in turn would make me question some of her other choices. I'm not opposed to melatonin. I take it myself from time to time but I don't give it to my children because even if it doesn't cause a physical addiction I feel like it could cause some sort of an emotional dependence on it if they take it every night. These kids are too young to reason that they can fall asleep without it if mommy is giving it to them every night. I had a hard enough time getting my youngest to fall asleep without his favorite blanket when it got lost. I surely don't need to make them dependent on some damn gummy. I think it’s very odd that the mom repeatedly offered the medication and agree that this is a good teaching moment. But I don’t think the mom is irresponsible to give it to her own child nightly. DS took melatonin nightly from about the age of 7 or 8. I presume that he still takes it as an adult. Some kids have trouble shutting off their minds and can’t sleep because of it. His pediatrician recommended it initially and it makes all the difference for DS. He went from falling asleep by midnight to being asleep by 9am. The pediatrician said it was the mildest form of sleep aids she gives to children. It really is not meant to be taken every night long term. Taking it regularly will make it so your body produces less on its own. It used to be more common for doctors to prescribe it as if it was harmless but more information is out there now. |
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Post by myshelly on Aug 31, 2019 0:00:59 GMT
Not ok on any level.
You don’t give other people’s kids medicine without discussing it first. As someone who has a terrible reaction to melatonin, I don’t think it’s as harmless as some people in this thread are making it out to be.
Also, why the fuck do you *offer* to host a slumber party and then give the kids sleeping pills at 10:30?!? You signed up for an all nighter. You don’t get to just drug the kids so you don’t have to do what you signed up to do.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Aug 31, 2019 0:05:13 GMT
Why would you medicate another persons child without parental permission?? Here in the UK you cannot buy it and it has to be prescribed and the dosage monitored. It is also not easy to get a prescription. The idea of parents routinely giving it to kids is worrying to me. But you never medicate another persons child without expressed permission, the only exception is if they have an epipen or inhaler and it's an emergency. I wish it would be a prescription. I have had many, many clients give it to their children in the last five years. When most of the time what they really need is a good bedtime routine and some calming skills. |
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Post by Embri on Aug 31, 2019 0:13:59 GMT
Also, why the fuck do you *offer* to host a slumber party and then give the kids sleeping pills at 10:30?!? You signed up for an all nighter. You don’t get to just drug the kids so you don’t have to do what you signed up to do. This. In ye olde days when I slept over, we'd set up tents out on the deck - or in the basement, during bad weather. Outside kids = can play and talk as long as they want, and the grownups can sleep in peace. In the end it's a good thing this happened with a relatively harmless substance at an early age - a good teachable moment to point out what all parties involved did wrong. The friend's mother shouldn't have pushed, your daughter should have followed your advice, and I'll also suggest that you should have included the 'why' with your no. Telling your kids the reasons why you're making choices not only makes it more likely they'll follow the rules, but it teaches them the logic behind them. |
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