johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Nov 6, 2019 21:41:14 GMT
So, I've said that we're going on a cruise for spring break and taking some of ds18's friends. It's looking like it will be 7 kids (1 is 17 the rest will all be 18), us (dh, me and ds9) and 2 other pairs of parents (perhaps a 3rd pair if mom can overcome her fear of water).
Anywho, I had some questions so I created an account on CruiseCritic. One of my questions was about excursions, specifically beaches where the kids can hang out and perhaps legally order a drink (except the 17yo). People are saying I should get written permission from the parents of the 18 year olds that they're "allowed" to drink. I'm perplexed by this....they're legal adults ordering (and paying for) a beverage in a place where it's legal to do so, I'm not buying it or serving it; why on earth should I get permission from their parents??? I'm stumped here and don't intend to have them sign something, that's ridiculous IMO. I've made clear to the parents thus far that I'm not micromanaging these kids. I've made it clear to the kids that they're going to have to stay close in ports for their own safety and of course we won't knowingly allow them to get plastered.
So tell me, wise peas, am too.....the opposite of helicopter?
(fwiw I will get signed permission from the mom of the 17yo to take her out of the country and for emergency medical care; she's a minor that's different).
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Post by lucyg on Nov 6, 2019 21:43:03 GMT
I’m with you. Some people don’t feel fulfilled unless they’re helicoptering.
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Post by mom on Nov 6, 2019 21:45:00 GMT
Nope, if I have to get a parent note to let an adult (in another country) drink, then that person doesn't need to come with me on a trip. I would make sure that everyone (the kids) know that I am not bailing them out if they do stupid shit. But if they are only drinking responsibly, then all they get from me is a 'have a good time' and don't miss the boat when its time to leave.
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garcia5050
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Location: So. Calif.
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Post by garcia5050 on Nov 6, 2019 21:46:18 GMT
Are you paying for everyone? If not,I imagine the parents probably paid, so obviously, they are good with it. I’m just wondering if some of these cruise critic responses come from a place of experience.
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rickmer
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Posts: 4,123
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Post by rickmer on Nov 6, 2019 21:46:26 GMT
kids drink. underage. but in your case they *won't* be underage.
i won't buy it for them but i would not be managing that.
i suppose to cover my butt i *might* communicate with the parents that "i won't buy them alcohol but the legal drinking age is 18 so i can't stop them" or something to that effect.
if that parent is super-concerned about that, i guess they should not agree to have their (adult) child go on the cruise??
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Post by stingfan on Nov 6, 2019 21:47:20 GMT
Maybe I am a helicopter...but one of my requirements for taking all those kids on such a trip would be that they NOT drink. Legally or otherwise. I wouldn't want to be responsible for someone else's kid running into trouble because they were drinking.
I would meet with the other parents beforehand and establish ground rules for the trip.
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Post by christine58 on Nov 6, 2019 21:49:02 GMT
Maybe I am a helicopter...but one of my requirements for taking all those kids on such a trip would be that they NOT drink. Legally or otherwise. I wouldn't want to be responsible for someone else's kid running into trouble because they were drinking. I would meet with the other parents beforehand and establish ground rules for the trip. I agree.... |
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 13:01:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2019 21:51:01 GMT
I would just put out a little fyi to the parents that where you are traveling has a drinking age of 18. Its up to that parent to talk to their kid about being responsible. (They honestly may not be aware and Id like to so I can just say hey, dont be stupid to my kid)
Other than that, its on that adult kid, not you.
Have fun!
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Nov 6, 2019 21:51:35 GMT
Are you paying for everyone? If not,I imagine the parents probably paid, so obviously, they are good with it. I’m just wondering if some of these cruise critic responses come from a place of experience. Heck no I'm not paying, the parents/kids are. I've been in touch with all the parents to make sure they're all on board with the trip; they know what ship it is, which ports it goes to, etc. They're all fine with the trip. |
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johnnysmom
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Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Nov 6, 2019 21:58:32 GMT
I would meet with the other parents beforehand and establish ground rules for the trip. We are going to meet to establish ground rules, but honestly those rules are pretty much gonna be..... don't be stupid and don't jump off the ship. They also need to provide proof of life daily and stay nearby in port (ie: if they go to a beach we'll be at the same beach, but down shore a couple yards). |
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AllieC
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Post by AllieC on Nov 6, 2019 21:58:36 GMT
I would do the same as you are doing. While I would set some ground rules, they are legally adults, legally able to drink in those locations and I wouldn't be getting any note signed.
On a side note (our drinking age is 18), I can't fathom young people being able to vote, go to fight for their country, go away to college and be legal adults in every other way but they can't drink alcohol.
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johnnysmom
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Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Nov 6, 2019 22:03:50 GMT
On a side note (our drinking age is 18), I can't fathom young people being able to vote, go to fight for their country, go away to college and be legal adults in every other way but they can't drink alcohol. I completely agree! Another stupid thing I've learned you can't do at 18?.....you can't take a cruise without a chaperone! We're stuck cruising on Carnival because while they require someone over age 25 to be on the ship; they don't require them to be in the same room! Other cruiselines you literally cannot sleep in a cabin without a chaperone until age 21....wtf. |
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AllieC
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Post by AllieC on Nov 6, 2019 22:16:21 GMT
On a side note (our drinking age is 18), I can't fathom young people being able to vote, go to fight for their country, go away to college and be legal adults in every other way but they can't drink alcohol. I completely agree! Another stupid thing I've learned you can't do at 18?.....you can't take a cruise without a chaperone! We're stuck cruising on Carnival because while they require someone over age 25 to be on the ship; they don't require them to be in the same room! Other cruiselines you literally cannot sleep in a cabin without a chaperone until age 21....wtf. Wow that's crazy. I did 2 14 night cruises with friends before I turned 21, this seems like a ridiculous rule. I guess to stop groups of young people going and partying (that's what we did LOL) but so restrictive for people who are adults. |
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CeeScraps
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~~occupied entertaining my brain~~
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Post by CeeScraps on Nov 6, 2019 22:18:09 GMT
Oh boy....it sounds like a nightmare to me. I'm glad other parents are going too. The boys are going to do what boys are going to do no matter what restrictions are given to them. You're going to have more than your own child to deal with. This to me doesn't sound relaxing. This sounds very stressful.
The written permission I wouldn't deal with that either. If they are considered old enough and have their proof of ID on them they should be good. If they aren't, well oh well.....
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Post by busy on Nov 6, 2019 22:20:36 GMT
I'm not helicopter-y but I am all about covering my own ass. So yes, I'd get something signed that acknowledges that the legal drinking age is 18 and their child may drink though I would not provide it. I'd want any protection I could get in the terrible situation that something happened to their child as a result of drinking and they sued me.
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cycworker
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Post by cycworker on Nov 6, 2019 22:47:07 GMT
I am in the 'no, I'm not getting notes' camp. I'd give info to make sure parents know that the drinking age is 18, but that's it.
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 13:01:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2019 22:53:20 GMT
I wouldn't get written permission, but I would inform them that drinking at some ports or on excursions might be possible being that they are of legal age and that while you are there for anything they need, the kids will be pretty much on their own. Perhaps by posting the question as to where to drink on CC, some people are interpreting that as you encouraging or facilitating the drinking and that's why it's wise to get written consents?
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Post by BSnyder on Nov 6, 2019 23:01:29 GMT
The “kids” are 18. The kids are adults, legally responsible for themselves. I’m not a lawyer, but potentially their parents signing something or not would be meaningless. I went on trips outside the country at 18 without my parents permission or even their real time knowledge, as did my dd. There’s no way I would have the parents sign anything.
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likescarrots
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Post by likescarrots on Nov 6, 2019 23:04:03 GMT
I don't think they are being helicopter parents, I think they are CYAing - if any of these kids gets in trouble/has an accident, regardless of if they are adults, their parents might try to sue you. Whether or not they win would be a different matter but you don't want to have to even go through that, so getting written consent from the parents is one way of letting them know 'if your kid does something stupid that's on them, not me'.
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Post by 950nancy on Nov 6, 2019 23:05:53 GMT
I have taken a 17 year old to Jamaica and no one batted an eye at the alcohol. If it is legal, it should be good. I did call the girl's mom and talk to her about sleeping arrangements and alcohol. Everyone knew what was okay and what wasn't.
I also took a 14 year old (mine) to Punta Cana and was told he was tall enough to drink. He got the adult bracelet at the all-inclusive and could drink and gamble. Since then, every all-inclusive has given him an adult bracelet. He's 23 now and I am glad he was "drinking with his parents" before he could in the states. He's a responsible drinker and too cheap to spend much gambling.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Nov 7, 2019 0:09:16 GMT
I think cruises have rules like that for a good reason. Something you might find out the hard way. So I don't really get the purpose of this trip? you really don't want anything to do with the young adults, right? so why take them? or why go? why not just let them go on their own trip? or you on yours?
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Nov 7, 2019 0:17:22 GMT
I think cruises have rules like that for a good reason. Something you might find out the hard way. So I don't really get the purpose of this trip? you really don't want anything to do with the young adults, right? so why take them? or why go? why not just let them go on their own trip? or you on yours? I'd think a bunch of 21 year olds would be more problematic than a bunch of 18 year olds, but that's just me. How do you figure we don't want anything to do with them? I never said that. Honestly, they considered going somewhere on their own, but frankly that's not as easy as it sounds. They can't rent a hotel room, a cabin, etc. We also didn't want them driving several cars 10+ hours away; that doesn't seem safe (though legally they can do that). At least on a ship they are free to just hang out somewhere warm (which is exactly what they're looking forward to the most)and we'll be close by if there's an emergency. |
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RosieKat
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Post by RosieKat on Nov 7, 2019 0:22:55 GMT
I'm not helicopter-y but I am all about covering my own ass. So yes, I'd get something signed that acknowledges that the legal drinking age is 18 and their child may drink though I would not provide it. I'd want any protection I could get in the terrible situation that something happened to their child as a result of drinking and they sued me. That's my thought, as well. It's not in order to be a helicopter parent, it's in order to cover your own rear. |
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Post by deekaye on Nov 7, 2019 0:34:03 GMT
I would just put out a little fyi to the parents that where you are traveling has a drinking age of 18. Its up to that parent to talk to their kid about being responsible. (They honestly may not be aware and Id like to so I can just say hey, dont be stupid to my kid) Other than that, its on that adult kid, not you. Have fun! Yep, my thoughts exactly. I would casually mention that the drinking age is 18. I know these "kids" are adults but if it was my kid, I'd appreciate a quick heads up so that I could have the responsible-drinking talk... |
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Post by LisaDV on Nov 7, 2019 0:56:41 GMT
I would meet with the other parents beforehand and establish ground rules for the trip. We are going to meet to establish ground rules, but honestly those rules are pretty much gonna be..... don't be stupid and don't jump off the ship. They also need to provide proof of life daily and stay nearby in port (ie: if they go to a beach we'll be at the same beach, but down shore a couple yards). I’m probably a helicopter (Although I prefer overly cautious). DH is not. I agree with you completely. However, I would also probably check in on them at least once if I knew they were going to be drinking. Just to make sure no one is overly drinking and out of hand. |
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Nov 7, 2019 1:10:23 GMT
We are going to meet to establish ground rules, but honestly those rules are pretty much gonna be..... don't be stupid and don't jump off the ship. They also need to provide proof of life daily and stay nearby in port (ie: if they go to a beach we'll be at the same beach, but down shore a couple yards). I’m probably a helicopter (Although I prefer overly cautious). DH is not. I agree with you completely. However, I would also probably check in on them at least once if I knew they were going to be drinking. Just to make sure no one is overly drinking and out of hand. Oh of course!! They can’t (or shouldn’t) drink on the ship, that’s 21 and over, just in port. And we’ll be in their general vicinity during those times. If we see anyone getting to the point of too much we’ll step in of course. |
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snyder
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Post by snyder on Nov 7, 2019 1:15:13 GMT
This was eons ago, but our neighbors were both French instructors and each summer they took a group of students to France for 3 weeks. One year, I went with them, but after a few days in France, I ventured off to visit my sister living in Germany. I joined back up with them in Switzerland. We went to a fondue party and it was noted not to drink soda with the fondue as it could curdle. For this event, the students had to have permission slips to drink wine if they were under 21. The students were anywhere from 17 to 22ish. Our drinking age for hard liquor which includes wine is 21 and were told that played into the reason as they were Americans. I think that was hogwash and I'm sure the permission slips were to cover the butt's of the college in case something did happen to one of the students. I don't think I would do permission slips, but for the students that don't have a parent coming a long, I would definitely make sure those parents knew the scoop.
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Post by quinlove on Nov 7, 2019 1:17:36 GMT
Um..... you’re a pretty awesome mom ! Taking your teenage son and his friends on a cruise is frigging awesome. Something your son will never forget. I would never dream of doing something like that. Good job mom. 😊
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Post by AussieMeg on Nov 7, 2019 2:13:18 GMT
My view is obviously influenced by the fact that the legal drinking age here is 18, so I think it’s ludicrous to ask parents of adults to sign a freakin permission slip. The most I would do is let the parents know that the legal drinking age at some of the ports is 18, and they need to be aware that their kid might drink, and that they needed to talk to their kids about any concerns beforehand.
My daughter went to Germany on a student exchange when she was 16. At the information session we were all told that the drinking age in Germany is 16, and the kids would likely be offered beer or wine by their host families. If we weren’t happy with that, it was up to us to have that discussion with our kids.
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samantha25
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Post by samantha25 on Nov 7, 2019 4:37:46 GMT
I would not want to be responsible for other kids. Sounds like an expensive, unsupervised, school field trip and signing a contract seems superficial for legal obligations if something happened. What if the someone had never had a drink and something happened? Why take that responsibility? I would want to enjoy my adult cruise experience, too. Yes, there's always a what if, but what if?
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