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Post by katiekaty on Nov 9, 2019 23:54:03 GMT
Agreed. The man was out of control! spitfiregirl there seems to be some confusion as to when this incident happened. Was it recently? Or did it happen a year ago when you stopped going to their house? it happened a year ago and I have not seen him since. I live in fear of seeing him. If I run into him in town I dont know what I would say or do. I rehearse it over and over in my mind. what will I say? WHat do you say? Or do? You do and say nothing! You walk away. Simple as that. You don't engage someone who is prone to violence. And your topic of conversation whether it was politics("Trumper")or something else such as religion, guns, work, immigration or whatever, if he was in complete opposition to you would have probably had the same response. Avoid him for your safety.
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ashley
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,400
Jun 17, 2016 12:36:53 GMT
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Post by ashley on Nov 9, 2019 23:55:25 GMT
It’s a shame that there is no specific word in the English language to describe being hit in the face with a hamburger. Perhaps if there was, some of these posters would be less likely to be victim-blaming the victim. There is...ASSAULT. I realize that, I was trying to make a post about the brutal people here who are debating whether or not she was harmed in any way and criticizing spitfire girl for her choice of words instead of being supportive.
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Post by SockMonkey on Nov 9, 2019 23:56:47 GMT
Some of you all looking up dictionary definitions. Wow. I mean, would you be looking up the definition of the word "punch" if a man smashed a hamburger in YOUR face? Your daughter's face? What a time to be alive. I'm just going to leave this here.
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Post by SockMonkey on Nov 9, 2019 23:57:36 GMT
I am drained. Everyone, thank you for the responses. I appreciate the counseling. I will update after I hook up with a counselor I think seeing a counselor is a really good idea. It's okay to not feel okay about this. I hope with time and help you can reach a place of peace.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Nov 10, 2019 0:01:08 GMT
I realize that, I was trying to make a post about the brutal people here who are debating whether or not she was harmed in any way and criticizing spitfire girl for her choice of words instead of being supportive. I know! 😋 I was helping to illustrate!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 17:32:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2019 0:02:08 GMT
I think arguing the details and definitions with anyone here is unproductive. You didn't do more at the time because you wanted to keep your friend, but you know that in order to get this right in your head, it's going to cost that friendship. It would have then, it will now. She's not going to choose you over him, and you can't stay friends with someone who has that sort of poor judgement. That's why it's not resolving still a year later. You're working at cross-purposes. You want things to have happened a way they didn't, and you want her to be someone she's not. It's hard, and it really sucks, and I'm sorry it all happened to you.
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Post by Merge on Nov 10, 2019 0:11:18 GMT
I think arguing the details and definitions with anyone here is unproductive. You didn't do more at the time because you wanted to keep your friend, but you know that in order to get this right in your head, it's going to cost that friendship. It would have then, it will now. She's not going to choose you over him, and you can't stay friends with someone who has that sort of poor judgement. That's why it's not resolving still a year later. You're working at cross-purposes. You want things to have happened a way they didn't, and you want her to be someone she's not. It's hard, and it really sucks, and I'm sorry it all happened to you. Best response. Close the thread!
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
Jun 25, 2014 21:31:58 GMT
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Nov 10, 2019 0:14:53 GMT
Some of you all looking up dictionary definitions. Wow. I mean, would you be looking up the definition of the word "punch" if a man smashed a hamburger in YOUR face? Your daughter's face? What a time to be alive. I'm just going to leave this here.I think my point is being taken way out of context here. If she’s considering filing a police report, pressing charges, and suing for mental health damage, it is actually important she accurately describes what happened or else she could be considered lying. Leave it to the peas to attack someone trying to help.
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Post by sawwhet on Nov 10, 2019 0:27:41 GMT
I am drained. Everyone, thank you for the responses. I appreciate the counseling. I will update after I hook up with a counselor Good luck with your counselling. I hope everything works out for you and you feel at peace.
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Post by myshelly on Nov 10, 2019 0:45:23 GMT
Since we’re all looking up definitions of common words, I looked up punch. punch. /pən(t)SH/ verb 1. strike with the fist. "she punched him in the face and ran off" 2. a blow with the fist. According to the definition of punch, he didn’t punch you since he didn’t strike you with his fist but used a burger. That said, it’s still assault and there would have been no difference had you chosen to press charges. what do you think he was holding that hamburger with? his foot? if his skin touched mine, then it's a punch? it was not a fist punch but his hand smashed something violently in my face. If someone ran you over with a car.... can they claim they didn't hit you? He didn’t punch you, Jesus. If someone brushes up against you in the store and their skin touches your skin, did they punch you? No, because that’s batshit crazy.
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,547
Jun 26, 2014 1:20:09 GMT
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Post by Just T on Nov 10, 2019 0:50:27 GMT
what do you think he was holding that hamburger with? his foot? if his skin touched mine, then it's a punch? it was not a fist punch but his hand smashed something violently in my face. If someone ran you over with a car.... can they claim they didn't hit you? He didn’t punch you, Jesus. If someone brushes up against you in the store and their skin touches your skin, did they punch you? No, because that’s batshit crazy. Someone accidentally brushing up against you in a store is WAY different than someone who is angry forcefully shoving their food into your face so hard that you inhale the food up your nose. It's batshit crazy to compare the two.
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ashley
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,400
Jun 17, 2016 12:36:53 GMT
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Post by ashley on Nov 10, 2019 0:54:22 GMT
what do you think he was holding that hamburger with? his foot? if his skin touched mine, then it's a punch? it was not a fist punch but his hand smashed something violently in my face. If someone ran you over with a car.... can they claim they didn't hit you? He didn’t punch you, Jesus. If someone brushes up against you in the store and their skin touches your skin, did they punch you? No, because that’s batshit crazy. You’re being mean, and it’s unnecessary. Our friend was violently assaulted, and you can’t get past bitching over a word choice. Stop being difficult and try exerting some compassion.
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Post by spitfiregirl on Nov 10, 2019 0:56:19 GMT
what do you think he was holding that hamburger with? his foot? if his skin touched mine, then it's a punch? it was not a fist punch but his hand smashed something violently in my face. If someone ran you over with a car.... can they claim they didn't hit you? He didn’t punch you, Jesus. If someone brushes up against you in the store and their skin touches your skin, did they punch you? No, because that’s batshit crazy. I already told you.... he sucker punched me. He didn't punch me with this fist but he SUCKERPUNCHED ME.... forcefully and violently. and he yelled at me and he ran away in ANGER ... ok... thats a lot different than someone brushing up against you in a store.
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Post by pierogi on Nov 10, 2019 0:58:06 GMT
I agree with everything elaine said. And honestly now I'm scared for your friend. If he will do that to you in public over a trump comment what is he doing to her behind closed doors? First thing I thought. If he’s comfortable assaulting an acquaintance in public, then holy crow, I’m terrified for his wife.
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Post by spitfiregirl on Nov 10, 2019 0:58:13 GMT
I’m sorry you didn’t follow through. THIS MAN SHOULD NOT BE OWNING GUNS. Speaking as the daughter of a woman killed by domestic violence, Ugh, That just might have been the best shot at saving her life one day. Not blaming you for not considering that, just sharing my immediate thought when I read that. (to be honest, I would be shocked if he lost his guns over that, but it could have begun a paper trail that might stop him one day) I am very sorry about your mom.
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Post by spitfiregirl on Nov 10, 2019 0:59:17 GMT
Some of you all looking up dictionary definitions. Wow. I mean, would you be looking up the definition of the word "punch" if a man smashed a hamburger in YOUR face? Your daughter's face? What a time to be alive. I'm just going to leave this here.I think my point is being taken way out of context here. If she’s considering filing a police report, pressing charges, and suing for mental health damage, it is actually important she accurately describes what happened or else she could be considered lying. Leave it to the peas to attack someone trying to help. im not filing a police report or sueing anyone.
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Post by maryland on Nov 10, 2019 1:49:54 GMT
In this situation it is not ok to hit a woman. But really in this situation it is not ok for anyone to hit any person, no matter their gender. His reaction to what appears to be a civil conversation was extremely over the top. And I would not ever want to be near him again. I would do the exact same thing you are doing by keeping your distance from him. He could apologize all he wanted. I wouldn’t accept it, and I would still not have anything to do with him. I would also be extremely concerned that my best friend is the victim of some form of abuse within her marriage. Because if he did that to you during a dinner in public, I hate to think about how he reacts when his wife simply voices her dissent in their private home. As to your question about whether it is ever ok to hit a woman, I think it is. I have never understood why it is ok to never hit a woman, but hitting a man is ok (it is not). But specifically, I think if a woman is going ape shit and beating the crap out of a man, the man should be able to physically defend himself if needed. Gender shouldn’t factor in. I was going to say something just like this but you said it better.
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Post by SockMonkey on Nov 10, 2019 2:17:15 GMT
Some of you all looking up dictionary definitions. Wow. I mean, would you be looking up the definition of the word "punch" if a man smashed a hamburger in YOUR face? Your daughter's face? What a time to be alive. I'm just going to leave this here.I think my point is being taken way out of context here. If she’s considering filing a police report, pressing charges, and suing for mental health damage, it is actually important she accurately describes what happened or else she could be considered lying. Leave it to the peas to attack someone trying to help. While your intent may have been to help, I'm not sure that this was the advice she was seeking. She repeatedly said she wouldn't be reporting to police, considering this happened a year ago. (You weren't the only one who went there with the definition biz, so it's not just you, but I do appreciate that you clarified a bit.)
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Post by pierogi on Nov 10, 2019 2:19:29 GMT
I can't believe the pile-on that's happening here. The OP had something very traumatic happen to her and people are acting like it's no big deal? It happened to HER, not any of us - we weren't there to see how hard he smashed the burger into her face, and it really doesn't matter anyway. What he did was wrong. He physically attacked her. It has affected her emotionally. She's admitted that she doesn't know why she can't move past it. Damn, offer some support instead of trying to tear her down when she's already at a low point. A voice of reason and compassion. Some of the responses are truly repulsive. Smh.
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,547
Jun 26, 2014 1:20:09 GMT
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Post by Just T on Nov 10, 2019 2:28:52 GMT
A voice of reason and compassion. Some of the responses are truly repulsive. Smh. Yes, they are indeed. I shouldn't be shocked, but I am.
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Post by pjaye on Nov 10, 2019 2:35:55 GMT
I haven't read every single response...but enough of them to get the gist that some people think you were partially to blame...you are not. I get that the discussion became heated and this may have been a hot topic for him, but he also had the choice not to engage and walk away. If he just got angry and shouted at you, that would have been one thing, but to lay a hand on you in any way because he was angry is always unacceptable.
That man assaulted you and that's a deal breaker in my book. I would have nothing to do with him ever again, I would also never accept an apology. Doing that reinforces the stereotype that being sorry afterward can make up for those actions but that is never the case. Once something like that is done, it can never be undone and men who do this need to learn that. And the women in the lives of these men need to draw a line in the sand and be done with them for good. Once it all it takes and once is enough to end any relationship with that man.
However I do agree that it is highly unlikely that you can maintain a friendship with this woman, she's chosen her 'side' and it's not you. I'd move on from both of them, they are toxic and you don't need to be caught up in that ever again.
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Post by pierkiss on Nov 10, 2019 2:36:54 GMT
muggins I am not victim blaming nor am I deplorable. When a friend has told me, prior to an event, that certain topics are really not good for discussion, I will avoid such topics. Yes, it was wrong for the man to throw the hamburger at the OP, BUT, she had been told by her friend that certain topics are "ISSUES". Why would a person not avoid the "ISSUES" and make small talk and avoid the issues, as a favour to their friend. An apology is being extended and the OP is refusing such apology. It has been 1 (ONE) year. If my friend told me that certain topics were not really good subjects to talk about, I would RESPECT my friend and talk about anything and everything but the issues that she had mentioned. "The Victim", as you said, started the subject, conversation. The other person did not. If a friend tells me that certain topics are "hot topics or issues", I will RESPECT my friend and not go there. Playing with fire, someone will get burned. Some things take longer than a year to get over and be dealt with. A person needs to have space and time to process what they have been through, especially something violent in nature. If my best friends husband smashed a damn hamburger into my face because he got pissed off over something I said, I wouldn’t be getting over it anytime soon. Nor would I placate his assholian behavior by letting him apologize. Fuck that shit.
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Post by spitfiregirl on Nov 10, 2019 2:46:10 GMT
admin hey all you thread savers... ive asked admin to delete my thread. I have cut and pasted most all of the wisdom I have received today. Thank you all. I will update after counciling
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ComplicatedLady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,037
Location: Valley of the Sun
Jul 26, 2014 21:02:07 GMT
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Post by ComplicatedLady on Nov 10, 2019 3:23:22 GMT
Look, I’m on your side. But the reality is you can’t have it both ways. He either smashed a burger in your face which means there was a burger between your face and his hand, or he had a closed fist around a burger and punched you, and therefore a burger wouldn’t be smashed in your face but in his hand. Both are assault. excuse me then... he suckersmashed me. violently Only in pealand would you have to create a word like “suckersmashed” in order to differentiate an action from sucker punched. For what it’s worth, he was 100% in the wrong, eff that guy, and I’m glad you are taking steps to take care of yourself. We can’t change anything in the past, but we can move forward one day, one week, one month at a time. Also for what it’s worth, “suckersmashed” is an awesome descriptor.
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Post by bc2ca on Nov 10, 2019 3:36:14 GMT
I think you can accept an apology without forgiving or forgetting what happened. I do understand why you don't want to see him and really think you need to talk to a therapist to work through how to move forward. I believe the friend is attempting to get the apology in place so that the OP can resume being around him again, which is not what the OP wants. Yes, I understood that and said so in an earlier post. This was just a post in response to her saying accepting an apology makes everything ok.
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Post by librarylady on Nov 10, 2019 3:39:31 GMT
^^^^ That!
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Post by nurseypants on Nov 10, 2019 3:41:27 GMT
what do you think he was holding that hamburger with? his foot? if his skin touched mine, then it's a punch? it was not a fist punch but his hand smashed something violently in my face. If someone ran you over with a car.... can they claim they didn't hit you? He didn’t punch you, Jesus. If someone brushes up against you in the store and their skin touches your skin, did they punch you? No, because that’s batshit crazy. This is why no one likes you.
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Post by quinlove on Nov 10, 2019 4:17:21 GMT
Regarding the sucker punch or hitting - I think what he did to her was worse ! He was shaming her and being disrespectful. Along with assault and battery. OP , please do whatever you can to make yourself feel better. Only you know what will help you move past this. You must make peace with yourself. You can’t change him or her, but you can move towards changing how you feel about this. How you feel about you. You can do this.
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Post by pierogi on Nov 10, 2019 4:37:37 GMT
admin hey all you thread savers... ive asked admin to delete my thread. I have cut and pasted most all of the wisdom I have received today. Thank you all. I will update after counciling OP, please reconsider deleting. I keep thinking about other women who are in violent and unsafe relationships, and will rethink getting counseling or help because - like some posters here - they consider themselves at fault for “poking the bear” or whatever happy horseshit justification their abusers use for laying hands on them. Violence against women/children/elderly is a pervasive, underreported problem, and only by speaking up can we start to address and rectify this. In fact, I’d love to read a positive update after you’ve had time to go to counseling and heal.
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Post by chlerbie on Nov 10, 2019 4:58:42 GMT
Absolutely disgusted by many of the posts here. Gleefully saving the OP's posts in case she wants to delete. Saying it's HER fault someone assaulted her. Piling on someone who's obviously hurting. Just disgusting.
There is NO reason in the whole wide fucking world that someone needs to smash/punch a hamburger into someone's face. She said something he didn't like--so it's HER fault that he can't control himself and she deserved it, right? Because she should know better? Get the fuck out of here. And then--she should gracefully accept his apology? No way in hell I'd accept or ever want to be around him again. How could she ever trust him? I'm amazed that she's been able to keep her friendship after this.
OP, I'm very sorry this happened to you, very sorry that it's been causing you so much pain for so many reasons, and very sorry that there are so many bitches here, ready to tear another woman down. I'm very glad to read that you are looking into counselling.
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