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Post by lesserknownpea on Nov 11, 2019 1:57:29 GMT
Well, my X is dying. He had a heart attack in prison, and they revived him and put him on life support. He rescinded his DNR a few years ago after a terrible stroke, so now they are obliged to let him lie there in the hospital until they can prove there’s no hope of life.
This is extremely upsetting to my DD. And she’s been going through a very hard year as it is. The DS I live with pretends he has no feeling whatsoever about it.
And me? I’m being bombarded with memories of when the rotten man was young, and sweet, and did good things.
Just talk to me
UPDATE
After 6 days, DD finally got it so she and her siblings could make the decision to take away the life support. Now three of them are there. Only the son I live with is not. It’s been 20 hours so far, he’s on morphine and his oxygen sats are getting very low.
I’m glad DD has her siblings, especially her brother for support. I believe holding this vigil will be a comfort to them in future.
The son I live with has kept himself busy. But I notice he’s been up late at night, which is not like him, and a few other things are off. I respect his way of handling this, but it’s hard to see someone suffer when they can’t talk about it.
I’m wandering around in a kind of fog. flashbacks of my life like a movie in my head, and thinking about my kids. Two are communicating with me. The DD I struggle with wont, she’s probably thinking about how this is all my fault. But her husband has been kind to me, I’ll take that.
They brought the 11 year old twins in to say goodby, even though they haven’t seen or talked to him in 7 years, and DD has not let anyone tell them he’s been in prison, or for what. My son in law said seeing him upset the boys. I’m trying not to second guess these parenting decisions.
I’m glad it will be over soon. This is hard.
2nd update. After 2 1/2 days off life support, he passed. My two daughters were there, it was in the wee hours of the morning. I have not heard from either of them, but both my youngest DD, and her husband have posted pictures, ( that I took), and memorials on Instagram. My son I live with is disgusted with this. But I understand the desire to just remember the good times. And he certainly paid for his sins.
I received texts from two friends who get it. That’s been helpful also.
Thank you you for being there for me through this!
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Post by destined2bmom on Nov 11, 2019 2:00:58 GMT
I am so very sorry. I know it’s very hard when someone is at the end of their life. And all of the memories good and bad come back. Please be kind to yourself and know that we are all here for you. I am going to pray for your family.
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ashley
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,400 
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Post by ashley on Nov 11, 2019 2:01:27 GMT
An impending death is always hard, but this is a very complex situation. I’d just like to hug you, right now. Please be gentle and good to yourself, and come here and vent as you need to.
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Judy26
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MOTFY Bitchy Nursemaid
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Post by Judy26 on Nov 11, 2019 2:02:33 GMT
Oh my! This is so rough for all involved. I hope your children (and you) can find some closure and peace before he passes. And your fond memories are a valid time of your life and should not be discounted no matter how horrid things got later on. I’ll be thinking of you in the days ahead.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Nov 11, 2019 2:02:54 GMT
ahhhh. Hell, that just sucks all around.
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PrettyInPeank
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Nov 11, 2019 2:05:42 GMT
Huge hugs ❤️
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Post by elaine on Nov 11, 2019 2:07:10 GMT
I’m sorry for your loss, because you lost that sweet young man long ago. This is just a reminder and ripping the scab off of that wound. I am sorry for the pain and the loss you are going through. `(((hugs)))
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Nov 11, 2019 2:11:16 GMT
Of course you have very complicated feelings at a time like this. That says a lot about who you are as a person. You’ve been through so much and come out so strong. You’ll get through this as well. I’ll be thinking of you and your children.
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Post by roundtwo on Nov 11, 2019 2:15:35 GMT
Oh wow, such a horrible situation for everyone. I'm sure you are all a mess of emotions, remembering the good, wishing the bad away. He is still the father of your kids so it seems quite normal that you will remember when things were better. It's tough for your kids too, even if your son doesn't want to admit it - they certainly aren't happy with how things turned out but he's still their dad.
Sending good thoughts to all of you.
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
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Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Nov 11, 2019 2:17:40 GMT
What a complicated situation for all of you.
The young man you once loved is long gone, but this brings up those memories. Acknowledge the good times, and whatever you feel is okay - and it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions.
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PLurker
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Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Nov 11, 2019 2:19:15 GMT
Wow. I am so sorry for everything.
What a complicated mess. Hugs to you and yours
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Post by Skellinton on Nov 11, 2019 2:21:53 GMT
I am very sorry. What a difficult situation. Of course you are remembering the sweet man you loved who fathered your children. I am sorry for your children too, they must be having the same conflicting feelings you are.
You are a strong woman who can handle anything life deals you. I will be sending positive thoughts your way.
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GiantsFan
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Post by GiantsFan on Nov 11, 2019 2:24:15 GMT
Oh my! This is so rough for all involved. I hope your children (and you) can find some closure and peace before he passes. And your fond memories are a valid time of your life and should not be discounted no matter how horrid things got later on. I’ll be thinking of you in the days ahead. This^^^ and I'm sorry you and your children have to go through this. |
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Deleted
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May 2, 2024 5:06:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2019 2:29:47 GMT
It's okay to be conflicted. It just shows what a compassionate person you are. I'm just sorry that he still has the ability to cause you grief. (((HUGS)))
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CeeScraps
Pearl Clutcher
~~occupied entertaining my brain~~
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Post by CeeScraps on Nov 11, 2019 2:31:45 GMT
I'm so sorry for you. I see this as once again he is controlling your feelings. Why in the world would anyone rescind a DNR.
Please don't let him do this to you. I feel for your children. I see this as controlling them too.
{{{hugs}}}
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Post by quinlove on Nov 11, 2019 2:35:42 GMT
Sending you hugs and more hugs. Be gentle with yourself.
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Post by peasapie on Nov 11, 2019 2:37:17 GMT
It has to be so difficult to manage your own feelings along with those of your kids. No matter how we feel about our exes, they once were someone we cared deeply about and we grieve for the person we once knew and the hopes we shared.
I’m thinking of you tonight and sending wishes you will find the strength and wisdom to get through these sad days.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Nov 11, 2019 2:51:14 GMT
Is there any way to keep your DD close? Please try to let him go from your mind. You deserve peace, not his crap!
Please please take care of you!!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Post by lesserknownpea on Nov 11, 2019 3:15:25 GMT
Is there any way to keep your DD close? Please try to let him go from your mind. You deserve peace, not his crap! Please please take care of you!! (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))) She lives an hour away right now, and I haven’t been able to drive out to her. Or take her to the hospital. But I’m available by phone, and I’m the one she turns to. |
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Post by 950nancy on Nov 11, 2019 3:20:20 GMT
He's not that man anymore. Just try to be there for your kids and be nice to yourself.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Nov 11, 2019 3:21:15 GMT
He's not that man anymore. Just try to be there for your kids and be nice to yourself. Good reminder. Thank you. Thank you all, who’s posted. It’s helping. |
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Post by refugeepea on Nov 11, 2019 3:37:10 GMT
I can understand how you would have mixed feelings. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 2, 2024 5:06:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2019 3:44:58 GMT
Well, my X is dying. He had a heart attack in prison, and they revived him and put him on life support. He rescinded his DNR a few years ago after a terrible stroke, so now they are obliged to let him lie there in the hospital until they can prove there’s no hope of life. This is extremely upsetting to my DD. And she’s been going through a very hard year as it is. The DS I live with pretends he has no feeling whatsoever about it. And me? I’m being bombarded with memories of when the rotten man was young, and sweet, and did good things. Just talk to me You are in such a hard hard place! I've been dealing with a lot of what I call time twisting as if the memories of times past have been folding into the present and causing a lot of emotional disruption. Have you considered some time with a grief therapist to sort help sort it out? I've got an appointment on Wedneday. |
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Post by alexa11 on Nov 11, 2019 3:49:06 GMT
You and your children are in my thoughts and prayers. This is a very difficult situation that you've been through and there will be a lot of emotions. Just remember that you are strong!
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Post by malibou on Nov 11, 2019 3:53:22 GMT
Wow, this is tricky.
I will keep you all in my thoughts while you navigate this less than desirable path.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Nov 11, 2019 3:59:57 GMT
Well, my X is dying. He had a heart attack in prison, and they revived him and put him on life support. He rescinded his DNR a few years ago after a terrible stroke, so now they are obliged to let him lie there in the hospital until they can prove there’s no hope of life. This is extremely upsetting to my DD. And she’s been going through a very hard year as it is. The DS I live with pretends he has no feeling whatsoever about it. And me? I’m being bombarded with memories of when the rotten man was young, and sweet, and did good things. Just talk to me You are in such a hard hard place! I've been dealing with a lot of what I call time twisting as if the memories of times past have been folding into the present and causing a lot of emotional disruption. Have you considered some time with a grief therapist to sort help sort it out? I've got an appointment on Wedneday. My next appointment with my therapist is the 22nd. Probably this will be over by then, I’ll have a lot to talk with her about. I’m sorry you’re going through stuff, too. Good job making an appointment. I like your description of time folding in on itself. Seriously, im having memories intrude that haven’t seen the light of day for years! |
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Post by busy on Nov 11, 2019 4:08:08 GMT
What a complicated situation. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I just want to say one thing... I am sure you have many conflicting emotions about this, including ones that seem “wrong.” You are not wrong, however you feel. HE was wrong for what he did and everything after is a consequence is his actions.
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Post by auntkelly on Nov 11, 2019 4:11:21 GMT
I am so sorry you are going through this. You and your children will be in my prayers.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 2, 2024 5:06:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2019 4:27:58 GMT
You are in such a hard hard place! I've been dealing with a lot of what I call time twisting as if the memories of times past have been folding into the present and causing a lot of emotional disruption. Have you considered some time with a grief therapist to sort help sort it out? I've got an appointment on Wedneday. My next appointment with my therapist is the 22nd. Probably this will be over by then, I’ll have a lot to talk with her about. I’m sorry you’re going through stuff, too. Good job making an appointment. I like your description of time folding in on itself. Seriously, im having memories intrude that haven’t seen the light of day for years! I am glad you have an appointment to see your therapist too! |
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Post by kkrenn on Nov 11, 2019 4:30:52 GMT
I'm so sorry and I'm sending you a great big hug. The man you're remembering (sweet & loving) died a long time ago and there is a very good reason he is in prison. Be gentle on yourself and I hope you and your kids find a way through this and come out happier and healthier on the other side.
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