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Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 11, 2019 4:36:28 GMT
That’s really rough. I hope you have a few friends or family in real life that you can lean on a little bit besides us here. I’m sorry for all your family has been through.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Nov 11, 2019 4:36:58 GMT
What a complicated situation. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I just want to say one thing... I am sure you have many conflicting emotions about this, including ones that seem “wrong.” You are not wrong, however you feel. HE was wrong for what he did and everything after is a consequence is his actions. That’s really helpful. Thanks 😘
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Post by lesserknownpea on Nov 11, 2019 4:40:05 GMT
That’s really rough. I hope you have a few friends or family in real life that you can lean on a little bit besides us here. I’m sorry for all your family has been through. I do and i am But right now this is more helpful because I can cry.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 11, 2019 5:01:38 GMT
That’s really rough. I hope you have a few friends or family in real life that you can lean on a little bit besides us here. I’m sorry for all your family has been through. I do and i am But right now this is more helpful because I can cry. I’m glad you do, and I’m glad we can be here for you too. Hugs, friend.
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Post by roberta on Nov 11, 2019 5:16:19 GMT
This is very complicated and it is natural to have a range of feelings. I am so sorry for all your family is going through. This must bring up conflicted and confusing emotions for all of you.
Hugs to you and your kids. I’ll be thinking of you.
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Post by idahopea on Nov 11, 2019 5:29:04 GMT
I'm very sorry for all you are going through and have gone through in the past. I remember your story with the X and how strong you were then. I know you will get through this too. I like what Busy said regarding there are no wrong feelings in this complicated situation and I wouldn't be surprised if your feelings are all over the place from minute to minute. I know you will be helping your kids to get through this, but don't forget to take care of yourself too. Eat healthy food and drink lots of water. Have a good cry if you need one. Try to get some sleep. Don't let him take away your happiness or your health and don't feel guilty about it! Sending hugs...
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Post by lucyg on Nov 11, 2019 5:51:00 GMT
This is going to be hard, no matter what. You can’t just wipe out the good times OR the terrible times from your memory. Try to go easy on yourself, and I hope you can find some peace with this.
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Post by candleangie on Nov 11, 2019 6:15:58 GMT
Oh gosh ((giant hugs)) I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Every single feeling that you each have is valid and correct. You’re allowed to feel how ever you feel for however long you need to feel it. Your kids may need to hear that, too.
They are so lucky to have such a strong mom who so fiercely has their backs. (((More giant hugs))) you will get through (or over, or around) this.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Nov 11, 2019 7:17:16 GMT
An impending death is always hard, but this is a very complex situation. I’d just like to hug you, right now. Please be gentle and good to yourself, and come here and vent as you need to. I keep coming back to this. Thank you.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Nov 11, 2019 7:20:11 GMT
I’m sorry for your loss, because you lost that sweet young man long ago. This is just a reminder and ripping the scab off of that wound. I am sorry for the pain and the loss you are going through. `(((hugs))) Thank you for getting it. I feel I need to grieve, but like an imposter somehow. As if I don’t have a right to grieve him. Or as if it’s a betrayal of myself and my truth as his wife. Yes, just writing that shows me how confused my feelings are.
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,760
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Nov 11, 2019 7:24:20 GMT
What a complicated and difficult situation all around. Sending much care and hugs to you.
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Post by candleangie on Nov 11, 2019 7:39:57 GMT
I’m sorry for your loss, because you lost that sweet young man long ago. This is just a reminder and ripping the scab off of that wound. I am sorry for the pain and the loss you are going through. `(((hugs))) Thank you for getting it. I feel I need to grieve, but like an imposter somehow. As if I don’t have a right to grieve him. Or as if it’s a betrayal of myself and my truth as his wife. Yes, just writing that shows me how confused my feelings are. You’re not an imposter, and you’re not wrong to grieve. Most people in our lives are very complicated combinations of good and bad for us. When you think of it that way, it seems strange that we sometimes expect our emotions about to people to be clean and uncomplicated. It’s okay. Life is messy, people are messy, therefor emotions are messy too.
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Post by gar on Nov 11, 2019 8:25:36 GMT
That's a toughie...I'm so sorry. I don't have good advice except to be kind to yourself...you will get through it ((hugs))
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Post by disneypal on Nov 11, 2019 8:42:08 GMT
I am sorry, this must be very difficult for you but think of him, his pain is ending. I am sorry you and your family are going through this.
((HUGS))
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Post by gillyp on Nov 11, 2019 8:43:01 GMT
Sending hugs to you as you navigate what must be a maelstrom of emotions.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,732
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
Aug 2, 2014 13:03:45 GMT
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Nov 11, 2019 9:19:30 GMT
I'm so sorry. Grieving for someone who you lost a long time ago is a double whammy. You're grieving for the person that he was then though, not so much what he is now. Hugs to you and your DS and DD.
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michellegb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,915
Location: New England and loving it!
Jun 26, 2014 0:04:59 GMT
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Post by michellegb on Nov 11, 2019 9:53:43 GMT
It's understandable that you and your children would be having a hard time now. There are so many feelings that come to the surface at a time like this. You are so strong and I know you will do all you can to help your kids deal with the finality of this loss. I'll be keeping you and your children in my thoughts and I'm sending you hugs.
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craftykitten
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,304
Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on Nov 11, 2019 9:55:41 GMT
I'm so sorry. What a horrible situation. Thinking of you.
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Post by elaine on Nov 11, 2019 11:46:23 GMT
Thank you for getting it. I feel I need to grieve, but like an imposter somehow. As if I don’t have a right to grieve him. Or as if it’s a betrayal of myself and my truth as his wife. Yes, just writing that shows me how confused my feelings are. You’re not an imposter, and you’re not wrong to grieve. Most people in our lives are very complicated combinations of good and bad for us. When you think of it that way, it seems strange that we sometimes expect our emotions about to people to be clean and uncomplicated. It’s okay. Life is messy, people are messy, therefor emotions are messy too. This. You are not an imposter. Grieving is not a linear concept either. You don’t just grieve a loss and be done with it. Life brings new things up, and the grief spirals around again. And, I’m guessing that due to circumstances at the time, you never fully grieved losing the young version of who your ex was, so here it is again. You are probably also grieving again for the loss of the life/future you thought you would have when you two first married, not thinking it would end up this way. I’m sorry for your pain, and I hope you don’t add to it by beating yourself up over your multitude of feelings. (((Hugs)))
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Post by christine58 on Nov 11, 2019 12:20:27 GMT
Thank you for getting it. I feel I need to grieve, but like an imposter somehow. As if I don’t have a right to grieve him. Or as if it’s a betrayal of myself and my truth as his wife. Yes, just writing that shows me how confused my feelings are. You have a right to grieve who he once was and to grieve for your children's loss. I know he did horrible things to you (if I am remembering correctly) and I am glad you have a therapy appointment soon.
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Post by tentoes on Nov 11, 2019 13:57:47 GMT
My dad died when I was 14. He was only 43. He'd been an alcoholic, but a recovered alcoholic the last three years of his life. My memories included the time before he was recovered of course. My mom always told us to try and remember the better times, and to let the hurtful part go. That was very helpful. Of course, since you were married to this man, and had children with him, you are going to have good memories along with the not so good memories. My heart goes out to you all. Try to dwell on the good times, and the good memories. Yes, that is why you fell in love with him to begin with. (((HUGS))) to you and your family.
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lisaknits
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,349
May 28, 2015 16:14:56 GMT
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Post by lisaknits on Nov 11, 2019 14:00:21 GMT
This is a tough time and ((HUGS)) are being sent your way. Be gentle with yourself, your feelings are valid.
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Post by mikklynn on Nov 11, 2019 14:11:09 GMT
It's okay to be conflicted. It just shows what a compassionate person you are. I'm just sorry that he still has the ability to cause you grief. (((HUGS))) She said it better than I could. I remember when he had the stroke you went through all those feelings, too. Just be gentle with yourself and your family.
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Post by liya on Nov 11, 2019 14:34:23 GMT
I am so very sorry for what you are going through. Hugs.
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TankTop
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1,871
Posts: 4,767
Location: On the couch...
Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on Nov 11, 2019 14:51:15 GMT
I am so very sorry.
I am constantly amazed by your grace. I very much admire that about you.
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Post by tyra on Nov 11, 2019 15:11:26 GMT
I'm so very sorry
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Post by ceepea on Nov 11, 2019 15:48:25 GMT
I am so sorry, what a horrible situation for everyone involved. Please take care of your self.
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Post by LisaDV on Nov 11, 2019 17:47:46 GMT
Hugs to you. Prayers for you and your family.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 2, 2024 7:45:47 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2019 18:46:03 GMT
Thank you for getting it. I feel I need to grieve, but like an imposter somehow. As if I don’t have a right to grieve him. Or as if it’s a betrayal of myself and my truth as his wife. Yes, just writing that shows me how confused my feelings are. You have a right to grieve who he once was and to grieve for your children's loss. I know he did horrible things to you (if I am remembering correctly) and I am glad you have a therapy appointment soon. This Hugs, don’t be hard on yourself.
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Post by katlaw on Nov 11, 2019 18:51:32 GMT
I am sorry that again you are forced to remember. Good and bad memories of him. And watch your children deal with more stress. The Peas are here for you. Always
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