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Post by Delta Dawn on Nov 11, 2019 19:24:32 GMT
Hi I have been following your story since the old board. Today and everyday forward I am sending you ‘guts’ that inner strength you didn’t know you had to get through anything. When you need that strength it will be there.♥️
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Post by bc2ca on Nov 11, 2019 19:30:10 GMT
I'm sorry you are caught in the middle of this.
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Post by Chips on Nov 11, 2019 20:47:27 GMT
Sending you big hugs, love and prayers <3
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Post by hop2 on Nov 11, 2019 20:49:36 GMT
I am so sorry
Hugs to you
Thoughts & prayers for you and your children.
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Post by Alexxussss on Nov 11, 2019 23:15:56 GMT
So sorry you’re going through such a difficult situation. Sending you positive thoughts and hugs.
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gramma
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,896
Location: Sacramento, Ca
Aug 29, 2014 3:09:48 GMT
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Post by gramma on Nov 12, 2019 0:22:33 GMT
I believe that when someone who has been close to us dies or is close we go through two sorts of emotions. One is "Good, that $6%7_%<_%7_ is finally gone" the other is "Damn, now I've really lost my true love" You are likely feeling some sort of guilt for feeling relief. Also as feeling of final loss of the sweet man you loved. Peace to you my dear
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,513
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Nov 12, 2019 0:54:34 GMT
I am so very sorry. I am constantly amazed by your grace. I very much admire that about you. What she said! It's normal to have mixed emotions. Let them bubble up, and let them float away. I'll pray for your family.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Nov 12, 2019 1:40:41 GMT
I believe that when someone who has been close to us dies or is close we go through two sorts of emotions. One is "Good, that $6%7_%<_%7_ is finally gone" the other is "Damn, now I've really lost my true love" You are likely feeling some sort of guilt for feeling relief. Also as feeling of final loss of the sweet man you loved. Peace to you my dear This is very true. Thank you
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Post by kikitwo on Nov 12, 2019 2:03:37 GMT
I know you’ve been through a lot with him. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Nov 12, 2019 2:26:50 GMT
((((HUGS)))
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Post by twinks on Nov 12, 2019 17:17:39 GMT
Sorry you are having to go through all of this. Hugs to you. I have always admired your grace and dignity.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Nov 13, 2019 4:28:34 GMT
Know that whatever you feel, and whatever you want to do, it's okay. This is such a complex situation. I have a very bad ex of my own, and frankly I might want to throw a party if I heard he died. I'd have no sadness whatsoever. But that's because we only had very limited good times for a few years.
So.
You wanna celebrate that that piece of shit is forever out of your life? Get your closest girlfriends and go do just that. You want to look through photo albums of the good times? Go right ahead. You want to curl up in your bed and cry? You do just that. You want to laugh at the bizarre pseudo-justice of it all? Totally understand that, go for it.
There is no right or wrong way to deal with this. I'm just sorry your daughter's not in a good place right now.
I forget a lot of the stories from this board and the prior one over the years (I have major memory issues), but not yours. It has always stuck with me. You are truly an amazing woman to have survived what he put you through, both physically and emotionally. And then I remember things were really tough with your kids for quite a while. You truly are a wonder. We never think that of ourselves that way and we tend not to believe it when others say it. Believe it. Look, you made a HUGE impression on me, a stranger on a message board. How amazing is that?
Hang in there, hon.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Nov 13, 2019 5:11:51 GMT
Thank you for getting it. I feel I need to grieve, but like an imposter somehow. As if I don’t have a right to grieve him. Or as if it’s a betrayal of myself and my truth as his wife. Yes, just writing that shows me how confused my feelings are. Not an imposter at all! My long time very Ex died the other day. I certainly did not ever have to go through what you have. But how can I say he was totally no good, he was the father of my DS, who was my pride and joy! Too bad he missed my DS growing up! After he met my DS as an adult, he told me I did a good job! You have done a good job! Your strength and courage have amazed me for years. You are free to feel however is best for you. Tell your kids they also have to right to feel the way they choose. ((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))
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Post by lesserknownpea on Nov 13, 2019 5:27:26 GMT
Know that whatever you feel, and whatever you want to do, it's okay. This is such a complex situation. I have a very bad ex of my own, and frankly I might want to throw a party if I heard he died. I'd have no sadness whatsoever. But that's because we only had very limited good times for a few years. So. You wanna celebrate that that piece of shit is forever out of your life? Get your closest girlfriends and go do just that. You want to look through photo albums of the good times? Go right ahead. You want to curl up in your bed and cry? You do just that. You want to laugh at the bizarre pseudo-justice of it all? Totally understand that, go for it. There is no right or wrong way to deal with this. I'm just sorry your daughter's not in a good place right now. I forget a lot of the stories from this board and the prior one over the years (I have major memory issues), but not yours. It has always stuck with me. You are truly an amazing woman to have survived what he put you through, both physically and emotionally. And then I remember things were really tough with your kids for quite a while. You truly are a wonder. We never think that of ourselves that way and we tend not to believe it when others say it. Believe it. Look, you made a HUGE impression on me, a stranger on a message board. How amazing is that? Hang in there, hon. What an incredibly encouraging post, thank you and so on point, in several ways. It’s nice to see you, how are you?
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Post by scrappintoee on Nov 13, 2019 5:41:33 GMT
I'm so very sorry for you having to deal with so many conflicting emotions! Maybe your therapist could move your appointment up so you won't have to wait so long? How about attending a support group where others have been through exactly what you're going through? I'm sending up prayers and also lots of (( hugs )) to you and your children.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Nov 13, 2019 6:56:39 GMT
Thank you for getting it. I feel I need to grieve, but like an imposter somehow. As if I don’t have a right to grieve him. Or as if it’s a betrayal of myself and my truth as his wife. Yes, just writing that shows me how confused my feelings are. Not an imposter at all! My long time very Ex died the other day. I certainly did not ever have to go through what you have. But how can I say he was totally no good, he was the father of my DS, who was my pride and joy! Too bad he missed my DS growing up! After he met my DS as an adult, he told me I did a good job! You have done a good job! Your strength and courage have amazed me for years. You are free to feel however is best for you. Tell your kids they also have to right to feel the way they choose. ((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) Thank you. I’m sorry your son has lost his dad. You get what I’m talking about, I appreciate that. All the comments, especially the ones about feeling whatever way I need to to get through this, have been so helpful. My kids lost the man they thought their dad was. They lost his physical presence in their lives. Now they’re losing any chance of any kind of interaction, any future, anything. I’ve considered his prison life, while paralyzed and unable to do much, as a horrible non-life, but the reality of actual death is rearing it’s implacable, undeniable head, and making the ending to this sad sad story all the more tragic.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Nov 13, 2019 15:57:42 GMT
lesserknownpea, thank you for asking. I'm not doing great. I just seem to keep collecting illnesses, so I'm struggling. Was just in hospital 3 times in 2 weeks with episodes of paralysis. Oh fun! Emotionally I do great when I'm feeling okay and crappy when I'm feeling crappy. Don't regret the move to Florida though. Love it here. As I type this I'm lying in bed looking out at the sunshine on the patio. Can't quite see the pool, but it's there. It's very cool today, and breezy. First vaguely fall-like day. Thanks again for asking. Hugs to you!
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Post by lesserknownpea on Nov 13, 2019 18:01:10 GMT
zella I’m glad at least you like Florida. Here in the PNW, those of us who have SAD are hunkering down to endure another long Grey winter. DIL just bought a therapy light to hopefully help DS. So enjoy that sunshine. I’m sorry to hear about your health challenges. Try to keep your spirits up, sweetie, sometimes that’s the best we can do, if the physical isn’t cooperating.
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,154
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Nov 13, 2019 20:36:49 GMT
Geez, such a hard situation all around. Sending you warm thoughts and Pea Love.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Nov 13, 2019 21:06:48 GMT
Seems I missed the update. Glad there are three of them there to do what is best! Taking the kids, not so much.
Please take care of you. The days ahead may get worse, You can do this!! Time will be your friend when it is over.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))
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Post by lesserknownpea on Nov 14, 2019 18:36:49 GMT
Update
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,759
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Nov 14, 2019 18:51:39 GMT
I forget a lot of the stories from this board and the prior one over the years (I have major memory issues), but not yours. It has always stuck with me. You are truly an amazing woman to have survived what he put you through, both physically and emotionally. And then I remember things were really tough with your kids for quite a while. You truly are a wonder. We never think that of ourselves that way and we tend not to believe it when others say it. Believe it. Look, you made a HUGE impression on me, a stranger on a message board. How amazing is that? lesserknownpea - I had to steal zella statement because this exactly what I would write (minus the memory issues ). My prayers to you, you grieve how you need to. Love and hugs to you.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Nov 14, 2019 18:52:48 GMT
Like others, I have followed your story from the old board. How you have coped and handled all that happened tells me so much about you. Let your feelings play out however you need them to, you earned that right. Sending hugs and blessings to you.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 2, 2024 1:59:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2019 19:07:24 GMT
(((HUGS)))
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schizo319
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,030
Jun 28, 2014 0:26:58 GMT
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Post by schizo319 on Nov 14, 2019 19:12:46 GMT
I'm so very sorry for your pain. I cannot imagine how conflicting it must be for you and to add the tension between yourself and your kids is just more than any person should have to bear.
Take care of yourself and grieve in whatever way feels "right" to you. I hope that in time, you and your kids can mend your relationship in a way that is healthy and beneficial for all of you. (((Hugs)))
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Post by scrappintoee on Nov 14, 2019 19:16:37 GMT
Just read your update, sending up prayers and MANY ((( hugs )))) (I threw in an extra prayer for your son who you're worried about....poor guy!)
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Post by lesserknownpea on Nov 14, 2019 19:18:30 GMT
Thank you everyone. It’s helping to read these over and over. I’m stunned by how powerful these feelings are. I did not expect this
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,154
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Nov 14, 2019 20:06:24 GMT
I know how hard all of this has been for you. I hope now you can truly start healing.
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Post by bc2ca on Nov 14, 2019 20:19:46 GMT
Hugs.
I can hold my tongue and "speak no ill of the dead" as long as I don't see a memorial making the person out to be a saint. I wish you and your family the best processing his death.
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,760
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Nov 14, 2019 20:20:35 GMT
Hugs to you. May you and your family find peace.
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