Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,969
Jun 25, 2014 23:13:23 GMT
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Post by Nanner on Nov 18, 2019 4:28:31 GMT
Wow, that is all kinds of inconsiderate, rude, mean, disrespectful and awful. I am so sorry. I am curious though, what happens to the empty graves? I am glad you told your uncle what you thought. I am sorry, that would be so upsetting. I don’t know Here (in Calgary), empty graves revert to the city after 90 or 100 years (I can't remember which). It can be transferred to a descendent, but all of the next-of-kin have to agree. If it's sold by the next-of-kin, it can only be sold for what was paid for it (although apparently, that's not always abided by!) My ggm was moved from the double plot purchased by her husband in 1911, to another plot purchased by one of her daughters.
I got our story and the information on what happened to an empty grave from the cemetery when I went there hoping to find info on a gravestone in the 80s, before the internet and find-a-grave.
In our case, we let it revert to the city. There would have been hundreds of next-of-kin to track down and my ggf probably paid $10 for the plot!
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Post by chlerbie on Nov 18, 2019 4:45:09 GMT
That is just HORRIBLE and I'm so sorry.
When my mother was dying of cancer, on a whim, I called the cemetary and found that there was one plot left in the family plot where her father was. My grandmother was buried in a different area, next to her second husband. I had to call and get permission from anyone in the family who was left and once I did that, was thrilled to know that she was going to be there--as was she. I can't imagine how upset you must be right now and I'm very angry for you.
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Post by pierogi on Nov 18, 2019 5:35:35 GMT
In Ohio, he petitioned the Probate Court and must have provided an adequate reason for the Judge to approve the move. As the only living child, he now (since my mom died) had the sole decision making power. When my mom, my aunt, and my other uncle would not agree to the disinternment, the uncle J couldn’t move them. The children all had equal say, if they didn’t all agree, he couldn’t do it. His first thought, after learning of mom’s death, was probably that he could now do what HE wanted. What about after he dies? According to Ohio law, apparently the dead can be moved around like rearranging furniture, so what’s to stop a relative from digging up his bones and dumping him wherever?
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Post by LiLi on Nov 18, 2019 6:29:58 GMT
Wow, how awful!! This should be illegal!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 18:56:04 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2019 10:01:17 GMT
Wow! how disrespectful. Not just for your feelings but to the deceased that he's moving around. A cemetery isn't a chess board! what a horrible person he is that he has no respect for anyone, dead or alive.
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michellegb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,915
Location: New England and loving it!
Jun 26, 2014 0:04:59 GMT
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Post by michellegb on Nov 18, 2019 10:32:55 GMT
Your uncle is a complete and utter self-involved ass. What an awful thing to do. I am furious and angry for you The selfishness of some people is appalling. I am so sorry that he has caused so much pain and that you have to deal with it. I'm glad you didn't hold back when you spoke to him.
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craftykitten
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,304
Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on Nov 18, 2019 10:38:09 GMT
Wow. This is just all kinds of wrong. I can't believe hes allowed to do this! I thought you had to have a special dispensation remove graves I cant imagine why someone would think it's ok. What an ass. And I'm glad you told him so.
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Post by disneypal on Nov 18, 2019 11:35:21 GMT
That is really unsettling and I would be very upset
First, that was the place where your family chose to be buried many, many years ago and I agree that they shouldn’t have been disturbed-he knew your mom’s feelings on the matter. You mom specially chose her plot to be near them
It sounds like legally, he was able to do this but I just don’t know how he can think it is ok to move 7 graves for his own selfish reasons
I am so sorry-that would really upset me too
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Post by roberta on Nov 18, 2019 11:38:55 GMT
😲Unbelievable. I’m so sorry for the pain and anger this must cause. His actions are beyond words. To violate the family in that way! I agree you should look into what is necessary to make sure your mom can’t be moved. Are there any cousins of the other aunts and uncles? It seems they should have a say. Does he have kids?
Narcissistic to the point of mental illness.
How are you doing with this? I am concerned for you that it will impact your life in a significant way. I hope you can manage to find peace for yourself.
ETA: to clarify, does he have any additional children, living.
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ellen
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,509
Member is Online
Jun 30, 2014 12:52:45 GMT
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Post by ellen on Nov 18, 2019 11:47:49 GMT
That is awful, just awful.
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pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,920
Aug 14, 2015 21:47:17 GMT
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Post by pilcas on Nov 18, 2019 12:48:43 GMT
That he even thought to do this is just bizarre.
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
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Post by julieb on Nov 18, 2019 13:02:50 GMT
Very sad and disrespectful to your mom and other siblings' wishes. Wrong on every level.
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Post by MsChiff on Nov 18, 2019 13:04:00 GMT
What a horrible, self-absorbed, insecure person your uncle is! Personally, I'd be sure to figure out a way to plant the seed in your uncle's pea-sized brain that not only would you hate to be him because the souls of the people whose bodies he moved explicitly against their wishes are sure to haunt him for the rest of his days AND the seed that it'd surely be laughable if, after his death, family members decided to move those same people AWAY from his grave so his body will rot away all alone. I might also allude that should he have no other surviving direct descendants when he dies, I might just make it my mission to have him cremated and have his ashes scattered at the town dump because that's about all anyone so hateful and despicable deserves!
It's really too bad that he didn't choose to spend that money on the needy, given that he clearly doesn't need or want it.
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,506
Location: Central Pennsylvania
Jul 4, 2014 21:35:44 GMT
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Post by MorningPerson on Nov 18, 2019 14:48:04 GMT
Your uncle is incredibly self absorbed and cruel. I'm angry for you.
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Post by ToniW on Nov 18, 2019 15:11:59 GMT
What a horrid person! I'm so angry that he did that, knowing your mom's wishes. I wonder if you could petition the court to reverse his decision, as what he did was against your mom's wishes and make him pay to correct it. Were her wishes in writing?
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Post by hdoublej on Nov 18, 2019 15:26:57 GMT
That's just horrible!! I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. For him to have done this after knowing the wishes of his siblings is just plain wrong.
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Post by twinks on Nov 18, 2019 16:54:39 GMT
I can't fathom the balls to do something so disrespectful and self serving.
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Post by mikklynn on Nov 18, 2019 16:55:20 GMT
What a jerk. I'm sorry. I would be upset, too.
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Post by craftedbys on Nov 18, 2019 20:01:28 GMT
Seriously? Musical Graves? That dude is completely off his rocker.
If he doesn't have any offspring /next of kin on his side that support his little game, I would make it my mission in life to make sure he isn't buried in he plot he chose.
Now THAT would be justice to have him buried way out yonder.
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Post by roberta on Nov 18, 2019 20:15:32 GMT
Seriously? Musical Graves? That dude is completely off his rocker. If he doesn't have any offspring /next of kin on his side that support his little game, I would make it my mission in life to make sure he isn't buried in he plot he chose. Now THAT would be justice to have him buried way out yonder. This was my first reaction but it would suck away your money and energy so please think carefully if you are planning on something like this. I would want to know what legal justification he used because I have a suspicion it is false. Sue him maybe? But again, would that be worth your time, money and energy. I doubt it. Sorry for this pain. I can’t fathom how upset I would be if someone did this to people I loved.
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Post by hennybutton on Nov 18, 2019 20:27:14 GMT
I hope their ghosts haunt his ass for the rest of his life.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Nov 18, 2019 22:40:40 GMT
I vote when he dies, move him to a plot 42 miles away.
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,539
Jul 24, 2014 19:51:57 GMT
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Post by MerryMom on Nov 20, 2019 1:31:15 GMT
That’s awful, especially knowing the wishes of his other siblings when they were alive. Sounds like he’s determined to have his way and I’m a little concerned that should anything happen to you, he may try to relocate your mom’s remains. Any way to ensure that doesn’t happen? He is 88 years old so he won’t outlive Mom’s 4 children. Anyways in the laws of inheritance/succession : In Ohio, who qualifies as next of kin is defined by the law. According to state law s, there are many levels of kin, and where one level has no members, the next level benefits. The first level is a surviving spouse where all of the children of the decedent are also of the surviving spouse. If the children of the deceased are from prior relationships, they are included in this first level as well. Where there is no surviving spouse, the next level is children of the deceased. If any of the children are deceased, their children take their place. If there are no kin in the first two levels, then the deceased’s parents inherit. If there are no living parents, then siblings of either full or half-blood inherit. If there are no surviving siblings, then lineal descendants of the grandparents, such as nieces and nephews, become the beneficiaries. Next, if there are no blood relatives as defined, then the law moves on to step-children. Finally, if there are no kin in the last level, then the money escheats to the State of Ohio general fund. Escheat is a Latin word meaning “to fall.” So with 4 children, 5 grandchildren, and 5 great-children, there’s a lot of relatives of Moms long before it gets to Uncle J
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,539
Jul 24, 2014 19:51:57 GMT
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Post by MerryMom on Nov 20, 2019 1:40:48 GMT
The Judges don’t just move people upon request, the view is generally that in order to move someone from their final resting place would require compelling reasons.
I have a feeling that Uncle J presented it as moving them to a “family burial place”. He didn’t share that this is “family” burial place of his own creation in the past few years.
I have to get to Probate Court and see what he wrote in his filing.
I did more research and find out the one relative was buried there in the late 1930s.
My brother called the cemetery and found out that part of the court order is that the 4 burial plots are now in his (uncle) name.
My husband and I bought plots near where we live. But I told my husband and son (and I will put in writing), that when I am cremated, I want half my cremains to be buried with my mom. My brother is going to do the same.
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,539
Jul 24, 2014 19:51:57 GMT
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Post by MerryMom on Nov 20, 2019 1:49:14 GMT
Seriously? Musical Graves? That dude is completely off his rocker. If he doesn't have any offspring /next of kin on his side that support his little game, I would make it my mission in life to make sure he isn't buried in he plot he chose. Now THAT would be justice to have him buried way out yonder. This was my first reaction but it would suck away your money and energy so please think carefully if you are planning on something like this. I would want to know what legal justification he used because I have a suspicion it is false. Sue him maybe? But again, would that be worth your time, money and energy. I doubt it. Sorry for this pain. I can’t fathom how upset I would be if someone did this to people I loved. Oh his 2nd wife has supported him in this so he won’t get moved. Uncle J has 6 children and 4 of them haven’t talked or seen him for 20 years. Quite frankly, as much as I want Grandma and Grandpa moved back, I don’t know that I can be part of moving them AGAIN. It would make me no better than Uncle J. However if filing an objection in court will create disruption and chaos in his waning years or months of life, well karma is a b$&);. If nothing else, it will create a paper trail in court documents as to his lies.
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Post by momx1 on Nov 20, 2019 2:03:42 GMT
I’m speechless. And ANGRY! I would disrupt his life/create a paper trail if it will make you feel better!! I’ll even hold your earrings if you want to punch him, or better yet I’ll punch him for you!!
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Post by LisaDV on Nov 20, 2019 3:20:55 GMT
I’m very sorry! I would be fuming mad and terribly upset. Your uncle is as you described. This is just so wrong.
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Post by pierkiss on Nov 20, 2019 3:25:20 GMT
I vote when he dies, move him to a plot 42 miles away. Actually, cremate him. And then scatter him into the wind. And yes, that is how pissed off this story makes me.
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Post by auntkelly on Nov 20, 2019 5:48:12 GMT
I'm sorry. Your uncle sounds like a self centered jerk.
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Post by snugglebutter on Nov 20, 2019 6:37:00 GMT
That large marker must be compensating.....
Seriously, I am so sorry your uncle is such a pathetic excuse for a human.
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