|
|
Post by compwalla on Oct 31, 2014 16:20:01 GMT
The rule at our house is "if you make a mess, clean it up." I cannot imagine children never being messy. Look what that did to Cameron?
|
|
|
|
Post by melanell on Oct 31, 2014 16:25:52 GMT
I have to tell my Mom exactly what to get because if I just give her a list of their wants, she buys everything on it, leaving nothing for me or anyone else in the family to buy anything. That's why I just give a few ideas to anyone who asks. Don't put all your ideas one list.  |
|
|
|
Post by melanell on Oct 31, 2014 16:34:02 GMT
And I don't think jj meant anything with you don't have children comment. I babysat quite a bit before having a kid, helped out in a preschool even and the messes are different in that they are PLANNED messes. With your kid instead of cleaning up from cute activities that you planned it is your kid shoving play-doh into all of their matchbox cars or putting stickers on your TV while you are cooking dinner. So you get to cook, clean up dinner and then spend 45 minutes of precious, precious post-bedtime prying play-doh out of their toys to prevent their "help" because that means it will take twice as long. It is different because your time is already so limited and then you lose more dealing with the messes that always happen. You have less time, patience, and enthusiasm for those creative messes and constant vigilance to be aware of what is accessible to prevent it in the first place. I never realized how different it was until my daughter hit 3 years old but sorry, it is. Yup. DD has a huge Rubbermaid tote full of Play Doh that she rarely gets to play with because that stuff gets EVERY. WHERE. And it smells awful.  She only gets to play with it when I'm sitting right there to watch what she's doing with it. Apparently, there are people (grown people, no less) who like to review toys on YouTube and they also like to put little plastic toys inside "Play Doh Eggs" because it's cheaper than buying new Kinder Surprise type eggs with toys inside to open. So what does my own little snowflake like to do? Put her plastic toys inside big globs of Play Doh. And yeah, it's a special kind of hell trying to get dried Play Doh out of all the nooks and crannies in her toys. Or getting stickers off of the woodwork. Or crayon or markers off of the faux finished walls because you turned your back for literally three minutes to answer the phone. All I can say is thank God for Magic Erasers. Right now I need to crack out a new one to get the "washable" marker off of my wooden kitchen table... I have never heard or seen a Kinder Egg in my life, and neither have my kids, but my younger DS still automatically gets toys to engulf in play-doh. It's just how he thinks. My older one is the one freaking out saying "Don't let him put play-doh on my Lego whatever!!!" as if Play-doh would never ever come off it.  But seriously, we just take the play-doh off the toys when it's still soft and all if well.  |
|
|
|
Post by melanell on Oct 31, 2014 16:40:54 GMT
I just don't understand how Christmas works if it's not a managed experience. I'm a control freak, I admit it. You don't have to understand, just accept that for a lot of people, it does. We go out shopping, we see something we think 'X' will love and we buy it. They open it and 9 times out of 10 they love it. If they don't we can give them the receipt and they (or we) can exchange it. Is it a little disappointing for them, or us, at that occasional moment? Yes, briefly but so what? That person has a load of other gifts and we have more to give out. The giver's shopping experience is so much nicer too, so much more in the spirit of Christmas and less contrived. ETA - been thinking about this in the shower.....you know...some of the best presents my kids ever had were things that would never have made it on to any list....handmade things, things picked up on travels by relatives, things that were in shops I didn't have in my area, things that were just unusual and wouldn't have been seen in the majority of chain toy shops or wherever. ITA agree with all of this. DS #1 loves to buy things for his cousins. I have no idea if any of those things are ever used/kept or if they go straight to the donation box, but it means so much to him to pick them out and buy them on his own. I don't want some detailed list to ruin that. My niece is the same way, because sometimes she shops with as as well. And my littlest niece wraps up her own belongings to give away. And she isn't random about it at all, she really tries to match items up to people's likes and preferences. It's so cute. And I definitely agree with your ETA. My kids don't see commercials. We get one or two toy catalogs during the fall, and that's it. they don't know about half of what is out there. Last year my older son received a Comic Book making kit that he still has and loves. He had no idea there was such a thing. He loves it. Like I said, I absolutely do give out ideas to those who ask, but plenty of people never ask. They buy what they think the kids will like, and typically it works out fine. (The one giant kid toy would have been the one exception to that statement, but even that worked out okay in the end.) We like no-pressure gift-giving around here. |
|
|
|
Post by melanell on Oct 31, 2014 16:44:30 GMT
I disagree that getting duplicate gifts is a disappointment. It all depends on the people and their attitudes. A few years ago my niece had asked for leopard print pajamas. So being the good aunt I am, I searched and searched until I found a pair. By the time present opening was finished she had received four pairs of leopard print pajamas! Every time she opened another one it was a surprise and every one enjoyed it. She was only 10 but she just laughed it off also. And of course we all now have the happy Christmas memory of the pajama gifts! I try to avoid it, but I agree, it can work out just fine. I still remember the year when I received 2 Monopoly games. My dad took me to the store to exchange one and I made him shop with me forever trying to choose my exchange items. We didn't have much of anything at the time and having that $5.00 or $6.00 to choose how to spend in the toy department was amazing to me. And of course, I already shared about how well my niece's Rainbow Looms worked out. And my DS never ever wants to exchange duplicate Lego sets. He keeps them all. |
|
|
|
Post by melanell on Oct 31, 2014 16:45:28 GMT
Okay, I monopolized this thread long enough. However you do holiday gift-giving, I hope the overall experience is a good one for everyone this year. |
|
|
|
Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 31, 2014 17:02:53 GMT
I think there's extremes on both sides. A certain family member cured me of me of any "my love language is giving" patience I might have possessed. If you have no money, have been arrested multiple times for writing bad checks and are facing you're 15th eviction, don't expect people to fawn over the ridiculously expensive gifts you're giving out. I don't care if you enjoy giving gifts, I don't care if you're interested in delighting everyone with the perfect gift - don't give me an essentially stolen present and expect me to fake enthusiasm.
On the flip side, if your kid has so much stuff, you need to give a UPC code so they don't receive a duplicate - don't think they're going to experience pure joy at receiving just the right lego set to go with the 15 other sets they have in their closet.
I actually think the entire process is pretty ridiculous. We already have too much stuff - we have obscene amounts of stuff and people are stressing about finding more stuff to buy. We teach our kids that there is some magic in receiving the "perfect" gift and then wonder why our society is stuck in over commercialism and people are drowning in credit card debt at the same time their homes are overstuffed with useless crap and they're at the shopping mall buying more stuff thinking that it's going to lead to happiness.
And my use of the word crap has nothing to do with how much you spend - this isn't a knock on people visiting dollar stores or making presents - some of the worst offenders are not inexpensive at all.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:07:36 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2014 17:11:40 GMT
If I don't give an exact list people are going to get my kids duplicate gifts or gifts they already have. Then the giver is upset because they don't get that moment of pure actual delight when the child opens the present. My kids are polite and say thank you, but that's not the same as actual excitement. It's disappointing for both the giver and the recepient when you go off list. In my family the point of gift giving is that moment when the child opens your present and you see the excitement in their face and watch their reaction. The picking out or shopping for the gift isn't some magical spiritual thing. It's the reaction/moment of opening. That moment is ruined if you go off list and cause a duplicate. I just don't understand how Christmas works if it's not a managed experience. I'm a control freak, I admit it. My kids are verryy hard to shop for. It's hard to find toys they don't already have. And it's hard to keep up with what they do or don't had because we shop a lot. It's hard to find enough things to tell every person who wants to shop for them. So if you go off list you will be messing up someone else's gift. In my family we have very specific lists (down to listing UPC codes) and no one goes off list. Everyone likes the lists though. Grinningcat, you've started multiple threads about gifts lately. It seems none of the people you give to share your sentiments. I'm not surprised at the control freak comment. What if you made a leap of faith that maybe you actually don't know every single thing your children may like... Trust that your family members just may get it right and surprise your children (and you!) with a heartfelt gift that's received with the level of joy that you require. That might be pretty cool, for everyone, as opposed to buying off a UPC code list. As much as I'd want to go "off-list" when gifting your children, I would comply because I fear that would make your choreographed world turn sideways. |
|
|
|
Post by femalebusiness on Oct 31, 2014 17:20:19 GMT
I knew someone who returned everything--even things she had registered for. I got tired of it and started buying only personalized things, like a blanket she picked out but I had professionally monogrammed. You go girl! This cracked me up. I love someone who finds their way around an asshole.  |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:07:36 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2014 17:28:29 GMT
I have to tell my Mom exactly what to get because if I just give her a list of their wants, she buys everything on it, leaving nothing for me or anyone else in the family to buy anything. That's why I just give a few ideas to anyone who asks. Don't put all your ideas one list. I learned that the hard way one year. The next year, I made it shorter. She bought everything on the list. I told her she was supposed to share with my sister and others who were asking her instead of me. She claims I never told her that when the email I sent her clearly says "SHARE with sister."  Now I decide what I will get them and share the rest of their list with those who ask, especially my mom. |
|
|
|
Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 31, 2014 17:31:48 GMT
I knew someone who returned everything--even things she had registered for. I got tired of it and started buying only personalized things, like a blanket she picked out but I had professionally monogrammed. You go girl! This cracked me up. I love someone who finds their way around an asshole. I find people who give gifts with strings attached obnoxious. Perhaps they were going through a hard time and return the gift for something essential. Maybe they wanted to combine the blanket with a toaster for the coffee maker that would really be useful. Who the hell cares. It's a freaking blanket, get over yourself. |
|
|
|
Post by lucyg on Oct 31, 2014 17:43:02 GMT
You go girl! This cracked me up. I love someone who finds their way around an asshole. I find people who give gifts with strings attached obnoxious. Perhaps they were going through a hard time and return the gift for something essential. Maybe they wanted to combine the blanket with a toaster for the coffee maker that would really be useful. Who the hell cares. It's a freaking blanket, get over yourself. Then why ask for the blanket in the first place? It's incredibly obnoxious to send people out hunting for specific gifts you requested and then turn around and take them back to the store. |
|
grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
|
Post by grinningcat on Oct 31, 2014 17:46:12 GMT
It is a cool feeling. I wanted one just for that. But my niece was pretty serious about art so my friend told me that it wouldn't be worth it for her. But now I just want one for fun! |
|
|
|
Post by gar on Oct 31, 2014 17:49:17 GMT
You go girl! This cracked me up. I love someone who finds their way around an asshole. I find people who give gifts with strings attached obnoxious. Perhaps they were going through a hard time and return the gift for something essential. Maybe they wanted to combine the blanket with a toaster for the coffee maker that would really be useful. Who the hell cares. It's a freaking blanket, get over yourself. If it was family, my family, I'd know if they were in that situation. Wouldn't you? |
|
|
|
Post by iamkristinl16 on Oct 31, 2014 18:07:26 GMT
First, I want to know where to find the glittery crayons! They sound fun! Second...I have mixed feelings on this issue. On one hand, I like lists because as a giver, they make it more likely that you will give something that the recipient will actually like and use. I hate the idea of spending money on something that is not going to be used. As a parent, it is nice to be able to give family members ideas of what the kids would want, because again, I am not buying everything on their list for them so they are more likely to get the things that they want this way. As a recipient, I hate the idea of people spending money on something that I don't like or won't use. But, I like to be surprised as well. I like this more now that we have money to buy more than the basics. When I wasn't working, I was more anxious about getting gifts that we and the kids would use since we didn't have money for those things otherwise. My mom and stepmom always ask for lists, although my stepmom usually gets something on the list but also picks up things that she thinks we would like. I love that! Some of the people who say that their kids are hard to shop for and don't appreciate duplicate gifts, etc make their kids (and themselves) sound pretty spoiled and selfish. I admit that I would like to avoid duplicate gifts for the kids, but over the years we have had several that have happened inadvertently. I have to say that so far in every instance we have kept that gift and the kids were just as excited about the second as they were the first. My DH is the most gracious gift recipient I have ever seen. He never asks for anything and wants the gift to be a surprise. He would never dream of making someone feel like he didn't like or appreciate their gift. I hope my kids learn that as well! My brothers are the total opposite. They are control freaks and have VERY specific gift lists. My stepmom hates to shop for them. If something isn't exactly what they wanted, they will let you know it.  |
|
|
|
Post by myshelly on Oct 31, 2014 18:08:33 GMT
If I don't give an exact list people are going to get my kids duplicate gifts or gifts they already have. Then the giver is upset because they don't get that moment of pure actual delight when the child opens the present. My kids are polite and say thank you, but that's not the same as actual excitement. It's disappointing for both the giver and the recepient when you go off list. In my family the point of gift giving is that moment when the child opens your present and you see the excitement in their face and watch their reaction. The picking out or shopping for the gift isn't some magical spiritual thing. It's the reaction/moment of opening. That moment is ruined if you go off list and cause a duplicate. I just don't understand how Christmas works if it's not a managed experience. I'm a control freak, I admit it. My kids are verryy hard to shop for. It's hard to find toys they don't already have. And it's hard to keep up with what they do or don't had because we shop a lot. It's hard to find enough things to tell every person who wants to shop for them. So if you go off list you will be messing up someone else's gift. In my family we have very specific lists (down to listing UPC codes) and no one goes off list. Everyone likes the lists though. Grinningcat, you've started multiple threads about gifts lately. It seems none of the people you give to share your sentiments. I'm not surprised at the control freak comment. What if you made a leap of faith that maybe you actually don't know every single thing your children may like... Trust that your family members just may get it right and surprise your children (and you!) with a heartfelt gift that's received with the level of joy that you require. That might be pretty cool, for everyone, as opposed to buying off a UPC code list. As much as I'd want to go "off-list" when gifting your children, I would comply because I fear that would make your choreographed world turn sideways. The people in my family wouldn't like that. They like and want (and ask for) the UPC complete list. I like and want the UPC complete list when shopping for the other kids in my family. I don't want to buy off list for anyone. I don't want to take a chance with my money buying something they may or may not like and may or may not already have. That seems wasteful to me. I get no joy from shopping for gifts. Just to me what to buy so I can get joy from the reaction. That's how the people in my family feel. |
|
|
|
Post by iamkristinl16 on Oct 31, 2014 18:09:33 GMT
Yup. DD has a huge Rubbermaid tote full of Play Doh that she rarely gets to play with because that stuff gets EVERY. WHERE. And it smells awful. She only gets to play with it when I'm sitting right there to watch what she's doing with it. Apparently, there are people (grown people, no less) who like to review toys on YouTube and they also like to put little plastic toys inside "Play Doh Eggs" because it's cheaper than buying new Kinder Surprise type eggs with toys inside to open. So what does my own little snowflake like to do? Put her plastic toys inside big globs of Play Doh. And yeah, it's a special kind of hell trying to get dried Play Doh out of all the nooks and crannies in her toys. Or getting stickers off of the woodwork. Or crayon or markers off of the faux finished walls because you turned your back for literally three minutes to answer the phone. All I can say is thank God for Magic Erasers. Right now I need to crack out a new one to get the "washable" marker off of my wooden kitchen table... I have never heard or seen a Kinder Egg in my life, and neither have my kids, but my younger DS still automatically gets toys to engulf in play-doh. It's just how he thinks. My older one is the one freaking out saying "Don't let him put play-doh on my Lego whatever!!!" as if Play-doh would never ever come off it. But seriously, we just take the play-doh off the toys when it's still soft and all if well. I had never heard of Kinder surprise eggs, either, but my 3 year old is obsessed with watching the videos on YouTube. |
|
|
|
Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 31, 2014 18:21:14 GMT
I find people who give gifts with strings attached obnoxious. Perhaps they were going through a hard time and return the gift for something essential. Maybe they wanted to combine the blanket with a toaster for the coffee maker that would really be useful. Who the hell cares. It's a freaking blanket, get over yourself. Then why ask for the blanket in the first place? It's incredibly obnoxious to send people out hunting for specific gifts you requested and then turn around and take them back to the store. She said she registered for it - I assume it was a wedding/baby registry - most people in those situations have to make returns either because of duplicates, or often because every single person wants to buy the cute clothes and they end up with 5,000 outfits and no diapers - and begrudging them the flexibility to figure out they need by throwing a monogram on it seems petty and obnoxious. |
|
|
|
Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 31, 2014 18:35:14 GMT
I find people who give gifts with strings attached obnoxious. Perhaps they were going through a hard time and return the gift for something essential. Maybe they wanted to combine the blanket with a toaster for the coffee maker that would really be useful. Who the hell cares. It's a freaking blanket, get over yourself. If it was family, my family, I'd know if they were in that situation. Wouldn't you? Sure I would - but i also know a fair number of people who care a whole lot more about what the WANT to buy than how the recipient feels. One of my cousins was a young, single mother. She was really struggling, and when it came time for a shower, registered for very, very practical items. People quite frankly ridiculous at her shower. It was way more about what they felt like buying, then thinking through the reality of her situation. You want to have fun spending a few hundred dollars on an elaborate crib set for a baby with no crib - go for it. But don't get all hurt when the mother decides to return it for something she actually needs. |
|
|
|
Post by femalebusiness on Oct 31, 2014 18:56:17 GMT
You go girl! This cracked me up. I love someone who finds their way around an asshole. I find people who give gifts with strings attached obnoxious. Perhaps they were going through a hard time and return the gift for something essential. Maybe they wanted to combine the blanket with a toaster for the coffee maker that would really be useful. Who the hell cares. It's a freaking blanket, get over yourself. Actually, I was referring to a parent who controls the gifts that a child gets. I didn't make that clear when I posted. Gifts between adults...once it is given, it it the receiver's to do whatever they want with it. Giving a gift, or a child receiving is an exchange between the gift giver and the child. The parents financial situation or wants or needs has nohting to do with the child's gift I think a parent that would exchange a child's gift to use for their own agenda is creepy. And no I don't mean any gift that is extremely age inappropriate or obscene. |
|
|
|
Post by lucyg on Oct 31, 2014 19:19:32 GMT
Then why ask for the blanket in the first place? It's incredibly obnoxious to send people out hunting for specific gifts you requested and then turn around and take them back to the store. She said she registered for it - I assume it was a wedding/baby registry - most people in those situations have to make returns either because of duplicates, or often because every single person wants to buy the cute clothes and they end up with 5,000 outfits and no diapers - and begrudging them the flexibility to figure out they need by throwing a monogram on it seems petty and obnoxious. Sure, that could happen to anyone. But the PP said this relative does it all the time with all her gifts. Makes specific requests, then returns the items. I find that annoying and obnoxious, and I would be losing interest in exchanging gifts with these people. |
|
|
|
Post by mirabelleswalker on Oct 31, 2014 19:56:09 GMT
OP, I am guessing you don't have children. If you bought art supplies and play dough for my child, we would be coming over to YOUR house to play with it. And we would keep it there so we would always have something to do at your house incase it is boring. Seriously, do you have any idea what children do with crayons and play dough? Just buy what is on the list..... sigh... All that "messy" stuff? Completely developmentally appropriate and necessary. I am a huge consumer of play doh for my work. Kids love it and really, it's not THAT big a deal to clean up. (Except for the black one, for some reason.) I also have to wash all of those little tools every single time a child uses them and I really don't mind. It's important to childhood and learning. |
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 31, 2014 20:01:11 GMT
I have always looked to the parents of my nieces and nephew to help me figure out what to buy them for Christmas. I also have no problem giving out ideas for my own kids if someone asks me. But I have never been one to just give out lists to everyone and expect anyone to actually use it. And for me? I prefer a surprise. I want to know that someone took the time to think about me and what I would really like and for that, I appreciate them. Rarely ever have I gotten a gift that I was not happy with. I can't imagine handing out a list for myself. Part of the whole fun of the Christmas season is trying to guess what DH got for me. He gets me something good every time and it's always a surprise. I try to surprise him too.
|
|
|
|
Post by PEArfect on Oct 31, 2014 20:05:46 GMT
What ever happened to 'it's the thought that counts?' I think with a detailed list you lose the spirit of giving. My daughters only give lists to those that ask for suggestions and even then they feel like they are telling people what to buy and that they have to buy them something. I think some of the best gifts, the most amazing reactions, have been from gifts that weren't on my daughters' lists.
|
|
~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,876 
|
Post by ~Lauren~ on Oct 31, 2014 20:06:43 GMT
I refuse to allow gift-giving to be a source of upset or annoyance to me. REFUSE.
I may ask what someone wants and I will probably get what they ask for. However, I will not follow anyone's demand that I buy a certain thing and the parent the OP is describing would just have to deal with it because I'm not always going to comply with the deman. Once the gift is given, I never care what the recipient does with it. It is "theirs". They are under no obligations to me.
And I have to laugh at the whole idea of "managing" the gift giving. This is beyond "controlling" and into the levels of insanity. They're gifts for god's sake; expressions of loving and caring.
Have to say, my way makes gift giving a stress-free activity for me.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:07:36 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2014 20:18:14 GMT
Christmas is meant to be a managed experience? Who knew?
I always thought Christmas was supposed to be about having fun, being messy and loud, disappearing under a mountain of plastic crap, nutshells and wrapping paper. I can't imagine any joy or excitement in the way you do it, it sounds soulless and devoid of any spontaneity
|
|
|
|
Post by gar on Oct 31, 2014 20:21:25 GMT
And I have to laugh at the whole idea of "managing" the gift giving. This is beyond "controlling" and into the levels of insanity. They're gifts for god's sake; expressions of loving and caring. It doesn't happen often but - yes, I agree Lauren  |
|
|
|
Post by gar on Oct 31, 2014 20:22:09 GMT
Christmas is meant to be a managed experience? Who knew? I always thought Christmas was supposed to be about having fun, being messy and loud, disappearing under a mountain of plastic crap, nutshells and wrapping paper. I can't imagine any joy or excitement in the way you do it, it sounds soulless and devoid of any spontaneity Amazing thought huh? |
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 31, 2014 20:32:39 GMT
Christmas is meant to be a managed experience? Who knew? I always thought Christmas was supposed to be about having fun, being messy and loud, disappearing under a mountain of plastic crap, nutshells and wrapping paper. I can't imagine any joy or excitement in the way you do it, it sounds soulless and devoid of any spontaneity You are so right. I think of it like this, I have all my needs met and I can provide enough of my wants. Everything else is just the icing on the cake. What's the big deal if I get something that I don't like? Some of my best gifts have been things that I never in a million years would have bought for myself. |
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 1, 2014 3:28:14 GMT
I have never heard or seen a Kinder Egg in my life, and neither have my kids, but my younger DS still automatically gets toys to engulf in play-doh. It's just how he thinks. My older one is the one freaking out saying "Don't let him put play-doh on my Lego whatever!!!" as if Play-doh would never ever come off it. But seriously, we just take the play-doh off the toys when it's still soft and all if well. I challenge anyone to get Play Doh out of the little roller ball unit on the bottom of a Micro Drifter car, either soft or dried out, your choice  . It's dang near impossible. And no matter how many times I tell my snowflake NOT to put them inside the Play Doh "eggs" it's somehow something she just cannot resist! I don't get it. |
|
She only gets to play with it when I'm sitting right there to watch what she's doing with it. Apparently, there are people (grown people, no less) who like to review toys on YouTube and they also like to put little plastic toys inside "Play Doh Eggs" because it's cheaper than buying new Kinder Surprise type eggs with toys inside to open. So what does my own little snowflake like to do? Put her plastic toys inside big globs of Play Doh. And yeah, it's a special kind of hell trying to get dried Play Doh out of all the nooks and crannies in her toys. Or getting stickers off of the woodwork. Or crayon or markers off of the faux finished walls because you turned your back for literally three minutes to answer the phone. All I can say is thank God for Magic Erasers. Right now I need to crack out a new one to get the "washable" marker off of my wooden kitchen table...
Now I decide what I will get them and share the rest of their list with those who ask, especially my mom. 
My original pea date was November 1999 and my number was 1803
. It's dang near impossible. And no matter how many times I tell my snowflake NOT to put them inside the Play Doh "eggs" it's somehow something she just cannot resist! I don't get it.