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Post by lisacharlotte on Nov 1, 2014 22:19:44 GMT
A gift is just that, a gift. The receiver does not dictate the gift unless the giver asks for suggestions. This is how you teach your children to be gracious receivers. They say thank you. After the gift is received it's yours to decide what to do with it. Keep it, exchange it, donate it, regift, whatever. Your kids get too much "crap"? Perfect opportunity to donate to kids that get nothing.
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Post by gar on Nov 1, 2014 22:39:51 GMT
If your children have nearly every toy and create a wish list for the few they don't have then regularly receive their wish list items at every holiday, where's the surprise exactly? Surprise isn't important to us.I just don't care about it. Now, where's that thread about Freudian slips? |
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BarbaraUK
Drama Llama
Surrounded by my yarn stash on the NE coast of England...............!! Refupea 1702
Posts: 5,961
Location: England UK
Jun 27, 2014 12:47:11 GMT
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Post by BarbaraUK on Nov 1, 2014 22:42:20 GMT
Surprise isn't important to us.I just don't care about it. Now, where's that thread about Freudian slips? Just read that post and thought the same thing!  |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Nov 1, 2014 22:45:28 GMT
I actually can't figure you out myshelly and am beginning to suspect you're messing with the peas. Wasn't it just a few days ago where you were talking about how much you despised giving and receiving all gifts. Now you're talking all about making sure your kids are delighting in the magic of their perfect gift - which I frankly find hard to believe they express in receiving their 50th lego set. |
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Post by myshelly on Nov 1, 2014 22:50:54 GMT
I actually can't figure you out myshelly and am beginning to suspect you're messing with the peas. Wasn't it just a few days ago where you were talking about how much you despised giving and receiving all gifts. Now you're talking all about making sure your kids are delighting in the magic of their perfect gift - which I frankly find hard to believe they express in receiving their 50th lego set. I don't see the conflict in those positions. I do hate giving and receiving gifts. That doesn't mean my kids hate it. Lists make something I hate a little more tolerable. I still have to get the gift, but at least I don't have to put in any more time or effort than necessary. I still don't like receiving gifts, but when I make a list at least I'm just getting stuff I would have bought for myself anyway. |
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Post by gypsymama on Nov 1, 2014 22:53:00 GMT
do they have gift cards for therapy?
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:09:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2014 22:59:29 GMT
Ya I think we're gettin' worked. I wanted to ask if her kids went ToTing and how she controlled the items thrown into their bags. I suspect they didn't go/were forbidden. But anyway, I really don't want to know the answer.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:09:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2014 23:07:59 GMT
Ya I think we're gettin' worked. I wanted to ask if her kids went ToTing and how she controlled the items thrown into their bags. I suspect they didn't go/were forbidden. But anyway, I really don't want to know the answer. I imagine her neighbours get lists! |
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Post by myshelly on Nov 1, 2014 23:12:44 GMT
Ya I think we're gettin' worked. I wanted to ask if her kids went ToTing and how she controlled the items thrown into their bags. I suspect they didn't go/were forbidden. But anyway, I really don't want to know the answer. I don't think anything I've said is that weird. It's what's normal for us. It's what works in my family. We went to a big Halloween party and the whole gang went ToTing together but the vast majority of the stash was thrown away when we got home due to severe peanut allergy. One house gave out a stuffed animal. Those got thrown away as I didn't know if they were used and that freaks me out. |
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Post by melanell on Nov 1, 2014 23:40:46 GMT
Indeed. @myshelley what do you think about the idea that several posters wrote about - that there are things out there that your kids would love but neither you, nor they, know exist, that they could be given something unique/hand made that they'd treasure forever or just something that had never occurred to you or them but which would be spontaneous fun or an unexpected hit? No one has ever given my kids a good surprise gift. Like when we have their big friend bday parties we obviously don't give all those people lists and we have a few distant aunts and uncles who aren't close enough to ask for or get lists. We are big toy enthusiasts and we shop a lot. It's really hard to find toys we don't have. My kids love to keep up with the toy industry online. They read manufacturer blogs and look at trade show videos and sneak peeks (the way scrapbookers would look at CHA news). They keep a calendar with the release dates of new Lego sets. They subscribe to the Disney Parks Merchandise Updates. Part of the problem is that because of toy industry trade show dates a ton of new toys start coming out mid-January, so there are relatively few new toys right before Christmas. This means that by the time it gets to Christmas there are very few toys from that year's lines that my kids don't have. For example, they love Lego Star Wars, but there are only 3 sets of Lego Star Wars from the current market line that we don't already own. The grandparents want me to divide them up and assign them. The grandparents don't care about shopping, they don't care about putting thought into gifts or surprises. They only care about the wish fulfillment aspect. We're much, much less of a consumer household so that obviously makes a huge difference in how my kids relate to surprise gifts.  |
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Judy26
Pearl Clutcher
MOTFY Bitchy Nursemaid
Posts: 2,974 
Location: NW PA
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Post by Judy26 on Nov 2, 2014 0:37:17 GMT
Wouldn't it be ironic if GrinningCat was trying to buy for MyShelly's kids and they had just never made the connection? And my only contribution to the messy gift subject is the saying that has been part of my family for years. If anyone, young or old, makes a mess or has an accident we all chime in with "That's OK, Love. That's how you learn. It will all come out in the wash!"
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Post by gmcwife1 on Nov 2, 2014 1:08:13 GMT
The only "rule" I have about giving my kids gifts is that you can't give them anything alive. No dog, no cat, no spider... Everything else is fair game. I can take it away if they're not using it how I'd like them to! We had hamster Christmas about 15 yrs ago and still laugh about it My sister used to threaten another live animal holiday when she wouldn't get a list. She doesn't have kids and lives out of state so she prefers a list for nieces and nephews. And yes, I realize most people would not be happy with an animal for Christmas, but I guess my family is just really easy going! |
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luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,070
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Post by luckyexwife on Nov 2, 2014 2:16:56 GMT
Indeed. @myshelley what do you think about the idea that several posters wrote about - that there are things out there that your kids would love but neither you, nor they, know exist, that they could be given something unique/hand made that they'd treasure forever or just something that had never occurred to you or them but which would be spontaneous fun or an unexpected hit? No one has ever given my kids a good surprise gift. Like when we have their big friend bday parties we obviously don't give all those people lists and we have a few distant aunts and uncles who aren't close enough to ask for or get lists. We are big toy enthusiasts and we shop a lot. It's really hard to find toys we don't have. My kids love to keep up with the toy industry online. They read manufacturer blogs and look at trade show videos and sneak peeks (the way scrapbookers would look at CHA news). They keep a calendar with the release dates of new Lego sets. They subscribe to the Disney Parks Merchandise Updates. Part of the problem is that because of toy industry trade show dates a ton of new toys start coming out mid-January, so there are relatively few new toys right before Christmas. This means that by the time it gets to Christmas there are very few toys from that year's lines that my kids don't have. For example, they love Lego Star Wars, but there are only 3 sets of Lego Star Wars from the current market line that we don't already own. The grandparents want me to divide them up and assign them. The grandparents don't care about shopping, they don't care about putting thought into gifts or surprises. They only care about the wish fulfillment aspect. Don't you worry about how materialistic this is? I don't know anyone IRL that has so many toys for their kids. I'm not trying to be snarky or rude, I'm honestly shocked at this. I guess I don't know anyone that shops that way, even my truly wealthy friends don't have every toy, or a new purse for every day, etc. I guess I learned something new today! |
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Nov 2, 2014 2:34:21 GMT
Ya I think we're gettin' worked. I wanted to ask if her kids went ToTing and how she controlled the items thrown into their bags. I suspect they didn't go/were forbidden. But anyway, I really don't want to know the answer. I don't think anything I've said is that weird. It's what's normal for us. It's what works in my family. We went to a big Halloween party and the whole gang went ToTing together but the vast majority of the stash was thrown away when we got home due to severe peanut allergy. One house gave out a stuffed animal. Those got thrown away as I didn't know if they were used and that freaks me out. Why would you throw the candy away? If your children could not eat it, why not take it to work, give it to neighbors - so wasteful. Maybe someone with a lot less in life would have been thrilled to have the stuffed animal. I think you are passing onto your kids a sense of entitlement rather than being able to graciously accept a gift. The " thing" itself is not what is important. |
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Post by myshelly on Nov 2, 2014 2:38:28 GMT
I don't think anything I've said is that weird. It's what's normal for us. It's what works in my family. We went to a big Halloween party and the whole gang went ToTing together but the vast majority of the stash was thrown away when we got home due to severe peanut allergy. One house gave out a stuffed animal. Those got thrown away as I didn't know if they were used and that freaks me out. Why would you throw the candy away? If your children could not eat it, why not take it to work, give it to neighbors - so wasteful. Maybe someone with a lot less in life would have been thrilled to have the stuffed animal. I think you are passing onto your kids a sense of entitlement rather than being able to graciously accept a gift. The " thing" itself is not what is important. I can't bring the candy into my home. Life threatening allergy. It had to get thrown away outside. I don't consider it wasteful - the act of trick or treating was fun. The candy fulfilled its purpose even if it wasn't consumed. |
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Post by freecharlie on Nov 2, 2014 2:40:28 GMT
The group my youngest went with traded candy after. One kid couldn't have peanuts, one couldn't have gummy candy.
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Post by bigbundt on Nov 2, 2014 3:03:13 GMT
I guess that depends on what the essence of gift giving is to you. It means different things to different people. So what is the essence of gift giving to you? Because I can't see how it comes from a list that tells you exactly what you're getting? Where's the surprise? Where's the wonder? Where's the joy of opening something and not knowing what it is? Because honestly, what's the point in giving if you already know what you're getting? I will say it again, even though you might have a list it doesn't mean the kid will not be surprised. My daughter asked for about 50 different things when we were in Books a Million this afternoon, tonight she found a toy book from a store and went through it and asked for probably 3/4 of it. Do you think I would put all of those things on a list? Do you think she remembers all the things she asked for? She asks for things or says, "Wow! Look at that!" or there is a particular toy she always plays with over a friend's house or at school and I mentally keep a running list, constantly culling and editing it to what I think she would actually use/play with. I've been doing this for the last couple of months. Some of it we will buy, some of it will be suggestions if people ask, she honestly has no clue what she is getting so everything will be a surprise. She is certainly not getting most of it! She doesn't need that much stuff and I don't want her to think getting everything she asks for is normal. Most of the time I just tell people, "Princess stuff, color wonder, matchbox cars, play food, she's a typical 4-year old girl, she'll love anything she can unwrap". This is the first year she actually has been asking for one thing by name and Santa is not even bringing it for her. But my mom will be when she comes to town the week after Christmas. SURPRISE!  |
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The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
Posts: 3,165
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Nov 2, 2014 5:11:49 GMT
I have to say that this is one of those pea threads that when/if I share it irl, people just can't believe it.
Fascinating. Really.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 2, 2014 6:12:36 GMT
I will say it again, even though you might have a list it doesn't mean the kid will not be surprised. She asks for things or says, "Wow! Look at that!" or there is a particular toy she always plays with over a friend's house or at school and I mentally keep a running list, constantly culling and editing it to what I think she would actually use/play with. I've been doing this for the last couple of months. Some of it we will buy, some of it will be suggestions if people ask, she honestly has no clue what she is getting so everything will be a surprise. She is certainly not getting most of it! She doesn't need that much stuff and I don't want her to think getting everything she asks for is normal. Most of the time I just tell people, "Princess stuff, color wonder, matchbox cars, play food, she's a typical 4-year old girl, she'll love anything she can unwrap". This. |
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Post by gar on Nov 2, 2014 10:00:31 GMT
Why would you throw the candy away? If your children could not eat it, why not take it to work, give it to neighbors - so wasteful. Maybe someone with a lot less in life would have been thrilled to have the stuffed animal. I think you are passing onto your kids a sense of entitlement rather than being able to graciously accept a gift. The " thing" itself is not what is important. I can't bring the candy into my home. Life threatening allergy. It had to get thrown away outside. I don't consider it wasteful - the act of trick or treating was fun. The candy fulfilled its purpose even if it wasn't consumed.Throwing away unopened candy because you don't want it is wasteful, no two ways about that. You could have found a way of passing it on without bringing it into your home if you chose to. I take it your kids are quite young if they're into Lego and toys almost exclusively.......I'm a little curious how this will pan out when they're older and their taste widens and varies more, when they want things you don't approve of etc. It's harder to have such control over older teenagers and harder to predict what (if anything) will make them gasp with delight when opening a present. |
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artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,844
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Post by artbabe on Nov 2, 2014 11:57:00 GMT
As an art teacher, some of the posts in this thread make me sad. I'm always boggled when I teach middle school kids that don't know how to use scissors or a paint brush correctly. I had no idea how that happened. Now I see. Using scissors and paint brushes is developmentally appropriate. It is also a life skill. It also promotes creativity. I've found over the 21 years that I have been teaching that kids are getting less and less creative. I think with the increase in electronics that they are getting less and less chances to be messy. The world needs more googly eyes. I've just decided to give everyone on my list googly eyes this Christmas. Evidently I'm evil like that. |
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BarbaraUK
Drama Llama
Surrounded by my yarn stash on the NE coast of England...............!! Refupea 1702
Posts: 5,961
Location: England UK
Jun 27, 2014 12:47:11 GMT
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Post by BarbaraUK on Nov 2, 2014 11:57:38 GMT
myshelly You seem to be enjoying adding posts to keep on generating a lot more activity on your aspect of this thread for whatever reason instead of letting it go and saying that we will have to agree to disagree......maybe as a self confessed control freak you just can't bear not to have the last word, or you are determined to make everyone else agree with you?  From my point of view judging from what you have said on this thread, I really hope you have got a micro managed plan in place for when your children grow up and properly enter the real world because it's more than likely going to be needed! However, each to his own to use an old saying - but surely there are no more circles you can take this discussion in now!
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Nov 2, 2014 14:20:50 GMT
Once I was invited to a bday party for a child and the mother had on the invite that her child doesn't like things under $30... In a thread that has me shaking my head for many reasons, this one (^) takes the cake. (An acceptably-priced cake, of course.) |
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Post by gar on Nov 2, 2014 14:33:36 GMT
Once I was invited to a bday party for a child and the mother had on the invite that her child doesn't like things under $30... In a thread that has me shaking my head for many reasons, this one (^) takes the cake. (An acceptably-priced cake, of course.) I must have missed that little gem    |
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BarbaraUK
Drama Llama
Surrounded by my yarn stash on the NE coast of England...............!! Refupea 1702
Posts: 5,961
Location: England UK
Jun 27, 2014 12:47:11 GMT
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Post by BarbaraUK on Nov 2, 2014 14:36:17 GMT
Once I was invited to a bday party for a child and the mother had on the invite that her child doesn't like things under $30... In a thread that has me shaking my head for many reasons, this one (^) takes the cake. (An acceptably-priced cake, of course.)   |
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Post by Skellinton on Nov 2, 2014 15:01:15 GMT
I have never heard or seen a Kinder Egg in my life, and neither have my kids, but my younger DS still automatically gets toys to engulf in play-doh. It's just how he thinks. My older one is the one freaking out saying "Don't let him put play-doh on my Lego whatever!!!" as if Play-doh would never ever come off it.  But seriously, we just take the play-doh off the toys when it's still soft and all if well. I challenge anyone to get Play Doh out of the little roller ball unit on the bottom of a Micro Drifter car, either soft or dried out, your choice  . It's dang near impossible. And no matter how many times I tell my snowflake NOT to put them inside the Play Doh "eggs" it's somehow something she just cannot resist! I don't get it. Why get it out? If your kid put it there, they should deal with either the cleanup themselves, or the consequences. If they don't clean it up and the toy is ruined, if it bothers them they will learn to clean it up next time or not put the micro drifter in an egg of play dough. Their choice, their consequences. I wouldn't let them put my toys or their siblings toys in the playdough, however. |
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Post by Skellinton on Nov 2, 2014 15:09:26 GMT
Why would you throw the candy away? If your children could not eat it, why not take it to work, give it to neighbors - so wasteful. Maybe someone with a lot less in life would have been thrilled to have the stuffed animal. I think you are passing onto your kids a sense of entitlement rather than being able to graciously accept a gift. The " thing" itself is not what is important. I can't bring the candy into my home. Life threatening allergy. It had to get thrown away outside. I don't consider it wasteful - the act of trick or treating was fun. The candy fulfilled its purpose even if it wasn't consumed. We have life threatening allergies too, if the candy was safe enough for the child to carry it should have been safe enough to put up and away in your house until you took it somewhere, or you could have stuck it in the trunk of your car until you went to work or where ever else you wanted to unleash it. Or you could have just had your kid hand it over to another trick or treater when you got home. |
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Post by anxiousmom on Nov 2, 2014 15:10:24 GMT
A really cheap, stiff bristled toothbrush works really well to get playdoh out of tiny places.
(this helpful hint brought to you by a messy mother)
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The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
Posts: 3,165
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Nov 2, 2014 16:15:48 GMT
Skellinton, I was thinking the same thing. "Severe" allergy = we don't do trick or treating because of possible contact with nuts. If you, or the candy you will ultimately eat, can touch the peanut packages, you can bring it in the house, put it in a bag, and hand it off to someone else. That would require a certain amount if selflessness and ability to see a bigger picture beyond one's mypoic and controlled experience though. In addition, the ability to appear to be more than a hyperbolic character in a spoof or farce, would be a handy characteristic as well to have to navigate this dynamic.
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Post by myshelly on Nov 2, 2014 16:33:23 GMT
I can't imagine a few pieces of fun size candy being worth that amount if time or effort.
Just not gonna happen.
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. It's dang near impossible. And no matter how many times I tell my snowflake NOT to put them inside the Play Doh "eggs" it's somehow something she just cannot resist! I don't get it.