purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,801 
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Post by purplebee on Sept 13, 2020 13:35:30 GMT
I feel your pain. I am about to part ways with friends of 35 years because every social interaction results in me trying to defend my “misguided Yankee liberal” attitude (yes, I am in the south which makes it 1,000 times harder for this native New Yorker) and I end up angry, disgusted and heartsick. Yes, this is much, much more than politics.
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Post by epeanymous on Sept 13, 2020 13:43:11 GMT
So, she just suddenly became this way after knowing her for 33 years? You had no clue? Just curious. Most of the Trump supporters I know have always been that way and I’ve steered clear as much as possible. I had a couple whose wedding I attended; the wife and I were very, very close friends. Based on every conversation we’d ever had, I thought they were standard-issue traditional Republicans who were fiscally very conservative and had little patience for what they perceived as people being too lazy to succeed (although both came from very, very wealthy backgrounds themselves), but were not in any sense Trump types. One is now a high-ranking person in the Trump administration whose name many of you would recognize, and who has perpetrated things that I am just going to say are incredibly authoritarian and anti democratic, *personally.*. Not just supported — personally did. Suffice it to say, a lot of us have learned in hard and heartbreaking ways how wrong we have been about people. |
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peaname
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Post by peaname on Sept 13, 2020 13:47:03 GMT
Wishing you peace. It’s hard to stand up for what you believe in!
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peabay
Prolific Pea
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Sept 13, 2020 13:47:09 GMT
So, she just suddenly became this way after knowing her for 33 years? You had no clue? Just curious. Most of the Trump supporters I know have always been that way and I’ve steered clear as much as possible. I know people who were your standard Republicans or libertarians who seemed to have pivoted into crazy-land - believing Qanon crap and viewing Trump as their personal savior. I don't understand it. I don't understand what they are looking for because their connection with reality in believing that Tom Hanks is running a cabal of pedophiles is tenuous at best. |
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by julieb on Sept 13, 2020 14:20:28 GMT
Ok damage control. Can you just agree to not talk politics? I am good friends with a Trump supporter and we have plenty to talk about other than Trump. We talk: kids Makeup Peas Work Dinner Hair Hormones Face treatments Acne Exercise Diet Shoes Socks Travel Clothes Can you find something in that list and AGREE TO CALMLY DISAGREE? This is the kid’s godmum. Cool off and call her in a week. Exactly. If this were the case there are so many people I wouldn't talk to that I love. |
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Sept 13, 2020 14:25:53 GMT
We have to let people be who they are going to be and love them anyway. We can’t give Trump and the media power to bring pain and suffering to our lives, to our friends, to our families. Trump’s not here. The media isn’t here. Let’s turn off the TV and live our lives how we want to live them. We can’t let them destroy our relationships. We have to love each other despite the differences. In our differences there is power. We can’t all be the same. We can’t all think the same. We don’t want a world where everyone is similar and group thinks. Let’s let politics go when it comes to relationships.These vultures are only after our money and they will do and say anything to get it. They don’t care if we suffer pain or deception or heartache. We have to be able to turn the knob off and do what’s best for us. Screw them. Trump has been the catalyst but people have chosen to join in. They are showing us who they really are and it isn’t pleasant. To act like people are cutting off relationships over things as simple as who likes what kind of shoes or who prefers blonde hair over blue is ridiculous. We are talking about fundamental differences in values. Nobody needs to be tolerant or celebrate differences such as racist attitudes. And IMO, anyone who supports (or votes for him) falls into that category. It has been said several times that silence is complicit and people who vote for him are at the very least ok with those policies and attitudes. I wouldn’t necessarily cut every republican out of my life (that would be impossible where I live) but I do tread more cautiously around them, especially because of the dynamics of my family. But the tRump kissers? Yeah. I have no time for them. |
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Post by elaine on Sept 13, 2020 14:33:12 GMT
(((Hugs)))
I’ve lost friends and unfriended family members over Trump too. It started when they defended Trump’s support of the Neo-Nazi’s marching an hour from my house and the administration’s separating families and throwing asylum seekers and immigrants into cages at the border. It has been a long 3.75 years.
It goes beyond politics and enters the realm of morals and basic human decency.
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Olan
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Post by Olan on Sept 13, 2020 14:49:11 GMT
I can’t begin to count the number of people I’ve had to cut off because they were silent during the 2016 elections or when it become very clear America had a problem prosecuting LEO who kill Black people. Life long friendships gone. The troubling part was coming to terms with the fact they were never my friends to begin with. My twopeas experience kind of got conflated with my real life realization that white women aren’t the friends I thought they were. While tough you will certainly come out on the other side a much better person for it. It’s perfectly normal to want to be surrounded by people who have views that align with your own. My current circle is full of women who I can now talk to about anything. No pacifying. No mincing words. No one making it all about them. There is something to be said about like minds 🤷🏾♀️
Even before the pandemic this issue was life or death for me so anyone who supports 45 or aligns with conservative views....dead to me. I think people forget there is a right and wrong to this shit. None of this is an agreed to disagree type of thing.
James Baldwin:
“People who shut their eyes to reality simply invite their own destruction, and anyone who insists on remaining in a state of innocence long after that innocence is dead turns himself into a monster.”
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PLurker
Prolific Pea
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Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Sept 13, 2020 15:05:05 GMT
I get it. I feel it. It's heart wrenching to lose a friendship you once valued.
It's also heart wrenching to hear the vile and the hate for people just being who they were born as. Even if I decided to limit our scope of discussions with someone that showed their self in that way, it would be forever in my mind and not something I can overlook or "forget". It wouldn't be
It's horrible finding out someone you cared for isn't who you thought and hoped they were. After Kenosha (because local and hot topic of discussion) I am literally apprehensive of reading or discussing things because of finding more "friends" who are okay with racism, deny it exists or a barrage of other things I can't in my heart overlook, forget or easily forgive. People I grew up with, went to school with had great times with...I will never see quite the same again.
Yes, OP, I understand and salute you for doing the right thing and my heart aches for yours that does too. ((hugs))
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
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Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Sept 13, 2020 15:16:27 GMT
Ok damage control. Can you just agree to not talk politics? I am good friends with a Trump supporter and we have plenty to talk about other than Trump. We talk: kids Makeup Peas Work Dinner Hair Hormones Face treatments Acne Exercise Diet Shoes Socks Travel Clothes Can you find something in that list and AGREE TO CALMLY DISAGREE? This is the kid’s godmum. Cool off and call her in a week. Exactly. If this were the case there are so many people I wouldn't talk to that I love. I feel like we’re reading two different threads, but a reply like this makes me think you’re not even considering the responses as you read them. Did you read the poster who suggested we all have a line that does not get crossed and did you consider the question of where is your line drawn? If not grabbing women by the pussy, mocking a disabled reporter, calling neo-nazis fine people, advocating for police to treat people roughly while in custody, etc., etc., ad naseum, etc. I'm sure you have a line that you won’t allow even your best friend or closest family member to cross. Suggesting they go back to discussing acne is unfeeling at best. It’s not that hard to imagine the poster’s situation and offer empathy. Or it shouldn’t be. |
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Post by maryland on Sept 13, 2020 15:22:03 GMT
Ok damage control. Can you just agree to not talk politics? I am good friends with a Trump supporter and we have plenty to talk about other than Trump. We talk: kids Makeup Peas Work Dinner Hair Hormones Face treatments Acne Exercise Diet Shoes Socks Travel Clothes Can you find something in that list and AGREE TO CALMLY DISAGREE? This is the kid’s godmum. Cool off and call her in a week. My friends and I don't really talk politics, but I do think they are pro-Trump. I could be wrong! But we have so many other things to talk about, and they are so helpful to me when I need something (and vice versa). It wouldn't work for either of us if we did talk politics. |
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Post by sam9 on Sept 13, 2020 15:23:48 GMT
I’m not even American, and I lost a good friend over Trump. She voted for him in 2016 even though she thought he was vile. Her only reason was that her daddy (now long dead) had been a Republican all his life. When Trump won, she was so happy and declared that God had chosen him. She began agreeing with some of his actions that I never thought she would accept. She essentially showed me who she was and I realized that I didn’t like enough things about her to remain a friend.
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Post by peano on Sept 13, 2020 15:27:10 GMT
I totally understand your feelings. I have been in a state of literal mourning since the last election because of the rift it’s caused in my family of origin. My father and stepmother, brother and SIL, SIL’s son and his wife all voted for The Thing. My father and I have come to an understanding—we don’t discuss politics, but sometimes, we slip. In talking to him on the phone, it's clear he is still in touch with reality and takes in info outside just Fox News, like the WSJ. He recently cautioned me about BLM saying that the organizers are socialists, but also said that most of the protesters are coming from a good place. So because of this, I will still maintain contact.
The last time my nephew contacted me by text, it was to “educate” me by sending me links to publications like The Daily Caller, which has a history of publishing articles by white supremacists. Knowing that his stepfather, his grandfather and I are Jewish. His own mother converted. His wife last month traveled to DC to interview for a speaking role at the RNC. She and her college age daughter post photos of themselves in MAGA hats.
The last time I spoke to my brother, he jokingly (before I knew this was a thing) said that coronavirus would go away after the election. My SIL has gone totally off the edge and retweets crazy conspiracy QAnon shit all day long.
The last time we visited, Thanksgiving 2019, I was able to be cordial with everyone. Now, something’s changed, and I don’t think I can have contact with any of them except my father. Their imperviousness to the current life situations of those outside the 1%, the moral bankruptcy, the indifference to and tolerance of human suffering while grinning in MAGA hats. I can’t take it any more. If they were friends and not just family, I’d have already cut them off. How can my brother embrace an autocrat who would willingly obliterate him for who he is?
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tracylynn
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by tracylynn on Sept 13, 2020 15:27:28 GMT
So, she just suddenly became this way after knowing her for 33 years? You had no clue? Just curious. Most of the Trump supporters I know have always been that way and I’ve steered clear as much as possible. For myself, yes. We all knew she was GOP. That's never been an issue. But being GOP and Trumper are 2 very different things. It's the latter that was new and became abhorrent. She probably always thought the way she does now honestly, but Trump made it OK for her to "come out" if you will. |
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Post by lauradrumm on Sept 13, 2020 15:59:36 GMT
Tracylynn EXACTLY! Thank you!❤️
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Post by lauradrumm on Sept 13, 2020 16:03:42 GMT
She actually asked me why I hate myself and white men so much😳. See her text:
There inlies the problem. What is your end game? What do we have to do? All white people die or only those who wont raise their fists in black solidarity. Why do you hate white men so much? You are married to a white male who comes from a "rich" family and you have a white son. You have a white daughter married to a white ultra rich guy. You will have white male and female grandchildren god willing. Should they be cancelled or lose their place because of the color of their skin? You are worried about your business being closed now....go ahead and give it away to someone more deserving of you. I am not apologizing for being white. What matters to me is that I am a good person.
I think you believe everything you read as fact, because they say it is fact checked. But alot of it is circular fact checking.
Just Vote your heart and I will Vote my heart. As I said the other day, one of us will be on the right side of history.
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Post by lauradrumm on Sept 13, 2020 16:08:26 GMT
So, she just suddenly became this way after knowing her for 33 years? You had no clue? Just curious. Most of the Trump supporters I know have always been that way and I’ve steered clear as much as possible. I really didn’t. She was help up at gun point and her engagement ring stolen by a black man and I knew she has some issues of being “scared” of them but I was clueless as to the extent. She is talented and accomplished and I was shocked to see this side of her. It was me who brought up hating Trump and that’s when things started. She claims I’ve turned into a crazy liberal. I admit my views have become more progressive in the last 10 years of which I’m proud. I could have stayed in my privileged bubble but I chose to fight for others as well as our own rights. Edited for grammar. |
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Post by karinec on Sept 13, 2020 16:11:54 GMT
iamkristinl16 I agree 100% that Trump has been the catalyst for many people who have been hiding their hatred for so long and now feel the have carte blanche to express it. I feel that is the case with my former friend. There is a lot of hatred and racism there I know now she will never acknowledge.
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Post by lauradrumm on Sept 13, 2020 16:18:36 GMT
Ok damage control. Can you just agree to not talk politics? I am good friends with a Trump supporter and we have plenty to talk about other than Trump. We talk: kids Makeup Peas Work Dinner Hair Hormones Face treatments Acne Exercise Diet Shoes Socks Travel Clothes Can you find something in that list and AGREE TO CALMLY DISAGREE? This is the kid’s godmum. Cool off and call her in a week. I know you mean well but it’s just not possible. I don’t know what the future holds for all of us. Read her text that I posted. |
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Olan
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by Olan on Sept 13, 2020 16:25:05 GMT
She actually asked me why I hate myself and white men so much😳. See her text: There inlies the problem. What is your end game? What do we have to do? All white people die or only those who wont raise their fists in black solidarity. Why do you hate white men so much? You are married to a white male who comes from a "rich" family and you have a white son. You have a white daughter married to a white ultra rich guy. You will have white male and female grandchildren god willing. Should they be cancelled or lose their place because of the color of their skin? You are worried about your business being closed now....go ahead and give it away to someone more deserving of you. I am not apologizing for being white. What matters to me is that I am a good person. I think you believe everything you read as fact, because they say it is fact checked. But alot of it is circular fact checking. Just Vote your heart and I will Vote my heart. As I said the other day, one of us will be on the right side of history. This is a necessary read. Kinda scary but helpful to see what’s driving the other side. 2016 shocked me but 2020 isn’t the year to be blindsided by someone’s hatred of me. |
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Deleted
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Nov 23, 2024 8:33:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2020 16:48:36 GMT
She actually asked me why I hate myself and white men so much😳. See her text: There inlies the problem. What is your end game? What do we have to do? All white people die or only those who wont raise their fists in black solidarity. Why do you hate white men so much? You are married to a white male who comes from a "rich" family and you have a white son. You have a white daughter married to a white ultra rich guy. You will have white male and female grandchildren god willing. Should they be cancelled or lose their place because of the color of their skin? You are worried about your business being closed now....go ahead and give it away to someone more deserving of you. I am not apologizing for being white. What matters to me is that I am a good person. I think you believe everything you read as fact, because they say it is fact checked. But alot of it is circular fact checking. Just Vote your heart and I will Vote my heart. As I said the other day, one of us will be on the right side of history. Wow. But yes, you should absolutely go on engaging with her about shoes and skincare  |
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Post by PEAcan pie on Sept 13, 2020 17:09:43 GMT
I will never understand how you can cut off a relationship over politics. IMO it is very immature.
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Olan
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by Olan on Sept 13, 2020 17:11:43 GMT
I will never understand how you can cut off a relationship over politics. IMO it is very immature. Be glad you don’t have to understand and sit quietly 🤷🏾♀️ |
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Post by gizzy on Sept 13, 2020 17:19:47 GMT
So, she just suddenly became this way after knowing her for 33 years? You had no clue? Just curious. Most of the Trump supporters I know have always been that way and I’ve steered clear as much as possible. I know people who were your standard Republicans or libertarians who seemed to have pivoted into crazy-land - believing Qanon crap and viewing Trump as their personal savior. I don't understand it. I don't understand what they are looking for because their connection with reality in believing that Tom Hanks is running a cabal of pedophiles is tenuous at best. I'm sorry you've had to do this. This is where I'm at with a family member right now. I cannot understand how he got there. I've listened to him explain it and I still don't understand. I'm going to have to step away from him. He is non stop hammering me with this nonsense and all it does is make me anxious and so surprised that he believes this. |
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Post by epeanymous on Sept 13, 2020 17:21:02 GMT
We have to let people be who they are going to be and love them anyway. We can’t give Trump and the media power to bring pain and suffering to our lives, to our friends, to our families. Trump’s not here. The media isn’t here. Let’s turn off the TV and live our lives how we want to live them. We can’t let them destroy our relationships. We have to love each other despite the differences. In our differences there is power. We can’t all be the same. We can’t all think the same. We don’t want a world where everyone is similar and group thinks. Let’s let politics go when it comes to relationships.These vultures are only after our money and they will do and say anything to get it. They don’t care if we suffer pain or deception or heartache. We have to be able to turn the knob off and do what’s best for us. Screw them. Thing is, Trump is bringing pain and suffering to the lives of some of my friends and family members. This isn't some sort of theoretical imaginary thing. I'm glad it is for you, I suppose. |
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garcia5050
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Posts: 2,773
Location: So. Calif.
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Post by garcia5050 on Sept 13, 2020 17:22:41 GMT
I will never understand how you can cut off a relationship over politics. IMO it is very immature. I can. Like others said, people are showing their morals and what they value. They are choosing to be represented by a hateful spiteful man. I am so disappointed when I find that someone I know is a Trump supporter. So disappointed, and the respect for that person is lost. I’d rather surround myself with empathetic caring people. I’ve cut off friendships before (prior to Trump). It’s not hard. Not for me. |
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Post by mnmloveli on Sept 13, 2020 17:23:05 GMT
We have to let people be who they are going to be and love them anyway. We can’t give Trump and the media power to bring pain and suffering to our lives, to our friends, to our families. Trump’s not here. The media isn’t here. Let’s turn off the TV and live our lives how we want to live them. We can’t let them destroy our relationships. We have to love each other despite the differences. In our differences there is power. We can’t all be the same. We can’t all think the same. We don’t want a world where everyone is similar and group thinks. Let’s let politics go when it comes to relationships.These vultures are only after our money and they will do and say anything to get it. They don’t care if we suffer pain or deception or heartache. We have to be able to turn the knob off and do what’s best for us. Screw them. Brilliant ! You said this perfectly ! |
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Post by mnmloveli on Sept 13, 2020 17:25:19 GMT
I will never understand how you can cut off a relationship over politics. IMO it is very immature. Ditto. So much more life to live that matters everyday. |
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Post by MissBianca on Sept 13, 2020 17:25:25 GMT
She actually asked me why I hate myself and white men so much😳. See her text: There inlies the problem. What is your end game? What do we have to do? All white people die or only those who wont raise their fists in black solidarity. Why do you hate white men so much? You are married to a white male who comes from a "rich" family and you have a white son. You have a white daughter married to a white ultra rich guy. You will have white male and female grandchildren god willing. Should they be cancelled or lose their place because of the color of their skin? You are worried about your business being closed now....go ahead and give it away to someone more deserving of you. I am not apologizing for being white. What matters to me is that I am a good person. I think you believe everything you read as fact, because they say it is fact checked. But alot of it is circular fact checking. Just Vote your heart and I will Vote my heart. As I said the other day, one of us will be on the right side of history. Lose their place? Holy crap! There is no way I could be her friend. Race isn’t rungs on a ladder or postions on a podium. I feel for you. I have ditched so many friends because of Trump. I agree with the other posters, this isn’t about politics, it about someone who lacks a moral compass. |
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Post by Merge on Sept 13, 2020 17:30:30 GMT
I will never understand how you can cut off a relationship over politics. IMO it is very immature. I don't understand how anyone can continue to be friends with white supremacists. Because that's what Trump supporters are, whether they admit it to themselves or not. I don't think it's immature to set healthy boundaries. Friendship with white supremacists is outside my personal boundaries. If you're willing to embrace those types of people, well .. you do you. |
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