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Post by Skellinton on Oct 23, 2020 5:23:38 GMT
It's devastating he died at such a young age and his wife and kids seem to truly love him. His poor wife in unraveling in front of everyone. Honestly, I'm glad she's mad. I'm glad she's pissed. I'm glad she's swearing. Losing someone suddenly will do that to anyone. She isn't trying to be sunshine and roses. Collin spoke out against what he thought was wrong. I found it to be harmful and emotionally stunting. He would say stay off social media. Yet his family was constantly displayed on Instagram. Don't watch porn but have a speaker who believes masturbation and porn is a sin speak at a University. A LDS speaker who also thinks it's okay for pre-teens and teens to talk to a grown man (with no training) in private about anything sexual in nature they have done for the sake of confessing. Normal things any other teen will do. The number one reason for deaths among young people in Utah is suicide. There is so much shaming. The culture of perfection is toxic. The state of Utah named porn a health crisis and they even had white ribbon week in schools before they addressed teens dying. Not everyone will become addicted to porn, just like with alcohol. The standards of the main religion in Utah are strict. Even if you aren't a member, others feel the judging of what they are not doing "right". Too many have died because they find themselves irredeemable. I know of too many people who have gone way too early or have made attempts.
Smart phones aren't going away. Talk about what controls you can use on apps. Which ones should not be allowed on phones. Taking phones away at night after a certain time. Teach them boundaries. Some reasonable compromises. Let teens know if they are in trouble, you will help them no matter what. It's okay to make mistakes. Don't take their issues to other people unless they are practicing psychologists.
I want to make it clear, I have had success and failures with my kids and I'm not trying to be preachy. I'm just typing out what I did and should have done with my kids.
I agree. It kind of seems like the people who are so vehemently against teaching kids sex ed or about birth control. Not teaching kids about birth control isn’t an effective way to prevent pregnancy. I also agree that the hypocrisy of blasting social media while your wife is posting your kids all over it is a little confusing. |
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Post by sleepingbooty on Oct 23, 2020 14:41:48 GMT
Collin spoke out against what he thought was wrong. I found it to be harmful and emotionally stunting. He would say stay off social media. Yet his family was constantly displayed on Instagram. [...] Smart phones aren't going away. Talk about what controls you can use on apps. Which ones should not be allowed on phones. Taking phones away at night after a certain time. Teach them boundaries. Some reasonable compromises. Let teens know if they are in trouble, you will help them no matter what. It's okay to make mistakes. Don't take their issues to other people unless they are practicing psychologists. I agree. It kind of seems like the people who are so vehemently against teaching kids sex ed or about birth control. Not teaching kids about birth control isn’t an effective way to prevent pregnancy. I also agree that the hypocrisy of blasting social media while your wife is posting your kids all over it is a little confusing. Yeah, what you two said, refugeepea and Skellinton . It was preaching a form of abstinence rather than educating on how to use the tools. That never works. And the obvious use of social media to brand themselves + spread the ironic anti-social media message. 'Twas ignorant at best. On a different note and back to the fund/life insurance topic, Liz was probably the bigger earner in the relationship. She wasn't a SAHM without earnings or significantly lower ones than her husband's. It's not a silver lining but at least one burden less to handle. If she hasn't got life insurance yet, I really hope she prioritises that, especially in the midst of a pandemic. |
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Elsabelle
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by Elsabelle on Oct 23, 2020 15:56:27 GMT
For some reason I’m reading pianoforte’s posts in Victoria Marie’s voice 😆
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Post by gemini_jen on Oct 23, 2020 16:25:42 GMT
Someone needs to keep DL off social media ... I know she’s angry, but  |
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Post by janamke on Oct 23, 2020 17:17:27 GMT
Someone needs to keep DL off social media ... I know she’s angry, but Agreed. I do not and will never understand the compulsion to over share like this. |
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pinklady
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,085
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Post by pinklady on Oct 23, 2020 17:28:49 GMT
Someone needs to keep DL off social media ... I know she’s angry, but I was just coming to post this exact sentence. She needs major intervention and quick. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Dec 1, 2024 1:03:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2020 17:32:09 GMT
Someone needs to keep DL off social media ... I know she’s angry, but Agreed. I do not and will never understand the compulsion to over share like this. I guess the grief-processing blow-by-blow helps some people. To me it reads as someone who honestly has never given a moment's thought to the negatives of life because they truly believe god loves them best and sorrow and tragedy will only glance them, never sock them in the face. I would be keening and wailing (off social media), but I would never think "How could this happen to ME! ME!" |
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Post by peachiceteas on Oct 23, 2020 17:44:33 GMT
Someone needs to keep DL off social media ... I know she’s angry, but Agreed. I do not and will never understand the compulsion to over share like this. It doesn't need to make sense - she's grieving the loss of her husband and the father of her children. She is literally crying out for help. I agree that someone needs to step in, give her the support she needs, take her phone away from her and give her a place to grieve in private but she's acting out in a moment of desperation. I know not everyone will agree with me but I just can't see anything right now other than a woman who is in shock, utterly devastated, crying out for help. She must feel so completely utterly lost and helpless that she's crying out on a platform of strangers for help. |
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Post by lisacharlotte on Oct 23, 2020 17:53:28 GMT
Yeah, I’m not gonna judge her outbursts. She’s grieving. Most people aren’t prepared for something like this. I can understand wondering “why me?” It has nothing to do with being sheltered or privileged or religious. I also think she needs someone to stop her public outbursts on IG. She’s now the sole support for her family and I think she’s gonna want to keep her business running. And it doesn’t help her, her kids or the people supporting her. Hopefully her sister can run interference.
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Post by peachiceteas on Oct 23, 2020 17:55:16 GMT
My heart honestly breaks for her and anyone who loses a life partner, and I am so sorry for those in this thread who have been through something similar.
I would be absolutely hysterical if I lost my husband. Not because I don't think bad things will happen to me in my lifetime or that I'll never experience tragedy or loss, but because I dream of spending every day that I am on this earth with him.
I feel like she is spiralling and I would do the exact same thing. I just hope that if it ever happened to me, my family would take care of me.
I worry that she doesn't have someone taking care of her and her kids. She needs to grieve privately, without her phone. She lost her husband three days ago, of course she is spiralling into a pit of depression. She sounds like she desperately needs support.
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Post by sleepingbooty on Oct 23, 2020 18:53:57 GMT
I worry that she doesn't have someone taking care of her and her kids. She needs to grieve privately, without her phone. She lost her husband three days ago, of course she is spiralling into a pit of depression. She sounds like she desperately needs support. I feel like her social media outbursts could be a reflection of the cognitive dissonance she's experiencing: her entire support system is following the religion's doctrine on death ("He's in a better place." "You will be reunited one day." "He's been called by god.") and social media is perhaps the space where she can have a good yell without someone patting her on the back and trying to make her accept her fate. She definitely needs some kind of support that allows her to fully process the different stages of grief besides driving out to an empty parking lot to cry and listen to music in her car. Preferrably secular so she can benefit from science's assistance (whether it's meds, specific therapy or techniques). She can always go for religious councelling later on if she feels like it. |
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Post by sleepingbooty on Oct 23, 2020 18:56:17 GMT
I worry that she doesn't have someone taking care of her and her kids. Pretty sure her family has rallied. She was out driving by herself to get some alone time and when her car broke down called her sister to come get her. Someone's looking after the kids. Whether those people are giving her the space to vent, yell and be angry is a different question. |
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Post by refugeepea on Oct 23, 2020 18:59:42 GMT
I would be keening and wailing (off social media), but I would never think "How could this happen to ME! ME!" I couldn't do it on social media because then there's this burden of people contacting you, wanting to help, wanting to know what happened, wanting to communicate when you are exhausted.
However, I completely understand her shock and grief. I acted like that at 31 when my dad died suddenly at the age of sixty three. It took me three months to get through the anger stage. It really messes with you. I got manic like that, but kept to myself. I knew it was time for some sleep med help when I looked at the dishwasher one day and I thought I don't know how this works. Hopefully, she'll get some help in whatever form quicker.
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jediannie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,110
Jun 30, 2014 3:19:06 GMT
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Post by jediannie on Oct 23, 2020 19:06:37 GMT
Yes, I believe she is oversharing but this seems to be how she has trained herself to deal with stuff, via social media. Every single influencer I've seen that's had to deal with hard stuff does this, putting it all out there either because they think that's what their followers want to see (the "real" life) or they truly don't know how to deal with stuff in private. I really truly feel for her.  |
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Oct 23, 2020 19:18:30 GMT
Yes, I believe she is oversharing but this seems to be how she has trained herself to deal with stuff, via social media. Every single influencer I've seen that's had to deal with hard stuff does this, putting it all out there either because they think that's what their followers want to see (the "real" life) or they truly don't know how to deal with stuff in private. I really truly feel for her. maybe this is what life is like for social media influencers... (I did watch Collin's TED talk about the smart phone, and he does talk about that very thing... 'is it really happening if you don't get 'likes' or 'comments' on instagram or twitter?' what's "real?") and I do find it very ironic / hypocritical (?) that he lectured about this very thing, yet his wife is a social media influencer and he plugged his programs via those platforms... I wonder how that was reconciled in their household. Maybe it wasn't discussed, like US politics aren't discussed in my household. <shrug> I think so much of some people's lives is lived 'online' that it's just how they do things now. I couldn't be like that, but I'm a different generation. |
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Post by gemini_jen on Oct 23, 2020 19:26:22 GMT
Yes, I believe she is oversharing but this seems to be how she has trained herself to deal with stuff, via social media. Every single influencer I've seen that's had to deal with hard stuff does this, putting it all out there either because they think that's what their followers want to see (the "real" life) or they truly don't know how to deal with stuff in private. I really truly feel for her. maybe this is what life is like for social media influencers... (I did watch Collin's TED talk about the smart phone, and he does talk about that very thing... 'is it really happening if you don't get 'likes' or 'comments' on instagram or twitter?' what's "real?") and I do find it very ironic / hypocritical (?) that he lectured about this very thing, yet his wife is a social media influencer and he plugged his programs via those platforms... I wonder how that was reconciled in their household. Maybe it wasn't discussed, like US politics aren't discussed in my household. I think so much of some people's lives is lived 'online' that it's just how they do things now. I couldn't be like that, but I'm a different generation. Yes, I agree. And also how the nearly $300k was raised by social media posts. |
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Oct 23, 2020 19:29:03 GMT
Her latest IG story...her daughter is upset because no one in the family has a real job.... that's how she found out about the GFM account, she says- because her daughter showed it to her. |
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Post by refugeepea on Oct 23, 2020 19:36:12 GMT
I think so much of some people's lives is lived 'online' that it's just how they do things now. I couldn't be like that, but I'm a different generation. I'm of that generation. I think it has more to do with personality. It seems to be a generation that either embraced social media right away like myspace, gradually came into it, or didn't ever embrace anything. |
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Post by janamke on Oct 23, 2020 20:35:32 GMT
Please don’t take my comments above as not understanding or being supportive of the grieving process. They are normal, necessary and expected. I held my mother in law in my arms as she went through all the stages when my father in law very unexpectedly passed away. I saw the outbursts. The rage and anger.
Someone needs to take the phone away. That is all.
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Post by gemini_jen on Oct 23, 2020 20:48:22 GMT
Please don’t take my comments above as not understanding or being supportive of the grieving process. They are normal, necessary and expected. I held my mother in law in my arms as she went through all the stages when my father in law very unexpectedly passed away. I saw the outbursts. The rage and anger. Someone needs to take the phone away. That is all. Absolutely agree! I mean they’ve been together since high school - a piece of her is missing. |
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Post by Skellinton on Oct 23, 2020 21:19:34 GMT
I worry that she doesn't have someone taking care of her and her kids. She needs to grieve privately, without her phone. She lost her husband three days ago, of course she is spiralling into a pit of depression. She sounds like she desperately needs support. I feel like her social media outbursts could be a reflection of the cognitive dissonance she's experiencing: her entire support system is following the religion's doctrine on death ("He's in a better place." "You will be reunited one day." "He's been called by god.") and social media is perhaps the space where she can have a good yell without someone patting her on the back and trying to make her accept her fate. She definitely needs some kind of support that allows her to fully process the different stages of grief besides driving out to an empty parking lot to cry and listen to music in her car. Preferrably secular so she can benefit from science's assistance (whether it's meds, specific therapy or techniques). She can always go for religious councelling later on if she feels like it. So true. She and the kids all need someone to help them process this and obviously it should be a qualified and trained professional not from her church, although I doubt that will happen. I feel for her kids, they lost their father and their mother is, understandably, feeling like her life has collapsed around her. They all need individual and group counseling. The kids will be looking to her for love, help, reassurance, comfort, normalcy, etc. I hope they don’t feel like they have to hold it together for her sake. |
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,621
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Post by julie5 on Oct 24, 2020 0:52:24 GMT
Agreed. I do not and will never understand the compulsion to over share like this. It doesn't need to make sense - she's grieving the loss of her husband and the father of her children. She is literally crying out for help. I agree that someone needs to step in, give her the support she needs, take her phone away from her and give her a place to grieve in private but she's acting out in a moment of desperation. I know not everyone will agree with me but I just can't see anything right now other than a woman who is in shock, utterly devastated, crying out for help. She must feel so completely utterly lost and helpless that she's crying out on a platform of strangers for help. I agree. The vast majority of us never give a second thought to losing our partner or children. We wake up with the optimism that we will all live to see another sunset. If that somehow doesn’t happen, yeah. It’s shocking. Shit I lived a thousand miles from my brother and father my entire life. They’ve been dead for 4 amd 2 years. And I still can’t believe it. Of course those fighting serious or terminal illness get to think about this all the time. I do not envy them that. |
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Post by meganliane on Oct 24, 2020 14:18:43 GMT
I feel awful for her and really hate this for her kids. My husband has cancer and we were very close to losing him at one point until his current treatment kicked in. So I have thought about all the emotions of it and it was devastating. Now, I feel like I am more prepared if something happens. Not that it would not be sad And devastating but that I have already Worked thru some of it. (Oh and we do have life insurance which I make sure I pay timely!)
On the social media thing, I think this is just where some people go for comfort - I thought similar when a celebrity posted about losing her baby and staged pics (I can’t remember her name right now) I have lost a baby and thought I’d never do that but it makes sense I guess for them, I personally still think it’s odd but this is just my thoughts on the psychology behind it.
I also feel like the LDS part doesn’t help either. The religion seems to be so wrapped up in appearances. It doesn’t really matter what is in the inside as long as you appear great on the outside. It seems like quite the facade. It seems she is realizing that in her posts.
That’s my 2 cents. I will be praying for her and those kids...
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Deleted
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Dec 1, 2024 1:03:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 24, 2020 14:36:55 GMT
I also feel like the LDS part doesn’t help either. The religion seems to be so wrapped up in appearances. It doesn’t really matter what is in the inside as long as you appear great on the outside. It seems like quite the facade. It seems she is realizing that in her posts. That’s my 2 cents. I will be praying for her and those kids... Agreed. Here's the thing w/the social media meltdown - HER KIDS ARE WATCHING. Her oldest is old enough to watch Liz's IG and stories. Liz is melting down in a public way that exposes that to her kids. I think it would be FAR MORE MENTALLY HEALTHY for ALL OF THEM if they were melting down together and/or with therapists vs. Liz putting out for the world (and her very scared and sad kids) her mental breakdown. My heart goes out to her and ALL the people who lose their spouse/SO very young. Just because I know her name doesn't mean I only spare a thought for her vs. the thousands and thousands of others in the same boat and without people knowing their name or donating to their pain. |
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Post by sleepingbooty on Oct 24, 2020 14:58:38 GMT
She posts that you should delete your kids' TikTok and Snapchat to honour Collin followed by a crying-on-the-bathroom-floor selfie and I just can't fathom the inherent lack of logic there. I'm all for venting even in such a public manner that I wouldn't and haven't personally embraced but oh my, she's in for rough ride recovering from his death with such basic logical fallacies.
I hope for her own wellbeing and that of her family (especially in the future) that she pursues her Master degree. It's going to be hard to hang in there and complete the year when barely a month and a half into the first semester she faces such a trauma. But she'll benefit greatly from it in the long run.
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Post by Prenticekid on Oct 25, 2020 3:13:22 GMT
Why shouldn’t she grieve in public? Why does it need to be done under wraps? She is sharing on her own account. Is there some sort of shame in that? Why do women always have to play nice and put on a happy face or go away to hide their pain? My cousin just had to comfort others and smile her way through her daughter’s death. It is really kind of sick that we have that sort of expectation.
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msliz
Drama Llama
The Procrastinator
Posts: 6,419
Jun 26, 2014 21:32:34 GMT
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Post by msliz on Oct 25, 2020 6:54:45 GMT
Why shouldn’t she grieve in public? Why does it need to be done under wraps? She is sharing on her own account. Is there some sort of shame in that? Why do women always have to play nice and put on a happy face or go away to hide their pain? My cousin just had to comfort others and smile her way through her daughter’s death. It is really kind of sick that we have that sort of expectation. That's terrible what your cousin went through. I don't think anyone would suggest the same for Elizabeth. No one would ever suggest she pretend she isn't in pain. The suggestion is only that some things are more appropriately said or done in private spaces. I think the concerns are more about how she might be frightening her children or offending either her customers or business contacts by swearing and losing control of herself in public spaces. |
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Post by peachiceteas on Oct 25, 2020 8:42:37 GMT
Why shouldn’t she grieve in public? Why does it need to be done under wraps? She is sharing on her own account. Is there some sort of shame in that? Why do women always have to play nice and put on a happy face or go away to hide their pain? My cousin just had to comfort others and smile her way through her daughter’s death. It is really kind of sick that we have that sort of expectation. No, there is no shame in grieving publicly and nobody is expecting her to play nice, put on a happy face and hide her pain. We live in 2020 - that expectation is not placed upon women any more. I certainly do not subscribe to that expectation. However, crying out from what is clearly an incredibly dark place in a moment of complete desperation on social media to strangers is empty therapy in my opinion. I am sure she is getting some level of comfort from the messages she's receiving but really she needs to be surrounded by family. I know not everyone has that option in life, but Liz certainly does. She needs to be cocooned with love and support from her own people. What will help her feel less pain and move on from this is the support she receives from people she knows. The whole idea of having to show 'the real side of life' where everything is not perfect is absolute bullshit in these situations. There are times when things don't need to be shared at all, and that includes when you are as vulnerable as Lizzy is right now. Social media does not need to be a presence in everyones life all the time. We all know how toxic social media can be - especially the Kartchner's. Sometimes you do just need to put the phone down and walk away from the virtual world and focus on your healing in the real world. However, I do not judge her at all for sharing on social media, I just think there is a better way for her to get the help and support she needs. If there is any sort of judging tone from my post, that is absolutely not my intention. From what she is posting, I am genuinely concerned for her welfare and that she is not receiving what she needs right now. All I wish for her is to have an outlet in the real world where she can grieve, and be angry. It's possible she is having these outbursts on Instagram stories because she doesn't have a place to be angry. It would have more value for her if she connected with her friends (such as AE) via social media, rather than to strangers via the story platform. ETA: A couple of ways that you can grieve publicly that don't involve social media are through her church or local support groups (meeting in person or online) of those who have been through the same thing. Those two options are probably very much too soon for her though. She is in the very early stages of her grief. There is valuable 'public' support available. |
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Post by crafty on Oct 25, 2020 13:30:06 GMT
Why shouldn’t she grieve in public? Why does it need to be done under wraps? She is sharing on her own account. Is there some sort of shame in that? Why do women always have to play nice and put on a happy face or go away to hide their pain? My cousin just had to comfort others and smile her way through her daughter’s death. It is really kind of sick that we have that sort of expectation. She can grieve in whatever way she wants, but they lived their life reaching for likes and follows and it's hard to know if this isn't for that too. When you broadcast your life for "swipe ups" your hard times don't feel authentic (to me) either. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Dec 1, 2024 1:03:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2020 13:31:39 GMT
nobody is expecting her to play nice, put on a happy face and hide her pain. We live in 2020 - that expectation is not placed upon women any more. Yeah, I don't get how people jump from "grieving while raw to strangers on the internet might be scaring her kids" to "she needs to be happy-happy and hide her pain". There are a thousand options between those two poles. If I were 14 and just lost my father and I read that my mom's life had no joy now I'd be gutted all over again. She's a widow. She's in pain. But she is also a mother. To children in pain.  |
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