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Post by freecharlie on Apr 15, 2021 2:53:29 GMT
Yeah, this is the SIL I made cry at Christmas who brought her dog. And I would not expect the friend to pay for everyone's meal, but at least her own. I need a stronger backbone that is true, especially when it comes to DH's family. But how does that actually work? When it looks as though someone is going to pay for the group’s meal, do you really expect one person from the group to say “I will pay for myself”? this is a good point. You weren't making sil pay so them it is awkward to be the odd man out. Maybe she should have gone, here's a 20 or let me get the tip, but sometimes you are caught off guard and don't act properly in the moment
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Post by grammadee on Apr 15, 2021 2:59:36 GMT
Could be just different family customs. If family comes to stay with us, we accept that we will be feeding them and their guests. They will occasionally arrive with a box of pastries or a bottle of wine, but beyond that we don't expect them to contribute. If we do go out, we tend to cover the cost of that, too, unless it is planned as "their treat".
If it were just your SIL, would you expect HER to contribute her share? If not, she prob invited the friend on the assumption that they would both be guests with the same status she has in your home.
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Post by Legacy Girl on Apr 15, 2021 8:33:19 GMT
I'm surprised at people assuming they know the financial status of others, especially when discussing an uninvited guest. My brother used to be a certified financial planner, and he always maintained that you never really knew by looking at people how much money they had. Often the people in the smallest, most unassuming houses had the most wealth. And the people in the big houses may not even have had furniture inside because they were so financially overextended. Same with job titles, cars, etc. But I digress...
OP, do you think there's any chance the uninvited guest thought you would all be eating at home all weekend, and didn't come prepared to pay? I also wonder if perhaps she was strong-armed by your, ahem, BOLD SIL into coming along on the trip when she really shouldn't have. Just a different perspective to consider.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Apr 15, 2021 10:45:36 GMT
Yes. I’d be pissed at sister for not asking me if I minded her friend coming along.
I’d be pissed friend didn’t pay and expected a free ride.
I’d be pissed I didn’t nip it in the bud at the first meal.
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Post by gar on Apr 15, 2021 14:46:41 GMT
Just be generous with people. Firstly not everyone can afford to do that and secondly, doesn't that work both ways?
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Post by floridagirl on Apr 15, 2021 14:57:00 GMT
Been in that exact scenario and it annoyed me to no end.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Apr 15, 2021 18:19:35 GMT
Did SIL say/acknowledge that? Not to me. In fact when friend was leaving she told SIL thanks for having me! WTF? This reminds me of many years ago when I rented a room in a shared house with 3 others. 2 of them were students, very young. One of the students asked if her friend could move in for a month while she found alternative accommodation (sleeping on my camp bed without asking, but that's another issue!). Friend had no money so student said it would be "her treat". We agreed and said we'd split the bills 5 ways and student would pay 2 of them. Student was furious, couldn't understand why leaving it as a 4-way split meant that her housemates would be paying for her guest, not her. She wasn't the brightest. Then friend forgot to turn the oven off after baking some cakes, and the electricity bill was enormous. If your SIL's friend thanked your SIL and not you, it sounds as if friend thought that SIL was paying for her. Bottom line is that hopefully you've learned that you need to be more assertive next time to ensure there isn't a next time!
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