Deleted
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Jul 6, 2024 21:41:38 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 0:48:45 GMT
Maybe I'm overreacting here, so I'm asking the peas.
My MIL is here for a couple nights. She lives 2 hours away. She was supposed to go back this afternoon but she decided to stay for another night... Without asking I might add.
So tonight at supper (beef enchiladas), as my husband and I were dishing up food for the kids, she gets out some fast food leftovers she brought with her when she came up and pops them in the microwave. Wth?! I said "Gee MIL, that's kind of rude." She responded that she has never really liked tortilla shells. She only likes tacos. My husband said "well this is pretty much the same thing."
Ugh. So am I crazy or was that just completely rude? I would never in a million years do that as a guest in someones home! If I didn't like tortillas, I would have picked out the meat and cheese and everything inside and not eat the tortilla shell. Plus I think it's such a bad example for my kids! If grandma doesn't have to eat the same supper, then they don't have to eat the same supper as us either.
Ok. Rant over. Thanks for listening.
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Post by lumo on Jul 3, 2014 0:51:42 GMT
Pretty rude, yes. That said, I'd probably roll my eyes and move on, then bitch to DH about it later
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jul 3, 2014 0:52:07 GMT
Well, I wouldn't really consider my MIL a "guest" but family. So I wouldn't think it's too rude. I maybe would have asked her 1st if dinner was ok. My SIL actually does the same thing at holidays, and I always thought it was weird, not rude. ha
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Jul 3, 2014 0:52:16 GMT
I'm kind of torn on how to reply. I thought you were gonna ask if the rudeness was that she chose to stay an extra night without asking!
Aside from "she only likes tacos," maybe she thought she was doing you a favor: when you planned for enchiladas, you weren't planning for an extra person. Her eating her leftovers kept you from having to stretch the tray of enchiladas to feed an extra person.
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Deleted
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Jul 6, 2024 21:41:38 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 0:52:57 GMT
Yes, rude. I deal with a similar issue with my in-laws, and after 15 years I expect it, but I still think it's rude.
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Pinky Zebra
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Jun 26, 2014 5:37:40 GMT
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Post by Pinky Zebra on Jul 3, 2014 0:56:02 GMT
I understand being upset. I probably wouldn't have said anything though. But that's me. Our families are pretty laid back. I think it would have been nice if she asked you ahead of time or something. Did she not drop a hint or anything at all while you were making dinner? Or not help you prepare the food? Rude? Yes. Unforgiveable? No.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 0:59:11 GMT
I'm kind of torn on how to reply. I thought you were gonna ask if the rudeness was that she chose to stay an extra night without asking! Aside from "she only likes tacos," maybe she thought she was doing you a favor: when you planned for enchiladas, you weren't planning for an extra person. Her eating her leftovers kept you from having to stretch the tray of enchiladas to feed an extra person. It definitely wasn't because she thought there wasn't enough food. There were two large enchiladas at the end of our meal. And I didn't ask her because she wasn't supposed to say for supper. As for her for not asking if she could stay another night, that is common practice for her. She will come up and plan to stay at my house without even mentioning it to me. It drives me crazy. Earlier this month, she INFORMED me that she would be coming up Sunday and leaving Thursday, and then coming up to the following Sunday and leaving Thursday again. I told her that she could stay here for a couple nights each week, and that she would have to stay with her mom or someone else for the rest of the time. 4 days per week for two weeks in a row?! When she lives 2 houra away?!? Ugh.
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Post by dulcemama on Jul 3, 2014 0:59:33 GMT
Well, I wouldn't really consider my MIL a "guest" but family. So I wouldn't think it's too rude. I maybe would have asked her 1st if dinner was ok. My SIL actually does the same thing at holidays, and I always thought it was weird, not rude. ha I agree with this. If DH or DD didn't like what was being served, they would be expected to get their own too.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 1:01:25 GMT
I understand being upset. I probably wouldn't have said anything though. But that's me. Our families are pretty laid back. I think it would have been nice if she asked you ahead of time or something. Did she not drop a hint or anything at all while you were making dinner? Or not help you prepare the food? Rude? Yes. Unforgiveable? No. Help me prepare the food?!??! Ha!! Hahaha!! She doesn't lift a finger when she is here. She even left her leftver box on the counter and I had to throw it away.
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Post by Erica on Jul 3, 2014 1:02:18 GMT
I don't see it as rude. I would rather she didn't try to eat it and leave it there wasted.
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Jul 3, 2014 1:03:21 GMT
Maybe she thought you had not planned on the extra night so grabbed leftovers so not to be any trouble. If you have a good relationship why not give her the benefit of the doubt? Let it go.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 1:03:55 GMT
I think the part of her extending her stay without warning is rude. Maybe that's actually irritating you more than the food? But then her actions at dinner were the icing on the cake? If so, I don't blame you one bit!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 1:04:45 GMT
Nah, it wouldn't even register with me.
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Post by keriwest on Jul 3, 2014 1:05:24 GMT
As an occasional thing, I probably wouldn't even think twice about it. If it happened all the time though, I'd definitely get irritated.
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
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Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Jul 3, 2014 1:06:39 GMT
Well, I wouldn't really consider my MIL a "guest" but family. So I wouldn't think it's too rude. I maybe would have asked her 1st if dinner was ok. My SIL actually does the same thing at holidays, and I always thought it was weird, not rude. ha I agree. I hope my SIL doesn't consider me a guest when I go stay with them. I would do something like this at their house and probably have especially if my DD had made her black bean soup I don't think it's particularly rude. And I certainly don't feel like I need to ask to extend my trip by a day. ETA: I help cook and cook meals for them all the time when I'm out there visiting. And I help clean up or do all the cleanup too so I'm not totally without manners
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 1:08:01 GMT
Okay now reading everything you just posted I have to say that she is just an overall rude person. My parents would never, ever announce their arrival and departure plans to my HOUSE like that. Dh's parents are a whole other story. They are very self centered and don't give a crap about anyone else. Luckily they live across the country. Otherwise dh would hear an earful from me constantly. And if he didn't confront them, I would. And have. Unfortunately people like that won't stop their behavior unless you put your foot down.
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jayfab
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Post by jayfab on Jul 3, 2014 1:08:09 GMT
Naw, wouldn't be rude in my family. We're really laid back.
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Post by traceys on Jul 3, 2014 1:11:41 GMT
I'm another who considers in laws more family than guest....I'm not sure I would think it quite rose to the level of rude for me, but sort of eye-rolly. I guess I would be glad that she didn't expect me to fix something different for her.
As far as the example for my kids, if they had any question my response would be that grandma is an adult and can make her own food choices, but they are expected to eat the supper I prepared for them. I don't have a problem with different rules for adults and kids.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 1:12:50 GMT
I think it's kinda rude not to eat what's been prepared for you, especially if your presence was unexpected. But then, my brother was visiting us from out of state and told me his kids wouldn't eat what I was cooking. I think it was something like beef tips and gravy. I told him there was a McDonald's a mile away and he was free to get his girls dinner from there. So he did. And there was more good stuff for us!
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Post by stingfan on Jul 3, 2014 1:13:10 GMT
Not a big deal in my world. But we often all have different things for dinner around here since I'm a vegetarian and dh eats paleo style. Food is just food - nothing to take personally.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 1:13:14 GMT
Ok, I guess I'm a little touchy on the subject of her. Have you ever seen that internet meme that says "when you don't like someone, everything they do is annoying." And two girls are sitting there and the one is saying "Look at that bitch over there eating crackers like she owns the place." . Um...yeah.
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Post by spitfiregirl on Jul 3, 2014 1:13:40 GMT
Life is too short to get mad about something like this. Seriously. It would have been rude if she served herself your enchiladas and complained and whined about having to eat food she hates. Be glad she feels comfortable at your house. Be glad because I'm sure the peas have mil horror stories that will make your skin crawl.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2014 1:16:41 GMT
Has your DH extended an open invitation for her to visit at any time? I think this is one where you let DH handle the staying arrangements and you agree on the timing/frequency beforehand. Work as a team if you can!
See, I think it would have been ruder for her to pick at the food that you made and then possibly eat the leftovers later.
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by rickmer on Jul 3, 2014 1:37:11 GMT
I am another one who thinks her willy nilly scheduling skills would bug me more than food choices. But then again, I am a picky eater and my dad....well he was sitting on my deck when we got back from swimming lessons on a Wednesday (from out of province). We made plans that he was to come THURSDAY. And wondered why l hadn't prepped a better dinner, l am sure!
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Post by chaosisapony on Jul 3, 2014 1:39:05 GMT
That wouldn't be a big deal in my family. If you don't like what is served for dinner we'd rather you just have something you like than waste food by picking it apart. As long as she didn't create extra mess, problems in the kitchen, or make snide comments about what you were fixing I see no issue.
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peabay
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Post by peabay on Jul 3, 2014 1:40:08 GMT
I'm glad you see that it's more how you feel about her than it is this situation. I don't think she broke a cardinal rule of etiquette.
This would be rude: we have a good friend who came to visit us when we lived in Chicago (she had recently moved from Chicago.) We had her over for dinner and the doorbell rang. It was a delivery from her favorite sushi restaurant: she wanted sushi and ordered it to be delivered to our house, while we were having dinner. Sushi for her - not everyone. To me, all rudeness is measured against that standard.
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Post by maryland on Jul 3, 2014 2:11:20 GMT
It wouldn't bother me at all. I have done the same thing (brought food), and it didn't hurt anyone's feelings. An extra night wouldn't have been a problem either with family. My parents stay an extra night sometimes, the kids are enjoying them and want them to stay. We have also had to stay longer at our parents houses when we have traveled. They have never complained about that. It's family, so we all make exceptions. Yes, it may be an inconvenience for us or them, but that's what we do for our family and friends.
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Post by megop on Jul 3, 2014 2:12:48 GMT
Eh, I'd shrug. Ok.
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Post by redrulz on Jul 3, 2014 2:18:42 GMT
Just on the scenario you stated in your OP I would not consider it rude. But, obviously there is more going on than just the dinner so you are already upset.
You said she only lives 2 hours away and comes to stay for more than half the week. Does she not like to drive? Does she live far from work? Is she going to be doing this every week? Because, in-law or whatever, that would get old FAST.
I would set boundaries as kindly, but firmly as possible. Make statements and don't ask if that works for her. lol. Just tell her what you can do and what you expect.
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Rainbow
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Post by Rainbow on Jul 3, 2014 2:27:11 GMT
Maybe I'm overreacting here, so I'm asking the peas. My MIL is here for a couple nights. She lives 2 hours away. She was supposed to go back this afternoon but she decided to stay for another night... Without asking I might add. So tonight at supper (beef enchiladas), as my husband and I were dishing up food for the kids, she gets out some fast food leftovers she brought with her when she came up and pops them in the microwave. Wth?! I said "Gee MIL, that's kind of rude." She responded that she has never really liked tortilla shells. She only likes tacos. My husband said "well this is pretty much the same thing." Ugh. So am I crazy or was that just completely rude? I would never in a million years do that as a guest in someones home! If I didn't like tortillas, I would have picked out the meat and cheese and everything inside and not eat the tortilla shell. Plus I think it's such a bad example for my kids! If grandma doesn't have to eat the same supper, then they don't have to eat the same supper as us either. Ok. Rant over. Thanks for listening. I think you need some clear boundaries on visits like when and how long. Your DH needs to do that yesterday! The food thing, not a big deal. She can eat what she wants, especially if she brought it. And the only one needing to set an example for your children is you.
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