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Post by gizzy on Oct 3, 2021 19:03:41 GMT
I'm so sorry that your girl is struggling. Worrying about what your kids future may look like is draining and it takes a toll on you. Then add in what is happening in the here and now and it's easy for our own boats to sink. I don't have any words of wisdom, I just wanted to give you a gentle hug.
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Post by Skellinton on Oct 3, 2021 19:05:56 GMT
How scary for your daughter, her bf and you. I hope the doctors can provide her some help. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
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Post by rahnee on Oct 3, 2021 20:48:48 GMT
I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. We are going through something similar at the moment but with my 80 year old Mum. We called an ambulance just over a week ago now and she has been in hospital ever since with what they are calling 'drug induced delirium'. It's not the first time it's happened. She was hospitalised almost 5 years ago for the same thing for close on 3 months. With Mum, it has been caused by medications prescribed by her doctor - Serapax, Lyrica and Opioid patches for back pain. She doesn't seem as bad as she has been. Last time though it got way worse before it got better. Unfortunately no one can visit her as we are in lockdown, which makes it hard. I know it's not an easy thing to deal with and its really difficult on those close to them. I'm glad your dd is getting help and hope things improve quickly for her. P.S. Hope the dog is ok too.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 4, 2021 12:15:31 GMT
Update #3: She called me yesterday from the hospital. She was very calm. However, she was very upset that I couldn't get her out of the hospital. She was insistent that it wasn't mental illness that caused this but instead dehydration. She was confused and not remembering the events of the week leading up to the hospitalization. She did not remember her visit to the vet. She remembered arguing with me but didn't remember the details. She had absolutely no memory of anything happening on Saturday. She insisted I contact her dad because her text messages to him last week weren't going through. She was convinced he was dead. I sent a text to him when I got off the phone with her and he said he was fine. I sent another text stating that she was in the hospital and I got no response from him. (He's been a deadbeat for a long time). I was very concerned when I got off the phone with her that she still wasn't believing it was mental illness. I woke up this morning to a message from the hospital (came in around midnight) that she was being transferred to a psychiatric facility. She is being transferred to what is probably the best one in our state. I am grateful. I am hoping they will begin her on some medicine and be able to convince her that she needs it and feels better on it. I have no further details, but I'm glad to hear they did this. I hope this will be a turning point for her. Thank you all for the kind words on this thread. I don't have a lot of close people in my real life I can lean on and let's face it, this has been going on so long that even the most patient friend or family member is exhausted by it too. My sister has been dead silent.  And my mother has been going through this too, as my DD has been terrible to her. I am grateful, more grateful than you will ever know that the peas stepped up. This thread, the number of PMs I have received, even some very thoughtful gifts arrived yesterday and it just brings tears to my eyes. Good tears. My younger DD has been wonderful through this entire tough week. I'm so glad. She has reassured me that right now, I don't have to worry about her. And let's face it, with 3 suicide attempts just this year, of course I'm still worried about her. But, it is a new week. I'm looking forward to getting my work done at work and being able to rest at night. I know she's safe. I know she's getting help. And I pray that they can show her light. When you have a bunch of objective people saying that you do, in fact, have a mental illness and you need medication, I hope that is stronger than Mom's words. |
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,920 
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Oct 4, 2021 12:25:31 GMT
You have so much on your plate, I can't even imagine. It sounds as if ODD is finally going to get the help she needs, which will help the whole family, hopefully YDD as well. It can't be easy living with your own problems and having your older sister's to worry about on top. Ditto for you, but you have more experience and wisdom than they do at this stage. More hugs.
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,073
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Oct 4, 2021 12:34:27 GMT
jeremysgirl hugs, just big hugs. Worrying about someone is so draining. I'm pleased things are going in a direction you are happy with. I hope she listens to the professionals and life gets better for you all. Hugs
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Post by mollycoddle on Oct 4, 2021 12:36:19 GMT
That is a good, hopeful update, and I hope that they will be able to help her. Here’s to a more relaxed, productive work week.
I hope too, that you have custody of the dog.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,960
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Oct 4, 2021 12:39:01 GMT
I have no words, but know you (and your family) are being prayed about and thought about often.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 4, 2021 12:42:08 GMT
I hope too, that you have custody of the dog. Right now her boyfriend has the dog. But I've told him that the dog is welcome to come back here, if need be. I'm confident he is taking care of him. |
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Gravity
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,234
Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
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Post by Gravity on Oct 4, 2021 12:44:58 GMT
I am glad your DD is getting moved to facility that can provide her with the level of care that she needs. I hope this week is easier for you than last week. Big hugs. We are here for you.
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Post by yodutchess on Oct 4, 2021 13:10:49 GMT
I am glad ODD is now in the more specialized hospital. Glad there was a bed. Also glad to hear that YDD has given you feedback she is in a good space. I am thinking about you all.
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Post by lemondrop on Oct 4, 2021 13:28:37 GMT
Sending hugs to you all.
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,878
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Oct 4, 2021 14:06:16 GMT
This week will be good for you. Much worry has been taken since your oldest is in a place she can get help. You deserve some peace of mind for a bit. Sending love and healing for you all! I truly appreciate all you bring to the peas. ❤️
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Post by peasandthanku on Oct 4, 2021 14:25:22 GMT
Sending you the biggest hug - please please please take care of yourself and take time to find a new therapist. Saying prayers for all of you <3
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Oct 4, 2021 14:29:57 GMT
The transfer to a specialized facility that you have confidence in is good news. And an opportunity for you to stop and breathe a bit with some weight off your shoulders. I know you are hopeful that this will be a positive turning point for her. I hope so too.
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Post by tc on Oct 4, 2021 14:32:18 GMT
Thinking of you. Your latest update sounds like you've found a sliver of peace. I hope that opens to a casim.
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msliz
Drama Llama
The Procrastinator
Posts: 6,419
Jun 26, 2014 21:32:34 GMT
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Post by msliz on Oct 4, 2021 14:38:23 GMT
I never know what to say.
Please just know that I care about you and that your family is in my thoughts.
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Post by janamke on Oct 4, 2021 15:32:06 GMT
You've been on my mind since I read your original post. Update 3, while hard seems to have hope. I wish you and your family all the best.
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Post by flanz on Oct 4, 2021 15:41:36 GMT
Thinking of you. Your latest update sounds like you've found a sliver of peace. I hope that opens to a casim. This! Love you, @jeremeysgirl! |
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Post by kokomo on Oct 4, 2021 15:47:53 GMT
Jeremysgirl, I have followed along with this post and agree with most of the suggestions. This story hit a bit to close to home for me and I needed time to digest it. You Absolutely did the right thing.! Now that you have I hope you can continue to be strong.
When this happened With my son I had already given him a date that he to move out from our home. It had been going on, on and off for 8 years . During the 4 week time I had given him a date to move out he was hospitalized. When it came to discharge time , it was 4 days past the date I had given him to move out. We met with a social worker before discharge and during this conversation I ask my son if he had made plans yet as to where he was going to live. When he said home I reminded him that The move out date had past. As much as this was so hard to do, I stuck with the date . I just new I couldn’t give in to him . Yes, that first was a struggle for him and for me with questioning my decision . But it helped to the point, 2 years later he moved back home . This lasted and went well for 4 years until he started to drink again. Drinking hard alcohol causes him to have alcohol induced psychosis. This time he was angrier and drank more, quit his job etc. Again he was asked, know told he had 24 hrs to pack up and leave. I finally came to realize he was not a child anymore . He was 28 and HE needed to do the work to survive and get on the right path. It took him about 3 months and he has totally turned around. I think he has found the love of his life and he is in a new role as a protector. He has always been very smart but not motivated. I think this relationship has changed that. His girlfriend is 8 years older than him and has a 5 year old daughter. His GF goes to him for guidance and advice on everything including parenting. She struggled along time with their age difference but she could not deny how well their relationship was working. It makes me so happy and grateful. I still have not dropped my guard that something will happen,. We have included his “new” family in to all our family get togethers and so far it’s working. I hope it keeps working as I will not have have him living at home with me again . For my and my husband sake he will never be able to move in again and I am ok with that now. As much as it hurts you , please remain strong. She needs to learn to live and survive without you being her punching bag. Enough is enough and you have my blessing to do what is best for you and the rest of your family. Probably the hardest thing I have done in my 60 years but I am at peace with my decision
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Jili
Pearl Clutcher
SLPea
Posts: 4,366
Jun 26, 2014 1:26:48 GMT
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Post by Jili on Oct 4, 2021 15:52:56 GMT
Hi jeremysgirl-- I've been reading along but have been pretty much absent from the board these days. I've had a lot going on, and when I do read it's on my phone and I am not effective at typing on my phone. I'm glad to read your latest update. I hope this is what your dd needs to see how things could be better for her. I also hope this gives you some peace for the time being at the very least. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with all of this. It's a lot. Thinking of you and wishing you and your family all the best. |
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Montannie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,486
Location: Big Sky Country
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Post by Montannie on Oct 4, 2021 15:56:07 GMT
Hugs, and continued prayers/positive thoughts.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 4, 2021 16:21:51 GMT
Thank you kokomo for sharing your experience with your son. I have not thought yet how to proceed when she is released from the hospital. I both don't want to discourage any progress she has made but on the flip side I also don't want her to think her behavior is forgotten either. It's very fine line to walk with mental illness that has had me on the wrong side of it for a long time. I've been excusing a lot of behavior because I've fallen into the trap of she can't control it. Yet here I am...controlling it. I don't know why I have a different set of rules for my kids than I do for myself. But I can absolutely see that I have been operating that way. |
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Post by Linda on Oct 4, 2021 16:47:42 GMT
((((Hugs))) and prayers jeremysgirl - I'm sorry that DD has gotten to this point but glad that she is in a safe place and receiving help. I hope you are taking care of you |
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Post by amp on Oct 4, 2021 17:10:15 GMT
jeremysgirl -- this is the best update! I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. I can only imagine how hard this must be.
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Post by catck on Oct 4, 2021 17:14:14 GMT
Happy to read your third update as I've been thinking of you. Now she is in the right place to be helped and you can hopefully take some time for yourself. Hope this will be a new chapter for your new DD. Take care, hugs.
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Post by krys on Oct 4, 2021 17:41:11 GMT
I don’t have a lot of advice on this but just wanted to say that I’m thinking of you! Hugs! It has got to be so hard! I’m glad she is getting some help and I hope that you are able to have a bit of peace.
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Gennifer
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,241
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Post by Gennifer on Oct 4, 2021 17:49:21 GMT
jeremysgirl, I am just now seeing this, and I am so very sorry for the week you’ve had. All of my hugs and good wishes to you, and hoping that things continue to improve. 💕
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Post by scrapmaven on Oct 4, 2021 17:49:26 GMT
jeremysgirl , she is getting treatment and hopefully, she's actively working on herself when she's released. However, you know that you have to set and keep those boundaries, no matter what. I think keeping the boundaries strong is important. She abuses you because it's a safe thing for her to do. When you set a boundary she ended up finally getting treatment. There's a benefit to those boundaries. Keep them strong, but remind her that you'll be there for full support while she recovers and continues treatment, but she must be the adult and live on her own. You are an awesome mom. From now on my vote is for you putting your well being first. Again, w/the oxygen mask discussion. ((((HUGS)))).
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,563
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Post by RosieKat on Oct 4, 2021 18:55:11 GMT
I've been excusing a lot of behavior because I've fallen into the trap of she can't control it. Yet here I am...controlling it. I don't know why I have a different set of rules for my kids than I do for myself. I remember reading something as my DD was approaching puberty that said something along the lines of "remember that teens are hormonal and moody, and not every mood swing means bipolar is acting up." And that was sort of a mixed blessing seeing that - because it meant I didn't have to panic every time she seemed "off," but it also meant that I could no longer use her actual mood as being indicative of her mood disorder. When you aren't living in someone else's brain, it's hard to know what is within their control and what is not. You have that figured out most of the time for yourself because that's what you live. I think it's completely normal to excuse things that maybe in retrospect you wouldn't have, because even neurotypical kids in their teens and 20s really are still getting hormones settled, learning how to deal with life, figuring out how to control themselves and make good choices. Kids make lots of bad choices. When you have kids who aren't neurotypical, they may make more bad choices but you can't always figure out what was a true choice vs. what was due to brain chemistry. You are an amazing person and an amazing mom. And while I'm sorry DD is having to deal with this right now, I am happy that she is in a place where she can get good medical care. And frankly, I'm rather happy it's beyond your authority or control, so that maybe you can get a little mental peace, too. |
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And my mother has been going through this too, as my DD has been terrible to her. I am grateful, more grateful than you will ever know that the peas stepped up. This thread, the number of PMs I have received, even some very thoughtful gifts arrived yesterday and it just brings tears to my eyes. Good tears. 
