|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 11, 2022 11:04:41 GMT
I am also an empty nester. I don't work outside the home. I spend my days picking up around the house (I have an every other week cleaner), doing laundry, grocery shopping and other errands, and preparing dinner 3-4 times a week. We like leftovers and we probably eat out/get take out 1-2x a week. I had to find an outlet for the political/Covid craziness, so I started taking writing classes on Zoom--personal essay. So I spend quite a few hours a week deciding what I want to write about, composing in my head before putting anything on paper and then starting a piece longhand before finally typing it up on the computer for presenting to the class. I walk my dog every day, I take two yoga classes a week, I have a personal trainer at the gym once a week, and I'm adding a couple of more days of cardio and weight/strength training to my regimen. My dog ruptured her ACL, and because she will be 13 next week, I have opted to use a brace rather than surgery. This is going to require extensive rehab so that will keep me pretty busy for the next few weeks. I socialize infrequently with friends-maybe every other week. I am not a high energy person--I need a lot of time just for futzing around, staring off into space, and dillydallying. My goal this year is to introduce more fun into my life because I didn't have much fun during the Trump years. My goal is to read more and watch more tv/movies. I'm not at all judgmental about how people spend their time, but I have been judgmental about the way I do. I associated relaxation/down time with the time earlier in my life when I was super depressed and spent a lot of time sitting around watching tv. I realized how burned out those years with the former guy made me, and I recognize that stepping back is healthy for me. I think this is part of it for me too. In a lot of ways I am burned out on politics and current events. So I'm finding I'm hiding more and more friends on Facebook on both sides who that's all they post about. I also have begun a subscription to the Atlantic and I find myself avoiding covid and politics in my reading there too. |
|
J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
|
Post by J u l e e on Feb 11, 2022 12:05:55 GMT
So now, it’s more about a balanced life. And sometimes that balance means I lie in bed until 2 in the afternoon, reading, and then paint my nails, and then take a nap, and eat popcorn for dinner, and never even get out of my yoga clothes. And sometimes that balance means I get up early to take my mom to the city and spend the whole day shopping for countertop slabs THREE DIFFERENT TIMES BECAUSE SHE CAN’T MAKE UP HER MIND. And sometimes that balance means I spend all day deep cleaning and organizing my pantry. And I’m good with that. I love this paragraph. It perfectly describes me as well. I love being productive and accomplishing lots of stuff in one day, and I also love spending a day watching a Harry Potter Marathon (again!). I love staying active and making/eating healthy food, but I can also have a bag of Doritos for dinner. I love making plans and being with people, but I also love doing things alone. I don’t mind being hard on myself at times, but I’m also able to give myself lots of grace. I try to let go of my own judgement about which side of the fulcrum I’m on, because I know I never spend too much time on either side. I like what someone else said upthread. (I should have learned the multiple quote feature!) about not knowing how much or how long I’ll have all this free time so I choose to enjoy it now while I have it and am able. |
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 11, 2022 12:17:01 GMT
So, here I was with all the time in the world, things to do, and I couldn't bring myself to find the motivation to do any of it. And then I'd feel guilty when I'd spend a whole day pretty much doing nothing. Chores around the house didn't get done in the timeframe that I thought they should and then I'd feel more guilt. I was a hot mess for a bit! Thanks to a wonderful husband and a good bit of prayer (spending time really thinking things through) I'm starting to figure this out. I've realized that I don't have to feel guilty for not working. I don't feel like anyone retired should feel guilt for not working at all. Honestly, I don't want any of you to feel any guilt about how you spend your time. I don't want to feel any guilt about how I spend my time either. And I'm trying to get to that place mentally. Like, what the hell am I pushing myself so hard for? I'm starting to really think on the ideas of "what feels good?" "what nourishes me?". Truthfully, I am fortunate to have a lot of activities that feel good to me, that nourish me. I also have a closet in my bedroom that seriously needs some help and I can't seem to bring myself in there to clean it out like I should. I live with a lot of should dos. I think as long as your choices don't negatively affect others, then you should do whatever your heart desires with any time you have available as "free time". I really like this statement. This is a good way to put it in perspective. |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 24, 2024 9:52:29 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2022 12:23:49 GMT
I am a homebody and I like to relax. I used to feel guilty about that. On occasion I find myself still wondering if something is wrong with me in that I don't like to go go go and don't have a bunch of projects going on, or a big career or, volunteer activities, tons of friends, social activities etc.
But more and more I've come to peace with it. I'm happy. I work full time, spend time with my husband and grown (but still at home daughter). And my dogs of course. We go out with friends a few times a month, go out to dinner ourselves, the occasional concert and travel a lot more now. But during the week other than work and often on the weekends, you will mostly find me at home, playing online, baking, reading, researching Pyrex (I have a small collection), planning trips, watching tv with dh, and playing with the dogs.
I just don't see the point. I spent almost two decades super stressed and exhausted, worrying about if we were going to lose our home during the recession with a husband who is a general contractor, raising dd with type 1 diabetes and anxiety, sleeping only about five hours (mostly interrupted) a night etc, all while working full time with two hours of commute each day. In the world's tiniest house (ok, not really but damn small). I've paid my dues, I'm going to spend the time I have now, doing what I want. Maybe some day I'll decide to do other stuff, but nope, I'm enjoying my life now.
I'm sure some may see it as a waste of time, but I'm not going to worry about that anymore. I was raised by parents who are definitely the more on the go, productive type but not crazily so. I am not judgemental about how other people spend there time. I do get annoyed however when people say things to me about how I spend time (not often but on occassion).
ETA on days I work outside the house I don't do much after work other than make a very simple dinner and clean up after. Pick up any clutter that is annoying me etc and then relax doing the activities mentioned above while dh watches tv next to me. On days I work at home, I save two hours of commute time and tend to make a nicer dinner and then do the other things. I work at home on Fridays and often get up and log on a little earlier and then log off earlier to do the weekly cleaning (along with dh who heads home early).
Also adding that my parents live about fifteen minutes away. So far they are independent but they do have some health problems, especially my dad and I anticipate over the next few years, that changing and them needing our help more. Part of why I'm really focusing now on enjoying the free time I have.
|
|
SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,785 
|
Post by SweetieBsMom on Feb 11, 2022 12:41:30 GMT
Interesting discussion. I am struggling with ‘free’ time right now. Before DH passed on 02/14/19, I had zero free time. I was taking care of him, my Dad who was sick as well, my DS who has autism, two dogs while working 2 jobs, one being very demanding. I worked my ‘day’ job, came home, took care of everyone, started job #2, fell into bed and got up and did it all over the next day. Weekends, when not working, was keeping up with the house, laundry, grocery shopping. I used to scrap and make cards, I didn’t have time to do that any more. I did this for 7 years.
Then DH and my Dad passed w/in 3 months of each other. I gave up the second job. My first job became more demanding and I was routinely working 80 hours a week in ‘19 but I was okay with that because I didn’t have to deal with my grief. Cut to ‘20 and global pandemic, still working crazy hours, and feeling bad health wise. ‘21 still feeling bad, still working crazy hours, undergoing the renovation from hell and in November hospitalized for 10 days getting a diagnosis of EGPA and have to immediately start chemo which will go over 6 months.
So I’m out on FMLA and hoping to switch to STD to finish my chemo. I don’t do well with relaxing. When I try to relax my mind is mentally going thru my to-do list and all the things I should be accomplishing. However, chemo is kicking my ass. Some days I put DS on the bus and crawl back into bed. I shouldn’t feel bad for doing it but again, I’m going thru my to-do list. I remind myself that this is why I took FMLA, to be able to rest and heal not spend all day trying to knock things off my list.
Some days I’m better at it than others. And honestly, the only reason some days I’m better at it than others is because my body quits on me. I just had the storage POD emptied yesterday and my kitchen, office, bedroom are floor to ceiling boxes. My mind is like “let’s do this” and my body is like “yeah, you may get a 1/4th of the kitchen boxes done today before I quit on you”. It’s very frustrating for me. I need to find a happy medium.
|
|
anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,134
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
|
Post by anaterra on Feb 11, 2022 12:45:34 GMT
I feel like i waste a lot of time!!!! i have 4 days off... every.single.week... thats a holiday weekend for a lot of people... pre-covid dh n i would road trip...
Now i just sit in my house doing a lot of nothing... watching tv n crafting... yes, but its honestly just to waste time...
What else is there to do???
I do volunteer at the local theater as an usher... but thats cuz im cheap and dont want to pay to see the productions.... but they haven't done much since covid...
I dont do any other volunteer work... and i dont really spend any time doing anything for others...
I dont judge how others spend time.... and i dont feel guilty that i am not more productive.... i dont really know what to do during my "free time"
|
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 11, 2022 12:46:27 GMT
I want to pick up a hobby, but I am not creative, am terrible with spatial relations, amd am not musical. Please don't let this deter you. Creating isn't about being good at it. It's about the process, not the product. I engage in lots of activities that would be considered a waste of time, and I couldn't give a toss! DSO gets up at sparrow's fart, so he goes to bed really early. Both of these statements had me LOL. I don't think that anybody in my life is judging me anymore about how I spend my time. My husband certainly isn't. And yes, I get up at a sparrow's fart too. I'm usually dead asleep by 9 pm and up at 5 am.  I feel like I probably watch more tv than I should. I think one thing I have learned from this thread is that I need to let go of the shoulds. Do those things really matter to anyone but me? Probably not. When people find out I don't work they always make comments about how I am wasting my talent, my degree, etc. I hate when people ask what I do now that my boys are adults. There's always a comment about how it must be nice. And it is nice....but I also know that we have sacrificed through the years so we didn't have debt and to be able to not be tied to a job. This irritates me on your behalf. Even if they are thinking it, they shouldn't say it outloud. It makes people feel bad. My parents both worked most of my life. My dad, especially, worked a lot and rotated shifts every week too so it was hard on his sleep. But my parents never did anything productive outside of work. Never a book, a project, a creative outlet, nothing. I get my mom to some extent as she basically did all the mom things and my dad was only there for discipline. But they constantly made me feel like I was never doing enough. Like nothing was ever good enough. I used to have to stay up late in the evening in bed with a flashlight to read for pleasure after my parents went to bed because they thought reading for pleasure was a waste of time. I was really never allowed to watch TV. And my parents watched plenty of it. I associated relaxation/down time with the time earlier in my life when I was super depressed This might be part of my problem too. Having a mental illness means that some days are just lost to the void of it. So when you feel good, you almost feel compelled to do all the things. I leave for work at 6am and don't get home until 6pm. I am also in school pursuing my Bachelor's degree. Those two things occupy a lot of time. Yes, they do. I remember working full time, raising teenagers and working on my MBA. Those years are a blur for me. Without Jeremy and my teens helping out, I would never have made it through. But I did. And when I got to the finish line, I was exhausted. I don't think I did anything outside of work and caring for my kids for like a year. I work in tech, so sometimes it seems like everyone is steeped in hustle culture and is obsessed with monetizing their hobbies and spending non-work time on some kind of side hustle. No thanks. I work hard already. I have no desire to work more or to bring in more money. In fact, I wish I could work less. Mostly because of concentration issues. Luckily I have a job with a lot of flexibility in how I put in my hours. So I can break when I've reached my limit and go back to it later. I changed that dynamic for myself and my kids. I did a complete 180 with my kids than what my parents did with me. I probably should have pressed a slight bit more for activities. But both of my kids relax and have downtime. I hope as they get older, they explore other activities a bit more and find some creative things that bring them joy. |
|
|
|
Post by Bridget in MD on Feb 11, 2022 12:50:47 GMT
I am retired, so all of my time is "free time." The first year I didn't do much beyond housework, flower bed care and lolling about. Then I began to feel a little bored, so I looked around for some volunteer work. DH does all our cooking so that leaves me even more free time than others have. (He retired 7 years ahead of me and began to prepare the meals because I was working and it has just continued.) Now, I am the leader for our adult Sunday School discussion class (prep time for that). I volunteer at a food pantry and help agency 1 day per week, 2 days per month I volunteer for the city, I make blankets for the Linus Project (while I watch TV) and read. I feel productive in society and yet have lots of time to waste on the internet. LOL It's funny because I have sat here debating for the past few weeks about just quitting social media altogether and focusing on other things. And currently I'm reading Hivemind and in it she quotes a study that said that people who actively use social media to cultivate social connection actually have a greater sense of well-being. And that really resonated with me. I don't doom scroll/lurk and I don't use social media to argue/debate/demean. I use it to cultivate human connection, like here. So maybe it is doing more good than harm for me. This is how I use my social media accounts. Over the pandemic, I shared every COVID meme I could find, and then Bernie, bc they made me laugh and I probably annoyed some people with my constant memes, but I actually would get texts and messages when I didn't post for several days - my posts were trying to bring light to a very dark, isolating time for all of us. I connect with elementary, middle, high school and college friends. Family - and ironically it is some family I won't friend or blocked bc they are so against my grain. I don't take it very serious, but I do enjoy seeing the pieces of light in my friends' lives. And TikTok now has taken over some internet/reading time - there are some really funny/clever/real people on that app that I look forward to seeing. |
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 11, 2022 12:54:26 GMT
So I’m out on FMLA and hoping to switch to STD to finish my chemo. I don’t do well with relaxing. When I try to relax my mind is mentally going thru my to-do list and all the things I should be accomplishing. However, chemo is kicking my ass. Some days I put DS on the bus and crawl back into bed. I shouldn’t feel bad for doing it but again, I’m going thru my to-do list. I remind myself that this is why I took FMLA, to be able to rest and heal not spend all day trying to knock things off my list. Yes, please give yourself permission to heal. I understand this mentality very well. But I just wanted to say to you, please take care of yourself in whatever way you possibly can. You are going through a lot and it is imperative that you just allow your body to heal. Hugs. |
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 11, 2022 12:58:48 GMT
It's funny because I have sat here debating for the past few weeks about just quitting social media altogether and focusing on other things. And currently I'm reading Hivemind and in it she quotes a study that said that people who actively use social media to cultivate social connection actually have a greater sense of well-being. And that really resonated with me. I don't doom scroll/lurk and I don't use social media to argue/debate/demean. I use it to cultivate human connection, like here. So maybe it is doing more good than harm for me. This is how I use my social media accounts. Over the pandemic, I shared every COVID meme I could find, and then Bernie, bc they made me laugh and I probably annoyed some people with my constant memes, but I actually would get texts and messages when I didn't post for several days - my posts were trying to bring light to a very dark, isolating time for all of us. I connect with elementary, middle, high school and college friends. Family - and ironically it is some family I won't friend or blocked bc they are so against my grain. I don't take it very serious, but I do enjoy seeing the pieces of light in my friends' lives. And TikTok now has taken over some internet/reading time - there are some really funny/clever/real people on that app that I look forward to seeing. The study quoted in the book said that in order to gain a sense of well-being interaction must occur. Like with this place. Passive use of social media, lurking, scrolling, viewing, just liking or using the internet to argue/debate/demean is actually harmful to well-being. I just wanted to make that clear because so many people on this thread said that they feel like they spend too much time online. And it's not about how much time you spend online, it's about what you do when you spend time online. And the people who said that on this thread are active users of this board and I want to make sure they know their contributions are valuable and probably good if 2Peas is creating a sense of community for them. |
|
|
|
Post by sawwhet on Feb 11, 2022 12:59:24 GMT
But how do you spend your free time? Outdoor activities-walking, hiking, snowshoeing, gardening, bike riding, birdwatching, photography, kayaking, dog walking etc. Indoors I enjoy crafting, reading and fitness. I love learning new things.
Do you engage in activities you think are a waste of time? too much social media at times. I really should check on friends/relatives online and move on. I need to stop looking at political posts and getting angry but I'm working on redirecting.
What does that term mean to you? Waste of time? Not too sure. Maybe getting involved in things that make me angry. Situations that are out of my control.
Do you feel pulled to change how you spend your time? A lot has changed since the beginning of covid. I was working in a different location every day up to 150 km from my house. I loved it but forcing myself to stay home was so tough. I now work 2 days a week for the same company doing outreach from home rather than teaching. It was a big adjustment. My disabled adult child was home and needs constant care and supervision. There are no spaces available in any type of residence for him so I'll be doing this for years. Caregiving 24/7 is exhausting. Dh has just retired.
Are you content with it? I feel like I'm hitting a groove but now dh is home full time. More adjustments to come.
Were you raised in a particular environment that impacts how you spend your time? My mother was super judgemental but both my parents retired in their 50s and did whatever they wanted each day until their deaths.
Do your current life circumstances dictate how you spend your free time? Yes. I will be caring for my disabled child until I die which is not a great situation. When he's home, I'm lifting, feeding, changing, staying up all night, washing his face, wiping his bottom etc. It's a challenge.
Do we have to be productive all the time? I used to think so but now I don't. Life is for living and enjoying.
Who decides? me and only me. I don't care what other's think. I'm in the driver's seat.
After years of working, taking care of kids, being a caregiver to both of our dying mothers, settling their estates, working, dh working 50-60 hrs a week etc., we're done. We've put in our time. I may retire in June at 57. My job hasn't been the same since the beginning of covid. I'm now doing more work from the business side of things which I don't enjoy it. I kind of feel bad because just yesterday my manager was saying how busy we're going to be this summer because we'll probably launch our regular programming and have to hire lots of people. I don't work during the summer and I certainly don't plan to start. It's also an overestimation to think we'll be back to our previous programming for the fall. I can't see it happening. We've lost lots of our contract workers because they've been off for 2 years. I'll still be caregiving but at least during the day I can choose to do what I want while ds is at his day program.
My new goals are to immerse myself into activities that are interesting to me. Often times, I've had to get one of the kids to watch my disabled son, run to the front garden to plant a few seeds, clean up and get back into the house in 15 minutes. That's how we live. Constantly juggling and rushing. I want to go out to my garden, turn off my phone and work for hours if I choose. I want to sit and read a book for 3 hours. I want to spend time with my husband alone which has been really rare over the years. I want to take my time and learn new skills.
|
|
Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
|
Post by Dalai Mama on Feb 11, 2022 13:00:50 GMT
I work 8-3 as an auditor/accountant.
I’m also the volunteer coordinator of a children’s choir. During the pandemic, we aren’t allowing volunteers anywhere near our rehearsals so I’ve pretty much taken on all duties myself. That means, at minimum, 5 rehearsals a week as well as marking music theory homework and teaching sight-singing. I also run the choir’s auxiliary theory program so I teach a theory class (lvls 5-8) every other Saturday.
I spend my free time learning languages, reading books, exploring local breweries and, yes, playing video games and spending an embarrassing amount of time scrolling through TIKTOK.
Free time is free time. People should be able to do whatever they want with it judgement- and shame-free.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 24, 2024 9:52:29 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2022 13:27:12 GMT
I do feel I need to be productive all the time. I work 40-50 hours a week, have 2 kids, a dog and a husband. I have a big extended family and a few friends to check on. I fix things, clean, pay bills, organize. I exercise but with a goal of staying healthy. I read a lot but mostly non-fiction trying to improve myself. Even wordle which I love I feel like my payoff is feeling a little more mentally sharp. I feel like I'm always trying to plan things or improve my quality of life. I knit socks because I feel it's economical. I'm hopelessly caught up in being productive. It's all I've ever known. I think I enjoy it...! Interesting thread.
|
|
|
|
Post by Fidget on Feb 11, 2022 13:29:20 GMT
This thread popped up at the perfect time for me. I love all of the answers on here. I retired in October 2021 and have been struggling a bit with how to fill my free time. I am also a widow so I live alone. I do still work 8-10 hours a week at my old job, just helping out while the new person transitions into my position. Beyond that - I feel like I spend too much time scrolling social media to pass the time.
It is winter here in Michigan, I do try to go for a short walk outdoors at least a couple times a week just to get some fresh air. I'm really looking forward to spring when I can get out and do some gardening and yard work. For now though I am looking for some new hobbies to keep me occupied. I try not to turn the tv on during the day, not much on anyway LOL. I just ordered a paint by number to see if I'll like that.
I'm thinking about looking into volunteer opportunities at my local library. I start getting restless around 1 pm so I'm hoping I could volunteer a couple afternoons a week.
I have also decided to initiate Tuesday Travels - I'm going to find somewhere to go every Tuesday. Art Museum, Historical Museum, see a movie, outlet shopping mall, zoo, nature center. The possibilities are endless. I'm hoping I can convince my neighbor (also a retired widow) to come with me. I will go alone though if she won't join me.
|
|
|
|
Post by guzismom on Feb 11, 2022 13:46:22 GMT
When I think of the term 'waste of time', I think of being non-productive. I think it is not only acceptable to be non-productive, I think it is a requisite for a well balanced life. So yes, I 'waste' time...a lot of time. I don't work outside the home; so, many people would see MOST of my time as being a waste. Do I care? Not one damn bit. The only time I truly feel that people 'waste' time is when they spend all their time being non-productive when it is IMPERATIVE that they get something accomplished...aka, procrastinating. I am a master at that as well!  When I feel like I am procrastinating, that is the only time I feel bad about 'wasting' my time...and I try to muster the mental fortitude to stop doing it. |
|
|
|
Post by hop2 on Feb 11, 2022 13:55:18 GMT
I do not have a problem spending time doing things other peopke seem a waste of time.
Those ‘time wasters’ are a way to recharge. Everyone needs ‘down time’ and if your not you’re going to have a problem with fatigue.
Things I do that other deem a waste of time
2peas reading
Scrolling IG
Napping with my dog
Paper crafting
Reading
What do I get from these time wasters that recharges me?
*2peas reading - community, information, broadening of my point of view
*scrolling IG - humor, entertainment, peace( looking at puppies is peaceful )
* napping with my dog - I literally get a physical & mental recharge
*paper crafting - enjoyment, entertainment outlet for my creativity
*reading - information, knowledge, escape, entertainment
My Ex had such an issue with me doing things that recharged my mind & soul because he felt they were a waste of time and I did not really realize until I had lived by myself for quite awhile how much ‘guilt’ he had shoveled on me and how much I had been shortchanged on de-stressing & renewing myself.
I am ‘busier’ now because I work full time and yet I’m more rested & more myself than I have been in decades.
It is NECESSARY to do things that renew your mind, spirit & body it is not a waste of time.
You know the saying pay yourself first? Well, schedule yourself first as well. Block out parts of your life, routine, schedule that you use to do things to renew part of yourself.
I block out 15 mins in the morning to relax, drink my tea, check in here and just get used to the day.
Also every I’ve in a while I spend a day ( 1/2day whatever ) doing nothing. Yep. Nothing. Bumming around, napping, watching TV, chatting in the phone nothing. And then, when I’m done I get going and doing the tasks that need to be done. And it sort of resets me.
|
|
Tearisci
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,249
Nov 6, 2018 16:34:30 GMT
|
Post by Tearisci on Feb 11, 2022 14:01:39 GMT
I am single and work from home so I'm by myself most of the time (with my hairy baby dog). In my spare time, I spend time with my family or hanging out at home binging on tv. I am starting to do more as Covid has loosened up a bit but I don't feel guilty about my time spent doing 'nothing." I had lots of years of shuttling my kiddo around to activities so now I feel like I've earned it!
Edited to add: my sister and I are caretakers for our elderly parents so we spend a lot of time taking them to dr appointments, grocery shopping and caring for them.
|
|
peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,940
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
|
Post by peabay on Feb 11, 2022 14:02:45 GMT
First of all, I don't care how anyone else spends their time so no judgement from me. As long as it doesn't impact me, people can do whatever the hell they want to do with their free time.
I work two jobs - one is about 12 hours a week (out of the house); one 28 (at home.) Free time is spent hanging out with my dh; visiting our older kids; exercising; reading; laundry; shopping; going online; watching streaming TV and movies; volunteering; I just started going back into NYC and seeing shows - saw 2 last weekend.
I am very, very easy on myself if I find I have time on my hands and I just feel like playing Candy Crush for an hour - when I had 4 kids at home I was incredibly busy. One year I was president of two PTAs; on another PTA board; president of National Charity League; producer of the high school theatrical productions and president of the theater booster club (in addition to delivering for Meals on Wheels). I have no idea how I squeezed that many hours out of a day. I feel like I'm done with all that "busy-ness" and if I want to relax and do nothing, I will relax and do literally nothing.
|
|
|
|
Post by tealpaperowl on Feb 11, 2022 14:06:14 GMT
I work M-F 8-4. My boys are 17 and 19 so they are pretty self sufficient. With my free time I read, craft, watch tv, etc..
I find I do have free time but I love it. I get to enjoy my hobbies and hubby and I spend a lot of time together. We have a cleaning lady so that helps free up time for us. It also helps keep stress down since we can do our hobbies!
|
|
|
|
Post by cindyupnorth on Feb 11, 2022 14:25:39 GMT
Do you engage in activities you think are a waste of time?
Oh, for sure. I an online WAY to much. I get sucked in to Ps, and facebook, etc. But I just like to see what other people are up too, and of course the discussions on here. I feel this really keeps my heart and mind open, and knowledgeable. esp living in northern MN, sometimes it's not very stimulating. Mainly in my free time I clean my house, laundry, chores, plus read, be online, play online rummy, scrapbook, garden in the summer.
Do you feel pulled to change how you spend your time?
Sometimes. My dh thinks I spend too much time online. But he spends too much time watching hunting shows on TV. So there. I know I feel I should exercise/walk more. Right now in the winter I can't, but in the other seasons I can be more active. I have a very active job though, so I always feel like blech, I don't want to ex. I did all day.
Do your current life circumstances dictate how you spend your free time?
Yes. I work a full time job. I have worked full time at this same job for 39 yrs. The only long period of time I took off was when I had my girls and had maternity leave for 12 wks. I hope to retire in the next 5 yrs. We are empty nesters now. I never had a problem when my girls grew up and went away to college, or moved away. I was happy for them, and honestly the last yrs of HS they are pretty much on their own also. The one thing I think I really need to work on. well, WE is free time with dh. We really don't do that much together. We go out for dinner every saturday night. We enjoy Nascar and MN wild together, but that's pretty much it. Besides our family. I like my alone time, and he likes his, and we do not like the same type of tv. So maybe it's ok? not sure
How much of it do you actually have outside of work, sleep, and family activities?
Not much right now. I am away from the house 7am-530PM. I come home and cook dinner. that takes me to about 630, then I have my free time til bedtime at 10. But also in that time I have other household stuff to do, and tasks. so maybe 2-3 hours a night?
Are you judgmental of the way others spend their time even in cases where it doesn't directly impact you?
It depends. I know some women that lay outside in the sun all day, or do other sort of mindless things. I suppose to them it's not. So I shouldn't judge.
This was a great discussion. My best friend and I have recently had this very discussion around retirement. Her and I are the same age, our bdays are only 2 days apart. She wants to retire soon, and I was like..wow! I was jealous, as I know I have at least 5 yrs left where I am. I come from a family of very work motivated. My mom worked til she was 74. My dad retired from being a cop for 25 yrs. So I grew up with that expectation. I wish financially I could retire earlier. When I do retire I will have worked at the same job, for the same company for over 40 yrs.
|
|
|
|
Post by mayceesgranny on Feb 11, 2022 14:35:13 GMT
I often feel guilt about how I spend my free time. I don't get home from work until 5:30, eat dinner, clean up and usually watch tv with dh for 2-3 hours in the evening. I'd rather be crafting or surfing the web, but he prefers that we are together in the evenings as he says he misses me, so this is our time together. I do like to read for about a half hour when I go to bed.
On weekends its all about laundry, cleaning, and seeing my grandkids. There are times I let the cleaning slide and will spend an afternoon in my craft room. Those are my favorite times and I long to have more time in there creating and crafting.... I actually despise going to work these days because I have to be there 9 hours a day but I can get the work done in about 5 hours a day. I often think about how much I could be doing at home if I didn't have to work full time!
Ideally I would come home to a clean house and have all my laundry done, then I could relax and do what I want to.....
|
|
huskergal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,441
|
Post by huskergal on Feb 11, 2022 14:52:55 GMT
I am a teacher. I have 6 years left. I spent 10 years as a stay-at-home mom. We had 4 children in 6 years so it was a crazy, busy time. We were this close to being empty nesters until our 21 year old daughter surprised us with a grandchild in 2020. They live with us, and we are helping to raise our beautiful granddaughter. Dd finished her associates degree and is now working toward an art degree and a teaching certificate. She will live with us until she finishes school and can afford to be on her own (or until she gets married. She has a serious boyfriend. Not the baby daddy.).
My dh's family are mostly go-getters. The majority of them do not sit still. They do not watch television. They are always doing something. Thankfully, my dh is not like that.
Sometimes I feel guilty when I spend a day relaxing. And by relaxing, I mean sitting on the couch, watching tv, surfing the net. I do hate that I am addicted to technology. I want to read more. When I am reading a book, I still check my phone every 15 minutes. I am going to work on reading in a quiet spot and putting my phone somewhere away from me. I never think reading is "wasted time".
I go to the gym M, W, F mornings at 5:00 for a fitness class. I also go on Thursday for a one-on-one with my trainer. When the weather is nice, I will try and go for an hour walk every day.
There are things I would like to do in my spare time. I figure when I retire, that's when I will get to them. I try and work in things I enjoy. With working fulltime and helping care for an 18 month old baby, I just do not have the motivation to do a lot.
|
|
|
|
Post by ToniW on Feb 11, 2022 15:01:45 GMT
I'm retired, going into my third year. The first year, I admit, I didn't do a whole lot of anything, mostly just enjoyed doing whatever I felt like doing when I felt like doing it, but of course, fulfilled commitments, and I did take a bunch of workshops. Last year, I got more serious about how I spent my time. I signed up for a calligraphy course, took some art workshops and played with paints, took more workshops.
This year, I decided to be a bit pickier with my free time. I'm still going to do the workshops and all, but be more choosy as to which ones I'll take, instead of signing up for everything like I did a while back.
|
|
scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,063
|
Post by scrappyesq on Feb 11, 2022 15:06:56 GMT
I usually have 2-3 hours in the evening during the week and then a varying amount of hours on the weekend. I don't consider anything I do to be a waste of time. On the days that I'm doing a whole bunch of stuff that's fine and so are days when my entire existence is bed with Hallmark, kitchen and bathroom that's fine too. When I am active I spend my free time mostly reading and crafting. That could be knitting, crocheting, papercrafts, photography. I have to carve out that time and let the creative juices flow and I love the fact that I have tons of options.
I would be wasting my time thinking about what other people are doing so no I don't judge. I don't even think about taking time out for me in that sense because as far as I'm concerned any time I have that I'm doing something I've chosen to do is germane to my existence in everything else. I was pretty isolated as a kid so I had to find things that interested me or else I would have been painfully lonely. As I've gotten older the same attitude of entertaining myself has morphed into I'm good at finding things that I like to do and doing them.
|
|
|
|
Post by Megan on Feb 11, 2022 15:09:08 GMT
Without reading comments - I have a really hard time relaxing. If I sit, I can see something that needs to be done - the laundry, the windows, the dishes. Except we all know there will ALWAYS be something to be done.
I think I feel judged because my "hobby" has always been reading. I love to get lost in a book but my parents would often interrupt a book with "go outside" or "play with friends." I'm an introvert and appreciate time to myself. My husband has helped me a lot with this - he reminds me to go to our room and not feel guilty for taking a nap/watching TV/TikTok/reading.
|
|
|
|
Post by lbp on Feb 11, 2022 15:09:36 GMT
We are empty nesters and it did take me a little time to rediscover myself. I work a full time job (7:00-5:00) so that takes up most of my weekdays. However I am an avid gardener ( I have a greenhouse and raise my own plants), I still scrapbook, I sew, I love to cook and try new recipes. I spend very little time on social media or TV. DH has many hobbies. He rebuilds drag boats, does woodworking, does some of the yardwork.
The only time I judge someone's free time is if they make remarks like "sure must be nice to have the time to do all of that" in my mind I am saying if you would get up off your butt you could do more things too. But I never say it out loud. To each their own.
|
|
|
|
Post by grammadee on Feb 11, 2022 15:21:50 GMT
My dh was raised like you were, jeremysgirl , and he has trouble relaxing. He seems to feel that whatever he does has to be important. And that is how he feels a sense of purpose. If he is not actually DOING something, he falls asleep in his chair. (But don't tell anyone I told you that most evenings are spent there: he will deny it b/c he feels that is somehow shameful.) My purpose has always been to help others. I tend to put myself on call to family members who need assistance with something or just need an ear to listen to their problems. But somewhere along the way, I have learned that in order to help them, I need to help ME. One thing I need is peace. So I do things that help me relax and feel good about myself. I scrapbook to relive good times. I watch TV shows, usually a set of favourites on PVR. I learn new things I am interested in, and play word and number games on my iPad to keep my brain engaged. I lie down and read most afternoons. I don't feel guilty about any of it. Good question, jeremysgirl . At times of transition, it's important to think about our priorities. I hope you can find a balance that works for you. |
|
artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,406
|
Post by artbabe on Feb 11, 2022 15:27:20 GMT
I spend way too much time here, on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok. I also play Pokemon Go a lot.
I binge watch comedy shows. Right now it is 30 Rock.
I scrapbook. I love scrapbooking, still.
I go out for beverages with my friends after work. I try to do that once a week- I spend my days with 13 year olds so I need to connect with adults.
In the summer I was walking 3 miles a day, usually through metroparks. I can't wait until the weather gets good again. That was so good for me mentally and physically.
I spend time with my family. Right now my favorite thing to do on the weekends is drive my 12 year old nephew around town, playing Pokemon Go and checking out Pokemon and sports card shops. I see my dad at least every other day and I stop by my sister's most weekends.
I have lots of free time because I live alone and have no kids. I'm a real procrastinator so my house desperately needs cleaned and here I am looking at this message board and drinking coffee. I have terribly priorities. My Christmas tree is still up- I need to get to that this weekend.
I don't judge others for what they do in their free time. I don't like when other people do that. I'm sure my lifestyle looks ridiculous to a lot of people.
|
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 11, 2022 15:29:40 GMT
When I feel like I am procrastinating, that is the only time I feel bad about 'wasting' my time...and I try to muster the mental fortitude to stop doing it. This is where I struggle the most. I try to play like it's a zero sum game though. Reading, I'm learning so it's ok not to organize the closet. Crochet, I'm crafting so it's ok not to clean up the kitchen right now. My Ex had such an issue with me doing things that recharged my mind & soul because he felt they were a waste of time and I did not really realize until I had lived by myself for quite awhile how much ‘guilt’ he had shoveled on me and how much I had been shortchanged on de-stressing & renewing myself. I am ‘busier’ now because I work full time and yet I’m more rested & more myself than I have been in decades. That is both awful and awesome. Awful that he was such a dick to you and awesome that you've found your way now and feel so much more balanced. I often feel guilt about how I spend my free time. I don't get home from work until 5:30, eat dinner, clean up and usually watch tv with dh for 2-3 hours in the evening. I'd rather be crafting or surfing the web, but he prefers that we are together in the evenings as he says he misses me, so this is our time together. Have you thought about a craft that you can do while you watch TV? Maybe crocheting or knitting might bring you joy and you could sit beside your DH and interact with him while you are crafting. I never think reading is "wasted time". Me neither. I do feel like that is productive time. I love to get lost in a book but my parents would often interrupt a book with "go outside" or "play with friends." I'm an introvert and appreciate time to myself. My husband has helped me a lot with this - he reminds me to go to our room and not feel guilty for taking a nap/watching TV/TikTok/reading. Are you my long-lost sister? Sounds like we were raised by the same kind of parents and are married to the same kind of man. The only time I judge someone's free time is if they make remarks like "sure must be nice to have the time to do all of that" in my mind I am saying if you would get up off your butt you could do more things too. But I never say it out loud. To each their own. This is totally my biggest pet peeve in the entire world. Seriously, of all the things that drive me nuts (there aren't many) this is the worst one. I've complained about it on this board too. I had a friend who said to me recently when I posted a picture of my shawl that I just finished that she can't wait until her kids are a bit more independent and she has more time on her hands because she wants to try some of the things I do. THAT I can understand. But people will ask me to produce crafts for them and I always offer to show them how and they will say, I just don't have the time. And that makes me nuts. |
|
|
|
Post by karenlou on Feb 11, 2022 15:32:08 GMT
So I have given this thought as folks are asking me what I do now...I retired in October of 2020...I still work per diem, so basically 8-12 hours a week. I want to keep my skills current as I do (pre covid) mission trips...and I plan to continue once the boarders are open/safe.
I do walk/bike weather depending...I scrapbook and read...however I find it so easy to sit and binge on netflix...I'm sure once spring hits I will be able to get outdoors more....I look forward to gardening....
I live in the NE so winters are tough I have done some snowshoeing...however we had one good storm, so that amounted to 2 good days of snowshoeing..then the ice storm....and the trails are ruined.
I do volunteer one Saturday a month for the Church lunch program, we cook a hot meal ..soup, salad and entree and dessert for those that are in need. It was all boxed up "to go" during the height of Covid...now we are serving in the church hall, maintaining Covid protocols That is very rewarding.
|
|
When I feel like I am procrastinating, that is the only time I feel bad about 'wasting' my time...and I try to muster the mental fortitude to stop doing it. 
