How you spend your time?

Interesting thread.

I retired in May 2020, after teaching for 42 years. The timing was what my husband and I had planned and I had put in the formal notice a couple years prior so I could get the salary bump for the last two years. That plan was set up before my husband died and before COVID. Vince died in January 2019. I went back to work in mid-March and then decided to go ahead and work the next school year, as I had originally planned. I ended up retiring while teaching remotely, which was, in some ways, kind of a transition to retirement.

I was not excited for retirement, as many people are, because it was never going to be what I’d hoped and planned for, without my husband. I was, however, ready to stop teaching, and I was really ready to not have to live by the clock all the time. I am glad I haven’t had to be working in the schools.

The first year of retirement ended up filled with COVID restrictions, which affected everything else, to greater or lesser degrees. During that year my brother had surgery to remove a cancerous kidney and had some complications that kept him in the hospital longer than expected (his wife can no longer drive and has her own health issues, so I’m his - and her - support and backup), I had new flooring installed in the house, had my first knee replacement and weeks of physical therapy. Just as I finished PT, my mom began to have more health issues, was hospitalized, went to rehab and then into hospice care, before she died. I had my second knee replacement with PT after that and then my brother had another surgery.

This school year (I still think in school years after all these years) I am at the point where I can finally start figuring out what I really want retirement to look like. Also, January was the three year mark without Vince and I am feeling like I need to be more deliberate in creating this new life rather than just existing. I guess it’s acceptance that this is real, the grief and missing him aren’t going to end, and I am now responsible for making every choice and plan on my own.

I don’t think I consider any time wasted, no matter what I’m doing. If I zone out on the couch, or play mindless games on my iPad or phone, or do a jigsaw, it’s because it does serve a purpose - relaxation, stress relief, enjoyment, escape, thinking time, etc. These are all things I know I need. I’ve "figured out" a lot of things throughout my life when I’m doing something easy or automatic - working out a new way to present material to students, which option to choose on some plan, how to solve a problem with a person, what I really want to do - by letting myself work on it indirectly “in the back of my head” as I call it. I’m good with that.

I am not, to borrow peano's phrase, a high energy person. I did spend a lot of years being very productive and accomplishing a lot - but I still always found time for downtime. This most often meant time to read, but includes other interests too. I need that time. I don’t like a highly scheduled life; I love weeks with nothing on my calendar.

One step in building my new life is that I stripped down to as few commitments as possible. This is so that I can add in, if I want, the things that I choose. What I do, as much as possible, will be things I choose and what I want to prioritize. I may decide to volunteer or take up a new hobby (I do a lot more gardening, for example, now that it’s just me and I’m not the helper for my husband).

I have a lot of free time. Unless I have an appointment or something in the morning that necessitates an alarm, I wake up whenever I wake up, spend time listening to/watching the news while I read more news things on my phone. Usually six days a week I then get on my recumbent exercise bike and do anywhere from 30-60 minutes while I watch YouTube videos. This is now a pretty established habit, which is good for my knees and general health. I am trying to get into the habit of also doing at least one household chore before I get in the shower. I deal with email and whatever else, and then the rest of my day and evening varies. If I have errands to run or just need to get out of the house, I do that. I might clean out, reorganize, clean or do whatever I’m in the mood to tackle. I might also decide I’m going to do a puzzle, work in my craft room, or I watch more videos and just putter.

I spend a lot of time online, one way or another. Reading books became harder when my husband was ill (attention span changed) and then was very difficult in early grief. I am still an info junkie, and am interested in a ton of things, so I usually read more shorter things, and I watch a lot of YouTube. The other day I jumped from Garden Answer, to crafting, to life in Russia, to tiny homes and physical therapy videos and then one on tinnitus. I think I watched a couple short ones from the Olympics too.

It sounds weird, but I don’t even have time to do all that I want. I don’t watch much regular TV, but I have all kinds of options on DIsh and through Netflix and other services. Once in a while I’ll binge watch something, but I’m often multi-tasking too. I rarely just watch without doing something else.

So far, no guilt. I worked a long time in a demanding career, did all the additional educational degrees and credits, served on boards of professional organizations. I still have moments when I’m surprised at the idea that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want - including "nothing” if I chose. I wish my husband were here for this stage, because we’d have a good life going, but unfortunately that isn’t how it is. But, one thing he always said that sticks with me, is that “it’s all about the choices.” I’m lucky enough to be in a position where most things can be my choice. No one else gets to make judgments about them.