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Post by elaine on May 20, 2022 14:20:51 GMT
If it were me, I would thank them. In our cul de sac we often pressure wash each other’s walks and mow each other’s lawns, etc. But, apparently WWYD isn’t really asking what I would do, but seeking validation for what the OP & her friend would do. If the OP and her friend are bothered, that is fine and an understandable viewpoint. And if that was all that was expressed that would be fine. I will admit to being slightly annoyed at the “WWYD” in the title - with the question it asks - and then the follow-up push-back and criticism when not everyone answers the WWYD with what the OP thinks they should be thinking & doing. I mean, in that case, why ask? 🤷♀️ If you just want validation, then post “PVM”, not “WWYD”. That is perfectly acceptable. And less frustrating for those who answer. I was genuinely interested in what people would do, but I also expected very different responses based on years and years here and how people generally respond to things about private property violations. I'm usually way more laid back than most peas on those things, so was literally shocked that so many think it's no big deal when it bothered me. Elaine, surely after all these years, you think you have a feel for how a lot of threads will go here, right? Are you never surprised? And think maybe you didn't explain it well or give enough context because the peas are going in a very different direction than you expected? I don't know what I would do in my BFF's situation, and she hasn't decided what, if anything, she's going to do. So it was truly a WWYD not a PVM 🤷♀️ I guess that I have been here long enough to know that there are many threads where something that wouldn’t bother me in the slightest bothers someone else or vice versa. Especially when it comes to behavior regarding our houses. We have had multi-page threads about whether or not it is okay to use guest towels, for heavens sake. 😂 (something I can’t, for the life of me, understand) So, yeah, if I had somewhat strong feelings about a situation, I wouldn’t post a WWYD if opposing views would surprise me enough that I would want to post to rebut them with more information. I have said that your feelings, and those others who expressed them, that the pressure washing the yard was a negative violation of privacy are perfectly valid and understandable. AND it isn’t at all surprising to me that others are perfectly fine with it. Which, to me, is equally valid and understandable. I’d be fine with it - as I mentioned, it is what we do for each other around here. He is a 70 year old man who knows whether or not your neighbor has a dog in the yard. He didn’t let a dog out. He did something nice, IMO. AND, what I think and feel about the situation doesn’t have to be what you and your friend think.
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Post by chaosisapony on May 20, 2022 14:36:42 GMT
At first I thought this was a nice gesture but upon re-reading I realized he went through a fence into the back yard? That's weird and while he may have had good intentions it's not appropriate. I wouldn't say anything unless the neighbor brings it up but I would be putting a lock on the gate.
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Post by librarylady on May 20, 2022 14:38:43 GMT
I’m confused by everyone saying put a lock on the gate. What kind of lock is this? Assuming you go in and out of gate all the time isn’t a lock a total pain? And you would put a lock just bc a 70yo man trespassed once? Our gate has a latch with a small circular opening. The lock would go through that opening and block any movement to open (raise up) the latch. A stick or anything through the circular opening would act as a lock.
We have a padlock that we don't actually complete the lock part---just put the padlock "bar" through the hole. It is on the inside of the gate, so is not visible to the outside. Someone who attempts to raise the latch would be stymied and think it is locked when it is not. When we want to pass through the gate, we can easily remove the padlock, do our deed, and return it to the blocked status.
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Post by katlady on May 20, 2022 15:24:21 GMT
I’m confused by everyone saying put a lock on the gate. What kind of lock is this? Assuming you go in and out of gate all the time isn’t a lock a total pain? And you would put a lock just bc a 70yo man trespassed once? I live in a city, we lock everything. 😆 And as mentioned above it is not a real lock on the gate. We slide a nail through the little opening on the latch to keep someone from being able to pull up on it. It takes no time at all to slide the nail out. And we rarely need to open the gate from the outside. We enter through the garage 95% of the time, and use the front door the other 5% of the time. I can go a whole week without opening the gate. We open it once a week for trash day and for the gardener.
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Post by Bridget in MD on May 20, 2022 16:12:51 GMT
BFF came home from work today to discover that the concrete path from their driveway, through the gate into their backyard, up the stairs to the small porch at their back door had been pressure washed. She and DH had been at work and their daughter at school, so she checked their security cameras to see who did it. It was their neighbor. Who they know enough to recognize on the sidewalk and say hi to, but they don't even know each other's names and have never been in each other's homes. He certainly did not have permission to open their gate and enter their backyard. They don't think he's, like, casing the house to break in - he's lived in the neighborhood for a very long time and is on the older side (probably at least 70). But it's trespassing! It's so effin' weird. WWYD? ETA: a little more context because I'm frankly kind of shocked how many people think it's just neighborly lol It's a 6 foot privacy fence/gate. He can't even see their path or porch to know if it needed to be pressure washed (it didn't - I was just there two weeks ago and it looked totally fine), so it wasn't a case of he was pressure washing something adjoining and just kept going. He didn't do their driveway, which is what adjoins the path. Plus, they have dogs (which he must know, since BFF is usually walking them when she sees him) and they could have been in the yard. I don't know what I'd do in their shoes, but I sure as heck wouldn't thank him. I would have been upset - what if he used a cleaning substance and it made the dogs sick? even if they weren't outside, some of the pressure washers have an attachment you can put soap or bleach to mix with the water, I can smell it after DH does ours or when we hire people to do our house.
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Post by malibou on May 20, 2022 16:32:12 GMT
It's trespassing and not okay regardless of what his intentions may have been. I would certainly address it with him in a no uncertain terms sort of way. I'm gobsmacked by the number of people thinking this is no big deal. What if it had been teenager? Someone in their 30s? A "well meaning" neighbor they didn't recognize? Holy cats, what if he picked up a dog poo back there and threw it in their trash? That would normally cause ballistics amongst the peas. But trespassing and doing yard work is okey dokey. 😵😖😲 But it wasn't, was it? If he did all of those things, then there'd be something to talk about. Instead, he cleaned a path. And heck yes, anyone coming into my yard and doing yard work is A-OK with me! FWIW, I couldn't figure out how my back patio was staying so clean when I have woods right behind my house. I finally found out my neighbor was cleaning it weekly for me. I almost cried I was so grateful. 😊 I'm starting to wonder if on threads like this it would be helpful to state where we live as I think that is playing a huge role in how different our responses are to this thread. I'm in So Cal where everything is always locked/shut in a no trespassing kind of way. Hence my horror at someone invading my private space. My sister lives in a small town in the Midwest where her house is never locked and she leaves her keys in her car. She relies on her neighbors for all kinds of things that would never occur to me.
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Post by twinks on May 20, 2022 17:09:27 GMT
It would bother me to have someone come into my backyard to pressure wash without asking me first. I tried to think of reasons why someone would do that and the only thing I could come up with is perhaps he was spraying for bugs and perhaps got some spray on the walkway. Knowing they have dogs, he didn’t want it tracked into the house when they came home or otherwise get around the dogs. That would be the only thing I could think of.
I have a “creepy guy” for a neighbor. He scared my daughter so much that she pulls the blinds when she sees him outside. Trust me, our blinds are now closed more than they are open. I mentioned to my sister that he was creepy and she even agrees. I had another neighbor approach me soon after he moved on and caution me with what he said about my daughter. Luckily Covid hit soon afterwards and I am now a permanent teleworker.
I have seen “creepy guy” go through my garbage cans a number of times. I just think whatever. He breaks down the boxes in the recycle bin. A couple of weeks ago we had carry out pizza from our favorite pizzeria. We had a couple of pieces leftover. Since we were going out for dinner the next night, I just took the box along with the leftover pieces to the garbage can. A couple days later, I noticed “creepy guy” in my recycle bin breaking down the pizza box. I was like, I put that in the garbage can and not recycle.” I waited until he left and I checked my garbage can and there was no pizza in there. I guess he is a dumpster diving “creepy guy.” Now, where we are throwing away something, my daughter and I will joke about offering it to “creepy guy” to eat and save him the trouble of going through my garbage. It does weird out my DD though.
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Post by padresfan619 on May 20, 2022 17:19:51 GMT
I’m confused by everyone saying put a lock on the gate. What kind of lock is this? Assuming you go in and out of gate all the time isn’t a lock a total pain? And you would put a lock just bc a 70yo man trespassed once? We have key locks on our gates. Yea it is a little annoying to have to remember the key, but we live in an area with lots of theft. I’ve had my welcome mat stolen off my front porch. So the inconvenience of a lock is a lot more manageable than someone coming into my backyard. Our bikes were stolen at the early stages of Covid lockdown because we put them in our side yard instead of in our locked garage. That’s why we bought the locks!
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Post by chaosisapony on May 20, 2022 23:43:39 GMT
I live way out in the country but you bet I have padlocks on both gates that lead to my backyard. My door to my house is locked whether I am home or not. It's just a habit and something I do as a "better safe than sorry" thing. But here in California I know it's a lot different than some states that don't even have fences between houses so I guess like most things YMMV depending on where you live.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,891
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on May 20, 2022 23:46:40 GMT
But it wasn't, was it? If he did all of those things, then there'd be something to talk about. Instead, he cleaned a path. And heck yes, anyone coming into my yard and doing yard work is A-OK with me! FWIW, I couldn't figure out how my back patio was staying so clean when I have woods right behind my house. I finally found out my neighbor was cleaning it weekly for me. I almost cried I was so grateful. 😊 I'm starting to wonder if on threads like this it would be helpful to state where we live as I think that is playing a huge role in how different our responses are to this thread. I'm in So Cal where everything is always locked/shut in a no trespassing kind of way. Hence my horror at someone invading my private space. My sister lives in a small town in the Midwest where her house is never locked and she leaves her keys in her car. She relies on her neighbors for all kinds of things that would never occur to me.small town in New England and no one locks their doors. At night, yes, but I leave my house all the time with the front door unlocked.
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Post by malibou on May 21, 2022 0:02:45 GMT
I’m confused by everyone saying put a lock on the gate. What kind of lock is this? Assuming you go in and out of gate all the time isn’t a lock a total pain? And you would put a lock just bc a 70yo man trespassed once? We have key locks on our gates. Yea it is a little annoying to have to remember the key, but we live in an area with lots of theft. I’ve had my welcome mat stolen off my front porch. So the inconvenience of a lock is a lot more manageable than someone coming into my backyard. Our bikes were stolen at the early stages of Covid lockdown because we put them in our side yard instead of in our locked garage. That’s why we bought the locks! My brother is in San Diego as well, and has had his electric scooter stolen, 2 chargers for the scooter stolen at 2 separate times, and his house broken into. all since Covid. People are becoming very desperate. His landlord just put in a much taller privacy fence with a locking gate. I don't believe he lives in a dodgy area.
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Post by myshelly on May 21, 2022 0:03:10 GMT
I’m confused by everyone saying put a lock on the gate. What kind of lock is this? Assuming you go in and out of gate all the time isn’t a lock a total pain? And you would put a lock just bc a 70yo man trespassed once? I can’t imagine not having a lock on my gate. That would be like not having a lock on my door. A fence is a boundary. It means this property is mine, it’s private, and if you come on it without my express permission, you are trespassing, which is a violation and a crime and absolutely not ok. No one who doesn’t live in my house needs to be inside my fence, ever, at all, unless they are an invited guest. If I found someone had come into my property without that permission I would be livid and be getting a better security system.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on May 21, 2022 5:23:38 GMT
Neighborly intent or not, I'd probably be upset. If he slipped and broke his hip back there, you think his insurer wouldn't go after the homeowners' insurer? I'd be getting a lock and a no trespassing sign ASAP.
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Post by cindosha on May 21, 2022 11:26:21 GMT
Why hasn’t your friend gone over to his house and asked him why he did it? My guess is that he felt it was ok to come on her property if it was to do something nice for her.
If she feels he has no boundaries, she can bring him a plate of cookies to thank him and then she can ask him to let her know if he wants to do something like that again and let her know beforehand.
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Post by littlemama on May 21, 2022 11:51:06 GMT
As with most things neighbor-related, this could be resolved with a simple conversation. Depending on where the conversation goes would determine my reaction.
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maryannscraps
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,791
Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
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Post by maryannscraps on May 21, 2022 12:13:49 GMT
😊 I'm starting to wonder if on threads like this it would be helpful to state where we live as I think that is playing a huge role in how different our responses are to this thread. I'm in So Cal where everything is always locked/shut in a no trespassing kind of way. Hence my horror at someone invading my private space. My sister lives in a small town in the Midwest where her house is never locked and she leaves her keys in her car. She relies on her neighbors for all kinds of things that would never occur to me.small town in New England and no one locks their doors. At night, yes, but I leave my house all the time with the front door unlocked. Same here. The only fences in my neighborhood are around pools. Nobody fences in their yard. I wouldn't blink to see a neighbor in my yard. When my husband was so sick years ago, my neighbors would shovel my steps and driveway without asking permission to be on my property. Sometimes I had no idea who did it. I took it in the way it was intended and thanked the Lord for being so blessed.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on May 21, 2022 12:37:40 GMT
Why hasn’t your friend gone over to his house and asked him why he did it? My guess is that he felt it was ok to come on her property if it was to do something nice for her. If she feels he has no boundaries, she can bring him a plate of cookies to thank him and then she can ask him to let her know if he wants to do something like that again and let her know beforehand. Ha! I almost posted the same thing about the cookies, but figured that would be a whole other thing!
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Post by littlemama on May 21, 2022 13:10:55 GMT
😊 I'm starting to wonder if on threads like this it would be helpful to state where we live as I think that is playing a huge role in how different our responses are to this thread. I'm in So Cal where everything is always locked/shut in a no trespassing kind of way. Hence my horror at someone invading my private space. My sister lives in a small town in the Midwest where her house is never locked and she leaves her keys in her car. She relies on her neighbors for all kinds of things that would never occur to me.small town in New England and no one locks their doors. At night, yes, but I leave my house all the time with the front door unlocked. I have a friend who lives in a small town and never locked their doors. Then, she realized that someone had entered her home at night while they were sleeping and stole items from them-multiple times. The idea that small towns are immune to bad things happening is a dangerous fallacy.
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Post by mcjunkin on May 21, 2022 13:43:23 GMT
His age may be a factor in not understanding what fences mean now-days. He is from a totally different generation.
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Post by compeateropeator on May 21, 2022 13:55:02 GMT
I do not think that small towns are immune to bad things. I live small town/small state and have had bad things happen close by. Bad things happen everywhere. As with everything there is a way to live without extremes. You do not have to lock everything down and not trust anyone and you don’t need to have doors wide open with signs saying come rob me. Depending on where you live and your comfort level there is a lot space in between. Just as with many issues.
Side note (nothing to do with the quote or the poster above): I like these type of threads because it gives me perspective to how different areas, regions, and just individual people live and interact. Often we really only see what we are around unless we make an effort to look outside our bubble.
While I find a lot of it fascinating, never thought of it that way, or just down right wow I don’t understand that…I am most often surprised with how vehemently people defend their opinions or maybe are just true to their opinions? 🤷♀️. I am not meaning it in a critical way at all…just that I guess I am more wishy-washy or yeah I can see that, or that and don’t feel the passion that some do. You always want what you don’t have. 😁
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Montannie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,486
Location: Big Sky Country
Jun 25, 2014 20:32:35 GMT
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Post by Montannie on May 21, 2022 14:28:58 GMT
A man with a power washer is an unstoppable force. Ask me how I know.
He means well. If the privacy invasion bothered me, I'd mention it.
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carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
Be yourself everybody else is already taken
Posts: 3,028
Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
Jun 28, 2014 21:46:39 GMT
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Post by carhoch on May 21, 2022 16:20:06 GMT
I would bake something and bring it to him with a bottle of wine and thank him .
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