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Post by Darcy Collins on Jul 25, 2022 15:19:32 GMT
waking up this morning to everyones responses was so heartwarming. A lot of my struggles come from not being able to talk about it within the family. I had posted on facebook and asked for some memories of him. his mother responded with how much it hurts her to talk about dad and my husband, which is completely valid, but I feel as if everyone is not responding now because they don't want to hurt her. I could be completely wrong but there is no way to know. I just feel that this is the reason nobody wants to say anything now. One of his sisters has completely stopped communicating all together. She and I talked daily before the accident and now its like Im a ghost. Ive done the counseling, I've done the grief groups. I had a young widows forum I used a lot but it went the way of the original pea board. One day it was there, the next gone. I heard last week that they were able to revive it but i haven't gone to check out cause I have just been so busy. Most of the time I just ride the wave till it's over. They aren't as bad any more. Every now and then like last night a rouge one will hit. There is a lot going on in regular life too that doesn't make this any easier. The last few years I traveled to see my mom and other places. This year that isn't an option so Im forced to deal with it all without additional distractions. I did try to get back into counseling but currently wait times are 6+ months and my insurance doesn't cover it. Im also on therapy burn out, as I feel there is only so much talking you can do. I am way better than I was in the early days. Some anniversaries are just hard. This is one. In 8 more years he will have been gone longer than we were married. That one I hear from other widowed folk is a hard one as well. If 10 years went by this fast, I imagine 8 will be just as quick . I know everyone handles grief differently, but I couldn't disagree more with you MIL. Sharing the memories is the only thing that makes the pain bearable. I highly suggest you find a different avenue to talk to others that knew and loved him if facebook is stymied because you're friends with her. ((((hugs))))
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Post by scrapmaven on Jul 25, 2022 15:19:37 GMT
It doesn't seem like it's been 10 years. Of course, you can bring this here. So many of us care about you. Some of the anniversaries will be very hard and this is one of them. Those photos tell such a shocking and sad story. Let the beach soothe you and may you heal even more.
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Post by freecharlie on Jul 25, 2022 15:21:38 GMT
((Hugs)) today must be very hard. Lean on us, reach out. We are here for you.
Sending strength and peaceful vibes
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Post by aj2hall on Jul 25, 2022 15:27:41 GMT
I'm sorry you're struggling.
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peasquared
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Jul 6, 2014 23:59:59 GMT
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Post by peasquared on Jul 25, 2022 15:28:29 GMT
I remember when you first posted. The whole board was shook and worried for you. Anniversaries are so difficult! Actually, even the time leading up to them is. I hope you find some peace soon. I imagine all the court involvement makes it even harder, reliving it over and over again. ( I know you probably do anyway, but not in a public way) I'm so sorry!
Sending prayers and warm hugs!
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hutchfan
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Post by hutchfan on Jul 25, 2022 15:30:54 GMT
Sending you hugs.
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ModChick
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True North Strong and Free
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Jun 26, 2014 23:57:06 GMT
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Post by ModChick on Jul 25, 2022 15:35:15 GMT
Those pictures are horrifying. I remember when you posted 😢. Hugs to you. I can’t imagine all you’ve been through and are still going through. ❤️🩹
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,708
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Jul 25, 2022 15:37:21 GMT
I can't believe it's been 10 years. I'm still just as heartbroken for you now as I was then.
Have you thought about blocking your MIL from seeing the FB posts about your husband? I know he was her son, but you were his wife - you trump everyone and your feelings come first.
Please post here to get things out. You don't have to worry about hurting anyone's feelings here or feeling as if you have censor what you say. We're here to support only you and give you love. Lean on us - we care.
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Post by fiddlesticks on Jul 25, 2022 15:54:24 GMT
waking up this morning to everyones responses was so heartwarming. A lot of my struggles come from not being able to talk about it within the family. I had posted on facebook and asked for some memories of him. his mother responded with how much it hurts her to talk about dad and my husband, which is completely valid, but I feel as if everyone is not responding now because they don't want to hurt her. I could be completely wrong but there is no way to know. I just feel that this is the reason nobody wants to say anything now. One of his sisters has completely stopped communicating all together. She and I talked daily before the accident and now its like Im a ghost. Ive done the counseling, I've done the grief groups. I had a young widows forum I used a lot but it went the way of the original pea board. One day it was there, the next gone. I heard last week that they were able to revive it but i haven't gone to check out cause I have just been so busy. Most of the time I just ride the wave till it's over. They aren't as bad any more. Every now and then like last night a rouge one will hit. There is a lot going on in regular life too that doesn't make this any easier. The last few years I traveled to see my mom and other places. This year that isn't an option so Im forced to deal with it all without additional distractions. I did try to get back into counseling but currently wait times are 6+ months and my insurance doesn't cover it. Im also on therapy burn out, as I feel there is only so much talking you can do. I am way better than I was in the early days. Some anniversaries are just hard. This is one. In 8 more years he will have been gone longer than we were married. That one I hear from other widowed folk is a hard one as well. If 10 years went by this fast, I imagine 8 will be just as quick . A very dear friend of mine is very active in this organization. Her husband passed suddenly and she credits this organization to helping her with her grief journey. soaringspirits.org/
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Post by dizzycheermom on Jul 25, 2022 15:56:36 GMT
Sending you love and hugs. We are here for you.
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Post by Baseballmom23 on Jul 25, 2022 15:59:17 GMT
(((hugs)))
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Post by gizzy on Jul 25, 2022 16:05:17 GMT
I'm so sorry. I hope you and your DD can find your way back to each other.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jul 3, 2024 19:21:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2022 16:07:19 GMT
waking up this morning to everyones responses was so heartwarming. A lot of my struggles come from not being able to talk about it within the family. I had posted on facebook and asked for some memories of him. his mother responded with how much it hurts her to talk about dad and my husband, which is completely valid, but I feel as if everyone is not responding now because they don't want to hurt her. I could be completely wrong but there is no way to know. I just feel that this is the reason nobody wants to say anything now. One of his sisters has completely stopped communicating all together. She and I talked daily before the accident and now its like Im a ghost. Ive done the counseling, I've done the grief groups. I had a young widows forum I used a lot but it went the way of the original pea board. One day it was there, the next gone. I heard last week that they were able to revive it but i haven't gone to check out cause I have just been so busy. Most of the time I just ride the wave till it's over. They aren't as bad any more. Every now and then like last night a rouge one will hit. There is a lot going on in regular life too that doesn't make this any easier. The last few years I traveled to see my mom and other places. This year that isn't an option so Im forced to deal with it all without additional distractions. I did try to get back into counseling but currently wait times are 6+ months and my insurance doesn't cover it. Im also on therapy burn out, as I feel there is only so much talking you can do. I am way better than I was in the early days. Some anniversaries are just hard. This is one. In 8 more years he will have been gone longer than we were married. That one I hear from other widowed folk is a hard one as well. If 10 years went by this fast, I imagine 8 will be just as quick . I get it. When our loved ones pass, it's common for their friends & even family to pull back from speaking about them. It's too hard on them or they're just uncomfortable. For the widow, it feels like everyone rallies around you when there's an emergency and once they're gone, they pull back and it's hurtful. I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry about the situation with your DD, and hope that things eventually work themselves out. You and DD have been through a horrifying, tragic ordeal. There are so many lasting emotions tied to that. Seeing the pics of the truck REALLY makes it all so real to us.
Praying that you get through this 10 year mark and lean on people you could trust. We're all here to lend an ear!! Hugs to you!
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gensmith
Full Member
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Jun 2, 2020 8:49:08 GMT
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Post by gensmith on Jul 25, 2022 16:20:05 GMT
I remember that and can’t believe it’s been ten years.
I hope you and your daughter are able to come together and work things out soon.
Thinking of you and sending hugs for better days.
Always bring your troubles here. People care.
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Post by gramasue on Jul 25, 2022 16:21:30 GMT
I'm so sorry you're struggling. Yes, of course, this anniversary will hit you hard. For some reason, that ten-year mark seems significant.
I truly hope you can find a way to reconcile with your daughter, and she with you.
Take care - we are all thinking of you.
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Post by katlady on Jul 25, 2022 16:22:51 GMT
Hugs to you!!
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Post by destined2bmom on Jul 25, 2022 16:27:47 GMT
Sending you many hugs, prayers and healing thoughts.
I understand why you are so upset. What a terrible memory and loss for you. Please be gentle with yourself. We are here for you.
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Post by ntsf on Jul 25, 2022 16:28:34 GMT
hugs and prayers. take care of yourself!!
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artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,166
Jun 26, 2014 1:59:10 GMT
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Post by artbabe on Jul 25, 2022 17:29:05 GMT
I remember when it happened. I am so, so sorry- I can't imagine how hard this is for you. I don't have anything magic to say, I just wanted to tell you that I care and that I am thinking of you.
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Jili
Pearl Clutcher
SLPea
Posts: 4,363
Jun 26, 2014 1:26:48 GMT
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Post by Jili on Jul 25, 2022 17:36:06 GMT
I remember. I’m so sorry. 😢 I can’t imagine your pain.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Jul 25, 2022 17:39:30 GMT
I remember the day it happened. I am so sorry. I am sending love.
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Post by christine58 on Jul 25, 2022 17:49:36 GMT
waking up this morning to everyones responses was so heartwarming. A lot of my struggles come from not being able to talk about it within the family. I had posted on facebook and asked for some memories of him. his mother responded with how much it hurts her to talk about dad and my husband, which is completely valid, but I feel as if everyone is not responding now because they don't want to hurt her. I could be completely wrong but there is no way to know. I just feel that this is the reason nobody wants to say anything now. One of his sisters has completely stopped communicating all together. She and I talked daily before the accident and now its like Im a ghost. Ive done the counseling, I've done the grief groups. I had a young widows forum I used a lot but it went the way of the original pea board. One day it was there, the next gone. I heard last week that they were able to revive it but i haven't gone to check out cause I have just been so busy. Most of the time I just ride the wave till it's over. They aren't as bad any more. Every now and then like last night a rouge one will hit. There is a lot going on in regular life too that doesn't make this any easier. The last few years I traveled to see my mom and other places. This year that isn't an option so Im forced to deal with it all without additional distractions. I did try to get back into counseling but currently wait times are 6+ months and my insurance doesn't cover it. Im also on therapy burn out, as I feel there is only so much talking you can do. I am way better than I was in the early days. Some anniversaries are just hard. This is one. In 8 more years he will have been gone longer than we were married. That one I hear from other widowed folk is a hard one as well. If 10 years went by this fast, I imagine 8 will be just as quick . I don’t know if you’re on Instagram or not but I came across this very young widow who might be of some help to you and you could probably help her also. If you are on Instagram she’s spilledmilkmamma. She has two children who are very young and she lost her husband almost a year ago to a car accident shortly after she gave birth. Even though I’m not in the same situation as she is, some of her posts and reels have helped me dealing with the grief of losing my dad and a great nephew shortly after his birth.
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moodyblue
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Posts: 6,200
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Jul 25, 2022 17:50:22 GMT
waking up this morning to everyones responses was so heartwarming. A lot of my struggles come from not being able to talk about it within the family. I had posted on facebook and asked for some memories of him. his mother responded with how much it hurts her to talk about dad and my husband, which is completely valid, but I feel as if everyone is not responding now because they don't want to hurt her. I could be completely wrong but there is no way to know. I just feel that this is the reason nobody wants to say anything now. One of his sisters has completely stopped communicating all together. She and I talked daily before the accident and now its like Im a ghost. Ive done the counseling, I've done the grief groups. I had a young widows forum I used a lot but it went the way of the original pea board. One day it was there, the next gone. I heard last week that they were able to revive it but i haven't gone to check out cause I have just been so busy. Most of the time I just ride the wave till it's over. They aren't as bad any more. Every now and then like last night a rouge one will hit. There is a lot going on in regular life too that doesn't make this any easier. The last few years I traveled to see my mom and other places. This year that isn't an option so Im forced to deal with it all without additional distractions. I did try to get back into counseling but currently wait times are 6+ months and my insurance doesn't cover it. Im also on therapy burn out, as I feel there is only so much talking you can do. I am way better than I was in the early days. Some anniversaries are just hard. This is one. In 8 more years he will have been gone longer than we were married. That one I hear from other widowed folk is a hard one as well. If 10 years went by this fast, I imagine 8 will be just as quick . A very dear friend of mine is very active in this organization. Her husband passed suddenly and she credits this organization to helping her with her grief journey. soaringspirits.org/This organization is based in California and they do an annual Camp Widow, which just happened. I've found their blogs and writers to be helpful and the founder even did live posts early in Covid as support for their members. I do recommend this group.
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Post by lurker on Jul 25, 2022 17:54:21 GMT
I, too, remember when this happened. I am so, so sorry.
If you feel able, would you share with us a funny memory of your dh?
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Post by chaosisapony on Jul 25, 2022 17:58:17 GMT
I remember your original post too. I can't believe it's been ten years. Wishing you peace and comfort.
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Post by tamiq on Jul 25, 2022 18:11:58 GMT
Saying prayers for you and your daughter. ((hugs))
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Post by hop2 on Jul 25, 2022 19:53:05 GMT
Feel free to talk about him here. I know it’s not the same, it’s not like we knew him and could share memories.
I do remember you said he was your best friend. I am so sorry you lost both your husband and your best friend all at once.
Again many pea hugs.
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moodyblue
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Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Jul 25, 2022 20:02:54 GMT
10 years. Wow. I’m sure it feels like yesterday and another lifetime all at the same time. ❤️ That is probably the most accurate description I have heard in a long time. Very true I, too, remember when this happened, and can’t believe it has been ten years. I will say, having lost my husband (to cancer) 3.5 years ago yesterday, I understand so much more about grief and loss and just how devastating it is to lose your partner and best friend. Those anniversaries are hard, and I know too well that the period leading up to them can be almost worse than the actual date. So many emotions. I wish so much that you didn’t have to live with this pain and the stress of all that has happened since and because of that accident. I hope you and your daughter can find a way to reach some peace with each other, and hope your son is doing well.
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Post by mcjunkin on Jul 25, 2022 20:08:27 GMT
So sorry for what you are going through.
Some Facebook advice for the future, as it sounds like sharing and people contributing memories might be helpful for you: You can adjust privacy settings on a post to show to "all friends except....", and choose specific people who will not be able to see your post at all. Set it so that his mother cannot see it. I understand why she would have a hard time with memory posts, and this allows for her not to be hurt while you are getting support that you may need. Go back and change to normal privacy settings after that.
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Post by Bobomommy on Jul 25, 2022 20:12:50 GMT
I remember when this happened. It was just short of a year after my husband died. It seems like just yesterday, but also so very long ago.
I’m sure you’ve set a good example in managing finances for your daughter. My three had varying degrees of recklessness and responsibility when they received the payout on their trust funds.
Your daughter will probably be the same. We can’t protect them from making mistakes. Instead we have to hope that they will learn from small mistakes and avoid major ones.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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