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Post by Bobomommy on Aug 12, 2022 15:10:44 GMT
If I wanted to be a part of celebrating the couple and wanted to go to Vegas I’d attend the ceremony, but skip the dinner.
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,821
Jun 25, 2014 23:21:30 GMT
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Post by scrapngranny on Aug 12, 2022 15:16:01 GMT
I wouldn’t even consider it. Nor would I send a gift. It’s time the happy couple get a great big taste of reality.
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Post by lily on Aug 12, 2022 15:29:29 GMT
Since it's within driving distance for you, I would go and just consider it a weekend away.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Aug 12, 2022 15:34:51 GMT
I'd send my fake regrets and a $25 Target gift card.
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Post by maryland on Aug 12, 2022 15:49:15 GMT
No, I wouldn't travel for a wedding that's more than an 8 hr. trip regardless of who it is. And it would have to fit into our budget. We have been putting off doing stuff for us (updating the house, etc.). And we don't want to do that anymore.
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lizacreates
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,856
Aug 29, 2015 2:39:19 GMT
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Post by lizacreates on Aug 12, 2022 17:16:40 GMT
It depends. Do you like going to Vegas? If you do, then go. It’s only for fifteen minutes, and then you can go dine wherever you want and do whatever you wish. I like Vegas so I’d make a weekend of it.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 12, 2022 17:50:06 GMT
These threads honestly crack me up coming from a very, very large family. You do you knowing that it does not matter one iota what the "peas" think - mostly old, grumpy, hate their family people - did you seriously need validation for your desire not to go - well you're guaranteed to get it as there is no thread about should i go which doesn't result in multitudes of - yeah no i haven't left m house in 5 years.
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Post by kimpossible on Aug 12, 2022 18:02:55 GMT
These threads honestly crack me up coming from a very, very large family. You do you knowing that it does not matter one iota what the "peas" think - mostly old, grumpy, hate their family people - did you seriously need validation for your desire not to go - well you're guaranteed to get it as there is no thread about should i go which doesn't result in multitudes of - yeah no i haven't left m house in 5 years. HA HA Darcy, great comment. It's my DH side of the family. He has one sister, one BIL and the niece. The niece has very few friends. It is mainly her fiance's family and friend group that will be coming. Of which all are in the midwest. It's a situation I've never been in before, I have a large extended family and we support everyone in most things like this. It's more my DH that has been going back and forth about whether to go or not.
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pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,143
Aug 14, 2015 21:47:17 GMT
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Post by pilcas on Aug 12, 2022 18:05:49 GMT
I might go if I wanted to go to Vegas but she might be disappointed with my token gift. Mos5likely unless the time of year and everything else was right I wo7ld not bother.
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Post by hopechest on Aug 12, 2022 18:15:58 GMT
If going to Vegas and going to the buffet was something that I would do anyway and would enjoy then yes. I would look at the wedding as just an inconvenience to a fun weekend.
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,340
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Aug 12, 2022 20:05:11 GMT
Honestly I'd be surprised if she had many takers on that. For me it would be a hard no. I would send a card and some cash but that's about it.
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QueenoftheSloths
Drama Llama
Member Since January 2004, 2,698 forum posts PeaNut Number: 122614 PeaBoard Title: StuckOnPeas
Posts: 5,955
Jun 26, 2014 0:29:24 GMT
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on Aug 12, 2022 21:07:25 GMT
mostly old, grumpy, hate their family people It's funny this is your take on the peas because mine is just the opposite. I read about all these family gatherings and think "man, these people sure like seeing their families a lot" or the post will be something like "so proud of my second cousin's granddaughter in law for graduating" and I'm amazed that people feel that close to someone so distantly connected to them.
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Post by jemmls4 on Aug 13, 2022 0:57:56 GMT
That would be a big old nope and I think I’d send a nice card and conveniently forget the check. See if they have the balls to say something!
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milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,569
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
Mar 18, 2015 4:10:31 GMT
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Post by milocat on Aug 13, 2022 1:37:24 GMT
Trip and gifts, all of which are paid for by the guests. They should be providing a meal if they expect gifts. My parents were invited to a local wedding recently and had to pay $35/pp for their meal and the invitation insisted no gifts. I didn't see anything wrong with that since a gift would cost them more than that.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Aug 13, 2022 2:24:38 GMT
how close a family member? maaaaybe depending on the relationship (if I wanted an excuse to go to Vegas for a few days either before or after), but probably not. I take it back, nope- way too close to the holidays. Unless it's one of your siblings or your children. Its a niece that rarely stays in contact. This is the only reason I may consider it (if y'all had regular contact). Since the answer is rarely, it would be a definite NO.
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Post by katlaw on Aug 13, 2022 5:38:17 GMT
40 to 50 degrees in Vegas in January. Supper at an overpriced buffet. Nope. I would send a congratulations card and if you would have bought them a gift, include money in the card.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 13, 2022 20:58:41 GMT
I think I’d hastily arrange a prior engagement.
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,137
Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Aug 13, 2022 21:10:27 GMT
i am a b!tch - if that comment about "just for money/gifts" is reliable, i would *not* go, nor would i send a gift. if i went to vegas (i have no interest in vegas) i would just plan a trip for myself on a better schedule for my life.
thanks. but no thanks.
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Post by Basket1lady on Aug 14, 2022 10:47:33 GMT
These threads honestly crack me up coming from a very, very large family. You do you knowing that it does not matter one iota what the "peas" think - mostly old, grumpy, hate their family people - did you seriously need validation for your desire not to go - well you're guaranteed to get it as there is no thread about should i go which doesn't result in multitudes of - yeah no i haven't left m house in 5 years. HA HA Darcy, great comment. It's my DH side of the family. He has one sister, one BIL and the niece. The niece has very few friends. It is mainly her fiance's family and friend group that will be coming. Of which all are in the midwest. It's a situation I've never been in before, I have a large extended family and we support everyone in most things like this. It's more my DH that has been going back and forth about whether to go or not. I agree with Darcy’s comment! Does your DH have a good relationship with his sister? That might be why I would go—to support her. The niece is young; I wouldn’t expect her to call and chat up Aunti Kim. They are probably imagining a simple ceremony and a fun weekend with friends vs a big family gathering. I don’t think it’s a big thing if you don’t go, but if enjoy Vegas I’d probably go and do the family thing for a few hours.
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Post by cecilia on Aug 15, 2022 1:39:24 GMT
🤣🤣🤣 Nope! I’d love to know how many people are invited and how many go 😊 Same
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ellen
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,734
Jun 30, 2014 12:52:45 GMT
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Post by ellen on Aug 15, 2022 2:59:11 GMT
I can't really imagine making my guests pay for their own dinner when they've paid for flights and hotels. In your situation, I would go. You can drive and you said you go to LV a few times a year anyway. This can be one of those trips. I think my family would disown me if we didn't attend the wedding of our niece.
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Post by lucyg on Aug 15, 2022 3:49:45 GMT
Reading the updates here, I have to say I’ve had a change of opinion. I didn’t realize you and your DH are virtually this girl’s only family outside of her parents, and DH is her parent’s only sibling? I think you should be there for her, annoying as she may be. Unless there are family relationship issues I’m not aware of.
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Post by mom on Aug 15, 2022 4:02:25 GMT
HA HA Darcy, great comment. It's my DH side of the family. He has one sister, one BIL and the niece. The niece has very few friends. It is mainly her fiance's family and friend group that will be coming. Of which all are in the midwest. It's a situation I've never been in before, I have a large extended family and we support everyone in most things like this. It's more my DH that has been going back and forth about whether to go or not. I agree with Darcy’s comment! Does your DH have a good relationship with his sister? That might be why I would go—to support her.
The niece is young; I wouldn’t expect her to call and chat up Aunti Kim. They are probably imagining a simple ceremony and a fun weekend with friends vs a big family gathering. I don’t think it’s a big thing if you don’t go, but if enjoy Vegas I’d probably go and do the family thing for a few hours. I would go, to support my sister - especially since there isn't much other family on your side. Is having to pay for your own buffet tacky? Yeah. And honestly, they sound young so they might not know better. But its what they are doing and wanted to include you in their day.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,387
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Aug 15, 2022 6:06:21 GMT
I agree with Darcy’s comment! Does your DH have a good relationship with his sister? That might be why I would go—to support her.
The niece is young; I wouldn’t expect her to call and chat up Aunti Kim. They are probably imagining a simple ceremony and a fun weekend with friends vs a big family gathering. I don’t think it’s a big thing if you don’t go, but if enjoy Vegas I’d probably go and do the family thing for a few hours. I would go, to support my sister - especially since there isn't much other family on your side. Is having to pay for your own buffet tacky? Yeah. And honestly, they sound young so they might not know better. But its what they are doing and wanted to include you in their day. Overall I'm in this camp. But I'm also someone who would be disowned if I didn't go. But before can be sure, I have to check something... define 'within driving distance,' please. Two hours? Four? In this case I'd definitely do it if the drive was under 3 hours. I think given how small this side of the family is, there is value in going. I admit I don't understand the whole, 'Pay for your own buffet,' part - my family would have a COW if one of us tried that. She would INSIST that if we wanted to have a dinner, it had to be paid for (and admittedly, she'd do pay for it, even if the couple in question should in theory be old enough to contribute). I just don't understand why the bride/groom's parents haven't told them that's unacceptable.
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blue tulip
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,004
Jun 25, 2014 20:53:57 GMT
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Post by blue tulip on Aug 15, 2022 13:09:17 GMT
Reading the updates here, I have to say I’ve had a change of opinion. I didn’t realize you and your DH are virtually this girl’s only family outside of her parents, and DH is her parent’s only sibling? I think you should be there for her, annoying as she may be. Unless there are family relationship issues I’m not aware of. same.
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Post by kimpossible on Aug 15, 2022 18:17:12 GMT
Well, it is an interesting family dynamic. My DH could not be further opposite than his sister (the brides Mom). His sister even said to my DH, "is it normal to offer to pay some of the wedding for your daughter?' I mean she wasn't raised by wolves, but she is "socially inept" if that is such a thing. My family would have had "a COW" also if I hadn't fed them, especially after expecting them to travel for an event. My understanding is that the groom doesn't really communicate much to his folks, just "be here and when".
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Post by gigito7 on Aug 15, 2022 18:53:33 GMT
I would most likely say no. And I would do my own thing for dinner if I were to go. Seems bride might be a bit.......spoiled? 🤷♀️
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Post by kimpossible on Jan 13, 2023 19:48:50 GMT
UPDATE: (because I know the Pea's like to know what happened)
So the wedding was last weekend. DH and I did not go - of 85 people that were invited, there were only 12 that attended. We sent a very generous gift.
Some of the excuses: Airfare for most coming from the east coast and PA was pricey. Hotels in Vegas if you are not part of a rewards program are not cheap and the majority of the groom's friends from there are newlyweds themselves, a couple just had a baby, some had just bought, their first home. Also, it was 2 weeks after Christmas.
The only members of the groom's family that came were his parents - his siblings could not afford it, and his grandmother was ill.
The only members of the bride's family that came were her mother (my DH's sister) and a cousin who lives in Vegas. Her 3 step sisters and stepbrother did not make it from California.
They ended up hosting a dinner at a restaurant because of the low attendance. She told them 30 people would be attending (so the restaurant made them pay for 30 - even though it was a total of 14)
Of the 3 friends of the bride that she invited to be in her wedding party, only one accepted and attended. The other two stated that they could not afford the dress, a bachelorette party (which was supposed to be the night before), the hotel, etc.
While I feel bad she had such low attendance, she was told by her mother, friends, and other family members of many of the conflicts, budget concerns, etc. that were a possibility many months ago.
We found this out from the mother of the bride (my DH's sister) who was frustrated over the whole thing and decided to vent to us about it. She also said that it was cold outside in cocktail attire.
Thanks Pea's for all of your comments and feedback!
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Post by disneypal on Jan 13, 2023 19:59:03 GMT
of 85 people that were invited, there were only 12 that attended Wow! But...it is understandable. Most people cannot afford destination weddings, not only because of airfare, hotel and meals but also because they may not be able to take that much time off work to attend. Most people I've known that have had destination weddings, usually only invite parents and siblings but know full well that because of the cost, even some of those may not make it. I'm curious though, did 30 people RSVP and say they were coming? Why would she tell the restaurant 30 people...that is too bad they had to pay double the cost for the food. Dispite all that, I hope they had a beautiful wedding.
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Post by kimpossible on Jan 13, 2023 20:04:28 GMT
of 85 people that were invited, there were only 12 that attended Wow! But...it is understandable. Most people cannot afford destination weddings, not only because of airfare, hotel and meals but also because they may not be able to take that much time off work to attend. Most people I've known that have had destination weddings, usually only invite parents and siblings but know full well that because of the cost, even some of those may not make it. I'm curious though, did 30 people RSVP and say they were coming? Why would she tell the restaurant 30 people...that is too bad they had to pay double the cost for the food. Dispite all that, I hope they had a beautiful wedding. Not sure how many RSVP'd - I can only assume she said 30 based on responses - but with her, not sure. Of the few pictures I've seen, it looked very nice, she had a beautiful dress.
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