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Post by melodyesch on Oct 5, 2022 2:45:21 GMT
Update: it’s been a long day, but things are looking up. My brother found her divorce decree and it did specifically state that each would keep the other on their life insurance. I assume they were thinking about their kids, who were minors when they divorced. After meeting with the lawyer, he said that although it doesn’t specifically state that he doesn’t get the retirement, it can be interpreted that way and there would be a good court case. But he suggested the same that Really Red mentioned to ask him to turn the money over since it was not intended for him. His daughter called him and he verbally agreed. She thinks he will be honest about it so we’ll see. My brother wasn’t concerned about a large settlement, but didn’t want to end up in debt. We didn’t realize that the spouse gets 27,500 right off the top. So even if the ex balks on the retirement, brother definitely doesn’t have to pay the medical bills and can recoup at least a bit of the money that he lost while not working because she had a car and a bit of money in her checking/savings. It won’t be 27,500 worth, but enough to makeup what he lost while not working. But hopefully there will be a good bit in the retirement. If all of the bills are settled, then brother will be entitled to half of that and her children (adults) get the other half. thanks for the replies! Original post:My brother was married for the last 5 years. His wife passed last week and I’m trying to help him get everything straightened out. SIL had told him that she had a life insurance policy and he was the beneficiary. When calling today, we discovered that her ex husband was still listed as beneficiary. They’ve been divorced over a decade and she hated him. Their state (AL) apparently has a law that says an ex is automatically revoked as beneficiary when there is a divorce, but then it goes into the estate if there’s no additional beneficiaries. And since she has a ton of medical bills it will probably be all eaten up. And we are suspecting that if she didn’t change it on her life insurance, she probably didn’t change it on her 401k either. I’ve been trying to read about that, but everything is so confusing. Anyway, the money wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but my brother has been on FMLA for a month taking care of her so has had no income. I’d like him to not be drowning in debt in addition to losing his wife. I’ve left a message with an estate/probate attorney, but everything I’ve read is conflicting. So PSA - update your beneficiary on everything. Even her individual checking/savings account didn’t have a beneficiary designated. |
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Post by destined2bmom on Oct 5, 2022 3:06:17 GMT
I am really sorry for the loss of your SIL. I hope your brother gets everything straightened out. Did your SIL work? If she did, I would have him contact her Human Resources department and see what they have listed in her file for 401 beneficiary and on her insurance policy.
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Post by mom on Oct 5, 2022 3:43:35 GMT
Oh that stinks. Hopefully it will all work out in the end.
I am sorry for your loss.
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Post by malibou on Oct 5, 2022 8:38:04 GMT
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope it turns out that she got her 401k and bank accounts straightened out.
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Post by lisae on Oct 5, 2022 11:50:47 GMT
I'm sorry for your loss. It is a good reminder. No one likes to think about their own deaths but clearly, a failure to make updates has consequences.
ETA: It's more likely she did change her 401K. She would have had to change her withholdings with her employer when she divorced. HR may have given her the forms to change beneficiaries at the same time.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Oct 5, 2022 13:11:16 GMT
My mother died at 97 so we had things buttoned up on her estate for many years… or so we thought. Turns out we missed a few opportunities for a more seamless inheritance on some accounts and I’m having to jump through more hoops than I should have.
My husband and I are now going through our own plans to check, recheck, and check again. My advice to everyone is don’t make the plans and forget them. Review regularly. So much can change.
And I’m sorry for your loss.
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anaterra
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Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Oct 5, 2022 13:21:52 GMT
I remarried 11 years ago... I never really even thought about it or paid to much attention... and then my bil was killed by a drunk driver and his son got all his insurance and stuff... but it made me think, where would my money go... yes, you guessed it... to the ex... ummmm hell no!!!
So, I have since changed it all over to 25% to current dh and 25% to each of my 3 children... dh is on a life ins policy that would be enough to pay for my final services.. but my 401k, savings and investments would be split 4 ways... at least that is what I hope will happen
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bethany102399
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Post by bethany102399 on Oct 5, 2022 13:22:44 GMT
My mother died at 97 so we had things buttoned up on her estate for many years… or so we thought. Turns out we missed a few opportunities for a more seamless inheritance on some accounts and I’m having to jump through more hoops than I should have. My husband and I are now going through our own plans to check, recheck, and check again. My advice to everyone is don’t make the plans and forget them. Review regularly. So much can change. And I’m sorry for your loss. Yes yes yes! OP, I'm sorry for your loss. More than likely you will need to hire a lawyer and have them draft documents for the bank to be able to release funds to your brother. I about went off on the teller when she kept telling me I needed "estate documents" when mom did not have payable upon death listed for her checking account, yet I had 3 different sets of "estate documents" all stating myself as beneficiary. Wound up having to pay several hundred dollars to a lawyer to get one piece of paper with the magic words on it to release the funds. DH has an extended family member who has just had a massive stoke yet had nothing lined up, no will, no trust nothing. His family is powerless to do basic things like pay his mortgage bill or access any of his accounts. Nor can they make medical decisions for him - no power of attorney (medical or otherwise). trying to gain access, while navigating a loved one in crisis is awful and a good reminder to get it done now. |
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GiantsFan
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Oct 5, 2022 13:35:06 GMT
This is a good PSA.
I'm sorry your brother is going through this, and for his loss. You too, Spongemom.
My situation is trying to get the older folks in our family to write out a will. They say "In our family we've always done this kind of thing orally. So there is no need." We have it all written down as dictated to us, but it needs to be in their writing and signed by them.
ETA - my state accepts handwritten and signed (holographic) wills.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Oct 5, 2022 13:50:13 GMT
This is a good PSA. I'm sorry your brother is going through this, and for his loss. You too, Spongemom. My situation is trying to get the older folks in our family to write out a will. They say "In our family we've always done this kind of thing orally. So there is no need." We have it all written down as dictated to us, but it needs to be in their writing and signed by them. Be aware that that form of will (a holographic will) is not recognized in all states. |
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GiantsFan
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Oct 5, 2022 13:52:44 GMT
This is a good PSA. I'm sorry your brother is going through this, and for his loss. You too, Spongemom. My situation is trying to get the older folks in our family to write out a will. They say "In our family we've always done this kind of thing orally. So there is no need." We have it all written down as dictated to us, but it needs to be in their writing and signed by them. Be aware that that form of will (a holographic will) is not recognized in all states. Thanks. We are in a state where it is. But others reading this should check. |
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Post by vspindler on Oct 5, 2022 13:54:28 GMT
Not just that but if you are estranged from you legal next of kin, get a will even if you do not have much in assets. A friend’s brother passed away recently who was estranged from his children. My friend and his parents could not have the body released to them and had to jump though some hoops in order to be able to even clean out his apartment. They ended up having to get an attorney to advise them (one of the hoops) and to cover their butts in case the kids assumed the worst. (Which ended up being a good call since the kids were so abusive even to the attorney that he now will only communicate with them in writing.)
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Post by katlady on Oct 5, 2022 13:59:42 GMT
I am sorry for your loss. I hope things work out for your brother!
If you have an elderly relative who is single, have a trusted relative added to their bank account. I have a joint bank account with my mom. It was hers first, and she later added me to the account. If anything happens to her, I can still access the account.
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scrappinmama
Drama Llama
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Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Oct 5, 2022 14:02:55 GMT
I'm so sorry to hear that. It's bad enough to lose someone you love. Then to find out that there is more heartache to go with it just makes it that much more painful. Thank you for sharing here, because this is a valuable lesson for others to learn from.
I have a book that I bought called "I'm dead, now what?" We keep it locked in a safe place and it lists everything that the surviving spouse should know. Everything from here are subscriptions to cancel to financials. I bought an additional one for my mom and have it filled out.
Also, if you have an elderly parent, there is a form they can fill out at the bank listing a beneficiary of their funds with the bank.
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DEX
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Post by DEX on Oct 5, 2022 15:19:55 GMT
Depending on your state, your brother might still be responsible for his wife's medical bills. I was not a cosigner on my late husband's credit cards so I did not have to pay them. I still had to pay over $5,000 for his medical bills.
I am sorry for your loss. It has to be tough losing someone and then dealing with the stress of financial worries also.
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Post by librarylady on Oct 5, 2022 15:47:49 GMT
My sister had not updated her insurance policy and her ex got the money and would not give it to her estate.
Please take care of your paperwork.
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Post by auntkelly on Oct 5, 2022 15:49:16 GMT
We are in the process of revising our estate planning documents. Since we originally signed those documents, we have moved to a different state, which made certain revisions necessary. Plus, now that our children are grown, we want them to serve as trustees rather than our siblings.
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Post by hop2 on Oct 5, 2022 15:56:23 GMT
My beneficiaries are updated but my will is not. I don’t think the ex would screw the kids but the new will is in progress
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Post by smalltowngirlie on Oct 5, 2022 15:57:32 GMT
When DS turned 18 we updated our life insurance policies to include him and remove my sister and BIL. They would have taken DS had we both passed. My sister passed while DS was 17, so it would have all one to my BIL. My sister's passing was such a surprise we did not even think about changing our life insurance policy until DS turned 18. It was only 5 months, but still if something would have happened in those 5 months I am not sure what would have happened.
Also, if you have older parents that remarry, please make sure they update their information as needed. That can be quite a mess also.
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bethany102399
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Post by bethany102399 on Oct 5, 2022 16:09:05 GMT
Also, if you have older parents that remarry, please make sure they update their information as needed. That can be quite a mess also. oh yes, I had a friend whose father passed suddenly, her parents had divorced several years prior but her mom still got his social security as they had been married for so long. the surviving wife, to whom he had not been married very long, was livid and wound up taking as much as she could from his estate, which in turn forced a legal battle for my friend and her siblings. It was an expensive, and emotional mess for everyone and no one really walked away with what they wanted. |
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Post by papersilly on Oct 5, 2022 16:46:21 GMT
This is a good PSA. I'm sorry your brother is going through this, and for his loss. You too, Spongemom. My situation is trying to get the older folks in our family to write out a will. They say "In our family we've always done this kind of thing orally. So there is no need." We have it all written down as dictated to us, but it needs to be in their writing and signed by them. Be aware that that form of will (a holographic will) is not recognized in all states. And there could be probate issues and expenses related to a will. maybe they could consider a living trust along with that will. |
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Post by lucyg on Oct 5, 2022 16:50:26 GMT
I’m so sorry for your loss. My brother’s wife died unexpectedly last year, and it’s been such a hard journey for him (and all of us … we loved her like a sister). So my heart goes out to all of you.
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Post by papersilly on Oct 5, 2022 16:50:27 GMT
This is a good PSA. I'm sorry your brother is going through this, and for his loss. You too, Spongemom. My situation is trying to get the older folks in our family to write out a will. They say "In our family we've always done this kind of thing orally. So there is no need." We have it all written down as dictated to us, but it needs to be in their writing and signed by them. ETA - my state accepts handwritten and signed (holographic) wills. what about a living trust in addition to the will to distribute the assets and hopefully avoid the time and expense of probate? just remember to populate the living trust so you don't have significant assets that would need to go into probate. |
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 22:41:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2022 17:05:34 GMT
Also, if you have older parents that remarry, please make sure they update their information as needed. That can be quite a mess also. oh yes, I had a friend whose father passed suddenly, her parents had divorced several years prior but her mom still got his social security as they had been married for so long. the surviving wife, to whom he had not been married very long, was livid and wound up taking as much as she could from his estate, which in turn forced a legal battle for my friend and her siblings. It was an expensive, and emotional mess for everyone and no one really walked away with what they wanted. This was me. My father discovered he had late stage liver cancer and it took him in a matter of weeks. He kept wanting to bring a lawyer in to redo his will. The step-monster (3rd wife) promised him all sugary sweet that she would split half/half with me on everything and no need to worry. Well...she took EVERYTHING! She left me the last shirt he wore, his work badge and his wedding ring! I mean WTF?  My dad wanted my son to have his expensive Shriner's ring, but she took that too. She finally gave me his ashes. DH wanted me to take her to court and sue her, but in the end, it just wasn't worth it to me. I had the best of my father (his love) and she can never take that away. |
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Post by bc2ca on Oct 5, 2022 17:08:13 GMT
I'm so sorry for it all. Both the loss and potential issues with her estate.
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TXMary
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Post by TXMary on Oct 5, 2022 17:25:09 GMT
I am so sorry for your loss.
When my sister died in 2020, we were very surprised that she didn't have a will. Well, actually she did have one but it was some online company and they had gone out of business so basically she didn't. Please have a reputable attorney do your wills! My sister had been with her partner for over 40 years but they had only been married a few years. They had bought a house together long before they married and we had to get our attorney involved to handle the legalities of that. It turned out that in Texas, since they were not married when they bought the house, my mom and me and my siblings got a share of it too. Of course we all wanted it to go to her wife so we all had to sign our shares away. Luckily, none of us had a problem doing that but the lawyer said he sees it all the time when someone finds out they inherited some small part of a house on a technicality and they refuse to sign it away. Dying is complicated. Estates are complicated. Get a lawyer!
It was a good time for DH and I to review everything and make some changes in our own wills and plans, especially since she was our executor if we had both died together.
Make wills and plans and review everything periodically to keep it up to date!
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Post by littlemama on Oct 5, 2022 20:46:13 GMT
I'm sorry for your loss. It is a good reminder. No one likes to think about their own deaths but clearly, a failure to make updates has consequences. ETA: It's more likely she did change her 401K. She would have had to change her withholdings with her employer when she divorced. HR may have given her the forms to change beneficiaries at the same time. I wouldnt count on HR providing her the forms. |
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Post by Really Red on Oct 5, 2022 22:17:29 GMT
melodyesch - This sucks for your brother. I would suggest that he calls the ex and asks him to sign over the life insurance. I know you said it would automatically go to the state, but he may be able to do that. My uncle did the same thing and he had been married 10 years. My ex-aunt immediately signed over the life insurance to his widow. Hopefully, people are good.
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Post by allison1954 on Oct 5, 2022 22:55:47 GMT
melodyesch - This sucks for your brother. I would suggest that he calls the ex and asks him to sign over the life insurance. I know you said it would automatically go to the state, but he may be able to do that. My uncle did the same thing and he had been married 10 years. My ex-aunt immediately signed over the life insurance to his widow. Hopefully, people are good. My understanding of her post that it automatically is revoked on divorce so it went to the estate. The ex is out |
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Post by melodyesch on Oct 6, 2022 2:35:28 GMT
Update in OP
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My dad wanted my son to have his expensive Shriner's ring, but she took that too. She finally gave me his ashes. DH wanted me to take her to court and sue her, but in the end, it just wasn't worth it to me. I had the best of my father (his love) and she can never take that away.
