Do you resent being "invisible?"

The only part of aging that sucks for me is the fact that the warranty on my body appears to have expired, so everything is falling apart. I can relate to the whole “I gotta do Kegels” thing. I need at least one new knee, probably two. My back hurts (sciatica, possibly exacerbated by the knees), and the arthritis in my feet, ankles, and knees make rainy days unpleasant.

But other than that, I enjoy being older. I will be 61 next month, and I hope to retire July 2024 (we’ll see how the economy is doing then).

I love my children, but I am quite happy they are in the grown and flown phase of their lives. DH and I can do what we want on weekends without worrying about the commitments of our kids activity schedule. We no longer have to plan travel around band, softball, track, show choir, etc. Adult venues like casinos are back in play for vacation.

As for being seen, I don’t think I have been “seen” since my oldest was born almost 30 years ago. I have been quite fluffy since then; I dress for comfort rather than fashion; I have worn make-up maybe 5 times my entire life; I don’t do the manicure/spa/pamper routine; I’ve had the same basic haircut since 1991; I tend to be the quiet listener in meetings, speaking up after gathering info and forming my thoughts.

I am extroverted in social situations with family and those I consider my friends. They “see” me just fine and think I have a great sense of humor.

As far as work is concerned, I think I discovered my inner introvert during the pandemic while working from home. While I do like to interact with my team and other colleagues, I don’t mind working from home at all, and in fact I look forward to my scheduled WFH days.

Seen or not seen? It doesn’t seem to matter that much in everyday life, and when ythe situation arises where I need to be seen, I am quite capable of speaking up.

My mom used to say that she'd earned every wrinkle and gray hair she had. I think I have grown into myself and my power as I've aged.

My earlier post referenced only sexual invisibility.

I've never had a problem being visible. I'm not shy. 😂

Although I've not met you in person, I completely see this.

And I also think you are on to something. I don't notice how people look beyond the basics of identification. I don't care what you look like, I just need to remember you have blond hair and a red shirt. I see how they act and behave, and that is 99% of what I remember. So maybe that is key to how I read if people are ignoring me or not - are they responding to me, do they smile, do they talk over me, etc. And since I do tend to have a friendly, warm, nurturing approach to people, it seems like most people respond positively. Maybe it's artificial - I make them feel warm and fuzzy, so therefore they want more of that and don't ignore me - but it seems to be working. I don't mean to say that's right or wrong or how someone "should" behave, it's just a communication style that I'm betting people respond to more warmly than some other styles.

I guess I cannot relate to this. Either I am not invisible now at 51 or I always have been and just never noticed/cared. Lol. I don’t like attention on myself but I never feel ignored when I am wanting something at a store or question asked, etc. I am good at advocating for myself and also good at interacting positively with others (when I feel like it- I’m also pretty introverted) which I feel helps a lot in getting what I want/need. I’ve been Married since I was 22 so I don’t care about any sexual type of attention (beyond what dh gives me) - it’s just not on my radar if that’s part of the feeling ignored.

I am later 50's.
I don't care if I am considered invisible or not.
I don't worry about or care about, what others think of me or how I live my life.

Getting to that "I don't care" chapter in my life was hard. It took a lot of >> trial and error, learn from my mistakes, many tears, worrying about things that don't really matter, overthinking, changing my people pleaser ways, etc...  I was letting other peoples opinions influence me, instead of following my heart and  soul, gut instinct, intuition, etc..

I got to this "I'd don't care what others think of me" chapter in my early 40's, and it was so freeing emotionally and mentally.
Up to that point  I worried about pleasing others, wondering what everyone else thought of me, was easily influenced, worried if I didn't do what someone else thought I should do...that they would shun or shame me, I felt guilty if I thought I upset someone, etc...

I no longer allow external influence to affect me and my life. If someone likes me, wonderful. If someone doesn't like me, then they are free to excuse themselves from life.
I am so much happier and content, since I found my true self and put an end to external opinions and influence.
It is something I incorporated into my daily way of life.
One day at a time is my philosophy.

It still isn't easy, because >>  passive aggressive people, narcissists, my way is the only way people, opinionated people, intentional guilt trippers, and pushy people are relentless.   

I have been sexually invisible/mildly noticed for most of my life (overweight and short but friendly looking), so no, I haven't really had that happen. I would say as I navigate the world/in my profession/ in my family/friend circles, I do not feel more invisible. If anything, I am more of a presence than I was when I was younger. My years of experience give me more gravitas.

I'm 64 and I was also one who matured early, was zaftig until I had a breast reduction, and although overweight, I carried it well because I was an athlete. I found the attention from men so uncomfortable, because of my sexual abuse history, I gained a lot of weight so I could become invisible. After a ton of therapy, I don't have to do that any more and my weight has stabilized. I've taken pretty good care of my face because appearances were everything to my somewhat narcissistic parents. I had a massage with a new therapist and she said my face looked like I was in my 40s. But the skin on my upper arms and thighs is getting pruny, because Cushing's disease has gotten rid of all my subcutaneous fat in my extremities. I'm not super gray yet (I think I take after my dad who went gray late in life) and not ready to stop coloring my hair.

I've been studying blogs from older women who talk about fashion, but also deeper things like aging. One is a French woman; it seems they've always been more respectful of their older countrywomen. I am physically active now not because I want to be "skinny" but because I want to be healthy and comfortable in my own body. I still wear makeup, have a hairstyle that I maintain because I don't want to look like a lot of women it seems became wives and mothers and just lost themselves and gave up. But I'm done with heavy makeup, fussy hair, and fiddly clothes and shoes. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin, I want to acknowledge my growth. So I found it upsetting at first when I donned the invisibility cloak--I was early 40s, but now I don't care, and I do feel sorry for women who banked on nothing but their appearance.

Great topic! I never got a lot of attention, and generally don’t notice it unless it’s extreme. Which is rare.

Respect though—- I get more now. I project more confidence and I’m sure that’s why.

I’m not a “head turner” in my head! Never have been.

Interesting. I feel MORE VISIBLE in my 50s than I ever have. But I attribute that to feeling more confident in the space that I, as a human, am entitled to take up on this earth. I claim that space more than I ever have in my past.

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

I'm 52 and fluffy. I've been cute, but never what you would call stunning. Now I'm a kinda cute old potato. LOL

If I'm out an about, grocery store, etc., I don't mind not having any attention. I like to do my own thing. I'm not looking for men to fall over me.

At work, I do resent it. I feel I have to make myself bigger and louder to get people to pay attention. If a man were to do what I do, he would swing from the rooftops singing his praises and everyone would cheer. When I do it, it's crickets. I think if I did the same job as a "young hottie" I would get more respect. I'm not one to boast, and I think in this day and age I'm finding it more and more important to be my own cheering squad.

I think you've nailed it, at least for the OP's friend. 

It's funny. I was I think an attractive 20-something who also looked young. I found out very quickly that people would not take me seriously (probably more the looking young part, although even as a person who wore a suit with a blouse to work every day I had a male colleague complain to our supervisor about my appearance). I purposely started wearing thick glasses and even plainer clothes to work to make myself less visibly young and female. So now as I've aged I had a great warm-up to the fact that eventually I'd get less attention.

In retrospect however I'm mad at myself for caving and at the people who suggested I had to make myself invisible on purpose. I think (hope) things are better now for young women.

I don't feel invisible. In fact, like a few others have mentioned, I believe my "presence" has bloomed with age and experience. I honor my 62 years and don't try to pass as younger. I strive to be the best 62 year old I can be - health wise, mentally, physically, and by every other measurement. I know my value and appreciate time spent with people who respect that. Maybe I'm over-confident, maybe I'm delusional... but I *am* the way I am.

I got a fair amount of attention when I was young, and TBH, as that waned, it bothered me for awhile. Not any more. I like being my age. I would not want to be young again. What continues to bother me are the “Huns” and “dears” that I get. It’s annoying.