Do you resent being "invisible?"

I’ve lived in Texas for quite a while. Here it is very common for men to open doors for women. You just get used to this, it did not happen in the other 2 states that I lived in. Well, now lately - women have been opening doors for me ! Women between the ages of 30 to 50 usually. When this first started happening, I was shocked. Yikes, I AM getting old. (72) Although, I have gotten shorter and more frail.

When I was younger I was considered cute but not pretty, if that makes sense. I did get unwanted attention back in those days even long after I was married and I never had to try too hard. I’m the type of person who WANTS to be invisible for the most part. I like moving through life unnoticed so people won’t bug me and so I can get stuff done in the quickest, most efficient way possible. I don’t like chatting up random strangers, don’t like unnecessary conversation or small talk, so blending in works for me.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt invisible. I’m not sure why this happens or why people feel this way. I think it’s perhaps more about how we feel about ourselves than how other people really see us. Could that be?  

No, after having read anecdotes on the topic over the years, I think some people actually do get overlooked and are outright ignored especially in certain situations. I can see where it would be frustrating especially when you need to get something done and the salespeople are talking to everybody but you and you are the one holding the sack of cash.

Here’s a good example (and not just because I’m a woman because both times I was with my DH and he was equally ignored). At one point years and years ago when we were young and broke, we wanted to buy some stereo equipment. We went into Best Buy (this was before our lifetime ban went into effect on that store) after work one day in our work clothes (read: not fancy) and we’re looking at the various components trying to decide what we wanted for our apartment. DH had money from his birthday and I had money from a work bonus so we had a good amount of cash earmarked for this purchase. We walked around and around and around and we kept trying to flag someone down but none of the salespeople would even give us the time of day. We ended up leaving without making a purchase.

Fast forward several months later and we were attending the wedding of a friend. It was one of those deals where the wedding was early but the reception wasn’t until much later, and we were way on the other side of town. We had a few hours to kill but didn’t want to drive all the way home only to have to turn around and come all the way back, so we looked for somewhere to go for a while. We drove around and saw this mall with a Best Buy so we went in. The second we walked through the door, the salespeople were on us like flies, falling all over themselves trying to help us. The literal only difference between the two situations was that in one we were wearing sorry ass work clothes and the other we were all dressed up to the nines for this wedding. We still ended up not buying anything just on principle. We didn’t have any more or less money either time, but when we had the *appearance* of having money, only then would anyone give us any assistance and we both thought that was crap customer service.

I can also say that after having worked at a bank for 8 years, I knew how much money people had in their accounts with that bank. It wasn’t uncommon for the people who dressed very plainly (especially with older people) to have a LOT of money in the bank while those who came in repeatedly wondering why they had gotten yet another overdraft charge usually didn’t look as broke as they actually were. 

I disagree, I think you’re very pretty! 😘

As time goes on, those things on which we base our identity and self-esteem might change. It can feel like a loss, whether it's being the "pretty, noticed one" or the "cool teacher".

I used to feel smarter than I do now. Some, because my cognitive abilities are a bit slower, but mostly because I have become aware of how much I don't know.

@iamkristinil16   That does not surprise me. 

I have never felt truly invisible as I'm 6' tall and have always "stuck out". I was a reserved child and young adult. I feel like I came into my own in my 30's and 40's. Now in my 60's, I try to continue being friendly and welcoming. I am aging appropriately I try to keep my appearance neat.

There are alot of great thoughts on this post.

I’ve never noticed it that much, but I rather like not having attention on me.
Last summer I rode with my husband and his friends for over an hour on our way to a rafting trip. Nobody spoke to me at all and I didn’t say anything to try to contribute to the conversation. I felt invisible and it was a little annoying. I could have “tried” to enter in but I didn’t.
On a day to day basis it doesn’t bother me, it’s not something I’ve noticed.

I like getting older and having fewer f*(#s to give.

Everyone has different approaches to their appearance and they are all valid (whatever floats your boat), but I do think there is a risk when your appearance and the attention it garners is a primary part of your identity when you are younger because it will inevitably change when you get older.

I would venture that this explains much of the excessive plastic surgery and other enhancements used by celebrities. Some become grotesque versions of their once naturally attractive selves.

when I hear “I’m not going to let myself go when I get old” I have to laugh, because that would be me 20-40. But what I couldn’t know then is how inconsequential that surface stuff is. As I get closer to 60, I realize that what matters is who I am and how I treat and relate to others. I’ve grown used to my older face, I like it just fine. I have discovered that the best validation isn’t compliments about my looks, but compliments about how I make people feel.

I never thought about this before but I do understand feeling invisible. I used to be quite thin and pretty when I was young, and I have blonde hair and very blue eyes so I got a lot of attention. Being pretty opened some doors for me, both literally and figuratively.

Being an overweight 56 year old, I certainly don't get the attention I used to. It is kind of like being invisible.

I don't resent it though, I just wish I was aware of how pretty I was back when I was very pretty. I lacked a lot of confidence then. Now I have the confidence but not the looks.