|
|
Post by scrappysurfer on Jan 2, 2015 18:41:32 GMT
Did MIL fly or drive into town? I'm willing to bet that either way, that chair will never see the inside of her home.
SIL has a beautiful new chair and neither she or MIL will ever think twice or have an ounce of guilt over how they treated DH to get it. Sorry, OP.
|
|
moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,276 
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
|
Post by moodyblue on Jan 2, 2015 18:54:07 GMT
Did MIL fly or drive into town? I'm willing to bet that either way, that chair will never see the inside of her home. SIL has a beautiful new chair and neither she or MIL will ever think twice or have an ounce of guilt over how they treated DH to get it. Sorry, OP. I agree. And the husband's family members have taken advantage of him being willing to roll over and keep the peace at any cost to himself and his own family. He's just reinforced that it is OK for them to treat him this way. I'm a big advocate of "taking the high road" in every case possible - but I don't think this is an example of that. I think it's shown that he can be bullied into doing whatever they want, even when it costs him money and takes something away that he valued. And it teaches his own children that it's more important to give in to the bullies than to stand up for yourself and your wife. The saddest thing is that giving her the chair (SIL will probably end up with it, as others said) won't change how he is treated by his mother and siblings. If anything, they will probably respect him even less for being bullied into giving it up. He isn't going to get a better relationship with them because of this. |
|
|
|
Post by jonda1974 on Jan 2, 2015 21:40:51 GMT
Just curious as to why it wouldn't be worth fighting for your principles? Not being argumentative, but I hear this a lot not just here, but in real life too. I am a peacemaker. I'd rather give up the chair than have my mother pissed at me over a chair. I don't think you can change people like this. I can understand that. I used to be a peacemaker, but peacemakers end up being treated so often as doormats. In this situation, the mother was going to be pissed regardless. She's probably still pissed even now that she has the chair. Some people, even parents, need to be eliminated from our lives to make sure that we have a peaceful life. |
|
|
|
Post by peanuttle on Jan 5, 2015 21:19:41 GMT
I'm sorry that things turned out the way they did and sorry, too, that this is a continuing pattern for your family.
I may be way too late with this post to get an answer from you, peanuttle/Carrie but I had a question about something in one of your posts.
You wrote:
A few years ago, I got really pissed over something pretty huge the family did and I refused to step foot in any of their homes. It ended up being DH and my kids who suffered and wanted to know why they couldn't go see their cousins and family for Thanksgiving and Christmas like we always do... So, I bucked it up and am back to sitting through the BS with a smile on my face. A couple days per year of pain for me it worth to see DH and the kids happy.
It makes sense that you don't want to keep DH (and your kids) from seeing his family if that's what he chooses but do you have to go? I don't even know you and it makes me crazy what your family is putting up with. At this point, it's not about the chair. It's not about how your MIL disrespects your DH, disrespects you, and disrespects your kids because you expect that from her. At this point, for me, it would be about how I just couldn't be a part of watching my DH allow all of us to be treated that way. Do you have to go and watch your DH accept that you all are held in such disregard? Would you be able to let them go without you?
Hope things get better...
Manomo, I do not have to go, but I gave that a try and it really sucked. Not for me, but for my kids, especially my now 9 yo. He doesn't know that situation, so he kept questioning why I wasn't going. It made me look like the troublemaker (or at least that's what I felt like), so I bucked it up for my family. |
|
|
|
Post by peanuttle on Jan 5, 2015 21:23:20 GMT
I'm sorry to read this update too. I would encourage you to go onto Craig's List and hit some consignment furniture shops. You had a cool vintage chair and these types of chairs tend to surface. Last night my husband was sitting in a cool chair very similar to yours (that's why I really noticed it) at our friend's cabin and I asked him where it came from. It had been left at a cabin his parents bought back in the 80s. They didn't want it and he took it. Beautiful condition. If you were willing to look around a while, I think you could find something cool and redo it to your liking again. I hit garage sales, thrift shops, and consignment furniture stores often. This kind of thing is out there. Oh good lord, don't tell my MIL, it was probably hers and she will hunt it down.  I have been looking all over the internet to find something similar, but nothing yet. We will hit up some antique stores as well, unfortunately you don't find many cool pieces here in S. California. |
|
mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
|
Post by mallie on Jan 5, 2015 21:24:17 GMT
I just can't imagine someone who would demand a piece of custom upholstered furniture that matched the rest of the pieces. I also know myself well enough that it would have become "The hill of death". You folks are so much better than I am. See, I don't think it makes someone better to give into the demands of petty tyrants. |
|
|
|
Post by peanuttle on Jan 5, 2015 21:28:18 GMT
I don't think delivering the chair makes him a class act. I will agree that not stuffing year old sardines in the lining does though. I think giving over the chair makes him a coward and I'm sorry for you and your family that your DH won't put your treatment ahead of hers. I'm sad that he is teaching your kids that it is ok to treat family like garbage and then on top of it, you get a chair out of it. Even giving a bill at this point does nothing as they won't pay anyway and they will just dismiss the number as you guys having sour grapes over stealing "her" chair. I know this isn't a life or death kind of thing, but the treatment he has shown you and the kids really just leaves me speechless. Cade, I understand what you are saying about DH giving the chair up. We had several conversations and he knows I am not happy that he gave it to her. As for our boys, neither of them know what happened and I would be surprised if they even know that chair is gone. If they do ask about it, I will tell them grandma wanted it, so we gave it to her. I am not going to drag the kids into the drama of the family, I see no point. |
|
|
|
Post by peanuttle on Jan 5, 2015 21:33:36 GMT
So sad to hear about this update. I hate when people roll over and let others walk all over them. Especially family. OP, you need to stand up for your husband since he won't, as someone needs to put this evil woman in her place. The chair may be gone, but in all honesty, you need to unload everything on her about her behavior. I know it is hard, but unfortunately I don't think your husband did the upstanding thing. The upstanding thing would have been to stand up to his mother regardless. I know he was in a tough situation, and that puts you in a tough situation, but the brave things like Cade said would have been to tell her to stuff it. I guarantee you that chair is staying at your SIL house. It will never end up at MIL. You will never see any of the money you put into it. I honestly hope at this point the chair breaks when she sits in it. (without her getting hurt of course). Oh, I have stood up and told her what I though of her Jonda. I had a lengthy conversation with her and my FIL after the last debacle. It did not turn out well for myself or DH, but it sure felt good. I know how DH feels about me jumping into it and I am not going to do it again. We have distanced ourself quite a bit from the family and rarely have to see or talk to MIL and FIL, so it makes it easier to tolerate. Me saying something again would mean the end of our relationship with anyone in the family, which is fine with me, but I am not going to do that to DH or DS's. It's very little trouble for me to put on a smile 2x a year. |
|
|
|
Post by peanuttle on Jan 5, 2015 21:48:14 GMT
Yes, DH sent his dad the totals, which amounted to a little over $700. We will see if the check arrives.
When MIL first asked him for the chair, DH was pissed and told her how ridiculous it was, it was in our garage over 20 years, it has rat pee, he asked her numerous times if she wanted it, etc, etc. He told her exactly what he thought of the situation. I think he is just over it and rather than arguing with her, he handed it over and is done.
He does not freely contact her or call her. He does talk occasionally with his dad, but he even keeps that short. He is finally realizing how they are, but he is not ready to cut it off with them. It will be his decision to do so.
Claire, MIL and FIL are ok with our children. From what I can see (parents view), they are very close with SIL's children, but since we do not live near them, my children don't really see it. When they see them, they are nice and talk to them, but when they are not around, we don't hear a peep.
I told FIL that they don't treat our kids the same as their other grandkids and he got pissed. He 100% disagrees, but they are both delusional.
Sorry for all the posts, just trying to catch up and respond to questions.
I will say, I understand where most of you are coming from when you say to stand up and not let MIL walk all over us, etc. I am generally the peacemaker, but I have a breaking point and since DH and I have been together, I have had 4 distinct times that I have lost it with his family, specifically MIL. You can only take so much before you break.
I use to be a stress case and cry and get upset, but I have learned over the past 3 years to let it go. The more I try to fight it, the more I am giving them the power and the more it affects my health and my family. I now let DH handle it and will give him my two cents, but ultimately, I there are only a few things I that would be deal breakers for me.
More and more I can tell that he is "seeing the light" and it's a matter of time before he cuts her off.
|
|
|
|
Post by jonda1974 on Jan 5, 2015 21:56:29 GMT
So sad to hear about this update. I hate when people roll over and let others walk all over them. Especially family. OP, you need to stand up for your husband since he won't, as someone needs to put this evil woman in her place. The chair may be gone, but in all honesty, you need to unload everything on her about her behavior. I know it is hard, but unfortunately I don't think your husband did the upstanding thing. The upstanding thing would have been to stand up to his mother regardless. I know he was in a tough situation, and that puts you in a tough situation, but the brave things like Cade said would have been to tell her to stuff it. I guarantee you that chair is staying at your SIL house. It will never end up at MIL. You will never see any of the money you put into it. I honestly hope at this point the chair breaks when she sits in it. (without her getting hurt of course). Oh, I have stood up and told her what I though of her Jonda. I had a lengthy conversation with her and my FIL after the last debacle. It did not turn out well for myself or DH, but it sure felt good. I know how DH feels about me jumping into it and I am not going to do it again. We have distanced ourself quite a bit from the family and rarely have to see or talk to MIL and FIL, so it makes it easier to tolerate. Me saying something again would mean the end of our relationship with anyone in the family, which is fine with me, but I am not going to do that to DH or DS's. It's very little trouble for me to put on a smile 2x a year. I can understand that. My grandmother is much the same with my mom as your MIL is with DH. So I completely understand the situation you are in. I would ask your husband some leading questions sometime, like outside of the fact that she's his mother, what reason does he have for wanting a relationship with her? I know you don't want to explain it to your DS's, but are these the type of people that you want your children to have to grow up knowing and having an influence on them. My grandmother was hard on my mother and wasn't much nicer to me. Sometimes its ok to divorce your family. But I know it isn't easy because of your DH. But I would use your children as an example when you talk with him. Does he want that influence on his children. You may think you shield them from it, but I can tell you from experience, they are very observant, and probably know more than you think about what is going on. I can tell from the way you talk, he doesn't want that negativity to be passed on to his sons. So I would put it to him like that, and explain to the kids if they ask. I wish you the best. Hugs all around. |
|
|
|
Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jan 5, 2015 22:22:07 GMT
OP, I totally understand why you & your dh gave the chair to them.
Sometimes you just have to shrug your shoulders, give in as the peacemaker, and give up.
It wouldn't be worth the weight on you if this was the battle that ended your dh's relationship with his family, and then years later he turned around and blamed you.
Stand together, and go find another awesome chair!
And maybe even hopefully you will get a check in the mail from the in laws.
|
|
|
|
Post by scrappinjen on Jan 28, 2015 15:11:38 GMT
I am sorry to read it turned out like this. Sad they had to be so petty and ruin a good thing. Add that to the column ->when people show you who they are....believe them.
|
|
|
|
Post by peace on Jan 28, 2015 17:09:27 GMT
peanuttle Did FIL ever send a check?? I just reread this entire thread and I simply must know!
|
|
|
|
Post by peace on Feb 3, 2015 1:30:15 GMT
BT & T
|
|
|
|
Post by peanuttle on Jun 25, 2015 21:05:51 GMT
Update in OP
|
|
marimoose
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,282
|
Post by marimoose on Jun 25, 2015 21:13:23 GMT
Your in-laws really sound like doozies and I seriously don't think I could go forward having any relationship with people like that. I wouldn't be able to be polite or enjoy any time with them, no matter what. I am glad that you got something for the chair but it still sickens me that they treated you and your dh like that and you are still out a matching chair. I don't recall, didi you find something that would be a suitable substitute?
|
|
Nicole in TX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,951
|
Post by Nicole in TX on Jun 25, 2015 21:17:16 GMT
Unbelieveable! Thanks for the update!
|
|
|
|
Post by just PEAchy on Jun 25, 2015 21:20:15 GMT
Did the chair ever make it to MIL/FIL's house? Last the OP updated, I think it was at SIL's house.
|
|
|
|
Post by krazykatlady on Jun 25, 2015 21:27:25 GMT
Geez! I hope he asked them when he could expect to see the remainder of the money. I'm sorry, parents or not, I'd have a hard time maintaining a civil relationship with these people anymore.
|
|
|
|
Post by elaine on Jun 25, 2015 21:53:45 GMT
I'm so sorry.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 22, 2024 20:29:45 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2015 21:58:55 GMT
Wow! I'm shocked that you got any money whatsoever.
|
|
|
|
Post by k8smom on Jun 25, 2015 22:37:50 GMT
Oh my gosh. I'm sorry. This whole chair debacle makes me want to track it down and light it on fire. I hope your MIL is very happy snuggling up to that chair in her old age, because she will have destroyed relationships to get it.
|
|
|
|
Post by peanuttle on Jun 25, 2015 22:39:11 GMT
I agree, they are doozies. I am hoping DH will finally be done with them, it's slow, but coming.
We went out a few weeks after we gave it to them and bought two new chairs and new pillows. We had to change the colors because we had pillows made and another chair made to suit the colors in the other chair. I do the new chairs and colors, but it set us back $2k! I was hoping the money we got would pay for one of the chairs, but it only bought me half.
I will say, I love the
|
|
|
|
Post by lucyg on Jun 25, 2015 22:42:05 GMT
Thanks for the update. I'm impressed you got any money out of them at all.  |
|
|
|
Post by anonrefugee on Jun 25, 2015 22:42:20 GMT
Thanks for update. I'm glad you got something, even if you deserve more. They really are something...
|
|
|
|
Post by crimsoncat05 on Jun 25, 2015 22:51:36 GMT
they couldn't even acknowledge the work you DID on the chair and that they owe you the entire amount of money-- okay, that update is just rotten; almost more insulting, somehow, than if they didn't pay at all...
|
|
|
|
Post by peanuttle on Jun 25, 2015 23:04:57 GMT
Yeah, I know, I'm sorry. I told DH, they probably took the fabric off and had it recovered with the money they owe us.
|
|
|
|
Post by Bridget in MD on Jun 25, 2015 23:12:02 GMT
ugh that really stinks!!!!!  |
|
|
|
Post by trixiecat on Jun 25, 2015 23:33:52 GMT
Thank you so much for the update…I was so curious how this all went down. I think your husband needs to tell them that in their will they need to "will" the chair back to you.
|
|
|
|
Post by metaldancer on Jun 26, 2015 0:09:35 GMT
Thank you for that update - I've been wondering if anything was ever resolved. I'm not surprised you didn't get the full amount. I'm really surprised you got anything at all. They are a piece of work.
|
|
Time to get off the internet!
