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Post by tinydogmafia on Dec 11, 2014 3:35:11 GMT
This thread is useless without pictures!  YESSSSS!!!!! |
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azredhead
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,755 
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Post by azredhead on Dec 11, 2014 3:39:42 GMT
This thread is useless without pictures! Keep the chair. It's just a game and if she wins, all that means is there's another round. She'll find something else to play a game about only this time, you maybe blindsided. At least now you know. I also like myshelly's idea of sending her random chairs! That'd be hilarious! Oh i like that idea better. Just give her a random chair. |
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SuPeaNatural
Full Member
AUSTRALIA
Posts: 424
Jun 27, 2014 8:49:11 GMT
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Post by SuPeaNatural on Dec 11, 2014 3:47:44 GMT
And next time she visits and sees it still there - by a stroke of incredible luck, you found one that looks identical to it and you redid it the same.
Frankly, it would irk me every time I looked at it - but it would irk me a lot more to let her have it. I hope you keep it and that your husband doesn't cave to her demands.
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Post by elaine on Dec 11, 2014 4:41:24 GMT
I'd be more than happy to chip in to the fund so refupeas can send dear MIL a folding chair from Costco online in its place.
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Jili
Pearl Clutcher
SLPea
Posts: 4,366
Jun 26, 2014 1:26:48 GMT
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Post by Jili on Dec 11, 2014 5:02:12 GMT
I have a strong feeling that if your MIL were to regain the chair, you would never hear the end of her bitching about how much you made her pay for it. I would gamble that she would start family rumors that you falsely exaggerated the cost of the chair renovation. She would turn you guys into money-grubbing monsters. She may even reduce any inheritance your husband would have gotten by the chair amount. She sounds as if she cannot be satisfied. I also wonder if perhaps your SIL also saw the chair and expressed a desire for it. As other peas mentioned, she may get it back just to give it to another family member. And I don't think it would stop with the chair. She would probably request the curtains and pillows you had made to complement the chair since you wouldn't need them any longer. Not only did your MIL have 20 years in which to ask for the chair, she never used it during your husband's childhood either. So why does it suddenly have this amazing appeal? What changed? Why you updated it and want it, that's what changed. And either she really likes your taste or she just doesn't want her son to be happy. I hope your husband decides to keep the chair. He is more than entitled to it. He stored it for all those years. He even moved it to your new home. He is the only one to want to actually use this chair,. And the chair belongs to him both legally and morally. I hope you to strongly encourage him to keep it and just move on. He can then be the bad son over the chair instead of being the bad son over charging her for the chair. Because no matter how this is resolved, he's going to be the bad son in her eyes, which is such a shame. I'm rather fascinated by your dilemma. Like just about everyone else, I'd like to see you keep the chair. FWIW, I agree with everything Lexica said above. I would bet that if you give up the chair, it's going to remain at your SIL's house. |
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oaksong
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,167
Location: LA Suburbia
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 6:24:29 GMT
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Post by oaksong on Dec 11, 2014 5:26:03 GMT
You have to be strong for your husband. I feel badly that he is willing to give up the chair to appease his mother, when he is the only one who has cared about it all these years. It's a little heartbreaking. Don't let that foul woman keep abusing him.
She doesn't even really want the damn chair! Gaahhh, now I'm getting all worked up! WTH is wrong with her?
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Post by chaosisapony on Dec 11, 2014 5:36:27 GMT
Do not give her that chair!
If your husband absolutely must though, be sure to give it to her in the exact condition in which she left it. I would rather set fire to all that fabric than let her get the nice, redone chair!
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conchita
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,141
Jul 1, 2014 11:25:58 GMT
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Post by conchita on Dec 11, 2014 5:37:22 GMT
Another one who'd chip in for sending her a folding chair from Costco!
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Post by anniefb on Dec 11, 2014 6:12:37 GMT
I agree - don't give her the chair. Get one from goodwill and send that instead |
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TheOtherMeg
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,541
Jun 25, 2014 20:58:14 GMT
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Post by TheOtherMeg on Dec 11, 2014 6:13:51 GMT
I wouldn't let her taint MY feelings about the chair. Every time I sat in it I'd be like "bitch, I got your fucking chair. Ha. fucking. ha." Then I'd let the dog sleep in it. lol. If dad is willing to pay, I'd *make* *them* *pay*. $600, plus shipping, plus a replacement chair. Fuck you, we're now in the $1200-$1500 range. I'd love to say that I'd take the high road and be all conciliatory and everything, but I'm sure I'd take the freebird road on this one. If my DH really wanted to get rid of the chair at this point, I'd definitely advise $600+shipping+replacement chair. The ILs will undoubtedly have a fit, but between a storage fee and the fact that the entire room was custom decorated around this chair... well, expenses must be covered, yanno. |
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TheOtherMeg
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,541
Jun 25, 2014 20:58:14 GMT
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Post by TheOtherMeg on Dec 11, 2014 6:18:39 GMT
I hope that you and DH reconsider giving her that chair. It won't keep the peace, it won't make her like you any better, and it sure won't raise you on the popularity list of siblings. All it will signal is that you blinked - so she will know she can continue to treat you/DH like crap. So why should you have to go to the cost and inconvenience of replacing that chair? It means something to your DH. Tell her she will be the first to know if you ever decide to get rid of it. Of course, that should be the day hell freezes over! PLEASE read this quote again - and have your husband read it too! You will change nothing for the better if you give her the chair - because it isn't about the chair; it's about power and control. The message you will send to her and everyone else is that you will do anything to appease her. Do you have children? Is this what you want them to learn about how to let other people treat you? When does your husband quit trying to please her? Newsflash - it ain't going to happen! All she will see is that she can control him and get him to do what she wants. And, I'd bet money if you gave it to her right now, it won't ever get to her house and your husband will have given up something he values in a futile effort to please someone who will never respect him. So true!!! |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 22, 2024 14:50:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2014 9:58:33 GMT
Ok, it is rare that all the refupeas are in agreement 100%! You need to let your hubby know about this very rare phenomenon and tell him it will not bode well for him to go against the peas!
I am another one who will give you $20 to keep the chair! I was saving it for my company's "adopt a needy family for Christmas" fund but I feel deep down in my soul, that this is more important!
(Kidding, of course!)
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Post by lesserknownpea on Dec 11, 2014 10:05:14 GMT
I cannot believe how strongly I am concerned about the ownership of a chair I've never seen, in a home somewhere I've never been, which belongs RIGHTLY to a couple nice people I've never met.
Please keep the chair. Please smile every time you look at the chair. The poor thing was mistreated for decades. Finally someone took it in and cared for it. It's happy where it is. Don't tear it from its home.
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Post by johna on Dec 11, 2014 11:03:40 GMT
Wow, this is so unreal. My first reaction was also to not give her the chair. I also believe that it will end up with one of the other siblings. However, I understand that the feelings that your dh will have every time he sees that chair just may not be worth it.
I would stand firm on wanting everything I put into it, though.
Yeah, she's a bitter and selfish person. I hate that she has treated her own son and his family in such a way. I wish you all peace with your decision, and I hope for the best outcome for you and your dh.
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Post by SweetiePie Pea on Dec 11, 2014 11:39:11 GMT
There is absolutely no way to win this! I wanna say cigarette burn the seat if it must go to her! but Im even more pissed that you may have to now pay 2-3x as much to have a chair custom made so you don't have to replace everything else!!!! I'm actually getting pissed about her not realizing this!! Or giving a shit I guess? She just wants it because she didn't have to do all the damn work to get it fixed up!
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Post by yodutchess on Dec 11, 2014 13:07:27 GMT
Does this bitch live within 100 miles of Philadelphia? I will go put a chair on her lawn. Or two.
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Post by penny on Dec 11, 2014 13:12:39 GMT
Does this bitch live within 100 miles of Philadelphia? I will go put a chair on her lawn. Or two. I'm getting images of a lawn full of chairs like the flamingos you can rent for someone's birthday... I wonder how much it would cost to rent a couple hundred plastic chairs from a party rental place and have them set up on a front lawn... |
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
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Post by julieb on Dec 11, 2014 13:15:59 GMT
I was in line with the "don't give it to her", then quickly switched to "give it to her because everything you look at it you will think of her wanting it", back to "keep it".
I agree that your MIL is so wishy-washy over retrieving it for all these years, she won't follow through. Do you really care what she says or thinks? The hard part about that is that your DH does, which is unfortunate after the way he has been treated.
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,566
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Post by MerryMom on Dec 11, 2014 14:50:00 GMT
My response to her would be a win for you and your husband...
"Sure Mom, let us know when you organize and pay for how the chair is going to be shipped to you and we'll be home when the company comes to pick it up to ship it to you. Also, we will need the $600 that we paid to have the chair recovered. Thanks".
Given her 20 years of not making any arrangements to pick up the chair nor any sort of follow through to get it shipped, I doubt she will make those arrangements. Therefore, your husband hasn't refused to give her the chair, SHE hasn't paid for the recovering nor the shipping.
This keeps the focus on her and what SHE hasn't done to make the arrangements versus it being that your husband refused to give her back "her chair".
If you do decide to send it to her, I wouldn't make any arrangements, that's on "them".
I would, however, rub several dozen Uncrustables over all the chair, plus fart on it before it was shipped.
...but that's how I roll.
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Post by kimmie75 on Dec 11, 2014 14:56:02 GMT
Your husband purchased the house. A sale of the house includes anything the owners leave behind and the property transfers. It ceased to be her chair long ago.
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Post by jonda1974 on Dec 11, 2014 15:00:20 GMT
Please, whatever you do, even if you send it back, DO NOT send it in the new beautiful condition. Give her the chair she left...For all that is holy do not give her a good chair in return.
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pudgygroundhog
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,648
Location: The Grand Canyon
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Post by pudgygroundhog on Dec 11, 2014 15:18:23 GMT
I cannot believe how strongly I am concerned about the ownership of a chair I've never seen, in a home somewhere I've never been, which belongs RIGHTLY to a couple nice people I've never met. Please keep the chair. Please smile every time you look at the chair. The poor thing was mistreated for decades. Finally someone took it in and cared for it. It's happy where it is. Don't tear it from its home. Ha ha - this! I keep thinking about this chair and really hope you keep it. Giving it to her will not fix anything in this toxic relationship and if anything, make it worse. |
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ellen
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,805
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Post by ellen on Dec 11, 2014 15:25:41 GMT
Your husband was a great sport storing all the stuff they didn't want to bother with for so many years. Your MIL is being a whiner. Keep the chair. Odds are she'll never bother to get it anyway.
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PaperAngel
Prolific Pea
Posts: 7,994
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Dec 11, 2014 15:28:29 GMT
Given the history of the chair, it is not your MIL's to claim. Your husband legally got ownership of the chair when he purchased the home. His subsequent generous offers to return it to his parents were declined (even if your husband did misunderstand & she wanted the chair, she never made any effort to retrieve it), so he lovingly restored it as a special family heirloom in your home. IMHO he should not entertain requests from anyone - parents, siblings, friends, realtors, strangers - for this chair.
Sadly, it appears your MIL is willing to risk her relationship with your husband over a chair that she abandoned decades ago & has no right to now, & your FIL is supporting her efforts. I suggest your husband never mention the chair to his parents. However, if they have the audacity to ask for it, your husband should simply explain to them that it is not for sale or donation. Especially since he did not receive the train set that he had specifically requested, he is unwilling to give up one of the few childhood reminders that he was left with because no one else wanted it; this chair is now a part of your family.
Although I understand your husband's desire to just give his parents the chair to end the drama, I warn against setting that precedent. Throughout the holidays & during subsequent visits, she may demand & feel entitled to anything in your home that she wants or thinks another child deserves, &, worse, she may also encourage your husband's siblings/children to do the same! Best wishes...
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Post by BeckyTech on Dec 11, 2014 15:33:40 GMT
I actually think that it probably has very little to do with chair, but, like your dh's family, it is all about power. Some people get their jollies by wielding their power to make family members acquiesce to their unreasonable demands and also to hurt people. I'm guessing the MIL in the OP's case, and maybe in yours, is all about power over and control of those around her. As adults, it is up to us to finally realize that it only works when we play along and let them manipulate and hurt us. The OP's husband can tell his mom that he'll do her the favor of leaving her the chair in his will, but that it is his until then and refuse to discuss it anymore with her. I agree that this is not about the chair at all but about power and making your DH miserable. Therefore, when you end up keeping the chair, don't let this incident make you look at it with a sick feeling that the pleasure has been taken away by your MIL. Instead, look at it and smile because you both finally realized that you have triumphed over her stupid mind games and have taken back your power! |
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,405
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Dec 11, 2014 16:14:34 GMT
Don't give her the chair.
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Dec 11, 2014 16:17:58 GMT
She didn't want the old chair which needed TLC. She wants the refurbished chair because she is a mean b!tch.
Let your husband decide what to do but if he decides to send it to her, I would ask him to get the shipping cost from her before you send it. Once received and the check clears, I would remove the upholstery and send it with the cheapest, ugliest remnant material I could find in the sale bin at Joanne's.
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azredhead
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,755
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Post by azredhead on Dec 11, 2014 16:19:46 GMT
I didn't read all the pages, but I can't for the life of me understand people who value things/stuff/items over relationships and people's feelings. Regardless if you like the person or not (hello your family?!) but how do u value stuff so much?? it's stuff! because they never had a relationship or at the least a poor one at that. They use those 'those 'things' to control the relationships. There's nothing wrong with him wanting to keep a chair that he worked on. |
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Post by peanuttle on Dec 11, 2014 16:28:52 GMT
I LOVE YOU ALL!!! I so wish I could share this with DH, but never in a million years would I show him this thread, he would be pissed that I posted about this. He is anti social media and hates sharing personal stuff (wierdo, I know). I got home last night and DH was measuring the chair and I asked what he was doing. He said MIL texted him and asked him to send the measurements of The Chair. I went off. Seriously the lady never contacts him. She has been in town since early November and we have seen her twice, once for a bday party and once on Thanksgiving and the only thing she has spoken to him about is this stupid chair, other than that, not a peep. We invited her to DS football game and she had other plans. She is just a rotten person. Unfortunately since this is DH family, I have no say over the chair. DH is done with it and I am 100% sure he will give her the chair. He is pissed because I keep mentioned the money, but hell if I am going to give up the chair and be out all the money we put into it, especially knowing a replacement chair will cost more. Hey, maybe the peas can start dropping off old chairs in her driveway. They would come home from Christmas in CA and have a driveway full of old broken down chairs. Any peas in NC?  I took a picture last night and saved it on my desktop, but I don't know how to link it. |
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smartypants71
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,843
Location: Houston, TX
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Post by smartypants71 on Dec 11, 2014 16:32:22 GMT
I didn't read all the pages, but I can't for the life of me understand people who value things/stuff/items over relationships and people's feelings. Regardless if you like the person or not (hello your family?!) but how do u value stuff so much?? it's stuff! You really need to read the whole thread.  |
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