You have a physical abnormality. Your brain chemistry distorts the way you see the world, yourself and others.
If you had poor vision and couldn't see the world around you properly you'd have difficulty getting through the day. Your inaccurate vision might give you the wrong perception of your surroundings. It might make normal tasks laborious, taxing and potentially even dangerous. It wouldn't be your fault that you couldn't see. It wouldn't be fair that others can see so easily and you have to work so hard. You might find that the way seeing people describe their surroundings as fake because it doesn't line up with your perspective.
But if you had poor vision you wouldn't think twice about seeing an optometrist. You would trust that they have the knowledge and skills to provide you the exact lenses to work with your body's shortcomings and allow you to see your world in a healthy and accurate way.
Your depression is a physical abnormality that you have. a therapist can help you develop the tools to see your world in a new way. Get thee to an "optometrist"!
My biggest issue preventing me from seeking out and keeping with therapy is that I resent it. I resent having to retrain the way I think. I don't WANT to go to the expense and time and put in all the energy to change the way I see things and the way I feel, when everyone else around me gets to keep being who they are. Going to therapy isn't going to make my husband more communicative. Going to therapy isn't going to make my mom stop saying things like that I'm a liar, or nasty, or fake.
I honestly feel like going to therapy is just a big huge LIE. Retraining my brain to think I'm worthwhile and happy and things are good, is just stupid, because they aren't.
It's easy to say that I'm the owner of my own happiness, but I don't want a stupid fake happiness that is just a big lie.
So, I'm sure that all of these feelings about therapy is just part of my depression, but even when I'm successfully medicated I still feel the same way. I hate the exercises. I hate feeling like I need to trick my brain into seeing things the way they aren't.
If you've ever felt this way about therapy, did you change your mind? What helped?
I have felt this way before. I used to argue with the therapist who wanted me to see bad things in a different way, LOL. I don't pretend or give in to a lie that everything is OK because it isn't. I'm sure I tried the patience of the therapist many times. Eventually we clicked and she even called a family member on the phone and grilled her for an explanation of what the sam hill she was doing and why. It was great! I've also come to the realization that those who really, really need therapy will never get it. They won't. They see it as a sign of weakness. They are the kind who will pat you on the head and say awww, you poor thing - when they are the reason you are in therapy in the first place! And I don't believe/fall for everything the therapist wants me to. Sometimes it's psychobabble. Sometimes not. Pick and choose out of the therapy what works for you. Not all of it will.
I know what you mean. I started going to therapy because I knew I needed to deal with things that I went through when I was a child and young adult. I knew that it was putting myself in a bad place not being able to deal with my mothers death and why she died.
I know therapy isn't for everybody and that me going to therapy isn't going to change the people around me. But the one thing I have learned through therapy is that no matter how other people are and how they treat me I am worthy and it helps me deal with them in a better way. I know my husband is always telling me and my daughter that we need to communicate better with him but he is one of the worst communicators I know. He only wants to communicate about the things he needs to tell me or wants to tell me.
I am the type of person that thinks if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. I am not talking about positive criticism. I am talking about calling people names and just being mean.
therapy hasn't changed me or my way of thinking or acting. It has changed the way I deal with life on a daily basis. I am still me. I still have the same beliefs and the same morals. I still think the same as I did before. I now know that the things that people did to me in my past isn't and was never my fault. I can live life without shame. I can live life without having this bad stuff run my life.
Maybe you need to find a new therapist because it sounds like the one you went to is trying to change you.
I did read a self esteem book and did a workbook that went with it. But it wasn't to change me it was for me to learn that it was ok being who I am and that I am a good person.
My depression was caused by a large group of situations over the years. When I was a kid no body dealt with anything. When I was in my 20's and had an abusive husband nobody wanted to help me because they didn't want to get involved. So for too many years I thought it was my place to be abused and mistreated. After too many more years I went to therapy and learned that no it wasn't my place to be abused nor mistreated. I was not a bad person. The bad person was the man who was abusing me. When I was a child I was abused by the stepdad and I always felt it was my fault I had to hide it because I was told not to tell. But it wasn't me that was the bad person nor was it my fault. It was his fault. after going to therapy I learned that I was NOT at fault. Now I can really put it in the past.
There has been alot of stuff that I have had to deal with and there is a lot more stuff I have to work through. I go to therapy because I want to be a better person not because I want the people around me to be better. or I want to change them. Hell they will never change as long as they think they have nothing to change.