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Post by smasonnc on May 12, 2024 15:33:43 GMT
We're going to a nice restaurant and I'm getting a card but I already got flowers from my son so I "don't need more" and it appears that I'm not getting a gift. I'm pretty pissed about it but I want to calm down before I discuss it. I don't really even want to go to dinner. DH rationalizes somehow that we buy what we want when we want it. His parents were the same except the restaurant was Captain D's or Sizzler so I guess it's better than what he's used to but I'm still chapped. I always get him a gift for Father's Day. WTF?
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Post by ntsf on May 12, 2024 15:38:31 GMT
we never celebrated mother's day when I was growing up.. it was the last day of ski season...
so I am pretty oblivious to anything now. I don't think I have ever been giving a gift.. mostly my wish is to have a day where I don't have to do anything. and not to cook...
I think these holidays have loaded expectations and we should keep that in mind. maybe in month you can tell you husband what you would like mother's day to look like..he is falling into the habit of what he is comfortable/familiar with.. and you want it to look different. there is no real generally accepted way to celebrate it.
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Post by scrapmaven on May 12, 2024 15:46:36 GMT
I understand. You're a mama and that's hard work. You want to feel special and appreciated and your dh dropped the ball and that hurts. Sounds like he grew up in a home where this holiday was not important. Approaching him w/anger will only make you feel worse, cause he won't be able to listen w/reason. Can you calmly ask him for what you want and need? He missed the boat this year, but maybe he'll learn for future occasions.
Despite the fact that he will answer you w/"we buy whatever we want, anyway", buy yourself something that you truly want. I'm sorry that you're hurting today. My dh didn't have a chance to think up anything, due to some abrupt home stuff that had to be handled, but I just decided to take my own advice, order something that I want and make the best out of the day. I have one gift from one of my sons and I'll open that during our family Zoom call. My other ds was going to take us out for breakfast, but caught a cold and we'll go another time. I'm not upset, because I am reminded that Hallmark can't tell me how to live my life.
Spend today doing what you want to do. Make it all about you, even if your dh did not do so.
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Nanner
Drama Llama
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Jun 25, 2014 23:13:23 GMT
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Post by Nanner on May 12, 2024 15:52:24 GMT
My son brings me flowers. It started when he was around 7. He took some money out of his piggy bank and walked to the flower store about 3 blocks away and bought me some tulips. He's 33 now and continues to do this (but not always tulips now). One year he was in Australia, and two friends of mine brought me tulips instead.
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sueg
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Apr 12, 2016 12:51:01 GMT
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Post by sueg on May 12, 2024 15:54:34 GMT
My DH doesn’t get me anything. When the boys were little, he bought something for them to give me, but now they are adults with jobs, they buy something for me. Sometimes, they ask him to do the actual buying, as we live in different countries, but this year we were back for Easter and younger DS managed to give him something without me knowing to bring back.
I did get flowers when we went grocery shopping yesterday, because the store had a nicer than usual selection, but that’s just something he will do for a random reason every so often. We are also at the ‘we buy what we want when we want/need it’ stage of life and I don’t really need anything and I don’t want things to clutter our life any more, so I’m fine with flowers and maybe a nice dinner out.
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amom23
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Jun 27, 2014 12:39:18 GMT
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Post by amom23 on May 12, 2024 15:57:09 GMT
No I usually don't. This year my kids sent me flowers and they've all texted me already. DH and I don't usually make a big deal out of all the Hallmark holidays. Honestly I think it's exhausting to try to keep up. We farm and right now are in the middle of planting. DH and I have lots of time together to do fun things throughout the year. I know my family loves and appreciates me.
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Post by littlemama on May 12, 2024 15:59:43 GMT
Nope. I dont need gifts to feel appreciated. (Note- I am not criticicizng those that do. There is nothing wrong with that!)
Ds made breakfast and dh and I are making dinner (smoked ribs, mac and cheese and baked beans). We are also trying to get the garden finished before we leave for vacation in a couple weeks.
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Post by gar on May 12, 2024 16:09:34 GMT
My husband doesn’t buy me anything or arrange anything for Mother’s Day (I’m not his mother)- but my children do.
I guess if neither of my DDs were acknowledging it in some way (which has never happened since they were old enough to have their own money etc) then he would but i don’t feel it’s his role for that occasion really.
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pilcas
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Aug 14, 2015 21:47:17 GMT
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Post by pilcas on May 12, 2024 16:12:51 GMT
I get a small gift from my son and my daughter. My husband is taking us out to dinner. I’m perfectly happy with that . Why are you getting him a gift for Father’s Day? I don’t see why you are unhappy with the celebration.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on May 12, 2024 16:13:10 GMT
The last few years my older two boys have really gotten to be good gift givers. I really appreciate the thought but they spend more money than they probably should at this point in their lives. Prior to the last few years DH usually made dinner or bought flowers but not much of a gift on a consistent basis. My birthday is also May 16 so any gift usually gets put together with the two holidays which is fine. Last year I gave them some ideas for gifts and they did well:) Gave me a gift card for Ulta and money to buy annuals. This year DS asked what I would like and I said I was looking at a specific coffee table, a wall mirror or a walking pad. That they could all go together and get one if they needed ideas. Older two DS's ended up getting the coffee table and DH got the walking pad so I am excited. But that puts the pressure on to get some good gifts for DH for father's Day/his birthday (which is also a few weeks after father's day) and he never gives ideas so is hard to buy for.
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Post by epeanymous on May 12, 2024 16:20:30 GMT
We're going to a nice restaurant and I'm getting a card but I already got flowers from my son so I "don't need more" and it appears that I'm not getting a gift. I'm pretty pissed about it but I want to calm down before I discuss it. I don't really even want to go to dinner. DH rationalizes somehow that we buy what we want when we want it. His parents were the same except the restaurant was Captain D's or Sizzler so I guess it's better than what he's used to but I'm still chapped. I always get him a gift for Father's Day. WTF? Mother’s day comes before father’s day. Some years, my husband organizes activities and gets gifts. Some years, he doesn’t. I match his energy. Period.
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Post by smasonnc on May 12, 2024 16:34:21 GMT
I dont need gifts to feel appreciated. I do because he doesn't show it. Buying something or doing something nice was how he made up for not being very emotional. A last-minute duty card from CVS (usually one that starts with, "I don't often tell you this...") and dinner at a restaurant we could go to any night do not seem to cover it.
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Post by ~summer~ on May 12, 2024 16:37:53 GMT
Usually just flowers and a card.
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Post by padresfan619 on May 12, 2024 16:39:44 GMT
Yes but my birthday is a month after so I don’t usually expect or want anything big. I’m “in the trenches” of motherhood with a pre school aged kid so I much prefer my husband taking over primary parenting for the day over a physical gift.
I always get my mom a gift for Mother’s Day.
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Post by 950nancy on May 12, 2024 16:48:38 GMT
Usually I get a card and a gift from each kid. For the past few Mother's Days, I haven't seen my kids because I tell them to celebrate the other side of the family. I am so lucky that I get to see my kids often and putting pressure on them to try to do 2 celebrations isn't fun. My birthday is also within a week or so of MD as well as my son's bday. It is what it is.
I did get a text from my youngest saying happy MD and thanks for being a great mom. Then he texted back that I need to watch the YT video of bear number 399 to see another good mom. Ha.
A long time ago I realized that I need to take care of myself and my happiness, so I do that. It wasn't that others weren't putting in any effort, but I try to make others happy. So now I do the same for myself.
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Gennifer
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,242
Jun 26, 2014 8:22:26 GMT
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Post by Gennifer on May 12, 2024 16:52:11 GMT
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. But it seems like you’re maybe asking about whether we get something from our husbands separately from our kids, since you did get flowers from your son, yeah?
My husband spent the day yesterday window shopping with me at some stores that are not his jam. Today, he handed me some cash so we can go back and purchase.
While the money is nice and it will be fun to choose something, the real gift is the time he spent with me yesterday doing something I enjoyed and he probably hated. That’s what I will remember, because “quality time” is high for me when it comes to love languages.
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Post by BSnyder on May 12, 2024 17:19:39 GMT
I don’t expect anything from my husband on Mother’s Day because I am not his mother. He helped the kids when they were little, but now they do their own things, or sometimes, not. Some years a phone call, some years a card, some years a dinner, etc.
However, I am not big on “days” to show people we appreciate them and I come from a family of low-key holiday celebrations. I may be the one that goes the furtherest. It’s the little things that really communicate appreciation and my family does that throughout the year.
That said, if I want something, I say something. My husband and family aren’t mind readers. I know others have different expectations for holidays and their loved ones, but this is how I roll.
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Post by mom on May 12, 2024 17:29:44 GMT
My DH has always gotten me a card + a gift. He signs the card from him, our daughter and our dogs. Usually my gift is $$ to go purchase something I want. This year Im purchasing a crap ton of flowers for the yard. One son usually just calls (since he's so far from home) and the other comes over and does something for me....this year, he is helping me plant all the flowers and work in the flower beds. I am not someone who has to be given gifts --- I'd much rather spend time together or have you 'do' a chore that I don't want to do.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on May 12, 2024 17:30:39 GMT
I'm sorry that your Mother's Day isn't shaping up as you'd hoped it would. This is obviously important to you, yet your DH hasn't gotten that message. Well before Mother's Day next year a sit down with him to discuss your feelings and expectations is in order. He is doing what he knows and is going to need to know that it isn't working for you. Communication is key. Has he always been this way, or is it a a recent development? With your second post, it sounds as though there is something else going on besides just no gift for MD.
Mother's Day is always a big deal here, as it was in my home growing up. At the minimum it is dinner out and flowers. Some years there is a gift from DH as well as DD. Today (at my request) dinner is crab cakes at home but DH & DD will do all the cooking and cleanup while I play in my sewing room. I suspect there will be a gift from DD once she arrives as well.
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bethany102399
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Oct 11, 2014 3:17:29 GMT
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Post by bethany102399 on May 12, 2024 17:50:05 GMT
DH ran errands with me today. That alone is worth more than any gift he could give me. He HATES running errands, but I had a couple of places that were literal quick in and out and it would be easier on me if i had someone dropping me off at the door so I could run in. I doubt he's aware of it as I have told my family I'm taking today off and may get a nap in later, but I consider him running around with me today his gift to me.
OP, clearly you're angry and you need to express (calmly) to your DH your feelings and level set your expectations.
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Post by buddysmom on May 12, 2024 17:53:57 GMT
I’m getting a pup in a few weeks so my daughter got me these for Mother’s Day. Very practical —900 of them!
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Post by Linda on May 12, 2024 18:12:27 GMT
my youngest said Happy Mothers Day in person (she lives at home), my middle texted me, the oldest isn't available - he boarded his flight shortly after midnight and won't get to his home until around midnight - he may or may not text from an airport if he can get wifi and remembers. DH said Happy Mothers Day as well.
DH has never been into celebrating holidays or giving/getting gifts just because it's a holiday/birthday so ...I have no expectations. When my oldest lived at home, he usually got me flowers. My youngest will either make dessert tonight or beat herself up over not making dessert.
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ellen
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Jun 30, 2014 12:52:45 GMT
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Post by ellen on May 12, 2024 18:27:06 GMT
My daughters each get me a gift. My husband scrambles. He wants to go out to eat tonight. I’m fine with that.
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Post by chaosisapony on May 12, 2024 18:35:03 GMT
In my family mother's day is something you acknowledge for YOUR mother, not a spouse or other women who happen to be mothers. So no, no gifts were given from my dad to my mom. And beyond that in extended friend/family circles typically the kids would get their mom something or take her out to dinner but it wouldn't come from the spouse.
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hutchfan
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Jul 6, 2016 16:42:12 GMT
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Post by hutchfan on May 12, 2024 19:26:15 GMT
My daughter who recently moved away sent me a huge box full of gifts, my oldest grandson who lives with his dad but I get him off the bus every day got me a card and gift card. My husband bought a bunch of flowers for outside for our yard, plus he got me a card and a Barnes and Noble gift card. All of my Aunt's, friends, niece's and cousins text me today and my Uncle's on my mom's side also text me today. We bought new flowers, solar lights and hummingbird stakes to decorate my mom and mother in laws grave today to honor them.
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scrappinmama
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Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on May 12, 2024 19:32:01 GMT
My husbands and sons always make me feel so appreciated on Mother's Day. What I get varies from year to year. Last year we were on vacation at Disney World, so we had a nice meal that was high on my list of places to try (Topolino's at Disney Riviera Resort). Some years I get flowers. Some years I get a gift. But I am always made to feel special. DH cooks breakfast and dinner. We usually just have fast food for lunch because I don't want to wait at a crowded restaurant when we can just relax at home. My birthday is tomorrow, so this year my husband and sons surprised me with 2 bouquets of flowers from Trader Joes. And I got an ice cream cake from Baskin Robins.
Op, I'm so sorry that you weren't given the treatment that you wanted. Speak up about it. Let them know what your expectations are moving forward. I'm so sorry that you are hurt on a day where you should be celebrated.
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Post by KikiPea on May 12, 2024 20:56:44 GMT
Yes, from my pups. 😉 Today, I got a silicone ring, and a Lego flower bouquet . 😊
If I had children, I would not expect anything from my DH, but would at least want the kids to acknowledge the day.
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Post by Merge on May 12, 2024 21:07:55 GMT
My young adult daughters are here making me dinner AND cleaning up afterward. That’s gift enough for me.
But also I bought myself a new guitar a couple of days ago.
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Post by melanell on May 12, 2024 21:18:08 GMT
Almost never. Meaning when my kids were small DH never bought anything to be from them, and he nothing from him, either. When my kids were in school they might bring home some Mother's Day craft or gift they made there. Now that they are older, it's been nothing for years. This year was incredibly unusual in that when I asked DH & one of my kids to go purchase flowers for the grandmothers, my DH came home with a potted tulip for me as well. I was really surprised. Coincidently I did receive one other gift this year, that being from the current significant other of one of my kids. And, again, by coincidence, my eldest made me a card this year. So, for me, this has pretty much been an embarrassment of the riches in comparison to my last 2 decades of almost nothing. To be clear, I really don't mind. I'd rather they do a bit more for me or with me than give me gifts. And yesterday my kids did get together to do yard work for me, which I very much appreciated as it was real grunt work that they were doing.
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Post by librarylady on May 12, 2024 21:27:46 GMT
I don't expect anything/a gift from DH because I am not his mother. He does get me a card. Today I had a card and a bag of my favorite snack treat (snack size KitKat).
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