Latest with me *UPDATE 8/9

Stay strong. Cancelling and pushing back dates happened in my divorce also. It took five very long years to be legally untangled from my ex. And that is no doubt the reason that the idea of marrying again gives me cold sweats of anxiety. I did accept a proposal after dating for ten years, but marriage had not been on the table for me and I told him that on our first date. I never wanted to be legally tied to another man unless I didn’t have one single doubt. We had great fun during those ten years and it was ruined once he proposed because I had to start evaluating everything about the relationship differently.

Don’t laugh, he was also a cyclist. It ruined his marriage too. But by the time I met him, he wasn’t entering races anymore because he had fallen during a race and broke his neck. It took a long time until he was confident to ride again, and when I met him, he was just riding for fun on the weekends for a few hours which was fine with me because I had a busy life and didn’t want him around all the time. But after he proposed and I was in shock and said yes, I had to look deeper into the relationship and I saw so many red flags pop up against being legally tied to him. I could have continued to date him because it wasn’t a huge focus for my time. I soon realized that I had to break off the engagement agreement. And when I did, I felt a flood of relief.

When my divorce kept getting delayed and delayed, like you, I didn’t think I could go on. Fortunately he was no living in my house like you are dealing with. One very frustrating evening after an argument with him trying to still control me, I just broke down and cried. Then out of the blue, this saying that was on a very popular card that we were constantly being asked for at the card shop I once had once worked in popped into my mind. It said something like “when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.” It made me smile because I hadn’t worked in the card shop in years and had no idea that I even remembered the saying. It made me realize that I had to hang on and get through it to the end. If I gave up and settled, all the pain up to that point would be for nothing.

You don’t realize it while you are in the middle of a divorce, but you have more strength and determination than you know. You will hold your ground and you will not let this wear you down. You know this will not be your reality forever. This will end. Try expecting the delays so that you are ready when they happen. Try envisioning a treat for yourself as a reward when this is finally over. A vacation? A new hobby? Will you be moving, and have you considered where that will be? Start planning, loosely, what your future will look like and trust that it is coming!