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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 7, 2024 10:26:52 GMT
I thought this was an interesting question and it elicited a lot of debate on Threads. So I'm bringing it here.
Here's the scenario. A childless couple was hosting lunch. They invited a couple with kids and said that their kids were welcome. Mother of the children was the Threads poster and she was upset that the hosts provided sushi for lunch. She claimed that they didn't think at all about the kids and they should have provided more "kid-friendly" food. She did not state the ages of the children so I don't have that detail.
My take: I had two children. One who would have eaten the sushi, no questions asked. I also had another child that I highly suspect had ARFID and definitely had autism. I did not go anywhere, for any meal, without having food for this child because I knew that chances were she was not going to eat what was served. I also host guests regularly (mainly adults) and while I rarely reveal my menu ahead of time, I always, always ask about allergies, things that they absolutely hate, etc. I hosted a lunch just last weekend and while I did make a vegan meal (the woman of the couple was a vegetarian anyway), I asked ahead of time if they had any foods that were off-limits. I wanted to eat within my own perimeters (vegan) but I also wanted to please my guests. Because isn't that the point of hosting?
So I think balls were dropped all over the place here. But give me your take on it.
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sueg
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,572
Location: Munich
Apr 12, 2016 12:51:01 GMT
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Post by sueg on Oct 7, 2024 10:33:20 GMT
When my kids were young, I probably would have asked about the food, as I have one with a severe tree nut allergy. Both would have eaten the sushi though. My grandkids - Miss 5 is VERY fussy and almost vegetarian, even if she doesn’t know the word. Her mum would definitely ask and would probably take something she’d eat. Miss 2 would at least try the sushi.
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Post by getting started on Oct 7, 2024 10:53:37 GMT
Oh interesting question! I think that the hosts didn't make an attempt to accommodate the kids tastes which was unfortunate but probably not intentionally rude since the host said the kids were welcome. There is an option that is not listed which is what I would have done - asked about the meal so I could make sure my kids would eat, but if the meal was not something my kids would eat I would not expect the hosts to change. I would ask if they minded if I brought something different for my kids. As young kids mine would not have eaten the sushi. But that doesn't mean I expect the host to accommodate them.
When my kids were younger it was very common for me to bring them food almost anywhere we went. I always tried to make the food I brought simple, not messy, cold (so not needing to use the kitchen to prepare anything). Lots of other parents seemed to do the same.
The only time that kids would have been fully accommodated in the menu would be a kids-focused event like a kid bday party. Otherwise, just be grateful the kids were invited!
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Post by compeateropeator on Oct 7, 2024 10:59:35 GMT
I haven’t voted yet because I am not sure what to vote. I would say it is a combination of there should be questions and input from both sides.
I do not have kids, but if I was inviting friends and their kids I would 1. Tell the friend (generically if not sure) what I was planning and if there were any allergies or would the kids eat it. And if I was told probably not I would ask what they would like and try and provide at least a couple of things they would eat.
As the parent, if I was unsure (and it had not been relayed to me) on what lunch would be and/or was not sure if my child would like it, I would make sure to bring something they would eat.
The funniest part is probably both my niece and nephew would have eaten sushi without issue. Both like it and eat it now. My nephew was eating steamers and other more unfriendly kid food really early in his life. I, however, am not a sushi fan and would have probably stopped for lunch after having lunch. 😆😆
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 7, 2024 11:02:49 GMT
e. I would say it is a combination of there should be questions and input from both sides. You can select two if you'd like. I thought that maybe there would be more than one answer for each voter. |
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Post by gar on Oct 7, 2024 11:06:54 GMT
In my opinion it’s the parents responsibility to ask about the food she was planning after thanking her for kindly inviting them.
My grandkids have far wider ranging tastes than my own children did when they were small and 2 of the 3 old enough for food would have eaten sushi, no problem.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 7, 2024 11:06:55 GMT
My nephew was eating steamers and other more unfriendly kid food really early in his life. I take real issue with the idea of kid-friendly food. I think a lot of parents don't expose their kids to a full range of food and that's why we have kid's menus at restaurants that are full of crap food like chicken fingers and macaroni and cheese. My "picky" child was cooking herself fish like 6 nights a week. And pairing it with raw baby carrots. So even though she was picky it wasn't just what people would think of as kid-friendly foods. |
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Post by compeateropeator on Oct 7, 2024 11:16:09 GMT
My nephew was eating steamers and other more unfriendly kid food really early in his life. I take real issue with the idea of kid-friendly food. I think a lot of parents don't expose their kids to a full range of food and that's why we have kid's menus at restaurants that are full of crap food like chicken fingers and macaroni and cheese. My "picky" child was cooking herself fish like 6 nights a week. And pairing it with raw baby carrots. So even though she was picky it wasn't just what people would think of as kid-friendly foods. Totally agree with you in theory. However, as you talk to a lot of parents, foods are definitely often listed as kid friendly or unfriendly, and there does often appear a commonality for many smaller kids on what they really like amd do not like, so I am assuming that is how the phrase has gained traction. But I think all kids are different and it is important to expose them to foods to try. If they don’t like them fine. Some kids have strong likes and dislikes and some do not. |
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Post by melanell on Oct 7, 2024 11:28:09 GMT
I went with 2 answers. One was "the situation sucks all around", because it truly is difficult to provide food for other people many times. Between allergies, sensitivities, special dietary needs or wants, different lifestyle choices in terms of food, children who have medical issues regarding food, or who are just a kid who is a bit set in their culinary ways, feeding a crowd can be a bit of a nightmare. But, as someone who has lifestyle choices that limit what I eat, as well as food sensitivities, AND someone with kids, one of whom was plain old fussy, no actual issues involved, I am always going to also go with "Eat ahead, ask ahead, and/or bring your own food." I do not advocate asking ahead and then asking the host to change their plans, however, unless you or your family is/are the only person(s) invited, so it would be silly for the host to make something you can't eat, or if a severe allergy was involved. Because as a host, I would certainly want to know not to serve a food someone was severely allergic to, whether they were going to eat it or not. If they are having several people, then I would ask ahead just so that I could plan accordingly. If my family is 4 people and 2 would eat sushi, then I'd feed the kids ahead of time, and also bring something else for them. I'd make sure it could be served to them with extremely minimal fuss or involvement of anyone else, and do so with no major discussions or drama. If anyone asked I'd just say something simple like "My kids haven't embraced sushi yet, and I wouldn't want them wasting something the rest of us could be enjoying." Then I'd move on and be sure to let the host know how much I enjoyed the sushi, myself. As for sushi not being a "kid-friendly food" in general, I don't agree with that at all. Countless children the world over eat sushi.  |
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Post by gillyp on Oct 7, 2024 11:33:39 GMT
If I’m hosting something I think the onus is on me to make sure there is food the people I’m hosting would enjoy. I always ask people about preferences, allergies etc. and I’m happy to do a “kid friendly” additional meal too. My 10 year old granddaughter was eating all the green veg and everything considered to be disliked by a child from weaning and she would definitely have at least tasted the sushi. It’s not common here in my town, I’ve only had it once in the “big city”. Her sister would give it a pass. I wouldn’t dream of serving it to a family without checking all would be happy eating it.
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Post by epeanymous on Oct 7, 2024 11:35:02 GMT
How old were the kids? If they are under six it’s an inconsiderate choice because they shouldn’t be eating sushi for food safety reasons (unless it’s not actually raw fish).
Honestly while sushi is my favorite I would never serve it for guests in part because I’d worry about the real or perceived food safety issue for even the adults and in part because a lot of adults don’t eat sushi, so it seems like a bad choice unless you know the guests for sure eat it. For similar reasons, I think it is a particularly bad choice if you’re hosting a group that includes kids. If a lot of adults would give the food a hard pass, you have to know it’s going to be a harder pass for a lot of kids too.
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Post by melanell on Oct 7, 2024 11:39:38 GMT
My nephew was eating steamers and other more unfriendly kid food really early in his life. I take real issue with the idea of kid-friendly food. I think a lot of parents don't expose their kids to a full range of food and that's why we have kid's menus at restaurants that are full of crap food like chicken fingers and macaroni and cheese. My "picky" child was cooking herself fish like 6 nights a week. And pairing it with raw baby carrots. So even though she was picky it wasn't just what people would think of as kid-friendly foods. My eldest was a pint-sized foodie, and my youngest was a fussbudget.  And I'm telling you, those quintessential "kid menu" items often didn't work for either of them. My eldest went through a phase when they was maybe 4-5 years old, where every time they went to a restaurant they'd wind up being sick afterwards--either while still at the restaurant, in the parking lot, in the car (ugh!), and we finally had to lay down the law that they needed to stop trying some of the foods listed in the kiddie menus because they just wasn't used to them and they made them sick. Then in the years before and after that phase, they typically either shared food with us, ordered from the appetizer or side dish portions of the menu, or ordered an adult meal and brought home left-overs. Then when the youngest came along, oh man alive--if it wasn't Panera Bread or a buffet, we were in trouble. They would want to try the kiddie menu stuff, thinking it looked fun and/or sounded good, but would always hate something about it. The sauce was too peppery. The sauce was too sweet. There was too much sauce. The pizza was too chewy. The nuggets were cooked too long.  They viewed those foods as interesting, but in reality didn't like any of them. Side note, youngest is in high school now, they're going on a trip with school, and the school said the kids are on their own for lunch, mentioning where they would stop to eat. It was a mega-mall/entertainment complex type place---oodles of food choices. I brought up the directory for my kid, they took one glance, said "There's a Panera, I'm good." Some things never change.  |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 7, 2024 11:42:34 GMT
How old were the kids? If they are under six it’s an inconsiderate choice because they shouldn’t be eating sushi for food safety reasons (unless it’s not actually raw fish). I don't have an answer to that question. I didn't read far enough into the comments to see if it had been answered. There were like 500 comments on the post with the entire range of opinions as far as I could tell. But this is a good point too, if toddler/preschoolers. I'll bet a lot of childless people wouldn't have know this either. I did not see this issue raised as far as I read. |
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Post by Bridget in MD on Oct 7, 2024 11:42:58 GMT
Did the adults know what they were being served? As an adult, *I* would have been upset with the menu. Sushi does not appeal to me, at all.
If my kids were invited, and I knew sushi was on the menu, I would have either left them at home, or told the hosts ahead of time that I would bring stuff for my kids to eat, they probably wouldn't eat sushi. Sushi is expensive, so I wouldn't have wanted to waste a bunch of food trying to get them to try it.
If I didn't know it was a sushi meal, and I showed up, I'm not sure what I would have done. Unless there was some indication that sushi was the menu, that's a really specific food to serve that people have a love/hate relationship with.
ETA: Typically I do offer to bring something that I know we will eat, even if it's dessert or a side, and if I said, I'll bring a pasta salad, I would hope the hosts would say "Oh we made a ton of sushi or that wont pair well with the meal..." and give me a clue.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 7, 2024 11:46:43 GMT
I take real issue with the idea of kid-friendly food. I think a lot of parents don't expose their kids to a full range of food and that's why we have kid's menus at restaurants that are full of crap food like chicken fingers and macaroni and cheese. My "picky" child was cooking herself fish like 6 nights a week. And pairing it with raw baby carrots. So even though she was picky it wasn't just what people would think of as kid-friendly foods. My eldest was a pint-sized foodie, and my youngest was a fussbudget. And I'm telling you, those quintessential "kid menu" items often didn't work for either of them. My eldest went through a phase when they was maybe 4-5 years old, where every time they went to a restaurant they'd wind up being sick afterwards--either while still at the restaurant, in the parking lot, in the car (ugh!), and we finally had to lay down the law that they needed to stop trying some of the foods listed in the kiddie menus because they just wasn't used to them and they made them sick. Then in the years before and after that phase, they typically either shared food with us, ordered from the appetizer or side dish portions of the menu, or ordered an adult meal and brought home left-overs. Then when the youngest came along, oh man alive--if it wasn't Panera Bread or a buffet, we were in trouble. They would want to try the kiddie menu stuff, thinking it looked fun and/or sounded good, but would always hate something about it. The sauce was too peppery. The sauce was too sweet. There was too much sauce. The pizza was too chewy. The nuggets were cooked too long.  They viewed those foods as interesting, but in reality didn't like any of them. This sounds so much like my Esther. Every year for her birthday, from at least 5 years old, she would want to go out. For crab legs, baked potato, and steamed (must be steamed, no butter) broccoli. Every once in a while she would eat pizza, but cheese in general, was a big no from her. Pasta she didn't like the texture of it. Peanut butter was fine, but it had to be natural peanut butter. She would not eat Jif or Skippy. She insisted on whole wheat bread because white bread was just "too mushy." Honestly, outside of her goldfish cracker love, she was actually probably the healthiest eater in the house. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 7, 2024 11:51:07 GMT
Did the adults know what they were being served? The menu was not known ahead of time. |
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Post by melanell on Oct 7, 2024 11:52:24 GMT
One last thing----I think that unless you are an absolute lover of all food, it's good to find out what will be served if possible, when dining at someone else's home. I also think that if you are hosting, and again, if it's a very tiny party, and you're serving only one thing, it's prudent to let the very few people invited know what you plan to serve. Even if it's just to say ahead of time: "Hey, we were thinking of hosting a sushi night. Does your family enjoy sushi?" And if they say they don't eat it, then you just say "Oh, okay, in that case we'll have to find something else we can all get together and share sometime soon." And if I'm hosting a large group, I would never offer just one thing unless I personally knew that one thing would work for everyone. For instance, when we get together with DH's immediate family--everyone but my MIL eats sushi, so we have had sushi for that group several times, but we always order something special for my MIL from somewhere else.  But recently we had his family and mine over for lasagna, because we knew every single person invited liked lasagna. |
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Post by melanell on Oct 7, 2024 11:57:21 GMT
My eldest was a pint-sized foodie, and my youngest was a fussbudget. And I'm telling you, those quintessential "kid menu" items often didn't work for either of them. My eldest went through a phase when they was maybe 4-5 years old, where every time they went to a restaurant they'd wind up being sick afterwards--either while still at the restaurant, in the parking lot, in the car (ugh!), and we finally had to lay down the law that they needed to stop trying some of the foods listed in the kiddie menus because they just wasn't used to them and they made them sick. Then in the years before and after that phase, they typically either shared food with us, ordered from the appetizer or side dish portions of the menu, or ordered an adult meal and brought home left-overs. Then when the youngest came along, oh man alive--if it wasn't Panera Bread or a buffet, we were in trouble. They would want to try the kiddie menu stuff, thinking it looked fun and/or sounded good, but would always hate something about it. The sauce was too peppery. The sauce was too sweet. There was too much sauce. The pizza was too chewy. The nuggets were cooked too long. They viewed those foods as interesting, but in reality didn't like any of them. This sounds so much like my Esther. Every year for her birthday, from at least 5 years old, she would want to go out. For crab legs, baked potato, and steamed (must be steamed, no butter) broccoli. Definitely sounds better than a kiddie menu choice to me. Reminds me of the time my eldest ordered lobster tail from the main menu. They were about 5. The server just looked at us like we were crazy, but that kid ate every bit of that lobster tail. (And unlike the time they ordered fried clams served in a miniature kid's sand pail, there was no getting sick afterwards. ) |
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pantsonfire
Drama Llama
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 6,273 
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Post by pantsonfire on Oct 7, 2024 12:29:44 GMT
This is on the parents. 100% Hello they invited you ALL to eat Sushi. It was on the mom to ask if any other food would be served. And if she knew her kids wouldn't eat Sushi see the last sentence and provide their food.
I have several friends whose kids eat Sushi and others whose kids don't.
When we got together with the friend group of Autism moms back in the day when our kids were younger we had a potluck and then we all brought our kids safe foods.
Mom needs to be more prepared and ask questions.
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Post by gar on Oct 7, 2024 12:32:28 GMT
This is on the parents. 100% Hello they invited you ALL to eat Sushi. It was on the mom to ask if any other food would be served. And if she knew her kids wouldn't eat Sushi see the last sentence and provide their food. I have several friends whose kids eat Sushi and others whose kids don't. When we got together with the friend group of Autism moms back in the day when our kids were younger we had a potluck and then we all brought our kids safe foods. Mom needs to be more prepared and ask questions. The menu wasn't known in advance apparently. But I still agree, if I was taking my young children I would have asked. I do think sushi is a bit of a risky sole type of food to serve though, depending on the size of the group etc. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 7, 2024 12:33:46 GMT
Mom needs to be more prepared and ask questions. I'll bet she will going forward. LOL! |
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Tearisci
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,249
Nov 6, 2018 16:34:30 GMT
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Post by Tearisci on Oct 7, 2024 13:12:43 GMT
Well, I wouldn't have been happy as I don't eat sushi although DS does. I think if I was hosting a lunch, I'd make something a little more universally liked to make sure my guests would be happy.
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Post by Merge on Oct 7, 2024 13:20:21 GMT
My kids would both have eaten the sushi but DH would have starved. Haha.
IDK, I think sushi is one of those foods that's risky to serve to a group. It can be pretty polarizing.
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Post by workingclassdog on Oct 7, 2024 13:20:48 GMT
If I was hosting and had some specialty type food that most kids won't touch I would provide kid friendly food.. Absolutely.
Now I am in the camp where I am not providing food for every known allergy out there. So if you or your kid has an allergy or is super picky, I believe it is up to the parent to figure it out. Not the host. As a parent, I always had some kind of snacks for my kids just in case.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 7, 2024 13:29:18 GMT
I think sushi is one of those foods that's risky to serve to a group. It can be pretty polarizing. I agree with this. I do think the hosts have an obligation to try to serve something that will be pleasing to their guests. As someone who loves to cook for company, I do keep in mind the preferences and tastes of my guests. The friends I had over last weekend, the man is my friend and I was meeting his GF for the first time. He and I have been out for sushi many times together. So if Jeremy was to like it (he would rather starve, LOL) then I probably would have been OK with serving it. So I may have mistakenly assumed she liked it too. |
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Post by melanell on Oct 7, 2024 13:37:26 GMT
IDK, I think sushi is one of those foods that's risky to serve to a group. It can be pretty polarizing. As someone who doesn't eat sort of fish or seafood, I'd be in trouble if they didn't have any vegetable based options. One of the reasons we buy sushi is because there's a place just 3 blocks away that offers a vegetarian platter, so we can buy that and know we'll be happy with every item on it. |
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Post by aprilfay21 on Oct 7, 2024 13:44:03 GMT
I'm going with it sucks all around. I have 4 kids ages 5-13, and while I don't care about "kid friendly" foods, sushi is one of those things that a large part of the population don't enjoy. My kids would eat other non-"kid friendly" foods, but only 1 of my 4 eats sushi. Steak, fish, crawfish, crabs, ethnic cuisines, mine would all eat. I would ask, but the host shouldn't have assumed most kids would eat sushi.
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Post by ~summer~ on Oct 7, 2024 13:56:00 GMT
My kids all ate and loved sushi even as toddlers, so I would not have thought twice about it. They would have been thrilled.
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anniebeth24
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,778
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Post by anniebeth24 on Oct 7, 2024 14:04:15 GMT
And this is why I have horrible anxiety about hosting. I stress way too much about what to serve, so I avoid inviting people over.
DH doesn't understand and is often frustrated with me. I wish it wasn't an issue for me as I'm generally not a worrier.
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Post by smalltowngirlie on Oct 7, 2024 14:12:36 GMT
My 2 cents, since sushi is a food that some adults would question eating, I would let the guests know what I am making so we can plan accordingly. If you are guests in my house, we are close enough we can have honest conversations about food and such without offending each other. They can say, "Hey, my kid is not going to eat that" and I can plan something additional for the child or say, "Please bring something they would enjoy"
With this said, DH and DS love sushi, me, not so much. I do not like avocado or nori. The last time DH made it I asked if he could put everything in a bowl except the avocado and nori. It was so good. No extra prep for him and I got to eat with them.
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And I'm telling you, those quintessential "kid menu" items often didn't work for either of them. 
They viewed those foods as interesting, but in reality didn't like any of them.
They viewed those foods as interesting, but in reality didn't like any of them.
But recently we had his family and mine over for lasagna, because we knew every single person invited liked lasagna.
